


Teenage Dream

by sugasimp1212



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, How Do I Tag, LMAO, M/M, Oikawa - Freeform, Slow Romance, Yurionice, iceskatersuga, oikawaxsuga, oisuga, slowburn, suga - Freeform, tragicbackstorysuga, tutorau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 159,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28253877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugasimp1212/pseuds/sugasimp1212
Summary: Basically Oikawa needs a tutor and as fate would have it, Suga ends up being his tutor and he falls in love with him.Other things to note, the early chapters will be a pretty normal tutor au story but as I get into it I plan to have some (probably unnecessary) angst and tragicbackstory!suga, also iceskating!suga with some Yuri!!! on Ice characters later down the line because why not, I'm just extra like that lolI will try to update as often as I can, sorry if my writing is weird lol please bear with me haha (this is also up on wattpad!)
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 112
Kudos: 109





	1. 1. Oikawa needs help (Oikawa pov)

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhHHHH I can't believe I finally published this! (you don't have to read this note it's not important) So I've been writing for years and never published before, this is my first story so I'm sorry if it's bad or sucks lol I don't usually get the opportunity to get feedback! anyway I plan on doing each chapter in both Oikawa and Suga's pov, happy reading!!

"aaahhhHHHHHHH I HATE MATH!" I screeched, practically tearing my hair out and throwing my pencil across the room. Iwaizumi looked up at me unimpressed. "If only you had listened to me and opted out of a math class." He said dryly.

I moaned and went to retrieve my pencil. At least we were at his house and not in public. I could lose my cool around Iwaizumi, but not many other people. And math definitely made me lose my cool. It's not that I was...bad at it, per se, no no, I just...sometimes struggled to grasp the overarching concepts, which resulted in extreme confusion on my part–

"Trashykawa, you couldn't let go of your pride. You insisted on taking Calc AB, AP no less, because you are, and I quote, a 'mathematical genius.' How's that working out for you, huh? Are you...jealous, of my free period yet?"

I glared daggers at my best friend, willing him to spontaneously combust. No such luck. "So mean, Iwa-chan~" I spat out, not having a decent comeback prepared. While I went back to work, Iwaizumi got up to stretch.

"I'm done with my homework you know." I ignored him.

"I'm getting a bit tired, good thing I don't have to worry about any unfinished work tonight though." I ignored him some more.

"In fact, I have so much free time, maybe I'll go see that new movie with the aliens, what's it called, Arri–"

"NO!" I shot up. "You CANNOT see that without meeeeee! Iwa-channnnn," At that point, I kind of just crumpled into a ball on the floor, letting out low moans like a wounded animal. How dare he taunt me like that, when I had so much to do.

Iwaizumi sat down next to me. "Sorry. But you really should've listened to me." I turned my head away and kept groaning. He continued, "You know, what if you got a tutor?" I stopped and turned to face him.

"Iwa-chan! Are you insulting my intelligence by implying that I need–"

"I'm saying that if you want to keep up your volleyball performance and social life, you should get a tutor so you don't spend an ungodly amount of time doing calculus several hours a day." Iwaizumi got up and got his phone from his bed.

"You know, one of my friends knows a really good tutor, their reviews were so glowing it made me want to take a hard class just so I could be tutored. I have their number, why don't you try texting them and just, consider it, okay?"

My phone pinged next to me on the floor, signaling I had a text. I gazed at it mournfully. Before I could respond though, I was unceremoniously pulled up, and pushed towards the door. "Iwa-chan, what's the big idea?" I demanded furiously, trying to at least get my stuff.

"It's late Oikawa, my family's having dinner soon, and you said you didn't want to stay for dinner, so, time for you to go." Iwaizumi pushed me all the way from his room to his front door. And then out the front door. I think he was enjoying himself a little too much.

"Goodbye." He said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and slammed the door in my face. I sniffed and raised my head in the air indignantly before walking off, backpack and volleyball bag in tow. I didn't live too far from Iwaizumi's house, just a few blocks, but it was getting dark so I picked up the pace.

During my walk, I was completely lost in thought about the idea of a tutor. I'd never had one before, and giving in now, in my third year of high school, felt like I was losing somehow. It's not like grades were that important to me anyway. Sure I did pretty decently, but that was because I had the ability to and took advantage of it, not because I particularly enjoyed it. Besides, if I was gonna be a pro athlete one day, I wouldn't need to know calculus...

...but I did need to know, or at least pass, calculus if I wanted to graduate and get into a good college, which would help me start my pro-career. Therefore, I needed to do good in math, which didn't seem to be working out.

I arrived home and went inside after unlocking the door. "Hey Mom, I'm home." I called out instinctively. I could smell food, so I assumed she was in the kitchen, and almost done. She must not have heard me, so I walked to the kitchen to go see her.

Sure enough, there she was, standing over the stove; it looked like she was frying shrimp. I said hello again, and immediately she turned around and smiled.

"Tooru! I was starting to think something had happened and you weren't coming home." I smiled and rolled my eyes, walking forward to hug her. My mom wasn't quite as tall as me, but she was still taller than most other women at almost 6'0.

"Dinner will be ready in five, why don't you go set your stuff in your room and come back down?" She said sweetly before returning to the food. I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I paused at the entrance though and turned back around to face her. I stared at her for a while before deciding that I would broach the subject, when she interrupted my thoughts and said, "What's the matter Tooru?"

I made a noise at the back of my throat, amazed she still knew I was there when I had been silent. "Hm?" She prompted again, taking the shrimp off the stove. She wasn't looking at me, but I knew I had her full attention.

"Umm...I was wondering...you know, you know how I've been kind of, struggling, a bit, with um, math class?" I finally choked out. My mom didn't say anything, just kept plating the shrimp, waiting for me to go on.

"Well, I was thinking that...maybe I could...um, get like, a tutor? For the class?" I scrunched up my eyes, waiting for my mom to shoot me down. My sister had been an amazing student, she'd graduated a while ago but had never once needed help from family, friends, or tutors. I wasn't brilliant like her, but I certainly got by. I was scared that my mom would–

"That's a great idea, honey! I'm glad you're prioritizing your studies with your already busy schedule, very proud. If you have someone in mind, why don't you set up a time to start? I'll pay for them, it's the least I can do with how hard you work." I stared at my mom in shock. Of course she was a really nice person, but I hadn't been expecting that good of a reaction.

I finally stuttered out, "Yeah, uh, sure. I do have someone in mind, I'll go text them now and see when they'd be available." My mom looked up and smiled at me as I dumbfoundedly trudged up to my room. I slung my bags on the floor and then flopped on the bed, leaning back and closing my eyes for a few seconds before taking out my phone. I then unlocked it and went to messages.

I had one new message from Iwaizumi (and a ton of Instagram and Snapchat notifications); I opened it. There was one contact, reading Sugawara Koshi. I bit my lip, my finger hovering over the contact before finally tapping it and going to messages. I started typing.

After perhaps too much deliberation, I sent, "Hi, is this Sugawara Koshi? My name is Oikawa Tooru, I was wondering if you tutor for Calc AB, and if you have any openings?" I was getting ready to toss my phone away and head back downstairs for dinner, when I saw that they had already read my message. Who left their read receipts on these days?

Well that was fast, I thought. I peered suspiciously at my screen as I saw a bubble disappear and reappear several times before anything was actually sent. The much deliberated text read, "Yes, this is Sugawara Koshi. I do tutor in Calc AB and have availability. I usually do a first session free so you can see if I help, would you wanna do one this week?"

I hurriedly wrote back, "Sure, is tomorrow too soon? I have volleyball practice until 6:00, so how about 6:30, and if so where should we meet? (I go to Aoba Johsai)" I reread my text and frowned, it sounded so cringe. God, I hated texting adults, I felt restricted, like I had to be so formal. Like, that's not what texting's supposed to be like?

My tutor either didn't notice or care. Their next response read, "Perfect, how about 6:30-7:30 at the library a couple blocks from your school?" I breathed a sigh of relief and sent, "Great, see you then, thank you!" Sugawara loved my message, and that was that.

I put my phone away and went downstairs for dinner. I think I had somewhat come to terms with having a tutor, and if all went well and they were helpful and knowledgeable then my grade should be back up in no time, and I could be rid of the stuffy old tutor in a matter of weeks.


	2. 1. Oikawa needs help (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter wooooooo let's go!!!! i plan to do each chapter in both oikawa and suga's pov, so this is the first chapter again from suga's pov (well technically they don't meet up in this chapter so they don't overlap too much, but they will in the future :)

"Bye guys, see you tomorrow!" I called out as I parted ways with my teammates and went down my street. Everyone on the team was so nice this year, and I thought it was great that we all walked home together. It hadn't always been like that in previous years, and while the dynamic wasn't bad or anything, I could tell that this year the team was something special, and I was really glad I was a part of it.

When I got home, I found that it was empty and no one was there. My two foster parents had very odd working hours, they ran a funeral home, but they were super nice! I also had a foster sister though who definitely should've been home by now. A brief wave of panic washed through me when I looked through the house again and came up empty. I then checked my phone and saw a text from her. It said, "can you plz come pick me up?"

I shot up in horror at the notion that I'd left her hanging (had she asked me for a ride earlier today?...no, I don't think so, so at least it wasn't completely my fault), when it was getting dark no less, but then I saw the text was only from a few minutes ago, so I calmed down and went to my car. Well, technically it wasn't mine, it was one of the Fujimuras', but they had three so I got to use it a lot.

After about twenty minutes, I arrived at my foster sister's school. She was standing and talking to a group of other girls, but when she saw me her face lit up tenfold, and she waved goodbye to them before sprinting over to me.

"Suga!" She said, happily getting into the front seat. I smiled back at her. "You really should get your license." I said, trying to look serious. Sora just rolled her eyes at me and said, "Oh please, I only ask for a ride once every couple weeks or so." It was true, she was pretty popular, and there were usually more than plenty willing boys, and girls for that matter, to take her home.

"Sooo, how was your day?" Sora asked. I answered vaguely, but somehow the conversation got turned back to her and she ended up talking the whole way home. Little, random things only she would care about, like a really cool concept she'd learned in biology, how nice her teacher was when they didn't mark her as tardy even though she'd been five minutes late, how cool the sky had looked during lunch the way the sun hit this tree and made all these shadows across the patio.

"Ah, I'm sorry Suga, I didn't let you talk at all! Maybe tomorrow we can catch up, or even over the weekend, I've got a lot of work to do." Sora said as she got out of the car. I noted as I pulled into the driveway that we were still the only ones home.

"I'm gonna make dinner, do you want some too?" I asked as we went inside, heading to the kitchen. Sora nodded vigorously and thanked me before heading upstairs to her room. Soon though, I finished and called her back down. We didn't talk very much while we ate, mostly because we already had such limited time as it was with our busy schedules.

"Here, I'll do the dishes." She offered when we were done. "Thanks!" I said, going to get the bags I'd left by the door and then up to my room. On the way, my phone buzzed as I walked back by the kitchen.

I opened the text from an unknown number and stared at it blankly. "Who is it?" Sora asked curiously, putting the last dish away before walking over to me. "Oikawa." I whispered, still taking in the text.

"Oikawa?" She squawked, and grabbed my phone, which read, "Hi, is this Sugawara Koshi? My name is Oikawa Tooru, I was wondering if you tutor for Calc AB, and if you have any openings?"

"Like, the Oikawa? Grand King, Oikawa Tooru?" She asked quickly. "The one you wouldn't shut up about this weekend, with the 'really pretty face', and 'amazing bo–"

"Sora!" I wailed, mortified, cutting her off. Last week, Karasuno played Seijoh, Oikawa's team. I had known about Oikawa since my first year, it was hard not to when he was such a phenomenal athlete, although Karasuno hadn't played them for years since falling, let alone a practice match. I didn't get to play at all in the game last week, and Oikawa had only joined at the end of the third set, but holy heck he was hot.

I swear though, I didn't have a crush on him! I was still trying to get rid of an old one anyway, and besides he didn't seem like the nicest person, the way he taunted all of our players, but there was something about him that just wouldn't let me get him out of my mind.

"Well, you gonna write back or not?" Sora prompted, drawing me out of my reverie. I blinked a few times and looked back at my phone, fingers mechanically flying to type out a response, which I didn't like, so I deleted it and started over. Then I deleted the next text I had, which also sounded bad. At that point, Sora stole my phone and started typing for me.

"Hey!" I protested, jumping up to get it. Sora was actually taller than me though, so I couldn't reach it. "If I don't send something for you, you're never gonna hit send. So here." She handed my phone back with a smile, and a text already sent. How had she done that so fast? I looked and saw that it said, "Yes, this is Sugawara Koshi. I do tutor in Calc AB and have availability. I usually do a first session free so you can see if I help, would you wanna do one this week?"

Oh my god, Oikawa Tooru was texting me, Sugawara Koshi, for help. I may or may not have panicked. How had he gotten my number? And why would he specifically reach out to a rival team member of all people for help, when there were plenty of other tutors in the area? Maybe, he genuinely wanted me–

No, no, that was stupid, he didn't even know me, he wouldn't do something like that without knowing me. Besides, it's not like I wanted to meet with him or anything.

"Yes Suga, get yo mans!" Sora cheered me on. I sprinted upstairs with my bags to escape her teasing, which I knew was meant harmlessly, but it still embarrassed me. Once in the safety of my room, I closed the door and sat on bed, waiting for the response. Finally it came and said, "Sure, is tomorrow too soon? I have volleyball practice until 6:00, so how about 6:30, and if so where should we meet? (I got to Aoba Johsai)."

My mouth twitched up, almost smiling at the text. Clearly, he didn't know who I was, or he wouldn't have bothered to include the fact that he attended Seijoh. Ah well, maybe he'd recognize me when we met up.

I typed back, "Perfect, how about 6:30-7:30 at the library a couple blocks from your school?" That seemed reasonable, right? Only an hour, the location was close to his school, it was a bit far from me but it was fine, I'd just drive to school and take my car instead of walking–

Why am I questioning all of this? This is how I always set up my tutoring sessions. Speaking of which, I had to meet with that little boy, Hiroki, on Wednesday, and that other girl from my school on Friday morning–

"Great, see you then, thank you!" My phone read. I bit my lip as I loved his message and tossed my phone away, and then curled up and sighed into my pillow. Gahhhhhhhh, why was I acting like this? It was just a tutoring session, I'd had plenty before...

I wonder what he would be like. I knew how he was around his team and on the court, but maybe he was different when he was alone? Well, no matter. I'd find out tomorrow. Before starting homework, I pulled out my computer to go over some of the basic Calc AB concepts so I didn't look like an idiot when he showed me his homework and I couldn't do it.

Whatever happened, it wasn't important. It was just going to an ordinary tutoring session, like any other I'd done. I would go, get it over with, and move on with my life.


	3. 2. First meeting (Oikawa pov)

The next day I tried not to think about the tutoring session (key word: tried). I went about all my other classes like it was any other day, which it was! Afterwards, I went to practice which definitely made me feel better (although I was still kind of cranky, and I'm pretty sure my teammates could tell). We worked on receives for the first half of practice, which was necessary, I'd admit, but not as exciting as setting for spikers (which I got to do at the end).

Once practice was over, I quickly got my stuff together and went to shower. "Not gonna give some speech about working harder?" Iwaizumi asked me as I scrambled to pick up my bag. I looked over to him and saw he was raising an eyebrow, and if any other person saw him they would've assumed he was upset with me, but Iwa-chan always looked upset and by now I could differentiate what he felt underneath, which was concern at the moment.

"I uh, have a...tutoring session. I have to go." I turned sharply and marched off to the locker room, not before catching a glimpse of a rare Iwaizumi smile. I would be lying if I said I didn't grin a bit myself.

Unlike nearly every other day, I took a quick shower and was leaving before most of the other guys had even made it out of the gym. I waved to them and then speed walked the few blocks to the library.

Thankfully, it was only a ten minute walk, so I arrived with around five minutes to spare. I walked in and whipped out my phone, going to text my tutor. I said, "Hey Sugawara, I just got here and was wondering where you are?" I didn't have to wait long before I got a reply: "I'm over by the tables to the far left on the first story, by the window (I'm the only one here, I'm sure you'll find me). See you soon!"

I followed the directions and walked all the way to the left, and soon came upon the study area that had been described. Sure enough, there was one figure sitting all by themself over near the window. As I approached them, I realized I really didn't know anything about them, whether they were a girl or boy, or how old.

Once I was pretty close, I could see they had kind of short hair, so probably a guy. Then I got even closer and saw it was gray, and winced. Ugh, my suspicions had been correct, it was some boring old guy. Oh well.

"Sugawara-san?" I said when I was a few feet away. I set my bags down and stuck out my hand to shake as my tutor got up and turned to face me. And then my heart stopped, as I took in their appearance.

My tutor was not, in fact, a "stuffy old man," but rather a very pretty young man, who in actuality couldn't have been any older than me. I hadn't been seeing things, his hair was gray, but...it looked good on him, natural, not out of place. Actually, up close it looked kind of silvery. He had the biggest, kindest eyes I ever saw that were shining with...just...goodness. And my god, his smile, it was so...so, real! And, oh my god, he had a beauty mark right below his left eye that was unbelievably se–

"Yes, that's me! But you can call me Suga. Nice to meet you, Oikawa-san!" The boy said, reaching out to shake my hand. I snapped out of my stupor and just barely stopped myself from drooling. I shook the other boy's hand, which was so tiny compared to mine, he was tiny compared to me, I probably had a good five or six inches on him.

"Nice to meet you too, Suga." I said in a confident voice that didn't at all match my inner thoughts, and flashed my trademark smile. Suga sat down, so I sat across from him, still observing him very closely.

"So, calc AB. What particular concept are you on?" Well that was a moodkill. I winced as I got out my calc work and set it on the table in front of us. I laid out my notes, homework, and quizzes and test from the previous unit along with some pencils and calculators.

"We're just starting unit 2, differentiation and derivatives, but unit 1 didn't go so great for me, limits and continuity and stuff." Suga nodded thoughtfully before asking, "Well, would you like to start with what you're on now? I can go over the first few lessons of the unit, and if you want to meet again we can go over more unit 2 lessons, and unit 1 so you're more prepared for when midterms come." I'm gonna be honest, I almost blew a fuse at the mention of midterms, but I kept myself under control.

"Yeah sure, let's go over this week's homework and lessons first, please." I said, getting out the work I'd been stuck on last night. "So, we have to use limits to find the tangent line–" I continued to explain (to the best of my ability) what we were learning. Suga appeared totally unphased. He took my paper from me and one of the pencils and immediately began explaining the concepts used, how to set it up, and how to solve it. And it all made perfect sense, and he was done in like, less than ten minutes. What the h*ll, who is this guy and how is he so perfect like can I date him please?

"Why don't you try the next one on your own? I'll give you some help if you need, but I wanna see if you really get it, and if not what step in confusing you." So, I solved the problem. I got a bit hung up on setting it up, but I did another one on my own after that and seemed to get it.

That's how the rest of the hour went, going over the homework and lessons, and me trying very hard to focus on what Suga was telling me, and not how cute he looked while saying it. He was a triple threat, cute, kind and smart, so it was proving to be a rather difficult task, but I had to persevere for the sake of my grade.

All of the sudden, Suga stood up. I blinked, clueless as to why he was leaving. "Well, it's 7:30. How was that?" He asked, packing his own things up. I blinked again. How was that possible? We had just started, not too long ago! I wasn't ready to leave the pretty tutor yet!

Suga had finished packing up and was staring at me expectantly. "It was great, thank you!" I said genuinely, and was rewarded with the cutest smile. "I'm glad I was able to help! Would you want to meet again? We could set a time every week?" I hastily agreed, and we decided to meet at the same time every Tuesday and Thursday. His prices were also very reasonable, compared to what I'd heard from others, so my mom would be happy about that.

As we made our way to the front entrance, I attempted to get a normal conversation going and asked, "So, are you also in Calc AB?" Suga shook his head, causing his hair to bounce a bit. I restrained myself from letting loose the animalistic noise at the back of my throat.

"No, I'm in uh, multivariable calc?" Suga said casually, readjusting his bag. Oh my god, that sounded like a nightmare. Suga must've been really smart, and I had to admit, I was a tiny bit jealous.

"Oh." I said nonchalantly, trying to play it cool. Oh god, what if he was too smart for me, like to the point of being out of my league? No no, I couldn't think about that! When we got to the door, I rushed to open it, yes because I wanted to be a gentleman, but also because I wanted to make Suga smile again.

"Thank you!" The boy said to me, with a brilliant smile, and my heart soared. "Of course." I said gallantly, my voice once again mercifully masking my inner turmoil. I wasn't sure how much father we would walk together, but I assumed at least to the parking lot, so I tried to keep the conversation going, anxious to let Suga go.

"So I assume you're a third-year, but I haven't seen you around Seijoh. What school do you go to?" I asked curiously. I wish I hadn't though when I heard the response.

"Yes, I'm a third-year, and I go to Karasuno." Suga kept walking, only looking at me out of the corner of his eye. We were almost to the parking lot and would soon part ways. He didn't seem to think anything was wrong...which, I mean, it wasn't, but come on, Karasuno? What are the odds? One of our closest rivals on the volleyball team this season. Speaking of which, I decided to broach the subject.

"Hey, have you ever seen your school's volleyball team play?" I asked. I could've sworn I saw Suga's mouth twitch before he calmly said, "Yeah, I've seen them play a few times." I nodded slowly.

"Maybe you wouldn't know but um, how do you think your team's looking for the season?" I said cautiously. Suga stopped and scrutinized me. "Oikawa-san, I hope you're not asking me to reveal insider information to an opposing team." For a moment, I thought he was actually mad at me, but then I saw he was smirking (oh my god, a different smile from him, just as perfect as the last) and felt a wave of relief.

"Of course not!" I defended, raising my hands. Suga raised an eyebrow before replying, "I think the team's looking pretty good actually. I would watch out if I were you." And with that, he said goodbye, waved, and left. I watched him walk to what I assume was his car before heading back myself the way to my house.

Good god he was cute, I thought as I walked along the sidewalk to my house. I actually had my own car, but it seemed kind of stupid to use it when everything was within walking distance, and I enjoyed walking anyway.

Too bad he goes to Karasuno. I totally wanted to ask him out. Even if he wasn't a part of the volleyball team, it would still feel like a traitorous act...

I pursed my lips and raised my head defiantly. I was Oikawa Tooru. I could date whoever I wanted (er, not in a creepy stalker or abusive way, okay you know what I mean!), and right now, I had set my eyes on one Sugawara Koshi. Watch out Suga, I'm coming for you.


	4. 2. First meeting (Suga pov)

The next morning, I woke up feeling slightly anxious for the tutoring session–which was stupid, I had nothing to worry about!. "Thinking of someone?" Sora teased me as I dropped her off at school (I didn't always take her, sometimes she took the bus, but I was using my car today). I playfully shoved her away.

"Leave me alone!" I moaned, rolling up my window and driving off. I could feel her smug grin as I drove away, and gripped the steering wheel harder.

The drive to school was quick. I put on a playlist of anime songs, which considerably lifted my mood. Once at school, I kind of breezed through the day.

Afterwards, it was time for practice. Volleyball practice was great, I gave my full focus to playing, working on drills, helping the underclassmen with serves and receives, and didn't think about anything else. It was like just being on the court cast some magic spell over my mind, preventing any non-volleyball related thoughts from entering, and put me at ease. The spell wore off as soon as practice was over, unfortunately.

I did my share of cleaning up really fast, and sprinted to the locker room to get changed and shower, emerging dripping wet with stuff hanging out of my bag just five minutes later. I couldn't be late!

"Tutoring?" Daichi asked with a knowing smile. I returned it sheepishly and admitted, "Yeah, sorry I have to run today, see you tomorrow!" Daichi waved at me as I dashed to the parking lot and jumped in my car before speeding away (okay not speeding, but going relatively fast).

Soon, I arrived at the library. I parked and went inside, finding the perfect spot away from everyone else and sat all my stuff down. I looked at the clock and was shocked to see it wasn't even 6:20 yet.

Well, now I have some time...I thought. I decided to get out some of my own homework and start it. I was just answering the first question on a Japanese literature assignment when out of the corner of my eye I happened to see this really cool bird outside, and lost all concentration. Without thinking, I abandoned my work and got out my sketchbook, and began trying to draw the bird.

I had just finished the body when my phone buzzed and I saw that I'd gotten a text. "Hey Sugawara, I just got here and was wondering where you are?" I hurriedly wrote back, "I'm over by the tables to the far left on the first story, by the window (I'm the only one here, I'm sure you'll find me). See you soon!" Then I put my phone away so I could try and finish my drawing before he arrived.

Ahhh, I was so close! I had the feet now, more detail on the wings, the beak, now I just needed the eyes–

"Sugawara-san?" Darn. I didn't finish in time. I closed my book before turning to greet the familiar, sing-song voice of Oikawa.

Sure enough, there he was. My eyes went wide as I took in his appearance. How does one describe Oikawa? He was just so...so...gwahhhhhh (oh dear, I've been hanging around Hinata too much if I'm starting to use sound effects to describe people). I mean, he was just so, pretty! No, scratch that, he was beautiful, the kind of man that Ancient Greek artists made paintings and sculptures of. In addition to his looks, he just radiated confidence. I mean, just, everything about him was perfect–I was a bit jealous to be honest.

Oh shoot, how long had I been ogling him? Not too long I hope. Wanting to move on as quickly as possible, I said, "Yes, that's me! But you can call me Suga. Nice to meet you, Oikawa-san!" I went to shake his hand, pushing away my natural instinct to avoid touching (I hated physical contact with other people); he hesitated for a moment, did I have something on my hand? I checked, and no I didn't. Oh, maybe he finally recognized me and was having second thoughts?

Well, he finally shook my hand. It was pretty big, no wonder he could palm volleyballs the way he did. Ahh, having those hands would've made setting so much easier, so much more control. Another thing for me to be envious of. I mentally sighed, but was grateful when we pulled away.

"Nice to meet you too, Suga." Oikawa said smoothly, flashing that smile of his. I almost stopped breathing, he was so–

No no no, we're going to keep this professional, I thought before my mind took a turn for the worse. "So, calc AB. What particular concept are you on?" I said sitting down, folding my hands neatly on the table. Oikawa sat down across from me and proceeded to pull out what I think was literally every assignment, quiz, test, and piece of scratchwork he had used in his class. I bit my lips as my eyes flew over all the paper, trying to assess just what I was dealing with.

"We're just starting unit 2, differentiation and derivatives, but unit 1 didn't go so great for me, limits and continuity and stuff." I nodded slowly, trying to make it look like I knew exactly what he was talking about, when in actuality my brain was still processing the information.

"Well, would you like to start with what you're on now? I can go over the first few lessons of the unit, and if you want to meet again we can go over more unit 2 lessons, and unit 1 so you're more prepared for when midterms come." I offered, after mulling over his words and scanning through the paper on the table in front of us.

"Yeah sure, let's go over this week's homework and lessons first, please." Oikawa said, looking kind of sad and desperate. He was a genius on the court, but I wonder how smart he was in the classroom. I studied him keenly as he took his homework and began explaining. "So, we have to use limits to find the tangent line–"

He had intelligent eyes. They didn't come off that way, no, they seemed more cocky and arrogant when you first met him, but I could tell he was really focusing on the math at the moment, and giving it his all. I could appreciate that, and my opinion of him may have gone up, just a tiny bit.

With a start, I realized I had zoned out while Oikawa was explaining his work. Oops. I took it from him and stared at the problems, and my hands began flying, my mouth moving mechanically, showing and telling Oikawa how to do everything. I was lucky enough to be able to glance at certain problems and just solve them on auto-pilot and this, thank god, was one of those circumstances. I was able to go through the whole lesson relatively easily, and finished in a short time.

"Why don't you try the next one on your own? I'll give you some help if you need, but I wanna see if you really get it, and if not what step is confusing you." Oikawa looked surprised. He slowly took his paper and pencil back from me, and began writing out the steps of the next problem. He messed a few minor things up, which I gently corrected, but after that his confidence seemed to grow and he solved the problem, and then the next one, and so on. We followed the same system when moving on to a different type of problem, but I was pleased that Oikawa was such a fast learner. Some of the kids I tutored required explanation after explanation, which I didn't mind giving of course, that was part of the job, but it gave me a sense of satisfaction to know that I was able to help someone so well that they didn't need much more help after my explaining only once.

As we neared the end of Oikawa's homework, I glanced at a clock and saw that it was 7:29. I waited for him to finish the last problem and, after seeing he had completed it correctly (a particularly difficult one), I stood up.

"Well, it's 7:30. How was that?" I asked as I put my sketchbook and lit homework back in my bag. When Oikawa didn't answer, I glanced back at him and saw he was looking at me the way I stared at my math teacher when he tried teaching us before having his coffee.

After a few moments, he snapped out of whatever daze he was in and responded, "It was great, thank you!" I smiled at him, happy to have been such a help. Perhaps more so than knowing I helped someone so efficiently was the sense of happiness I got from helping anyone at all, period.

"I'm glad I was able to help! Would you want to meet again? We could set a time every week?" I offered politely, still amused with the whole situation of tutoring an enemy team member, the captain no less. Oikawa quickly agreed though, which would certainly prove to make things interesting, especially if we played Seijoh in an official match.

After setting up a time, days, and prices, we started heading out. What were we supposed to talk about now? Volleyball? I still wasn't sure if he knew who I was and just never said anything. While I was pondering all of this, Oikawa broke the silence and asked, "So, are you also in Calc AB?"

Ah yes, math. That was a safe subject, why didn't I think of that? I shook my head in response to the question and answered, "No, I'm in uh, multivariable calc?" Ugh, my voice cracked a bit on the end, and I made it sound like a question. I began fiddling with my bag out of nervousness.

"Oh." Oikawa said flatly–see, I'd just done it. He might have been interested in getting to know me, but now probably felt like I, I don't know, was too serious and involved in studies? Ugh. He didn't say anything after that, and I felt the silence weigh on me pretty heavily as we neared the front entrance.

I was surprised when he darted out in front of me and got the door though, holding it back all the way and smiling brilliantly. I felt a blush start to creep onto my face, which I forced away, and exclaimed, "Thank you!" and gave a small smile. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was flirting with me, although I knew he couldn't be since I was, well, a guy, and pushed those thoughts far, far away.

"Of course." Oikawa said with his bright smile, which made me briefly question everything all over again. Why did Oikawa have to be like this? I was even more surprised though that he tried again for conversation, especially when we were so close to leaving each other and he would be rid of me.

"So I assume you're a third-year, but I haven't seen you around Seijoh. What school do you go to?" He asked politely, and I was honestly taken aback by how kind he seemed, compared to the smug, sly attitude he'd given Karasuno after the game last week. And then it hit me.

He didn't recognize me, which actually amused me greatly. I nearly burst out laughing at the situation but stopped myself and replied, "Yes, I'm a third-year, and I go to Karasuno."

I'd said the magic word. I had gotten some kind of a reaction out of Oikawa, who now eyed me suspiciously. I kept walking, waiting for him to ask something about volleyball, which I knew he wouldn't be able to resist.

"Hey, have you ever seen your school's volleyball team play?" He asked, trying to sound super casual, and I thought I would dissolve into a fit of laughter all over again. I waited until I had composed myself before saying, "Yeah, I've seen them play a few times." It came out in a kind of faint whisper, although it was just me trying my best not to start snorting.

"Maybe you wouldn't know but um, how do you think your team's looking for the season?" I love how Oikawa thought I knew nothing about volleyball and yet was still asking me such a specific question about the team. I stopped in my tracks and brought the wrath of my gaze down on Oikawa, the one I gave to the first-years when they were goofing off. It seemed to have a similar effect on Oikawa.

"Oikawa-san, I hope you're not asking me to reveal insider information to an opposing team." I couldn't keep the face up though and let a grin slide out of the corner of my mouth. I think Oikawa caught it because he laughed and said, "Of course not!" even raising his hands in mock innocence.

I quirked an eyebrow and said seriously, "I think the team's looking pretty good actually. I would watch out if I were you." My face returned to its usual, soft expression afterwards though. I said my goodbyes and waved as I walked to my car. I refused to look back, although I could feel Oikawa's eyes on me.

I got in and drove off, passing Oikawa walking on the way. I had half a mind to offer him a ride home but thought better of it and kept going, reflecting on the session. It had been a very productive session, that was for sure. And Oikawa wasn't a terrible person, even I had to admit. It didn't matter though. I would probably finish tutoring him for a few more weeks at most until he got back into the swing of things. After that, he would be gone, just like everyone else.


	5. 3. Take two (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww thank you for the one person who bookmarked my fic lol, it means a lot!

Suga and I met again on Thursday. Same time, same place. I couldn't help the grin that escaped as I saw him, sitting there just like last time, and he had this really cute, cream-colored scarf on that he was adjusting as I approached (it had snowed pretty hard the night before).

"Hi Suga-san!" I called out as I approached. I hadn't texted him I was there, not thinking it was necessary since we'd already met once before. Suga turned to face me, surprised. He quickly put away some journal he'd had out on the table in his bag before I could see what it was.

"Hello Oikawa-san!" He said, raising his hand to wave to me, while I sat down and began taking off my outer-layer clothing, and was now in just pants and a T-shirt (a very stylish, fashionable T-shirt, mind you).

I was about to start talking about the weather, which I had perfectly planned because I could then segway into a pickup line, but before any of that, Suga asked brightly, "So what do you want to work on today?" He smiled at me, waiting for me to pull out my work. I had to take a moment to rethink my strategy, but decided there wasn't enough time, so I reluctantly pulled out my homework and started talking about it. When I was done, Suga started explaining everything to me like it was second nature.

"Okay, so for this first problem, they want you to find the secant and tangent line, using the graph–" I won't bore your poor soul with the details of calculus, but basically Suga walked me through every type of problem on my homework, going back to the main lesson to expand on certain concepts occasionally, before having me try the similar problems.

The session was flying by; I had been so focused on doing the math (which was great, of course) I had forgotten to think of other ways I could flirt with Suga. During the brief in between moments when doing simple math, or when Suga was explaining something I already felt pretty confident in, I thought of other strategies.

What about that thing, from that American movie I'd seen a couple weeks ago, the lawyer one where the girl dropped something then picked it up really fast? Oh wait shoot, I'm a guy so that won't work...maybe I could still use it? I could drop something, then go to pick it up and...hm. I could stretch while doing it so my shirt rode up, so then Suga could see my fabulous abs? Or I could use the situation to flex and show off my biceps? Yeah, that could work!

"Okay, we're almost done, why don't you do that last problem?" Suga asked, pointing to the very last problem on my homework. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost 7:30. How had time passed so quickly?

"Sure!" I agreed, and then dropped my pencil, internally smirking. I waited for it to hit the ground so I could carry out my plan when suddenly, out of nowhere, and I mean nowhere, Suga snatched my pencil with libero-like reflexes and handed it back to me.

"Thanks," I said, probably sounding ungrateful because of my inability to process what had just happened. "No problem!" My tutor said lightly before refocusing his attention on my paper, waiting for me to do the last problem.

I withheld a groan as I finished it, which I did understand, so that was good. Suga praised me when I finished, going on about how difficult that one had been and how happy he was that I was getting it. I robotically responded to all of his comments, still trying to think of something I could do.

I panicked when Suga started packing up and without thinking said, "We should do this again!" Oh. My. God. What. The. H*ll. Was. That. Suga gave me a kind of odd look but easily replied, "Yeah, next Tuesday, right?" What was happening to me? I was Oikawa Tooru! I was handsome, charismatic, never had a problem with flirting, so how had I just failed so miserably? I mean, that was the worst attempt of my life I think! We should do this again, of course we should do it again, we're going to, he's your tutor!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!

By some miracle, I had managed to pack up my stuff without dying on the spot. Suga was even waiting to walk out with me, he was so nice. I nearly tripped as I scrambled over to him, almost like I was afraid he would suddenly leave me behind.

"So–"

"You're doing really good with your work, Oikawa-san, it almost makes me wonder why you decided to get a tutor in the first place!" Suga laughed. He went on to give me a rundown of our session, things he thought I should focus on, things he thought I didn't need to spend as much time on. I was so focused on finding an in in the conversation that we had arrived at the front entrance without my noticing, and Suga got the door for me. What an epic fail.

"Thank you." I said weakly as we walked outside. "You're welcome." Suga responded, shivering lightly from the sudden blast of cold. His teeth began chattering just a bit as well, but that didn't stop him from continuing his little speech all the way to the parking lot (I was going there also, having driven today given the weather).

"Goodbye!" Suga exclaimed, barely waiting for a response before hopping in his car and taking off. Once he was gone, I got in my car and screamed into my jacket, banging my head on the steering wheel. It had only been our second tutoring session, there were still plenty of opportunities left for me to flirt with Suga, but...I just wasn't used to being so bad at it! Was something wrong with me? What had I done? I sighed as I began driving back to my own house, realizing I needed to step up my game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh what do you guys think so far (for the like one person who maybe will get to this chapter haha)? sorry if the characters are a bit ooc, I tried to keep them as close to the show/manga as possible but this is the result after several rewrites so I don't think I can get them down any better lol. also sorry for all the stuff I said I would include in the tags, I promise i'm still trying to get there it's just taking a while🤷♀️


	6. 3. Take two (Suga pov)

It was freezing when I woke up. I didn't mind so much, I was used to the cold, especially after all the time I had spent in ice skating rinks, but Sora complained the whole morning about the weather and how she couldn't find her favorite jacket, or her gloves.

"Lighten up, it's just some snow. Maybe we should go out and play in it." I teased, and received a glare in response. I did help her find her missing clothes though, which she was very grateful for. I actually had wanted to go play in the snow, have a snowball fight, make a snowman or snow angels or something, but it felt like a really weird thing for me to ask others, given my age and reputation, so I didn't.

My day was fine, I had a few quizzes, a project due. Volleyball practice was good too, I got to work on my serves (which needed work, believe me) when I wasn't setting for spikers. Tomorrow should be pretty chill, I just had to turn in a few assignments; everyone was kind of out of it by Friday, so we didn't get much work done in school (a/n: this is probably a very American, non-Japanese thing, oops lol). The only thing I really had left to worry about was my tutoring for the day–shoot! I was headed home, I needed to get to the library!

Even though I was almost late, I still arrived before Oikawa, which was an enormous relief. Even so, I was a bit on edge, so I took a moment to gather my thoughts and get situated before pulling out my sketchbook.

Drawing always seemed to calm me down. My older sister had taught me how to draw a lot of things–she was an amazing artist, both in terms of painting and drawing, and music. I missed her.

Before I knew what was happening, I was drawing her. I outlined a soft smile, dark, wavy hair, almond-shaped eyes. I didn't realize it though until I was jarred out of my thoughts when out of nowhere I heard, "Hi Suga-san!"

I stopped myself from jumping as I turned and saw Oikawa. I hurriedly banished all thoughts of Misaki out of my head and put my sketchbook back in my bag, not wanting anyone (especially Oikawa) to see my personal drawings. I looked back up and said, "Hello Oikawa-san!" while waving politely.

As he sat down at the table, I had to stop myself from laughing at his bizarre shirt, which featured an alien and a UFO. I certainly hadn't pegged Oikawa as a sci-fi geek, but why else would someone like him own a shirt like that?

Before I got lost on a whole train of thought about Oikawa, I decided to jump right in and cut any small talk and asked, "So what do you want to work on today?" He seemed a bit confused as if asking him about his math during a math tutoring session was odd, but I just waited for him to give me his work.

Slowly but surely, Oikawa laid his homework out. I glanced at the lesson and began explaining it. I think I was doing a decent enough job, Oikawa didn't seem lost; in fact, he seemed very attentive to me throughout the session, which was great! I did my best to not let my own mind wander and pay all of my attention to the calculus before us, although a few times my mind would slip to the unfinished drawing in my sketchbook, that last serve I'd done at practice, how I still wanted to go out and play in the snow, that kind of thing.

"Okay, we're almost done, why don't you do that last problem?" I asked pleasantly, realizing that time was almost up. Oikawa seemed surprised too when he went to look at the clock and saw how late it was. He recomposed himself though and replied, "Sure!"

He went to start writing but dropped his pencil along the way. Without thinking, I made a grab for it before it hit the floor and handed it back, careful to grasp the end so Oikawa wouldn't touch me when taking it back.

"Thanks." Oikawa said dryly, accepting the pencil. I wonder why he seemed, kind of mad? Well, it didn't matter, we were almost done and I didn't have time to worry about Oikawa. "No problem!" I responded, going back to staring at the homework, hoping he would take the hint to do the same, which he mercifully did.

I watched carefully as Oikawa did the last problem. It was a really tricky one I had actually never seen before, and had taken me a bit to figure out when I first saw it. Oikawa managed to get every step right though, I could see how hard he was concentrating, how he hesitated when he knew he had done the previous step wrong and needed to fix it. I almost corrected him a few times but restrained myself because he always figured it out in the end. He looked up at me when he finished.

"Oikawa-san, that was amazing! That problem incorporated everything from the lesson, and the hardest parts at that, and you still managed to solve it well!"

"Thanks."

"I know it was difficult earlier, but look how much you learned, how well you were paying attention! I know this is only our second session, but you came in fairly lost today and look at how well you just did, that's awesome!"

"Thank you."

I had been surprised at how much Oikawa had learned from our session today, but genuinely pleased. Oikawa didn't seem too excited for some reason though, and as I continued to congratulate him and his progress, he gave stoic, short replies and had an almost annoyed expression on his face. Maybe he was just having a bad day? But he had seemed happy enough earlier...ah, it didn't matter. I did my job, he understood the math, it was time to go; that was all there was to it.

As I got up from my chair and got my bag together, Oikawa blurted out, "We should do this again!" with a huge grin on his face. How...odd. Just a moment ago he'd been sulking but now he was happy again? And why would he say we should do this again–wait, had I not been paying attention and he said he still wasn't sure if he wanted to continue the tutoring? Crap, he probably had, good thing he changed his mind!

"Yeah, next Tuesday, right?" I asked smoothly, hoping I hadn't given myself away at all. Oikawa mutely nodded, looking sad all over again. What was with him today? He hadn't been like this Tuesday, although it's not like I knew him that well. Maybe he was just bipolar or something? Probably not, but still, he was acting a bit strange.

I was getting ready to walk away when I realized Oikawa was still packing up. Ahhh, how rude of me it would have been to leave! He didn't seem to notice my brief movement towards the library's entrance though, which was good. He actually looked nervous now, frantically packing up and dropping things. At this point, I just ignored his mood shifts and marked it as an off day or something for him.

Finally, Oikawa got up and rushed over to me, probably realizing I'd been waiting. I suppose I should start the conversation, talk about something safe to distract him from whatever was going on.

So I did. Unfortunately, I cut him off just as he was about to say something, but it was too late, so I went over our lesson again, making sure to praise him and tell him how well he was doing in an effort to lift his spirits, and give some helpful advice based on what I'd seen.

When we got to the door, I saw Oikawa was seemingly lost in thought, so I went and got it for him. He'd gotten it for me last time anyway. I watched as he gave me a small smile and said softly, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome." I said smiling. As soon as we got outside, I was hit with a huge blast of cold air and tugged my scarf closer around my neck. I had knitted it myself and was very proud of how well it held up against the cold, considering some of my past failures.

"So anyway, in regards to the squeeze theorem–" I continued as we made our way to the parking lot. I don't know why I was still going on about the lesson, Oikawa seemed so out of it. We arrived at our cars soon though, so I hurriedly waved and said, "Goodbye!" my mind wandering to how difficult the drive home would be and what I wanted to have for dinner, and far from Oikawa.


	7. 4. Flirting with Suga is harder than it looks (Oikawa pov)

I found myself eagerly awaiting Tuesday from Thursday night on. I studied calc hard, wanting to impress Suga, although it was like the magic spell of understanding the material somewhat wore off without my wonderful tutor around, so it took me longer than I would've liked. Once the weekend came around, I set out to finish all of my homework (which inevitably didn't get done until Sunday night, darnit I couldn't even go out with Iwa-chan and Makki and Mattsun after Saturday practice, urggGGHHHLSIDskdnlLINIln–

Anyway. Usually, I would've spent my remaining time watching old volleyball matches or debating others about the existence of extraterrestrial life in online forums, but not tonight! I had to come up with a serious game plan to get Sugawara to notice me, to tell him I liked him, something of the sort.

After about half an hour of researching how to flirt during tutoring sessions (I had to look up study dates instead actually, most of the other ones were about how to flirt with your adult teacher which I did not really want), I had some ideas: pick-up lines, and asking about their life! It was perfect! I had considered playing dumb as well, but I don't think Suga would've been into that.

Tuesday finally rolled around. By the end of volleyball practice, I was practically bouncing, overanxious to get to the library already. Unfortunately, as team captain, I couldn't really leave early and had to make sure everything was cleaned and put away before leaving.

"Oi, trashykawa, what's with you today?" Iwaizumi demanded after throwing a volleyball at my head (which I definitely dodged and was not hit by at all). "You missed more sets than usual, you've been out of it and unfocused, and you've been bouncing around like you've got ants in your pants the whole time." The first and second years scurried away, not wanting to get caught up in one of our fights.

"Iwa-channnnnn, nothing's wrong!" I reassured, forcing myself to slow down my mopping a considerable amount. Iwaizumi only raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, clearly waiting for an answer. He knew me very well, and consequently could tell when something was up, or I wasn't telling him something. I also wasn't the best at keeping secrets.

"Okay fine, I like my tutor and I really wanna ask him out!" I whined loudly. On the other side of the court, Makki and Mattsun (who weren't scared off by Iwaizumi and I's fights, having grown accustomed to them over the years) began snickering loudly. I stuck my tongue out at them.

"You've gotta be kidding me. You're letting some guy make you this crazy? A guy you've seen what, once, twice before? And just met last week? Jesus Oikawa, do you know how many boyfriends and girlfriends you've had?"

"Uh, I think, um–"

"Twenty-seven. Twenty-fricking-seven, five in middle school, nine when you were a first year, eleven last year, two this year and we've been in school all of a month." I stared blankly.

Iwaizumi continued, "You," he jabbed a finger in my chest, "cannot hold onto a date because you care about volleyball too much, and no one you've dated has piqued your interest for more than three weeks, which causes you to break a bunch of innocent people's hearts and your own in the process. So as your best friend, here is a word of advice: do not ask this guy out, because I'm sure you will get bored of him within a week, or he'll realize what a trashy person you are and dump you first." And with that, Iwaizumi stormed off, Makki and Mattsun following him and shooting me smirks.

Undeterred, I got ready and walked over to the library where Suga was already waiting, of course. I had been a bit late–which was absolutely not my fault! It started raining and I had to go back to my locker and get an umbrella!

Suga was drawing something like last time, and wow I really wanted to see what it was because if he was an artist, that would be pretty cool and, oh wait, wait, Suga was wet, his hair was clinging to his forehead and curling at the end, and oh my god I just wanted to reach out and touch it–

No, no, we have to ask him out first. Then we can worry about what an interesting, mysterious, artsy, handsome person he was. I took a deep breath and blinked before strutting (yes, strutting) over to Suga. I forced myself not to look at his journal and get distracted.

"Hey Suga-san!" I called out and waved, sitting across from him. Suga jumped a bit and slammed his book shut (odd, but I couldn't dwell on that now, I'd have to file it away for later) before smiling up at me.

"Hello Oikawa-san." He said sweetly with that darn smile of his that was so blinding it should have been illegal. Shoot, back to the plan, do not get caught up in Suga's smile again!

I put out my work and let Suga go over it before telling me what we would be reviewing in the session. When he was done, I said, "I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away."

Was it bad? Yes. Corny? 100%. My usual style? Ehhh, no, not at all, but I was at a loss what with Suga. And, I'd never tried ridiculous pickup lines before and supposedly girls loved them–well, not that Suga was a girl, but maybe guys liked them too? Or, oh my god, how had the thought never once crossed my mind in the whole week I'd known Suga that there was a possibility he was straight? Shoot shoot shoot that would put a real damper in my plan or-OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE WAS TAKEN HE PROBABLY WAS BECAUSE HOW COULD BE NOT BE AND HOW HAD THESE THINGS NOT CROSSED MY MIND BEFORE–

My intense, panicking train of thought was cut off by a light laugh, and all of my thoughts came to a halt, because oh my god I just made Suga laugh and it was the most adorable thing–

"Very funny Oikawa-san, but don't worry, you've done well in the past two sessions, I'm sure you'll pull through in this one too!" And with that, Suga dove into the first concept, oblivious to my attempt to flirt with him, thinking I was referring to just the math.

With extreme difficulty, I paid attention to the power rule, and how to rewrite the expression or whatever, even though that was the absolute last thing I wanted to be doing at the moment. I patiently waited for a lull in the work and explanations to try my next line, which came at about halfway through the session.

"Hey Suga, can you tell me what time it is? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off of you." I bit the inside of my lip and sat back a bit, wanting to gauge Suga's full reaction.

He chuckled a bit before saying to me, "Oikawa-san, I'm pleased you're so focused on the lesson you can't tear your eyes away, but I don't mind if you check the time every now and then." And then we were back to functions and fractions and limits.

Okay, so things could be going better, but they weren't going bad, so that was good right? The next time, I waited until we were pretty close to being done before I gave one final shot. I said, "Suga-san, I was wondering if you had an extra heart, because mine has been stolen."

"Don't be so dramatic Oikawa-san, you did excellent just as the last few times. I'm very proud of you." Suga said kindly before summarizing what we'd gone over.

Okay, so Suga was either very heavily deflecting, or just plain oblivious. But I wasn't ready to give up just yet! As we started to pack up and walk away, I asked, "So, uh, what's your family like?"

Woah, woah, WOAH, THAT WAS NOT THE PLAN OIKAWA WHAT THE H*LL WAS THAT??? Yes, I had been meaning to ask about Suga's family because asking personal things was supposed to be good, but like, that wasn't smooth at all! I was supposed to segway into personal topics, and start off with like what their interests or hobbies were first! GAH! That question out of nowhere sounded so creepy, now he probably hated me!

"My, uh, f-family?" Suga stuttered out. "They're, um, nice I guess. Wh-what about yours?" Suga did seem a bit put off by my question, not in the way I'd expected though. He'd turned it back around on me though, so I found myself telling him all about my mom, my dad, my sister and brother-in-law and nephew, and before I knew it we were outside and ready to part ways (I wasn't going to the parking lot since I walked, because the temperature had gone down a bit).

"Well, I guess this is goodbye. See you next time, Oikawa-san!" Suga called out before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away. Once he was gone I kicked the ground and muttered a stream of curse words, because that hadn't worked at all, thanks a lot internet.

I sulked the whole way home, saddened by my failure, but still refusing to give up hope. My mind whirled a mile a minute, devising new strategies I could use on Thursday. I smiled gleefully as I thought up some good ones.


	8. 4. Flirting with Suga is harder than it looks (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for all the study session chapters, I promise I won't do too many more or them, after I finish I'll do a timeskip to the Seijoh game I think, but whatever I do there will be actual stuff other than these not-extremely-exciting ones lol

It was raining. I usually checked the forecast every morning but had forgotten today, and I was already halfway to the library's front entrance when it began to downpour. Instead of turning back to my car for an umbrella, I decided to sprint the rest of the way and hope it would let up by the time the session was over.

I was a relatively fast runner, faster than average I'd say. I liked running, did it on the weekends and listened to all kinds of music, it was fun. None of this, however, changed the fact that I hadn't run fast enough, and was all but drenched when I reached the doors.

Squaring my shoulders (and resisting the urge to let my teeth keep chattering), I went inside, where of course it was freezing. I usually didn't mind, but being wet, I was pretty miserable. I slowly made my way over to the usual table and took my soaked jacket off, putting it on the back of my chair to dry. I then sat down and found myself staring out the window while waiting for Oikawa.

The sky was now pitch black. I had noticed it darkening a bit on the drive over, but this was ridiculous, it's like it had come out of nowhere!

Few times had I seen a sky so dark. I unconsciously bit my lip as I recalled one of the other times. The sky had been black, the only light from the occasional bolt of lightning, accompanied by a cacophony of thunder. It was raining so hard, and it was so cold. My nose had been running a bit. I was scared, and then I hit the water, and everything went dark and started to fade away...

"Hey Suga-san!" A cheerful voice announced, making its owner's presence known. I jumped pretty high in my chair, completely having left reality and gone into the world of my deep thoughts and memories. Unbeknownst to me, while I had been dreaming, I'd taken out my sketchbook and begun furiously drawing the incident from all those years ago, with the storm, the bridge, the water.

I shut the book faster than Kageyama and Hinata's quick attack and flung it into my backpack, trying to create a barrier between me and the past, and the present where I had a job to do.

"Hello Oikawa-san!" I said, forcing a smile to my face. I was positive it looked genuine, I was a master of putting on fake smiles, which was part of the reason how I knew so many of Oikawa's were fake. He didn't seem to do that too much around me though, so that was good I guess.

Oikawa dumped the contents of his bag onto the table, picking out the papers he wanted to go over. Once he was done, I took them with a courteous smile and scanned over the material. A minute or so later, I started saying, "Okay, so I think we should start with power rule, and before that we can review the various definitions of derivatives–"

Once I finished speaking, I paused to see if Oikawa had any comments. He took what appeared to be a deep breath before saying, "I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away." I blinked. What...what was he saying? What was that supposed to mean? Was he...no, he wouldn't...would he?

No, that made no sense, Oikawa wouldn't be using pickup lines on me, he was probably straight anyway. Besides, who would want to flirt with me haha? I mean, there were so many things wrong with me, to name a few–

No, no, we are not doing that here, today, we have to reply to what he said! Shoot, how do you respond to a platonic pickup line???? Ahhhh, ahhhh, ummmm,

I panicked and started laughing, I probably looked and sounded like an idiot, darnit! Ughhhh! I quickly stopped, wanting to spare myself further embarrassment and responded, "Very funny Oikawa-san, but don't worry, you've done well in the past two sessions, I'm sure you'll pull through in this one too!"

Cringe cringe cringe cringe cringe, that was cringe. I–I don't even–that, shoot. Okay Suga, time to stop your mind from spinning out of control, let's get back to the task at hand, calculus. Yes, calculus! There was nothing awkward about math!

I hurriedly began explaining derivatives and rules and prayed that Oikawa would conveniently forget all about what had just transpired between us. When I was sure it was safe to allow an exchange of dialogue between us without it being awkward (which I deemed to be about half an hour later), I stopped and gave Oikawa a chance to speak if he had questions or anything. Instead, he said, "Hey Suga," omitting the honorific, I wonder if that was intentional or he forgot? "Can you tell me what time it is? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off of you."

Once again, I was caught completely off-guard by...whatever that was. It was probably just a part of Oikawa's personality, he seemed like he would be like that with everyone right? Yeah, probably, now how do I respond–

Before I could think of something, I instinctively began laughing, again. Like an idiot, you know. To make matters worse, I started speaking before thinking about what I was saying, and ended up telling him, "Oikawa-san, I'm pleased you're so focused on the lesson you can't tear your eyes away, but I don't mind if you check the time every now and then."

Holy frick I was dumb. Obviously he knew he could check his watch, the clock, his phone whenever he wanted, he wasn't five he was practically an adult, but my answer was straight up stupid, more like it was meant for a small child. At least Oikawa knew I was smart at math, because he clearly must have been thinking I was a dunce with the way I was talking.

I decided that we needed another long break from conversing with one another and dove headfirst back into the lesson, refusing to let up (except for questions) until close to the end. I paused and once again hoped with everything in me that Oikawa didn't put me in an awkward position again (not that it was his fault I could be socially incompetent sometimes, despite that fact that I was actually pretty good at reading people and situations). My hope was for naught.

"Suga-san, I was wondering if you had an extra heart, because mine has been stolen." Before I could dwell on his ambiguous pickup lines like the previous times, I shot back, "Don't be so dramatic Oikawa-san, you did excellent just as the last few times. I'm very proud of you." pretending that I thought he was referring to the math work. I couldn't look at him after that, choosing instead to keep my eyes on the books and papers while going over what I had retaught throughout the session, I was too embarrassed with my poor handling of Oikawa.

I was extremely grateful when the time came for us to finish. I tried to inconspicuously pack up super fast so I could leave without him, but then I realized that was ridiculous because what kind of person would I be if I just like, left him? Not a very good one. No, I couldn't compromise my morals. I sucked in a breath and did my best not to look annoyed or impatient while Oikawa got his stuff together as well.

I was staring at the ground and kicking at a spot on the carpet when out of nowhere, Oikawa asked, ""So, uh, what's your family like?" My heart dropped.

I–...my family...well, that was kind of a sore subject for me. Er, not kind of, pretty big actually. Not because I didn't get along with them, no, that was the farthest from reality. It's just, everyone...well, there's no nice way to put it. Everyone of them was dead (well, or missing). Not a day went by I didn't think about them, my parents, brothers, sisters. It was usually when I was going to bed though, when I knew I was free to cry as I often did when thinking of them in the solitude of my room. In other words, being asked about them in the middle of the day, in public, by someone I didn't know that well when I hadn't really opened up to anyone about anything over the years...well, it was jarring.

But shoot! Oikawa didn't know any of that, what was wrong with me? He was probably just trying to be a normal person, to be polite and keep a conversation going between us! I had to say something!

"My, uh, f-family?" I sputtered out finally, praying Oikawa hadn't caught my voice crack at the end. I lamely continued, "They're, um, nice I guess. Wh-what about yours?"

Thankfully, that seemed to shut him up as he proceeded to tell me all about his family, his wonderful mother who owned several bakeries and was the best cook in the whole world, his doting father who was an architect and really supportive of Oikawa wanting to go pro for volleyball. His super smart sister who was an attorney and had a pretty cool husband who was a photographer, and their "brat" of a son Takeru (who "fine, fine, I guess wasn't always the worst, but he's still annoying!").

Before long, we reached the parking lot. "Well, I guess this is goodbye. See you next time, Oikawa-san!" I said before turning around and heading to my car without looking back. I fished for the keys I had left in my pocket and opened the car, and considered just sitting with my head against the steering wheel for some time but what if Oikawa was watching me? That would be weird, so I drove off instead.

The whole way home (I use the term home loosely), I was lost in thought. Just, everything, Oikawa had kind of triggered a whole onslaught of my emotional issues and caused several past memories to resurface, and then there had been the rainstorm beforehand, which thank goodness it stopped raining (a/n: sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone with the use of the word trigger, I know some people don't like when it is used non-medically, but I think it applies in Suga's case? anyway I just wanted to apologize just in case).

Why couldn't I have Oikawa's family? They seemed perfect, two kids, everyone had steady, interesting jobs, they were happy and together from what it sounded like. I bet they even had a white picket fence to complete the picture.

Knock it off Suga, I chastised. It wasn't Oikawa's fault I was in the situation I was, it just...it hurt to see families like his when I was so lacking in one.

I arrived home to an empty house, not even Sora was home. I had expected the Fujimuras to be gone, but Sora too? And I had kind of wanted to talk to her since she probably understood better than anyone...

Against my better judgement, I picked up my phone and called her. It rang a few times before she picked up.

"Hey Suga, what's up? Sorry I'm not there, I'm over at a friend's house tonight–and before you go all Sugamama on me, don't worry we're being productive and getting work done. Anyway, what's up?" I paused after she was done speaking.

"Suga?" She prompted me again, after a few seconds of silence. I finally found my voice though and said, "Oikawa...asked me about my family today." Now it was Sora's turn to be silent.

"...are you okay? Do you want me to come over, do you want to talk about it?" I hadn't given Sora the full details of my past, but she understood enough to know it was bad. Similarly, she hadn't told me much about herself either, but I recognized the layers of years worth of hurt and pain in her just as she most likely did with me.

"...I-no, I'm sorry. I'm fine, it's not a big deal. Uh, just, go back to your friend. Really, I'm fine, I'm sorry I don't know why I called." Sora tried to argue with me a bit, but after several more attempts to reassure her, she relented and hung up. I went to my room and fell back on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

I shouldn't have done that. I should've...trusted someone, I could trust Sora more than anyone probably. But I couldn't do it. I forced myself to deal with the crushing weight of my past alone, just as I did every year. I hadn't told anyone, but tomorrow was the anniversary of when my dad left. It wasn't as big as some of the other things that had happened to me, but I still remembered. How could I forget? That was when everything really started to fall apart I think...

Homework. I needed homework. That would certainly distract me. I banished the last of my depressing thoughts before they could spiral out of control and began memorizing Chinese characters, determined to forget and move on.


	9. 5. Let's try this again! (Oikawa pov)

"Crappykawa you idiot!" Iwaizumi yelled as he tailed me after practice. He thought we were walking home together, especially after I stopped in the coffee shop by school and got two lattes.

"Oh, don't tell me you thought this was for you?" I asked, dangling the cups above his head, which was very possible given my four inches I had on him. Not a day went by that I didn't appreciate the fact.

"You better not still be trying to flirt with the tutor!" Iwa-chan growled, nearly knocking the cups out of my hands. "So what if I am?" I asked, exiting the shop, Iwaizumi following closely behind me.

"Did you not listen to anything I said the other day? You, Oikawa Tooru, should not date for a plethora of reasons that I have already established. Please, please give this up." I stopped and turned to face my friend. I would have to settle this sooner or later and I might as well get it over with now, since I would inevitably (okay, probably) date Suga-san in the future.

"Hajime, I happen to genuinely like Sugawara-san and would honestly like to go out with them. Look, I even got them coffee, when was the last time I made a gesture like that?" As I pointed this out, I could see that Iwaizumi did seem a bit phased by my actions, compared to how I acted in the past. I think he also knew I meant business when I called him by his first name.

"Besides, you're not in a position to speak, you've had a girlfriend for months so you wouldn't understand!" I added dramatically, waiting for the okay. After that comment, I received a punch in the guy. "Do not bring Kimi into this." He muttered before standing back to look at me straight on. We stared at each other for a minute, cars driving by on the street, pedestrians stepping around us.

"Alright Tooru. Fine. Ask the tutor out. For your sake, I really hope things work out. Don't come crying to me when they don't though." A wide grin spread across my face as I all but received Hajime's blessing.

"Thank you Iwa-chan~" As I went to take a step towards my friend, someone sprinted by me and tripped me in the process, causing the drinks to fly and spill everywhere. While I cried out in protest, Iwaizumi burst into a fit of laughter.

"I'll leave you Trashykawa, good luck getting your man without the coffee though." He left me then, still chucking to himself as I threw the cups away and realized with disappointment that I was probably already going to be late as it was and did not have time to get more coffee.

At least none of it spilled on me, I thought as I trudged to the library. And darn that man, I should have gone after him. He was a big meanie, trying to ruin my attempts to get Suga to like me!

As I reached the front gates, I noticed that it was already 7:32. Crap! I pulled out my phone and sent a text profusely apologizing to Suga and confirming that I was still going. He would probably appreciate the text, he always seemed really surprised when I showed up out of nowhere.

I couldn't run inside the library, but I speed-walked over to where Suga was sitting, making sure to call out from a reasonable distance (but not too loudly) so as not to startle him like at previous sessions. He wasn't drawing this time, quite possibly because I'd alerted him of my presence before showing up. He didn't jump or anything either, so that was good.

"Hi Suga-san!" I said, sitting down across from my tutor, trying not to think about how much better things would've been if I had coffee. While getting out my boring work, I was greeted with the customary smile and response as Suga patiently waited for me to hand him my work. He didn't comment about my tardiness, which I was very appreciative of.

As he started explaining what we would be doing today, I'm not gonna lie, I got a bit lost in thought. I mean, it happens, right? Like, for example, that stupid jerk of a guy who spilled my coffee–and meanie Iwa-chan who laughed and walked away. Ughhh, darnit, I said I wouldn't think about this stuff what, not twenty seconds ago? Focus, focus, focus!

Okay, yes, back to Suga. He was looking at the paper, and as he was talking, my eyes drifted up to his, and he had this one strand of hair that was hanging over them and hey wait a second, didn't I read that initiating touch with the other person was a good way to flirt? So without thinking really, I slowly reached over to move the hair out of Suga's face when he looked up at me and sat back.

"Um, Oikawa-san, are you okay? You seem a bit tired, or distracted today–" Shoot shoot shoot, that had not been what I was going for. And I didn't even get to touch Suga's hair, ahhhh!!!!

I had to quick make something up to cover myself, uhhh... "Ah, I'm sorry, I was up a bit late last night watching old volleyball games." Yes, that made sense, yes, I could work with this. It was the truth in all fairness.

"Watching...old volleyball games?" Suga asked, appearing genuinely curious. "Yeah, sometimes when I can't sleep I like to watch old games. Analyze other team's strategies, figure out how I can help fix my own. Iwa-chan says I stay up too late though, I guess he can be right sometimes, although I would never admit it to him."

"Iwa...chan?" Suga asked again, looking very lost. It was then that I realized I was completely derailing our lesson, which already started late, and I wasn't making any progress in flirting with Suga, I was only confusing him about my personal life.

"Ahh, I'm sorry, I'm getting us way off topic! Please, uh, continue about, um, polynomials and derivatives and...tangents?" Suga nodded slowly, seeming to become more comfortable as we got back to math and away from, well, basically all non-school related discussions.

I was more distracted today because of staying up late I think, plus all my frustration with my lack of progress with Suga. I had to do something though, I couldn't let another session go to waste! Well, not mathematically, I was learning a lot when I was paying attention. Speaking of which, I went back to doing that and resolved to return to the issue at hand near the end once I understood more.

I waited, and waited, agonizingly forcing myself to do that math and not think about how slowly the clock was ticking or how bored to tears I was. And then, my chance came.

I hadn't gotten to finish what I started earlier, but physical contact was supposed to be helpful and get the message across. Suga was explaining a really hard concept with negative exponents and how to deal with them when deriving a polynomial.

"Does that make sense?" Suga asked, after having explained it for the second time. It did make sense to me, but it was a particularly difficult step to grasp, which I used to my advantage.

"Ahh, I'm so sorry Suga-san, I'm still a bit lost. I think it might help if I could watch your steps from the same side–" Without waiting for a response, I got up and went to the other side of the table. I leaned closer to Suga, awaiting the re-explanation.

After a pause, Suga went back to talking about the polynomial. He finished shortly thereafter, and stared at the problems in silence.

"So, when you get fractions, you rewrite them with negative exponents like you did here," At that point, I reached out to point to the paper and the work Suga had just done, my hand lightly brushing his in the process. Not a millisecond later though, he yanked it away. I then paused myself and stared at my tutor, who appeared to be reaching to get something in their bag. A moment later they produced a water bottle and began drinking.

"Yes that's right, do you understand the rest?" Suga prompted when he was done, putting his bottle back away. "Uh, yes! I do, thank you Suga-san, I'll go sit down while we finish now." I glumly went back over to my seat, my plan having failed yet again.

We finished the rest of the session. I didn't try anything else, as I was pretty out of ideas at that point, and needed to regroup again.

When both of us were done packing up, Suga said, "Um, you go on ahead Oikawa-san, there's actually a few things I want to check out while I'm here. I'll see you next week, Tuesday right?"

I stared at Suga, trying to conceal my horror at the fact that I couldn't even walk them out today to make up for my failures. My mouth started to fall open, but I quickly replied, "Yes, of course, see you next week. Bye Suga-san, thank you!" And with that, I turned around and left, stalking out to the front entrance.

Once in the safety of the outdoors, away from the quiet library, I whipped out my phone and dialed one of my top contacts. It rang a couple times before I was greeted with an angry voice yelling at me from the other line.

"Iwa-channnn, it was a disasterrrrr!!!!" I wailed miserably, cutting off his rant of demanding to know why I was interrupting his dinner with his family. "Listen, I need your help to strategize more this weekend, will you help me?"

I heard a very long sigh before Iwaizumi agreed. "Jesus Oikawa, fine, fine, fine, I will help you try to get this guy, but then you have to leave me alone. Understand?!" I grinned widely and said, "Of course!" while crossing two fingers behind my back.


	10. 5. Let's try this again! (Suga pov)

I was a failure. At volleyball specifically, although there were plenty of other things I was bad at as well.

I joined the volleyball club as a first year, looking for something new and fun, something not too serious but where I could still work somewhat hard and get by decently. Basically, a change from the rigorous, pressure-filled ice skating I had done for most of my life.

It was an accident actually, I had originally decided to join the soccer team (whose tryouts were being held indoors because it was raining) but I ended up going to the wrong gym, and after meeting all the guys on the team who were all so friendly, I decided it didn't really matter and joined volleyball instead.

I had fun the first year I suppose. I was the libero actually, they needed one and I was even shorter at the time, so I readily accepted the position. Then the next year our setter unexpectedly moved away and we were left setterless, so I thought why not give that a shot (also Nishinoya joined the team and while my receives were nothing to sneeze at, his were phenomenal)?

I took the game a bit more seriously as a second year, especially since so many people depended on me as the official setter, but I didn't stress too hard until the end of the year when our season was over and we lost to Date Tech, and I realized I'd let everyone down in addition to having become invested in the sport myself, even after I promised myself I wouldn't.

Then this year rolled around and finally when I was getting somewhere with my sets after training all throughout break, and was feeling serious about volleyball, Kageyama showed up. Kageyama was a godsend for Karasuno. I'm not sure if I could've matched his talent if I kept trying for another ten years (although in all fairness, he did have several more years of experience than I did), he was so amazing. I'd thought I was improving, but after watching him play, it became disturbingly obvious to me that I was nothing in comparison and needed to start trying a lot harder.

I realized this from the beginning of the year, but after having a setting heavy practice earlier that day, it stuck out even more in my mind, and as I drove to the tutoring session and walked through the library, I couldn't help but think of everything I was doing wrong and wonder how I could fix things.

I was the vice captain for goodness sake! And I was barely helping the team! Of course I could keep practicing extra on the weekends, but even so it wouldn't matter unless I somehow managed to magically surpass Kageyama's skills. If I couldn't be a better setter, what else could I do to help my team?

I absentmindedly noted that it was past 6:30 and checked my phone. I found a text from Oikawa informing me he was still planning on showing up but was going to be a bit late.

Oikawa, yes, focus on him and math, forget about volleyball, you can worry about that later. Oikawa, Oikawa, Oikawa, the captain of Aoba Johsai, the Grand King himself, the man with the killer serves and outstanding sets who was perfect–

Crap. Unfortunately for me, while I was focusing on Oikawa, he was so closely tied to my predicament that it ended up bringing me back to the issue full circle. He did arrive soon though, and him being there in person for me to focus on was a lot better than me being left alone with only my thoughts.

I was able to greet him like a normal person because of his text this time, not like in the past when I had been drawing and he snuck up on me, causing me to jump. "Hi Suga-san!" Oikawa chirped as he pulled out the chair across from me and sat down. While he rifled through his bag, I replied, "Hey Oikawa-san," and waved halfheartedly.

A few moments later, I was presented with the work and began going over it. "Alright Oikawa-san, so today we're going to start with–" While I rambled about the topics we would be covering, I wasn't paying much attention to my student but the papers rather. At one point, I finally looked up and saw Oikawa with a very strange look in his eyes. He was looking right above my eyes and leaning forward with an outstretched hand, which I instinctively shied away from.

"Um, Oikawa-san, are you okay? You seem a bit tired, or distracted today...?" After pointing this out, Oikawa sat back up and seemed surprised at his actions, his mouth hanging open briefly and an eye twitching. After a bit he said, "Ah, I'm sorry, I was up a bit late last night watching old volleyball games."

My eyes widened slightly at this as I processed this information. "Watching...old volleyball games?" I asked, very interested in Oikawa's answer. He easily replied, "Yeah, sometimes when I can't sleep I like to watch old games. Analyze other team's strategies, figure out how I can help fix my own. Iwa-chan says I stay up too late though, I guess he can be right sometimes, although I would never admit it to him."

How...intriguing. Watching old games? That had never occurred to me. Of course it was something Oikawa would do, going the extra mile. It was what made him such a great captain. I could only hope to be like him one day. But still, watching old games...it wasn't a bad idea. Maybe that was something I could do to help my team, to prove my worth, since I was so useless at practically everything else.

Also, sometimes Oikawa couldn't sleep? That was also very interesting. He seemed like the perfect guy, but not being able to fall asleep, something I greatly struggled with having a form of insomnia, I don't know. It made him seem...slightly less like the volleyball god he was made out to be, and little bit more like a normal teenager. Also, who was Iwa-chan? I asked.

"Ahh, I'm sorry, I'm getting us way off topic! Please, uh, continue about, um, polynomials and derivatives and...tangents?" He didn't really answer the question, but he was right, we did have work to get back to. I nodded, still processing all the information I'd received, before going back to work. "Right, so, when you have a polynomial like this one–" And then I launched back into the lesson, losing myself in calculus. It was not until much later on that we had another mishap.

Oikawa wasn't understanding the lesson. Well, that wasn't true, it was only this one specific thing he was getting caught up on for some reason. I found it kind of odd, given how he hadn't struggled with similar things in the past, but it wasn't a problem so I went over it again. When I asked if he understood it the second time, he looked up at me apologetically and said, "Ah, I'm so sorry Suga-san, I'm still a bit lost. I think it might help if I could watch your steps from the same side?" Before I could protest, he quickly made his way over to me and planted himself firmly beside me. He leaned over my shoulder trying to get a better look at the problem. I did my best not to frantically shove him away.

"Right, so uh, if you look at this part–" I began going over the part again, although I could think of nothing but Oikawa practically pressed against my side. When I finished, Oikawa asked, "So, when you get fractions, you rewrite them with negative exponents like you did here?" He then pointed to the part he was referring to and oH MY GOD HIS HAND TOUCHED MINE–

Without thinking, I tore my hand away from his and, darnit, now he thought I didn't wanna touch him for who knows what reason crap crap crap I didn't wanna make him feel bad or something ahhHHH!

I put my hand in my bag and dug around for my water bottle and took huge gulps, trying to make it seem like I was just really thirsty, although I'm sure the only thing I succeeded in doing was convince Oikawa I was insane.

I finished and then realized he was kind of staring at me, oh no I hadn't answered his question! "Yes that's right, do you understand the rest?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady and not let it crack. I put my bottle back in my bag, giving me a chance to compose myself and turn away if only for a couple seconds.

"Uh, yes! I do, thank you Suga-san, I'll go sit down while we finish now." I did an internal happy dance and rejoiced as Oikawa left me and walked over to his side.

Once he was gone, I was able to concentrate much better. The rest of the session went off without a hitch, and before I knew it we were done.

As we were packing up, I happened to catch sight of a keychain Oikawa had on his bag, a volleyball, which gave me an idea.

I said, "Um, you go on ahead Oikawa-san, there's actually a few things I want to check out while I'm here. I'll see you next week, Tuesday right?" I think Oikawa actually looked...disappointed? Which was odd, because if anything I was sparing us the awkward journey of walking to the parking lot and trying to make small talk, right?

"Yes, of course, see you next week. Bye Suga-san, thank you!" Oikawa replied after a smile returned to his face (this was the fake one though for some reason). After that, he turned and left me to my own devices. I stood there and watched as he walked to the entrance before remembering to move.

I made my way over to the front desk and asked the librarian, "Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you would have any copies or recordings of old volleyball games? Like, local high school ones?" The man gave me an odd look at my unusual request, but did some searching on his computer and eventually gave me directions to somewhere I could look and see what they had.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, marching off in search of the tapes. I had to go to the third floor, and all the way in the very back, but finally I found what I was looking for.

There were more Seijoh games than anything, which was quite understandable given the close proximity to the school, however there were a few with other teams as well. I found some fairly recent Date Tech ones, some from other schools I didn't recognize, and a few of Karasuno. Most of the Karasuno ones were older, back from when they went to Nationals, but I did find the one where we played Date Tech the previous year, so I made sure to grab that along with one or two of the latest other local teams, in case we played them, or just to get ideas for strategies.

Satisfied with my finds, I allowed a soft smile to build on my face as I went to checkout the videos. I had gotten ten in total, which should keep me busy for a while I think.

If anything, I could finally help my team and come up with more ways for us to get stronger, improve our offense and defense. Also, it would give me something to do when I couldn't fall asleep. Sometimes I did homework, but more often than not I just stared at the ceiling and wondered what was wrong with me.

That night I went home and did homework until pretty late, finally going to sleep at 1:24. I woke up again though at 3:41, and after realizing it was one of those times where I probably wouldn't be able to fall back asleep for at least an hour, I jumped up and got one of the games to watch. I selected the Karasuno vs Date Tech one, and grinned as I settled back under my covers with a pencil and notebook, eager to start making a difference.


	11. 6. This is it! (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh I'm getting close to the real action!! bear with me, it's coming soon i promise

"Okay, now tell me what the plan is again." Iwaizumi instructed me as we made our way to the librarby. Iwa-chan was walking me to the tutoring session today, he was being so nice! It was all thanks to his girlfriend Kimi who had put him in a really good mood. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

"Alright alright, so I'm gonna go in and say hi and tell him how nice he looks today–"

"Crappykawa, don't just say he looks nice, that's a lame compliment–"

"Iwa-chan! Obviously I'll say something more creative when I see him!" I huffed in annoyance at the fact that my friend genuinely believed me to be an idiot. "Anyway," I continued, "I'll give him some compliment, then he'll probably stutter out a thanks or something, then I'll tell him all the reasons why I really like him like how kind he is, smart, beautiful, all that stuff, and then, I'll ask him out!"

We arrived at the front door. Iwaizumi and I turned to face each other. "Don't worry Tooru, you got this." He reassured me, reaching out to grip my shoulders. I gulped.

"Don't get all nervous or flustered. That is not the Oikawa I know. You're confident, handsome, irresistible, although god knows why, you're a pain in the butt–"

"Hey!"

"But," Iwaizumi offered me a rare smile. "Something's different about you and how you've been acting about this Suga guy. I really hope you get him." His smile grew into a smirk. "Besides, I helped pick out your outfit, so you look great." I smirked at that as well. You wouldn't have guessed, but Iwaizumi actually had a pretty decent sense of fashion. I had gone haywire trying to find the perfect outfit, but he had calmed me down and helped me pick something good. We'd ended up going with my black skinny jeans, a jean jacket, and a black and white striped shirt (plus my red converse shoes!).

"Go get him tiger." Iwaizumi said, clapping my back and shoving me towards the door. I shot one more smile at him before I opened the door and went inside, staring onward with a determined march in my step.

You will ask Suga out, you will ask Suga out, you will ask Suga out! I chanted in my head. I took a deep breath as I rounded the corner and prepared to face my tutor. "Suga!" I called out, waving as I approached him.

I was getting all ready to compliment him as I went to set my stuff down, I was hyping myself up. I turned to face him, and then all other thoughts left my mind as I took in his appearance.

Suga was a gorgeous, gorgeous man. I knew this. That was part of what made me fall for him. I was used to his appearance, but usually he wore some plane long-sleeved shirt with jeans or something. That was not the case today.

Suga had a black crop-top sweater on, and a thin white shirt underneath. He also had dark shorts, short shorts, and black combat boots, and he had tied part of his hair in the back with a hairband alsidfhishwslijofawiefjswefj9pajefp0weu (read: Oikawa.exe has stopped working).

"Hey Oikawa." 

"Oikawa?"

"Oikawa?"

"Oikawa, are you alright?"

I shook my head and blinked my eyes, and realized with horror that I had been staring for a very long time at my tutor, and he now appeared very concerned. This was not fair. Iwa-chan and I had very carefully planned out everything for this study session, but Suga looking hot, like really fricking hot, was not a factor of the equation.

"Ah! Uh, um, uh, yes! Yes, I am okay! I am okay Suga-san, don't worry about me! I, um, uh, here, here's my work!" I thrust several papers over to Suga after frantically grabbing whatever was on top in my bag, which I prayed was the right material.

"Thanks." Suga said flatly, accepting the papers and rapidly scanning over them. I mechanically sat down, still trying to process what had just happened.

Fact: Suga looked drop-dead gorgeous at the moment. Fact: Suga's beauty had caused my brain to shortcircuit, thereby screwing up the plan I had spent so long preparing for. Fact: I needed to come up with a new plan.

"So–"

"Today we're going over the product rule! Don't worry, I promise it's not that complicated–" Before I could attempt to start over, Suga started telling me about the lesson. Great. Now we were starting and I would have to wait to the end to ask him out. Perfect. And what's more is that I still couldn't get over how unbelievably attractive Suga was.

I literally could not stop staring. I glanced at the paper where he was writing while talking for a millisecond maybe every minute before my eyes darted back to him. How could anyone look like that? It shouldn't have been legal, it was remarkably distracting. I knew there was no way I was getting any work done, and mentally thanked whatever gods were listening that I mostly understood the power rule.

I wonder why he was dressed the way he was. I mean, don't get me wrong, I thought he looked amazing, but he didn't normally look like that. Maybe he was going out with friends afterward? Or, oh god, what if he had a date after? I don't think I could take it if he did. Not when the only thing I could think about was reaching across the table and running my hands through his hair, under his sweater, or trailing my lips up his neck and across his jaw and–

"Well, that concludes today's session." Suga told me, turning to get his bag. I realized with a start that a whole hour had somehow gone by while I learned nothing and ogled my tutor. I also realized that it was now or never, and scrambled to put all my stuff away before Suga could start walking off.

"Hey, uh, Suga-san!" I said, perhaps a bit too loudly. Suga turned to me a cocked his head a big, peering at me with huge doe eyes and wow, he looked like an adorable puppy–

No! Focus! Asking him out! Yes we can do this go for it Tooru! "Can I ask you something?" I decided against giving the whole speech about why I wanted to date him before asking the question because I knew I would ramble until I got lost, and Suga would be extremely confused, and at that point I probably would end up not asking him out.

"Sure?" Suga responded, raising a thin eyebrow while waiting for me to ask my important question. I took a deep breath before looking up (more like down haha Suga was short) at my tutor and saying, "Sugawara-san, would you consider going out–"

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Suga and I both jumped as a loud noise came out of nowhere and startled us, and then sirens started flashing, and then I realized it was the fire alarm. The fricking fire alarm interrupted me trying to ask Suga out. For god's sake–

"Oikawa! Oikawa, come on, there could be a fire, we have to go!" I was brought back to reality by Suga tugging gently on the sleeve of my jacket. I nodded sharply and followed Suga as we quickly walked outside, thankfully we had all our stuff since we'd just packed up.

There were a few other people outside chatting amongst themselves and waiting for the alarm to go off. I stopped and looked back at the building, frowning as I searched for any sign of smoke but found nothing.

"Um, Oikawa-san, I'm gonna go now. Bye!" Suga told me, still walking forward and in the direction of the parking lot. Wow I was an idiot, I'd stopped for no reason–it's not like I was staying at the library–and in doing so had missed the chance to walk Suga farther and ask him out.

Just then, my phone buzzed. I looked down and saw I had a text from Iwaizumi that said, "How'd it go?" I wanted to hurl my phone at the ground and stomp on it until it was broken up into a thousand tiny pieces. Instead I wrote back, "not good" and left it at that, putting my phone away before Iwaizumi could press me for more details which I really didn't feel like giving at the moment.

Five sessions. I'd had five study sessions with Suga so far. I'd made it clear I was interested in him in pretty much every one of them, and yet I had made no more progress than the first one. In fact, in anything I'd gone backward in progress. How was this possible????? I was usually so good with dating (well, the first step of it anyway), I didn't need to do more than bat an eye or shoot a smile to score a date, and yet I had been persisting relentlessly for the past two weeks with nothing to show for it.

Maybe...maybe...Suga and I just...weren't...meant to be...together. I mean, so many things had gone wrong, I couldn't even remember them all. Everything I did was a disaster, a failure. This had to be a sign from the universe. Surely the person I was meant to be with wouldn't be so...hard to actually get right? Love was supposed to come naturally, not be all forced like this. So...I guess I should just...let it go, for now, at least. Let things play out, see if Suga had any epiphanies and decided to actively pursue me himself? I don't know. I didn't want to give up but...I was tired of trying to make something happen that obviously wasn't going to.

Goodbye Suga. I'll have to try again another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwahaHAHAHAAH!!! don't worry, they won't be apart for too long, I have a plan and am going somewhere with this


	12. 6. This is it! (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays! i hope everyone who reads is safe and healthy and with their families :)

It'd been a while since I felt any real pain, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel like a punch in the gut when Daichi told me he was finally dating Michimiya.

It was all my fault really. Daichi and I had been pretty good friends since the beginning of high school, and soon after we became friends, he'd entrusted me with his biggest secret: his crush on Michimiya. He'd liked her for a long time, since the beginning of middle school when they first met, but had been too scared to do anything.

I myself had kind of fallen in love, or at least like, with Daichi when I first met him too. He was strong, outgoing, honest, caring, responsible, and, well, overall just good. Everything I thought I wanted in a guy. Hearing him go on and on about Michimiya had hurt, but I'd gotten used to it. I even encouraged him to ask her out, believing he was too chicken to do it. And he had been. For two years, that is.

He'd called me up the night before and told me the good news.

"Suga? Suga, guess what? You'll never believe this!" He'd gushed.

"What's up Daichi?"

"I asked Michimiya out. And she said yes!" My heart sunk. I felt my knees hit the back of my bed, and the rest of me follow soon after. I blankly mustered up a congratulations, which was really all that was necessary as Daichi did most of the talking after that and told me how it all went down and how he thought for sure he was doomed but then Michimiya surprised him and said yes, against all odds, and that she was going to stop by after practice the next day and say hi to the team.

It took me a while to come out of my trance after talking to Daichi. I thought I was over him. I had told myself day after day that Daichi was straight, that there was no way I would ever be with him, and I didn't deserve someone like him anyway. But then he called me and told me about him and his girlfriend, and it felt like all my feelings I'd buried shot up from the grave and returned to haunt me. How wonderful.

Sora found me hiding in a ball under my blanket and convinced me to go have dinner. She must have known something was wrong but didn't press the matter. Thank goodness she had gotten me though, or I think I just might've laid there doing nothing all night.

The next day I woke up with a heavy feeling in my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the memories of the previous day to leave as they came flooding back in torrents. They didn't. I got up and got ready.

While in the bathroom, I stared long and hard at my reflection. What did Michimiya have that I didn't? Well, there were lots of things. She was much prettier, that was certain, I thought as I reached out to touch my face. She was also skinnier. And she was a better leader, she was the captain while I was only the vice captain, a position I definitely wouldn't have received if there had been a normal number of third years and not just me, Daichi, and Asahi to pick from. And then, well, she was a girl. Feminine.

I'll show him, I thought with bitter determination. I'll show him and her that I can be just as pretty.

After practice when Michimiya showed up and people were cleaning up, I went to change (I did have to change because of tutoring). I'd selected an outfit that I didn't feel 100% comfortable in, not yet anyway, but definitely made me look more feminine, making my waist look thinner and my legs longer. I went outside before leaving to talk to Daichi and Michimiya.

I don't know what I had hoped for, maybe that Daichi would do a double take upon seeing me and forget all about his new girlfriend and leave her for me. As I said my goodbyes, he didn't even look at me, unable to tear his eyes from Michimiya. I felt tears pooling in my own eyes (which I furiously swatted at) as I went to my car and drove to the library.

Once I got there, I stormed inside and marched over to my usual table where I sank into my chair and closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind for the tutoring session. The last thing I needed was to misexplain a concept to Oikawa, or worse fall apart in front of him. That would be awful.

After a few minutes, Oikawa showed up. "Suga!" He called, getting my attention. I looked up just in time to see him setting his stuff down. "Hey Oikawa." I greeted back, forcing a small smile to my face and looking back at him. He finally looked up at me, and then his eyes went wide, and he kind of just froze. I blinked. Had I done something wrong? Was there something behind me? I checked and found nothing.

Oh! Oh my god, what if he was staring at my weird appearance? I didn't usually wear the kind of stuff I had on, what if he thought it looked bad, or too gay or something and he was homophobic? That would be awful, please, please please please don't let it be that.

Regardless of what had happened, this was getting ridiculous. "Oikawa?" I asked. He didn't move. "Oikawa?" I tried again. Still nothing. I even waved my hands in front of his face, he didn't even blink.

"Oikawa, are you alright?" Finally, he awoke from whatever stupor he was in, and appeared to go into a state of panic. "Ahhh! Uh-um-uh-yes! Yes, I am okay! I am okay Suga-san, don't worry about me! I, um-uh-here! Here's my work!" Oikawa began moving rapidly about, and shoved a bunch of random papers in my face. I took them, still very confused about what had just transpired, but honestly I just wanted to go home and forget about today, get this session over with, so I merely said, "Thanks," before I started quickly going over all the material.

Soon after, I began telling Oikawa about what we would go over. I felt kind of bad, I cut him off as he was about to say something, but I thought it would've been more awkward to stop after a certain length of time had passed and ask him what he was saying, so I pretended I hadn't heard Oikawa instead. Oikawa, wait. SHOOT. I had called him Oikawa out loud earlier! Several times, without an honorific! Ughhhh, I hope he didn't notice! I had been so out of it and distracted I wasn't even paying attention! Okay okay calm down Suga, back to the lesson.

This session seemed to drag on, and on, and on. Oikawa had no questions. Usually he asked several, but today, nothing, so it was mostly just me talking by myself the whole time. I was eternally gratefully when the clock struck 7:30.

"Well, that concludes today's session." I announced, a sense of relief washing over me as I realized I could finally go home and leave today behind. Except it was only Tuesday darnit, if only it were Friday instead. Oh well.

I got ready to leave and was starting to walk away when Oikawa blurted out, "Hey, uh, Suga-san?" I turned back to Oikawa and gazed at him inquiringly. "Can I ask you something?" He asked me quickly.

Oh no, what was he going to say? Something about my clothes, my sexuality, maybe I'd been a bad tutor and wasn't helping him and he didn't want to meet with me anymore? Maybe he finally figured out who I was and was cutting things off because I was from Karasuno? Or worse, he realized what a loser I was, losing my spot to his first-year kouhai and didn't want to associate with me, or–

"Sure?" I said uncertainly, my mind still reeling with all the worst possibilities of what he could say to me. Whatever it was though, it must have been pretty serious because Oikawa took a moment to compose himself before saying, "Sugawara-san, would you consider going out–"

And then he was cut off by the library's fire alarm. It sounded in loud, short blasts, red lights flashing on and off, signaling for us to leave.

Having gotten over the momentary shock of the event, I turned to leave only to notice Oikawa was firmly rooted in place and not moving at all. I called out to him a few times but he seemed to be lost in thought, just as before. Sighing, I hesitantly reached out and pulled on his jacket to get him to move. I didn't want to, but it was just touching his clothes, so that wasn't terrible. And it did help, a second later he looked back up at me with a very confused face, so I said, "Oikawa! Oikawa, come on, there could be a fire, we have to go!"

He nodded quickly and then followed me outside where a small crowd was already forming. I walked right past it, hoping to get to my car before firetrucks showed up or something. I turned to say bye to Oikawa, but found that he had stopped a bit father back with everyone else. I walked back to him and, after getting his attention, said, "Um, Oikawa-san, I'm gonna go now. Bye!" and then rushed off to my car.

Bed, I thought wearily as I drove home. I am going to go to my room and fall back on the bed, and just go to sleep. And probably cry a bit too because wow it had been a sucky day. This was precisely what I did. Sora wasn't there, although it looks like she had left some food and a note for me in the kitchen. I wasn't hungry though, so I stalked past it and went up to my room, and passed out.

I woke up a bit later around 2:00 and got up to do some homework. I didn't have a ton but I still should've done some. I also noticed that the food from earlier had been moved to my room, and another note added (probably yelling at me for being irresponsible), which made me smile just the tiniest bit because at least there was one person out there who really cared about me. Maybe everything would be okay.


	13. 7. Get ready, (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (please read this a/n i know it's long sorry🙏🙏) so i did a time skip which is mentioned in this chapter, also the next few will be of the karasuno-seijoh game. i don't love doing specific scenes from whatever show i'm writing for since i'm more restricted and have to follow actual dialogue and actions, but i felt that this game, specifically the one episode where suga plays a lot, is pretty important to the story and decided to write them around that. it follows the episode pretty closely although i did change what suga and oikawa were thinking like compared to their voice overs just because i needed some originality. also please excuse how unbelievably oblivious oikawa is in this fic/chapter, i know he's actually very observant canonly but just forget about that for the sake of the plot lol)

"And, that concludes L'Hôpital's rule." Suga said, smiling and pushing my papers back to me. "Nice job, Oikawa-san. I think you'll do just fine on your exams coming up." He went to pack up.

Suga thought that I was making enough progress where we didn't have to meet twice a week, so we started doing only one session about a month ago. At first I'd protested, after all it meant more time away from Suga which was the last thing I wanted–even if I had only temporarily given up on pursuing him! I could still admire him from afar. Besides, it not like I had anyone else at the moment. I hadn't dated anyone since the tutoring with Suga started in actuality, which Iwaizumi was greatly surprised by.

"Remember, don't let the related rates phase you out on tests or quizzes. I know you know them, you just have to be confident in your work. You can do that, right?" Suga fiddled with his bag strap, slinging it over his shoulders. Speaking of tests and quizzes,

"Oh, Suga-san, I actually won't be able to make our session next Thursday. I guess I'll see you in two weeks then, the uh, what would that be, the 12th?" Suga and I began walking out. I noticed he had to speed up a bit to keep up with me which made me smirk.

"The 13th." Suga replied evenly. "That's fine Oikawa-san. Guess I'll see you then for final exams before break, huh?" Soon we reached the front entrance and walked outside. It was warm so I was walking home. I turned to say goodbye to my lovely tutor.

"Yeah, guess so. See you Suga-san!" I said waving. Suga said, "Bye Oikawa-san! Good luck at the tournament!" He waved to and then walked off without another word. I stood and watched his retreating figure for a long time before I started moving in the direction of home and successfully processed what had just happened.

He wished me...good luck at the tournament...at the tournament, Inter-high prelims next week, which I had never mentioned holy crap, Suga knew about me and volleyball? If he knew about the game, maybe he had looked me up or something and seen how good I was and maybe just maybe he was interested in me because he saw how impressive and talented I was holy frick maybe I still had a chance–

I started freaking out a bit, so I called Iwa-chan. He calmed me down, although he wasn't pleased with my outburst. He did admit though that it was interesting Suga knew about the tournament and yes, that was good for me and my prospects with dating him.

"Oh my god Iwa-chan, what if he surprises me and shows up to watch? That would incredible!" I was practically bouncing from foot to foot as I arrived at my house and went upstairs to start homework after my mom told me dinner was still a ways away.

"Trashykawa, if he was that interested in you, don't you think he would've given you some kind of sign over the past, I don't know, two months you've been seeing him." I huffed in annoyance.

"Mean Iwa-chan, Suga's just cool and mysterious like that. In fact, I bet he will show up to the game, or one of them at least. I bet $5." There was muttering on the other end before Iwaizumi reluctantly agreed to my bet. I laughed as I said goodbye and hung up.

The next week flew by in a blur. Our practices ended up running a bit later what with the upcoming games. I worked especially hard on receives with everyone and we did our best to perfect a few attack strategies I'd helped come up with. I also did my best not to stay late after everyone left and practice harder. I succeeded. Mostly.

Before I knew it, the morning of the tournament rolled around. I laughed evilly as I thought of all my other poor classmates who were stuck in school while I got to go play volleyball.

While the rest of my team went inside, I was momentarily surrounded by fangirls and couldn't resist staying and talking to them. I'd actually tried dating some of them before, but I quickly learned that I couldn't date someone who worshipped me, it just didn't work. That didn't mean I disliked the ego boost they gave me though every time I was swarmed before and after games.

Just as I was being asked to take photos, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and protested, "Ow! I've never been hit before, even by my coach!" and came face to face with a very pissed off Iwaizumi. All other thoughts left my head as I turned and apologized to the girls before following my friend inside (despite the symphony of objections).

"Sh*ttykawa," Iwaizumi muttered as we quickly made our way through the halls to catch up with our team. "Ah, sorry Iwa-chan, you know I'm bad at saying no to them." Iwaizumi ignored my apologies.

I perked up as an idea crossed my mind. "Say, I hope you have your $5 ready because I'm almost certain Suga-san is here." I received a clobber in the back of the head as we found our team and followed them up into the stands to watch some of the other games before our own.

As we made our way down, I spotted Karasuno getting ready to play their first match. "Yoo-hoo~" I called out to my kouhai. "Tobio-chan, chibi-chan, how's that cute little combo move coming along?" Iwaizumi smacked me again, and I turned to him with a hurt expression. "That hurt Iwa-chan!" It hadn't really, I was kind of used to Iwaizumi hitting me by then.

All remnants of pain faded as I examined the rest of the team and saw they they now had a libero, and another rather tall player I definitely would have remembered from before but did not. "They have a libero," I murmured quietly, "they didn't when we had our practice game." Iwaizumi noted the bigger guy as well, and down the line I could hear my coaches discussing the same thing. I was genuinely curious to see how Karasuno had changed since the practice match we held with them.

As it turns out, Karasuno was doing pretty well and seemed to have considerably improved since I last saw them. Their tall, ace-type guy was pretty good, their libero was amazing (where had he been last time???), and Kageyama and his tiny #10 seemed to be sharp as ever. They took a victory easily in two straight sets.

After their game, it was time for my team to play, so I walked off with the rest of my teammates to warm up, grateful I'd gotten to see Karasuno play in case we faced them later on.

My team took the first team with no trouble, and the second pretty easily as well. I smirked as I sent the final ball to Kindaichi who spiked it over the net like it was no problem. The crowd erupted in cheers for us as we left the court.

That night I went home and had a huge dinner (okay not too big), and went to bed a bit later than Iwaizumi would have liked, but in my defense I had to watch the Karasuno game! I didn't know much about their team having only briefly played them one time, and needed more info. The most valuable thing I learned about were Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan's signals, which were pretty clever, but nothing that I couldn't deal with.

The next day came easily, and I arrived at the Sendai City Gym bright and early with my teammates on the bus. "Hey Oikawa, where's you tutor boyfriend?" Makki and Mattsun teased me as we walked into the gymnasium to warm up. Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at me but I ignored them, wanting to focus solely on the game. We were playing Karasuno, how wonderful! I couldn't wait to crush little Tobio in an official game. Sorry Suga-san, I'll have to worry about you another time.

The match started. I shook the captain's hand, exuding false friendliness. As we played the first set, I realized that Karasuno was good, Kageyama had certainly improved a lot, but he still wasn't good enough. We went back and forth for a bit, but eventually Seijoh took the lead. I used my best sets, my best serves, even a setter dump right off the bat. I couldn't help but grin as I watched Kageyama slowly fall apart under me, losing easy sets.

The point gap was starting to get pretty big. Kageyama and I wrestled with the ball until I pushed it back to his side. Then he sent a bad set to four-eyes. It took a lot to not start laughing right there, but I didn't because that would have been a tad bit unsportsmanlike, and Iwa-chan probably would've beat me.

I was brought back to the game though when the whistle blew from the referee after we scored another point (bringing the score to 20-11). Before I could see what was going on, I heard Kageyama gasp sharply and his eyes go wide. I turned to look at what was happening, and when I saw, my own eyes widened tenfold and my jaw dropped.

They were switching Kageyama out. Genius, prodigy setter Kageyama was being switched out. And it was with none other than my tutor, Sugawara Koshi.


	14. 7. Get ready, (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter doesn't have much dialogue and is mostly boring narration, it will get better during the actual game, and much better afterwards, i will get there eventually!

"And, that concludes L'Hôpital's rule. Nice job, Oikawa-san. I think you'll do just fine on your exams coming up." I said, excited to go home and relax. I had, by some miracle, managed to finish all of my homework for the nigh–well, most anyway, I just had to do some reading, memorize a few things, edit a paper, minor stuff that wouldn't take long. And tomorrow was Friday, so after school and volleyball practice I could go ice skate.

Over the past few months, I'd gotten back into ice skating. Not competitively or with a team or anything, just for fun. When everything felt like it was crashing down on me, schoolwork, Daichi dating Michimiya, me failing at volleyball, it's like I could find no release, no break from it all. All of that combined with memories of my past that would suddenly creep up on me, well, I was drowning in it all, sinking deeper and deeper each day.

Volleyball was supposed to be fun for me, something I could go do to burn off steam, but instead it had turned into a constant reminder of how I wasn't good enough, and probably never would be. This was a horrible way of thinking, of course, and I knew I could think better than that, but I wasn't going to get there without some change first, so I did something crazy. I went to an ice skating rink.

Ice skating had been weighing on my soul for a lot longer than volleyball. A lot of people were furious with me after I quit in high school, saying I was being selfish and throwing away so much talent. I couldn't find it in me to keep up the sport though, even in spite of all the people I was disappointing. Not with everything that had gone down, everything I'd lost, especially when it didn't bring me any comfort. Every time I had set foot on the ice had been about coaches, competitions, rival skaters, never about me, and it had never felt right. Well, at least not for a very long time, anyway.

The ice skating world had long forgotten about me after more than two years though and I wanted to see if, when I skated by myself just because, it was the same or different. So, I ventured out to a local arena. I went close to closing time when most people were gone, I didn't feel comfortable skating around a huge crowd of others.

I started off with easy stuff. I wasn't out of shape; in fact, I might've been in even better shape than I was before, being two years older and doing more training for volleyball. Of course, that didn't necessarily translate to ice skating. Sure, my stamina was good, but my ankles started hurting after a bit (wow, I forgot how bad the skates you had to rent were, I'd have to bring my old ones next time), and my arms and legs as well from the foreign movements.

I did have to leave after a bit because the rink was closing. I was the last one on the ice, and the older lady who worked there (who happened to be one of the owners) caught me attempting a triple salchow. Afterwards we talked a bit, she admitted she'd been watching me skate a bit earlier as well and while I prayed she didn't recognize me, I did admit that I used to skate and wanted to get back into it a little.

"You come back any time dear, I would love to see you skate again." She said, smiling as I left, after introducing herself as Mrs. Nakajima. I left and promised I would; skating had actually been...fun. I enjoyed it. And I felt better, so that was a huge plus.

I ended up going back that same weekend, and pretty much every one after, a bit before closing time. Eventually, Mrs. Nakajima told me that if I wanted, I could skate at the rink after the regular hours if I helped her with a few things, which I was more than happy to comply with. I met her husband who was also very kind, and even after I told the couple who I was (they were diehard skating fans and admitted to recognizing me from the beginning though), which felt like another huge weight had been lifted from my chest, they didn't mind that I didn't want to compete. They were just glad I was having fun, which made my heart soar.

I was suddenly brought back to the present when Oikawa picked his backpack up and it hit the table along the way, creating a resounding clanging noise, probably from a bottle inside. Trying to think of something to say, I mechanically uttered, "Remember, don't let the related rates phase you out on tests or quizzes. I know you know them, you just have to be confident in your work. You can do that, right?"

I shook my head a bit, still trying to focus on Oikawa as I tossed my bag over my shoulder. I partially expected it to be another one of the days where Oikawa only quietly nodded or hummed to whatever I said, but he surprised me and said as we started walking, "Oh, Suga-san, I actually won't be able to make our session next Thursday. I guess I'll see you in two weeks then, the uh, what would that be, the 12th." I nearly stopped walking and started rolling on the floor laughing as I remembered the inter-high tournament coming up, and the fact that Oikawa still didn't know I played volleyball. It was his fault really that he didn't recognize me from the practice game, and never let me get a word in when he occasionally went off about volleyball and his team.

I quickly sped back up again before Oikawa could think there was anything wrong with me. "The 13th." I replied smoothly. "That's fine Oikawa-san. Guess I'll see you then for final exams before break, huh?" I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I said this, knowing I would run into Oikawa at one point or another at the tournament.

"Yeah, guess so. See you Suga-san!" Oikawa called out as he started to leave. After a brief moment of deliberation, I shot back, "Bye Oikawa-san! Good luck at the tournament!" and then quickly walked away before Oikawa could say anything. I started giggling in my car just imagining what was going through his mind as he processed my words, given that he'd never said anything about the upcoming competition to me.

The next week passed by pretty quickly. I spent nearly all my free time practicing for the tournament, staying after practice to work with Asahi on his spikes, or talk with Kageyama about sets. I was also very proud that all my old game re-watching had paid off, I had some new ideas I couldn't wait to use (hopefully I would get the chance to and play at least once!), and I had helped Hinata and Kageyama develop a bunch of different signals they could use for their different attacks.

I was super excited when the morning of our first game finally rolled around. It was a bummer that I would have to makeup schoolwork, but few things could beat the feeling of sitting on a bus and getting hyped up with your teammates knowing that on any other day you would've been sitting in first period copying down notes and still trying to wake up.

When my team and I approached the entrance of the gym, we heard other team players gossiping about us. I frowned at them disapprovingly while Tanaka egged them on. I thought I would have to deal with him but thankfully Daichi did, so I kept walking inside.

A lot of people stared at us, whispering about various team members. Asahi briefly panicked, Hinata started acting like a child which I had to put an end to since Daichi dealt with the last team member, we ran into Date Tech who tried to single out Asahi. Just the usual pre-tournament events.

Everyone anxiously awaited being allowed on the court, but we finally were. We briefly warmed up, then played and won the first match in straight sets, which was a huge boost of confidence for the whole team. The second game was significantly harder, although the signals I developed did finally come handy when Kageyama and Hinata went up against the Iron Wall.

I was thrilled when we finally won, also in two straight sets, and I was even more amused to learn that we would be playing Seijoh the following day. That night I went home and got a good night's rest, gearing up for an intense game against our fierce competitors.

The next morning was the same as the one before. Wake up, go to school, get on the bus and go to the gym. When we got on the court to start warming up, Seijoh was already there. I tried to catch Oikwa's eyes, although he was oblivious to my presence and too caught up in working with his team (a/n: again, I know Oikawa canonly remebered watching Suga's warm up, just forget about that lol). Which was probably a good thing, in all fairness, that they had his undivided attention, unlike me.

Then the moment came for our teams to line up. Once again, I waited for Oikawa to look at me, for a look of recognition and surprise to cross his face, but that didn't happen. Sure, we were lined up on complete opposite ends of the court, and yeah I was on the other side of him so he wouldn't have had anything close to a direct line of gaze at me, but I mean, come on, what's a guy gotta do to get noticed???

The game started. Everyone was kind of tense I think, at least Karasuno was anyway. Seijoh took the lead, employing a variety of diverse attack strategies I had no doubt Oikawa had come up with, and was thoroughly impressed by. I was itching to get on the court though as I watched the point gap grow and grow, and I noticed Kageyama was starting to lose it a bit too, which was not good.

My chance came when Seijoh took another point off of us, and Kageyama had been off for a few plays beforehand. I took a deep breath as I grabbed the #9 sign and approached the edge of the court.

The referee blew the whistle. Everyone turned to look at me. I knew Oikawa was definitely staring at me now and was strongly tempted to stare right back, however my first priority was my own team. I met Kageyama's eyes instead, who looked extremely disappointed. I stared ahead with grim determination, eager to help turn the game around (and play in front of Oikawa).


	15. 8. Here I am! (Oikawa pov)

In the short time I'd known Suga, he'd caused my brain to go into overdrive several times. Usually it was because he looked or did something too cute to put into words, or solved an insanely hard math problem that I couldn't help but marvel at. It was almost like a game, a challenge or something. Turning out to be on a rival volleyball team, and the setter no less, really took things to a new level, in my opinion.

I watched in a state of disbelief as Kageyama jogged over to the sidelines where he took the sign from Suga, who clapped a hand on his back and exchanged a few words with him before making his way onto the court.

"What's wrong?" Iwaizumi asked. While I had done my best to keep a cold, calculating facade up, Iwa-chan could read my face down to the tiniest detail and would notice the smallest twitch of my eyes or nose.

"Number 2..." I trailed off, unsure how to continue, my eyes still following Suga path, who refused to look at me, "that's my tutor." I finally turned to Iwaizumi with a grimace. He blinked at me and got a suspicious look on his face before asking, "You're not joking?" I shook my head.

Iwaizumi burst out laughing. Not loudly or obnoxiously, but enough to draw the interest of some of our other teammates. Makki and Mattsun raised an eyebrow at our antics before Iwa-chan snorted and pointed at me and said, "This idiot didn't know that the player they just swapped in for Kageyama, the guy he's been trying to ask out, played for Karasuno!" Makki and Mattsun tried not to laugh but failed miserably and soon joined in, even the first years were trying to hide their smirks.

"Alright Oikawa, you got me, I owe you five bu–five bucks!" Iwaizumi managed to say before erupting into another fit of laughter. I turned up my head at my teammates before turning back to observe Suga. "You guys are mean!"

Back on the other side of the court, I watched in fascination as Suga proceeded to punch, chop, hit, and high-five all of his teammates (a/n: I totally forgot about this scene when I made Suga not like touching oops–). "It's okay! We're gonna get that point!" Suga declared, and afterwards, everyone smiled radiantly, even four-eyes appeared slightly less apathetic.

As he called out something to the captain, something useful no doubt, Iwaizumi (who had returned to normal) noted, "I don't know what kind of witchcraft your tutor uses, but Karasuno's morale seems to have lifted like 100% since he stepped on the court." I glared daggers into Suga's head as he started whispering with four-eyes. How dare he fail to mention the fact that he was on Karasuno's volleyball team? Surely he had known who I was, I talked about volleyball often enough, and I'd been meeting with him for what, two months?

Resolving to play even harder against him, I told Iwaizumi, "Iwa-chan, aim straight down at Number 2's position because he has a low block." He raised an eyebrow at me and my apparent coldness, but agreed, "Right." My gaze remained firm, and forward.

The game resumed. Makki served the ball over to Karasuno. The captain received it, sending it nicely over to Suga, who quickly set it to their bald spiker after calling out his name. He spiked it to our side after I missed the block, darnit!

Watari managed to receive it though, thank god, sending it back to me. I internally grinned as I jumped and set the ball to Iwaizumi, looking forward to the moment when he would spike it right past Suga-san. However good of a player he was, he couldn't make up for height, and I doubt he could jump like Chibi-chan.

As soon as I sent the ball, I called out, "Iwa!" but it was too late. Right where I had told Iwaizumi to aim no longer stood Suga, but four-eyes. Insanely tall four-eyes.

He was doomed from the beginning, and his straight was easily shut out, causing the ball to fall back to our side of the court where nobody was able to receive it in time. I watched in horror as Karasuno celebrated, Suga offering four-eyes the most dazzling smile (darnit I wish he would smile at me like that) and patting him on the back.

"My bad." Iwaizumi muttered from behind me as someone else behind us yelled, "Shake it off!" I had underestimated Suga. I knew he was smart, better than most people having experienced it firsthand. I just hadn't been aware how well those smarts translated to volleyball. I should've known better.

"Sorry Iwa-chan." I said back, because really it was my fault. I was the brains of Aoba Johsai, and needed to focus more. That point had brought us to 20-12, and although we still had a large, eight-point lead, I knew it was possible to slip away, no matter how unlikely it seemed.

It was Karasuno's turn to serve, and four-eyes was up. I don't think his serves were too difficult, so at least we would be able to receive it with ease. A feeling of apprehension filled me though as their libero was swapped out for Chibi-chan, who was waved over by Suga to discuss something. That couldn't be good.

Four-eyes served, and just as I'd predicted, Kunimi got it up without a hitch. He sent it right to me, and I then set it to Mattsun who went to spike it down hard but–crap, how had Chibi-chan managed to block him so completely?!

They were at equal height, and Mattsun was completely shut out. I grit my teeth as we lost another point, and Suga started patting Chibi-chan's head on the other side. And then I realized, it was Suga. It had undoubtedly been Suga who helped #10 with the timing that allowed him to block us. He had just taken another point.

"Come on guys, we'll get the next one!" I called out and turned to my teammates, needing to look away from Suga. If I'd thought his smile was blinding before at tutoring sessions, it was nothing compared to right now. It was so bright, I had to look away.

"Yeah!" The first years called out, doing fist bumps and getting ready for the next serve. It was four-eyes's turn again. Iwaizumi jumped and was able to cut it off and send it back right away. I smirked when Suga tried to block it and failed, but of course the captain received it, sending it back to Suga anyway.

Everyone of my teammates realized Suga was going to send the ball to Chibi-chan, it was obvious. Mattsun and Iwaizumi though, who were in the front row, were hesitating, probably still feeling the effects of Kageyama's quick sets, and unsure how to proceed.

"Tobio-chan isn't setting, so there won't be any superhuman fast attacks!" I called out to them angrily, mostly just pissed that Suga had managed to stump me and my team so significantly. Even with my words though, it wasn't enough. #10 was already in the air when Suga set the ball to him, still a ridiculously fast set especially given the fact that it was a back one, although not the same as his one with Kageyama. The ball slammed down in our side of the court, bringing Karasuno up another point. A bead of sweat rolled down my face as I watched Suga celebrate with his teammates. I turned to my own.

"This point will turn it around!" I shouted. I served, and we did get the point, which was a huge relief that we were able to cut Karasuno off before they took the flow (and I laughed gleefully as I watched Iwaizumi spike the ball right past Suga's block). I was not as happy when, during the next play, their #5 hit the ball past my block as well, earning a point. But, we got another after that, and two more when I was serving. As we got closer and closer to the match point, my fear faded more and more.

I could see Suga looking on in horror at four of his teammates who had dove for the ball and all failed. We were at match point though, and we would win the set, and then the next, and then it would be over.

I prepared for another serve that they wouldn't be able to receive when at the last moment, the captain managed to get it up. I was even more surprised (and scared) to see both Chibi-chan and #5 running towards the net, trying rapidly to decide who it would go to, but I realized too late it was a back row attack that was sent to their ace, who got it past our block no problem.

"Hanamaki, nice receive!" Iwaizumi called as Makki got the ball, although he sent it flying back clear across to the other side.

"Hinata, go direct!" Tobio yelled from who knows where. Hinata...that was #10 I think? Sure enough, said player awkwardly made a move to hit the ball. I didn't think he would get it past Kindaichi, but he did. Luckily, Iwaizumi dug it and sent it to me.

Come on Tooru! Make this shot count! You have to beat Karasuno, and Suga, who never said anything about volleyball or setting. Sweet, kind, caring, genius Suga (just as I was Seijoh's brains, it appeared that he was Karasuno's mastermind, and I'd bet he was even from off the court as well). I have to beat him! I have to! I have to beat him because...because...

I have to show him I'm worthy!–

I sent the ball hard to Kindaichi, but was shocked to see Chibi-chan–Hinata–block it. It went flying back and I held my breath as it neared the edge of the court, knowing it was out of my control and there was nothing I could do to prevent it from falling. Watari made a mad dive for it but missed. I looked to the referee, waiting for his call, and let out my breath when he ruled the ball was out.

I turned to watch all the little crows mourn their loss. They all looked sad and disappointed in their own ways, although I found my attention gravitating towards Suga. He wasn't looking down like most of the other players, but was looking at his teammates instead. It's like he was...sad for them, and not for himself. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I left to get ready for the next set.

As I was walking, a recent thought flashed through my mind–I have to show him I'm worthy? What had that been? Why...why would I need to prove that I was worthy to him? Of course I was, I was Oikawa Tooru, the grand king, I didn't need to prove anything to anybody (okay, I did need to beat Tobio-chan and Ushiwaka, but that didn't relate to Suga)! So why...why did I feel like I did?


	16. 8. Here I am! (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a longer chapter, the next ones will also probably be longer, and again i totally forgot about the suga not liking physical contact (which i do still have a purpose for I didn't meant to just throw that in, although goodness knows i like adding angst however i can lol) and this scene so please excuse my bs attempts to explain it because it felt wrong to cut it

I was nervous as the moment came for me to enter the court, but then I saw Kageyama who looked in pretty bad shape, and the rest of the team who looked hopeless as well, so I steeled my nerves, banishing all thoughts of chickening out.

“Don’t get down. We’re just changing up the rhythm.” I murmured softly to Kageyama, grasping his shoulder before he left. For games, I was usually able to suck up my dislike of touching and lose it in the adrenaline rushes I got. As much as I hated it, I did think it made a positive impact, the physical contact with other players (I’d also read somewhere that a study showed it did make a difference). I could handle my discomfort for a bit if it meant boosting morale and giving my teammates a shot at winning.

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama muttered, looking down before he jogged off to the sidelines. Of course I was worried about him, I worried about everyone, but I would have to focus on him later. I had other things to do at the moment.

As I reached the center of the court, I could hear Hinata loudly yelling at Kageyama, something about losing. I mentally cringed, fearing that Hinata would only pressure Kageyama more and cause him to break, but he surprised us all when instead he said, “You’re not allowed to lose to anyone until then!” Even Kageyama himself seemed moved by the words, although he quickly recomposed himself and made a smart comment.

I sighed in relief as he was dragged away by Yamaguchi, probably for the best before Hinata actually did do something to anger Kageyama, but at least neither of them seemed too down.

Having been reassured that all was okay on the bench, I refocused on the court; I also became very aware of a certain pair of eyes burning holes into the back of my head. Ahhh, I didn’t have time for Oikawa though, he would certainly prove to be a huge distraction for many reasons, so instead I turned to my teammates.

Taking another deep breath and preparing for the discomfort, I began hitting everyone (not in a mean way! In a…an encouraging, uplifting way) and sent them my best and brightest smiles. Everyone was a little scared of me at first I think, even Daichi and Asahi who knew me well enough, although Nishinoya, who was probably the least down of anyone, flashed me a luminous smile right back and high-fived me instead.

“It’s okay! We’re gonna get that point!" I said confidently. Even though I didn’t feel entirely sure of our victory, I knew lifting my teammates’ spirits was the most important thing, and fortunately, it seemed to have the desired effect. “All right!” They cheered enthusiastically.

“Daichi, you didn’t talk as much as usual; where will we be if the captain starts to lose his cool?” I chided playfully. Daichi gave an embarrassed, “Ah, sorry!” in response. Over the past month or so, I’d tried to get more serious about volleyball. Not that I wasn’t before, but…things were different now. I felt better, like I was making a difference. I think I had also more fully accepted the fact that even if I couldn’t be physically on the court, I could still help those who were in practice, and devising strategies. That was another thing I’d done, after being inspired by Oikawa, I started rewatching a bunch of old games. I took notes on things mistakes made by both Karasuno and other teams, and particularly interesting plays. Coincidentally, the games I had watched more than any other were Seijoh, since there were so many of them, so that combined with the fact that I somewhat knew Oikawa after tutoring him for months made me feel prepared to face Aoba Johsai.

I briefly glanced at the other side of the court, once again ignoring Oikawa, before I made up my mind. “Tsukishima!” I called out to the tall first year, waving him over. He gave me a surprised look but came over to me nonetheless.

“When Seijoh gets the ball and is ready to spike, at the last second I want you to switch places with me, got it?” I said, and Tsukishima gave a brief nod. A quick thought flashed through my head of how Tsukki made smart comments to nearly every other player, but I seemed to be exempt. I smiled.

While the other team got ready to serve and my own got into their positions, I caught a momentary glance of Oikawa whispering with his ace. I was 95% certain he was telling him to aim for me when he set the ball to him.

The ball went up. Daichi received it and sent it to me. “Tanaka!” I shouted before setting it to him. Please, please let us score this point! If he can’t hit it straight down, at least let them try to give it back to us so I can test out my blocking theory!

Tanaka did get it past Oikawa who tried to block it, however their libero managed to dig it just before it hit the floor. “Iwa-chan!” Oikawa shouted as he sent it to #4. Ahhh, so that’s who Iwa-chan was. But back to the game.

I waited for “Iwa-chan” to jump and spike, alternating between looking at him and the ball. Right before jumping, I darted to Tsukishima’s side as he simultaneously switched places with me. We jumped immediately after, and I allowed a triumphant grin to spread across my face as I heard Oikawa shout a panicked “Iwa!” and saw Iwa-chan’s shock at coming face to face with Tsukishima rather than me.

“Nice block Tsukishima! Nice going!” I exclaimed as I began patting Tsukki’s shoulder. I think most people were put off by his standoffish attitude and sometimes he felt disincluded in the team, so I made sure to shower him with compliments and affection.

“I can’t…take the credit.” He stuttered out awkwardly, but I went on, “When we play against a tough team, they almost always target me because I’m a low blocker! I was pretty sure this game would be no exception. It’s reassuring having someone tall beside me!”

I think I broke Tsukishima a bit, him being so unused to being openly praised. “No…I mean…yes…” he looked away, appearing a bit flustered, if possible. Just as Noya was being swapped out with Hinata, I heard Oikawa and Iwa-chan apologizing to each other on the other side of the court. I tried not to smirk (key word: tried).

“Hinata!” I called out, waving him over just as I’d done with Tsukki the play before. Hinata and Tsukishima were so different from one another, it was comical. Everything about them, the way they acted, spoke, interacted with others.

Hinata came bounding over to me with a huge, infectious grin on his face. “The next time they neatly return the ball to their setter, they’ll probably do a center quick attack. But, I want you to go slowly and delay your jump slightly.” Hinata nodded eagerly, walking back to his spot before the game started again.

The referee blew the whistle, and Tsukishima moved to serve. “Tsukishima, nice serve!” Daichi shouted. He sent the ball sailing over the net where it was picked up by one of Seijoh’s players, who sent it neatly to Oikawa. Just as the ball flew to the spiker, Hinata jumped at just the right time, allowing him to successfully shut out the other player. I felt my eyes shining with pride as I watched Hinata land and make two fist pumps, having scored a point.

“Hinata, that was great!” I cheered as I went over to him and patted his hair, just like with Tsukishima. Although Hinata was praised more often than Tsukki, he still needed it and thrived on it just as much, if not more.

“It was just like you said Sugawara-san!” He cried, grinning so wide I thought his smile would fall off. I don’t think I can describe the happiness that flowed through me, knowing all my note-taking and game re-watching had paid off, and I had helped both Tsukishima and Hinata score points.

“Yep!” I replied as we returned to our original positions, getting ready for the next serve. “Tsukishima, one point nice serve!” Daichi called out to Tsukki again as he prepared to serve. As the ball was thrown up in the air, I made a hand signal behind my back, signaling what attack I would use to the rest of the team. I looked over at Tanaka and Hinata to make sure they saw, and fortunately they both nodded at me.

The ball went up; Iwa-chan blocked it, to which I tried to respond with a block of my own, but I wasn’t quick (or tall) enough. Thank god Daichi got it behind me though and sent it back up front.

Hinata dashed up to the front of the net, preparing for our quick. Although I was entirely (alright, 99.9%) focused on setting up our quick, I couldn’t help but hear Oikawa frantically shout to his teammates, “Tobio-chan isn’t setting, so there won’t be any superhuman fast attacks!”

It didn’t matter though because by the time they processed the information, Hinata was already in the air, the ball high up near him, and a moment later it slammed down in Seijoh’s court, and our team burst into a fit of cheers, Hinata even jumping high to high five me; we smiled pretty widely at each other.

I caught a glimpse of Aoba Johsai glaring at us from the other side, especially Oikawa. He said something inspirational to his team I think before we started again. Unfortunately, our winning streak fell back. I lost us a point when Iwa-chan hit past my block, Oikawa smirking at me and my loss. I gritted my teeth, but felt much better when in the next play Tanaka hit past Oikawa’s block, getting back a point for Karasuno (although we lost the next one as well when Hinata couldn’t stop a spike, and no one could receive it). We needed to change, to do something different, because even if we continued the way we were playing back and forth, Seijoh still had a seven point lead and would assuredly beat us and take the set.

“Hey, listen,” I said, calling out to my teammates as I saw Daichi, Hinata, and Tanaka gathering together. They turned raptly to me as I continued, “About Seijoh’s fast attacks, I think they do theirs a little slower than we do. That’s why, delay just a little more than usual, then jump!” They all nodded and smiled at me as we got back to our positions. If I had noticed one thing above all other when rewatching Seijoh games, it was that they had slower attacks in general. Seeing them play in person only confirmed my beliefs.

“Nice serve, one point!” I heard someone from the other side call out. A feeling of dread washed over me as I heard the squeal of fangirls soon after, and I knew before looking that Oikawa was up to serve. Great.

I finally did look his way. We were pretty far away from each other, him being past the end of the other court, but I swear he was looking right at me, glowering with frustration as he bounced the volleyball up and down effortlessly.

“Bring it!” Noya and Tanaka shouted as Oikawa began his killer serve. I prayed someone out of the six of us would be able to get it up, but as I followed the ball and turned around to see where it landed, my fears were confirmed when it landed perfectly between Noya and Tanaka, causing neither to get it. The next serve was even worse, a float serve that four of us dove for, but none managed to get. My mouth widened in horror as I realized there was little I could do to help my teammates as the setter, who wasn’t supposed to receive the balls.

I said a brief prayer as I watched Oikawa serve the ball right in between Daichi and Asahi, probably intending for them to make the same mistakes as Noya and Tanaka, but he underestimated them; they were a year older, more experienced players, and Daichi was able to successfully dig the ball. I thanked whoever was listening that the ball was up (and that Oikawa was disappointed he didn’t take another direct point from us).

Tanaka and Hinata both began running towards the net. As I waited for the ball, I looked back and forth between the two of them, hoping to confuse Oikawa and the other Seijoh players. At the last moment, I looked to Asahi and sent the ball flying his way for a back attack. He hit it over the net fine, unfortunately one of the other players received it though and relayed it back to us.

“Hinata, go direct!” Kageyama hollered from the sidelines. I was surprised that he was offering direct instructions in the middle of the game, but then again not really, because of course he would be scrutinizing every detail from the sidelines, even if he couldn’t play.

Hinata looked extremely nervous but nevertheless attempted to “go direct.” While his hit was far from stellar, it got the job done and sent it back to Seijoh.

It was so close to hitting the edge of the court! But then Iwa-chan had to go and save it, and sent it perfectly to Oikawa no less, who set it to #12 (or as Kageyama dubbed, “Onion head”).

The ball was about to get spiked to our side of the court. I took one look at Hinata though, who was closest to the spiker, and immediately knew what he was thinking. He had recognized that they were doing a quick attack, and was going to follow my advice and jump a bit later. I was so proud!

Hinata’s jump was perfect, and he blocked the ball hard. It rebounded to the end of the court, the libero dove to receive it and missed, and–

It was out! I resisted the urge to moan as Aoba Johsai took the point, bringing the score to 25-15, effectively giving them the first set.

As we moved courts, some team members exchanging comments and suggestions, I tried to clear my head. I’d done a pretty good job of shutting Oikawa out I think, he had been more of a side thought rather than a constant presence for most of the game I played, but he was still there nonetheless.

Why did I care about him so much? I didn’t really, I suppose, but…there was a part of me that desperately wanted to beat him, to show him I could make it, to show everyone I could make it, that I wasn’t a complete failure at volleyball, that all my hard work paid off; that I was worthy of standing on the court with everyone else as an equal.


	17. 9. Grit (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy heck y'all, you have no idea how much joy writing this has brought me (even if i'm getting like nothing else done oops), like i will admit i'm several chapters ahead at this point and they're so long i'll definitely have to break them up haha, but i cannot wait til i get to post them because i'm finally getting into the really good stuff like i promised😁😁

As we switched courts and got ready for the next set (which we would absolutely, without a doubt take!), I tried to shift my attention from Suga back to the game and my team. I couldn't help myself from stealing one last glance at him though. He wasn't an outstanding setter, but he was still incredibly helpful to Karasuno, improving both morale and their strategies. And he looked good while doing it, I mean come on, how many people look that good with sweat matting in their hair and dripping down their face? Well, I did, but that's beside the point–

NO! NO NO NO THIS WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS BESIDE THE POINT STOP IT NOW OIKAWA FOCUS ON YOUR TEAM!!!

"Karasuno's attacks are way out there. Once we got ourselves in the mindset of Number 10 and Kageyama's fast attack, being attacked normally like that really throws you off." Iwaizumi observed, chatting with Mattsun. "You always end up watching number 10 too much." He agreed. Oh! I know the perfect thing to get me back in the right frame of mind!

"Iwa-chan~, don't strain the few brain cells you have, you'll hurt your head!" As expected, Iwaizumi whacked me, causing my water bottle and towel to go flying. I let out a yelp as I hit the floor, and Makki and Mattsun caught my stuff without batting an eye, having been used to our antics.

Soon after, the referee blew the whistle. I got into position along with my other teammates, looking over at the other side of the court once I was ready.

I watched curiously as I saw Suga and the captain exchange a few words. Then they glanced at me, so I made sure to fix them with a hard stare. It was at that point when Suga and my eyes locked on each other, for the first time that game. My eyes narrowed in determination to win while his widened in shock before returning to their former stoic resolve.

I had no doubt they were talking about me, however Suga broke eye contact to go on to his spot before I could dwell on it. I noticed that Karasuno had changed their rotation a bit as I turned to the referee. What are you planning Suga?

The whistle blew, the ball went up. I made a strangled noise at the back of my throat when Karasuno got the first point, four-eyes spiking it over. I felt my anger rise as Suga praised him for his shot, touching his arm, looking at him like he was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

Not that I was jealous or anything! Why would I be, of that sulky first-year no less? I was just upset about losing, that was all!

We fought back and forth with Karasuno for much of the first part of the second set, never quite gaining the lead, just alternating. I was extraordinarily grateful when it was my turn to serve, because I knew I had direct control over what was happening in the game and could get us a lead, like before.

I spun the ball around a bit, building suspense and waiting for the all-clear from the referee. I was vaguely aware of all my fangirls in the stands screeching my name, they were something I'd become accustomed to and didn't notice so much anymore.

While preparing to serve, I noticed with a start that Karasuno's rotation had left the best receivers in the back while the other four players were crowded in the front (I definitely didn't notice the fact that Suga was extremely close to four-eyes, too close for comfort really, and he was a first-year wasn't he so I didn't have to worry about him stealing Suga–).

From what I'd seen, both the captain and libero's receives were amazing, although the libero's slightly more than the other, so I decided I would aim for the edge of the court back by him. If I hit it just right, I could make it impossible to get up...

The whistle blew. I began to run, I threw the ball in the air, I jumped, I smacked it down hard, probably harder than my usual serves. I impatiently waited for the ball to hit the other side's floor hard, for the Seijoh fans to go wild, for the referee to add another point for us. My plans were foiled though as Suga quickly shouted, "Daichi!" (how had he been able to tell where the ball would go so quickly?) presumably the captain, and he got the ball up, sending right back to Suga. After watching Karasuno through the current and previous set though, there was little doubt the captain would've been able to ascertain my ball's trajectory without the extra help.

As I returned to the ground from my jump, I happened to catch the captain, Daichi's gaze. I gave him a fake smile, an antagonistic one, but he just grinned proudly back.

I refocused on the ball, watching as Suga positioned his arms to set it. Who would the ball go to? Surely the ace, a tall, strong, confident player. Apparently, I didn't know Suga-san that well though, because he sent it instead to the second-year wing spiker. I suppose it ended up being a good call as he shot it right past our double block, resulting in a point for Karasuno. My frown grew as I watched the other side celebrate, although when I caught the captain's eye again, we exchanged the same smiles as before, me admitting defeat to him this time in doing so though.

My team and I moved back to our positions, waiting for four-eyes to serve (stupid four-eyes, trying to steal Suga, now I was certain!). "We need one point!" Iwaizumi called out, and the rest of us chorused "yeahs" in agreement. One point. Just one point, and then another, and another. Then we would take the second set and win, win the set and the game, beat Karasuno.

Suddenly, Suga had the ball. This time he set it to the ace just as I expected. Kindaichi and I went to stop it, but it bounced off Kindaichi's wrist instead, rocketing to the back of our court before anyone could reach it, giving Karasuno a point. It also put them in the lead at 14-13. Darnit, this wasn't good, during the last set we were way ahead by the 14 point mark, we needed to change. Ahhhhh, what could I do, what could I do.

My teammates. Yes, I needed to focus on them, help them, assess where they were at. I turned to the one closest to me. "Kindaichi, you're learning to read their attacks!" I praised, smiling widely. I usually did build my teammates up, if only to tear them down a moment later with criticisms. I couldn't help but compare myself to Suga when he congratulated other players, as I happened to catch a glimpse of him conversing with the ace and libero. Whereas he appeared genuine and excited, I felt...fake. More fake than usual. I didn't like it. I needed to take him down.

"Listen, Karasuno may have a lot of offensive power, but we've played against several teams just like them." I said with outstretched arms. I found a smile growing on my face–not the nicest one, not like Suga's honest, pleasant ones, but it was at least genuine–as I looked over my shoulder at Karasuno and spotted Suga. "Now, let's leave them in our dust." I spat out, preparing for an intense, next few plays.

We ended up getting the next three points, bringing the score to 14-16. It wasn't a huge gap, but it was better than nothing. I briefly eyed Suga on the other side of the court after we got the most recent point. His brows were scrunched up in frustration, his mouth fixed in a pout as he most likely wondered what else he could do to help his team beat ours. He was good, I had to give him that. But I'd had a bit more time to watch him now and was more prepared, more properly equipped to deal with his attacks and strategies. Unrelated, he looked absolutely beautiful as he ran for the ball, exhaustion and intense concentration gracing his features (a/n: y'all know the scene i mean, where it cuts between him and kags doing voice overs while talking about how they want to play and get the ball and stuff? no? ah well, there's a reason for my username lol). But that wasn't important. It's not like I saved that image to the back of my mind for later or anything.

While I got ready for the next play, I noticed Kageyama from the sidelines head over to his coaches. I suspected they were going to switch him out with Suga soon, and felt a light pang of sadness. Why? I wanted to crush Tobio-chan more than anything, right? But then, why was I disappointed? Maybe...I guess, I just really enjoyed playing against Suga. It wasn't like it was with Kageyama, it was still competitive, that was for sure, but...it was a different kind that I couldn't quite put into words.

My team served, sending it over to Karasuno. The captain, Daichi I think his name had been? He got it up and over to Suga. Hinata was right by him, jumping high as ever in preparation of spiking the ball, but everyone realized all too late it was going to the ace for a back row attack. Kindaichi attempted to block it, but the ball easily slipped by him, knocking him back in the process. Karasuno got a point.

The referee's whistle sounded soon after. I looked over at Karasuno again and saw that sure enough, Suga was being taken back out for Kageyama. I forced myself to turn away and focus on my own team as I saw him leave a few parting words for Kageyama, it felt like I was intruding on a private moment somehow. I would be lying if I said I didn't watch him jog off to stand with the rest of his team's players.

I'll beat you one day Suga, you'll see. My victory felt incomplete, him leaving the game so abruptly, but I was sure we would play each other again.


	18. 9. Grit (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry these game episodes are the most exciting or oisuga-heavy but this is the last one, it starts getting better after, you shall see😁 (also please feel free to leave any comments feedback or reactions, i really appreciate them just no flames haha)

I figured as soon as the set was over, I would be on the sidelines again. I was flabbergasted when Coach Ukai said, “We’re using the current lineup for set two,” meaning that I would still be in the game. I was filled with a warm, overwhelming sense of gratitude, and pride (I didn’t let it show though, the last thing I wanted was to send Kageyama over the edge, and I wasn’t sure where he was at the moment since he was so hard to read).

“So, the biggest obstacle is obviously Oikawa’s serve,” he continued, which I couldn’t help but agree with. His serve was a terrifying weapon I, and the majority of other volleyball players to be fair, could only dream of wielding.

“So we’re switching it up to make our defense more precise. When Oikawa serves, we switch up our defense to the select few. When we’re up against Oikawa’s super-fast serve, a moment’s hesitation or confusion is fatal. So, I would like to tackle this with Nishinoya and Sawamura, our two outstanding receivers. This is a formation we have never done in practice, but I think you can pull it off.” As I expected, Noya and Daichi easily agreed. It made me feel all the more blessed to have such dedicated, hard-working teammates.

Once we were dismissed, I took a long drink of water, running over all the mistakes my team (and especially myself) had made earlier, how Seijoh had played a factor, and how we could improve. I was just getting to Seijoh’s attacks when Kageyama surprised me. He approached me from behind and called out, “Sugawara-san!” I turned bewildered to face him, wondering what he could possibly want with me.

“Yeah?” I asked curiously. Kageyama faltered with his speech, apparently searching for the right words, but eventually he stuttered out, “Kindaichi’s…um, the onion head?…do you think number 12’s fast attack is a little on the slow side?”

For the briefest moment, I was blown away, and I’m sure it was written plain as day all over my face. Even though Kageyama was two years my junior, he was a volleyball genius and seldom asked for any help from me, as he didn’t need it. In fact, if anything I should’ve been the one asking him for advice. Somewhere along the way though, I’d forgotten that he was still just a high schooler, just a first-year, and as he asked me about Aoba Johsai’s attacks, I realized he respected me not just obligatorily as an upperclassman, but genuinely as a player. I quickly recomposed my features before I could let him see how affected I was.

“I do!” I said firmly, and for once treated Kageyama not like the king he was known to be, but my teammate, an equal.

“He kind of watches and watches the ball and then goes for the hit!” I continued. We proceeded to have a very intellectual conversation about Seijoh and their players, Kageyama offering unique insight to some of the players he’d known from Kitagawa First while I gave my fresh take on everyone, having just seen them in person for the first time. Throughout our exchange, I found my respect for Kageyama rising even higher as I realized here was yet another layer to him and his skills.

Feeling more confident by the end, I asked, “Kageyama?” He responded, “Yeah?” I put my hands on my hips and adopted a serious look before going on, “I know that unofficially, we’re kind of like rivals vying for the same position…but I want to have lots of game time too!” I only broached the subject because it had been weighing on me for so long, and I now felt a bit more comfortable around him.

“Th-the same goes for me.” Kageyama told me, his eyes widening in shock at the fact that I had finally broached the elephant in the room, directly, one-on-one with him anyway, after months of training. I smiled, wanting to put him more at ease.

“But now that I’m actually on the court, I notice how tall our opponents are, and how I become an immediate walking target for spikes. It’s kind of scary, but you know what? I know I’m okay because now I have you right there behind me. It’s incredibly reassuring.” Kageyama seemed utterly baffled at that point, which I found amusing but I finished, “The points made while I’m in play, and the points made while you’re in play, are all points for Karasuno. I’ll do my absolute best, and you’ll do your absolute best. That’s how we’ll beat Seijoh!” Kageyama’s eyes were shining as he agreed with me, as he prepared to return to the sidelines while I was going back to the court. I smiled very wide as I walked off, Hinata and Kageyama arguing about something behind me. Right, back to the game then!

After my deep conversation with Kageyama, my head was whirling with all the possibilities the next set held, processing the most efficient way to react if they did this attack, or how we should change our strategy if they used that attack, or how Oikawa would react if we–

“Su-ga!” Daichi called to me, drawing out my name and effectively bringing me back to the present, where I hadn’t realized we were pretty close to starting.

“Don’t go into overthink mode too!” He chastised me, paralleling the moment when I had entered the court first earlier. I was terrified though since I knew what he pointed out was true, I had been losing it and getting caught up inside my head just like Kageyama. Thinking and strategizing was good and all, but not to the point where it messed with playing.

“R-right!” I answered back shakily. Daichi approached me with a reassuring smile and said gently, “We’re going to take it back in the second set.” I smiled, it was nice to have someone trying to pick me up for a change, rather than me attempting to bolster everyone’s spirits. “We need to start by combatting Oikawa’s serves.” He added, and then we both turned to look at the other side of the court.

There was Oikawa, just a few feet away from me. Although he was turned the opposite way, his head was tilted so it was facing me; he didn’t look too happy.

I suppose it was a bit mean of me to not say anything to him beforehand, but I thought it was kind of funny he was so oblivious and wanted to catch the great, grand king off guard. I guess I just wanted him to notice me, really notice me.

Before I could get lost in the way the gym lights reflected in his deep brown eyes, the way the sweat rolled elegantly–regally–down his face, the way his hair still looked perfectly styled despite having already played for–gosh darnit I was getting lost, GAH! (a/n: my oikawa simp is showing oop-)

I hurriedly rushed over to my spot on the left in the back of the court. I said something to Tsukki too who was in front of me, looking a little down, hoping to both get him more excited for the game as well as get myself back in the right frame of mind to play. Before I knew it, the whistle blew. The set was starting.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little surprised when we got the first point, which Tsukki spiked with my set having listened to the advice I gave him from just before, but filled with an immense sense of relief nonetheless. Ahhhhh, I was already helping make a difference!

I went over to Tsukki and steeled my nerves before patting his shoulder, praising, “Nice Tsukishima!” Still looking uncomfortable, he awkwardly muttered, “Uh, thanks.” almost like he felt he didn’t deserve it. Which I intended to change! No one would feel underappreciated while I was around, and I needed to keep the spikers in good spirits anyway so they played at their best.

I continued to do this for the next few minutes as Seijoh and Karasuno fought neck in neck for points. We were actually pretty close to one-upping them I think, but a feeling of dread washed over me as I heard the unmistakable squeal of Oikawa’s fangirls, alerting everyone it was his turn to serve. I didn’t feel so good. And it was definitely because I knew how difficult his serve would be to deal with, not anything else like his fangirls or whatever, that was absurd. Very absurd.

I watched apprehensively as my teammates and I moved into the previously agreed on formation for when it was Oikawa’s turn to serve. He was smugly bouncing the ball up and down, eyeing everyone carefully, cooly, calculatingly. I could’ve sworn his eyes lingered on Daichi, and in that moment, I became 99% sure of how he would hit the ball; it would be a hard, jump serve, the kind that was more like a back-court spike, and he would aim for somewhere in the back by Daichi, most likely because he thought he couldn’t handle it. Well, we would just have to prove him wrong.

I held my breath when the whistle blew and Oikawa began his jump. I also forced myself not to admire how gracefully he began running, how agile his jump was, how perfect his form was–ah, no! I would have to admire it later after I got a copy of the game. Besides, it’s not like I hadn’t seen it before, I had watched several of his serves on repeat from old games, maybe a little longer than necessary, but wow, it was something else to witness up close and in person.

As soon as the ball left his hand and rapidly soared over the net, my suspicions were confirmed. I spun around and shouted, “Daichi!” just to watch as the ball was falling pretty much where I had expected it to.

Barely, just barely, Daichi got the monster serve up by some miracle, but at the same time I knew it was because he was skilled, worked hard, and deserved it. For perhaps the zillionth time that day, I felt pride surging through me.

While he hadn’t had much time to react, Daichi had still gotten the ball back to me fairly straightforwardly, allowing me to set it nicely to…who? I had three options, Tsukki, Asahi, or Tanaka. I think I’d been doing enough to keep Tsukishima’s confidence up? But it still probably wasn’t high enough to score the difficult point, and given the importance of it, it probably should go to…Asahi or Tanaka, ahhhh who??? My eyes swiftly flitted over to the two of them, and I was filled with an onslaught of information, memories from previous games, practices, and I made my decision.

“Tanaka!” I shouted just before I shot it to him. He was on the farther side of the court, and there were two tall blockers in front of him, but he managed to get it past both of them and secure another point for us, allowing for Karasuno to catch up and tie. “All right!” Everyone, including me, shouted as we jumped in the air and made fist pumps. While it had only been one point, it was an important point that we earned.

We geared up to start again, Noya shouting, “Let’s get a point!” and Daichi, “Tsukishima, nice serve!” While they didn’t praise him quite the same as me, I was glad they were warming up to him. Progress!

The ball was in play. It was another difficult serve but my teammates got it up and to me, where I set it sailing to Asahi who spiked it right past the blockers just as Tanaka had moments before, finally bringing Karasuno in lead with 14-13 as the score. I walked over to congratulate Asahi and Noya, who had been the one to send it to me, but after they started talking about something else, I couldn’t help but look over to Seijoh.

Oikawa was addressing everyone on his court with outstretched arms, undoubtedly bestowing upon them incredible advice. In other words, he appeared the epitome of what a good leader should be, and I couldn’t help but find myself comparing me to him. I even imagined what I would like like with my own outstretched arms, a pompous, egotistical smirk rooted firmly on my face. I shook my head, no, I couldn’t imagine being like that. While I wasn’t in charge in the sense that Daichi was, I was still a leader, and Oikawa and I had very different leading styles.

I gritted my teeth as we lost the next few plays after that, and while I was really trying my best to have a positive attitude for myself rather than just my teammates, I couldn’t help but think they were all my fault. I missed a block, I did a bad set for Asahi, then Hinata as well. I frowned as I realized all this, something I rarely did, but as I saw Hinata approach me I knew I had to stop sulking.

“I’m sorry Hinata, I took too much time making that last fast attack.” I admitted apologetically, feeling horribly guilty. Hinata, being the friendly ball of sunshine he was though, courteously assured me, “Ah, not at all!”

After hearing some commotion on the side, Hinata and I both looked over to see what it was, and I felt my heart sink when I saw Kageyama talking to Coach Ukai, undoubtedly meaning I would soon be swapped out.

No Suga, that’s good, I told myself. I had managed to play for significantly longer than any other games since Kageyama joined the team, and I was certain that he would be able to fully boost our points after being put in. The least I could do was finish on a high note for him!

I jogged back over to my spot in front of the net and found myself unconsciously searching for Oikawa. Before I could find him though (and thank god because who knows how long it would’ve taken me to tear my eyes away), Asahi called me.

I turned to find his back to me, his head facing down a bit. “Give me the next ball. I’ll make it count.” He said, very seriously. I smiled as I realized how much he had changed, how much his confidence had improved since last year, and I was glad my last toss would be to him. “Of course!” I exclaimed.

Seijoh served to us, and everything went as planned as Daichi got the ball to me, and Hinata even jumped close, making it look like we were doing a quick, and then at the last second I set the ball for Asahi in the back who slammed it down, past the front blocker, bringing us up a point.

All of us celebrated that point the same way we had when we got Oikawa’s serve. We were quickly brought out of it though when the whistle sounded, and we all turned to see Kageyama on the sideline holding my number 2 sign.

While Daichi and Asahi were a bit tense beside me, probably feeling pity, I smiled and bowed my head in acknowledgement before calmly walking over to take the sign from Kageyama.

“I hate to say it,” I began softly, glancing at the rest of the players still on the court, “but Hinata looks completely different when he’s hitting your tosses.” Perhaps it was because I had no previous connection to Hinata before Kageyama showed up like I did with Asahi and Tanaka, but…ah, no, that couldn’t be right. Even when I set to Tsukishima it felt good. Not to say it didn’t with Hinata, but…it was just…different. And that wasn’t necessarily bad, I was just learning.

“I think you’re already aware of this, but everyone on our team is good at what they do.” I said proudly, thinking back to everyone’s hard work and outstanding skills, honored I was able to play with them. “Yeah.” Kageyama agreed with me, looking at me with big eyes.

“Okay, go wi–” I was going to say “go win this” to him, but I cut myself off, realizing there were many things wrong with that statement. Namely the fact that it sounded like I was telling Kageyama directly that he and only he should go win, when it was quite the opposite and he had learned to work with everyone in the past few months of training. Additionally, it made it sound like I wasn’t a part of the team either, and I knew I should give myself at least some credit.

Kageyama tilted his head at me, his eyes wider than before as he wondered what I had been about to say before I cut myself off. “Let’s win this.” I whispered instead with fierce determination, patting his shoulder to boost his confidence before walking off to the coaches.

Kiyoko and Takeda-sensei both told me I did nice, but Coach Ukai was smiling up at me, and that made me feel 100 times better. He looked impressed with me.

“You played neck and neck against Seijoh.” He said, failing to keep some surprise out of his voice (I was surprised with myself too, to be fair). I smiled, embarrassed, and responded, “That’s because we have a good team.” It was true, I don’t know where I would be without all of them behind me.

Coach Ukai turned to look at them before saying, “Still, you know, from here on in we should probably use the setter route more aggressively.” I stared at Coach Ukai. Could he be saying…what I think he was saying? Because…it sounded like he was implying that…oh my god, he wanted to actually use me as something other than a backup for Kageyama? Did he really think I was that good?

“Yes sir, thank you!” I cried, bowing deeply before jogging off to join my other benched teammates. I was definitely sad being taken out of the game, but it was a bittersweet feeling knowing that Kageyama would carry the team the rest of the way that I wasn’t able to do on my own. Once there, I turned back to face my teammates on the court, eager to see how far they could go now that they were at their best.


	19. 10. After (Oikawa pov)

We ended up winning the game. Just barely, I could scarcely believe it when Karasuno won the second set and then brought us into the deuce, and into the 30s in the third set, but thank god we did it would've been embarrassing if we lost. I may have felt slightly bad amidst all the celebration as I happened to glance over and see Suga look down in defeat before walking off with the rest of his team, but that wasn't important, I deserved to enjoy my win.

Unfortunately, while I crushed little Tobio-chan, I wasn't able to beat Ushiwaka in the next round, which sucked. A lot. Instead, I had to refocus my energy on schoolwork since midterm exams before break were coming up. Speaking of schoolwork...

I never talked to Suga, not once during the tournament. I had been considering approaching him after the game, but then he left so quickly and I missed my chance. I had also considered texting him after the fact, but what was I supposed to say? I typed several things out but they all felt wrong, so I ended up deleting them.

Eventually, Thursday rolled around. I had planned to go home after practice and have a huge dinner, maybe even watch a show or two, but then I saw a reminder on my phone that said "tutoring."

Was I...was I still supposed to go to that? I mean...the last time I met with Suga, we had agreed to meet the 13th, which was today, but...it would be so awkward, wouldn't it?

At the same time, I was desperate to confront my tutor, to ask all my questions (plus there was the fact that exams started next week and it really would be nice to get some last minute help studying calc). When I found no messages from Suga saying something about cancelling, I decided I would go for it and head to the library.

Practice had ended a bit early, so I realized with a grin that I could arrive early for once, and effectively gain the upper hand. Besides, now that I was aware Suga was on the volleyball team, I knew their practice ran until about the same time as mine (which made it incredibly impressive that they always managed to beat me, how was that even possible??) and if I hurried, I would easily arrive before 6:20 and definitely beat Suga.

I speed walked into the library, knowing I would get there first but still rushing on instinct. A triumphant smile spread across my face when I saw our usual section was empty and then sat down in my chair, staring out the window and waiting for Suga.

What would I say? Should I let Suga address the issue? No, I wanted the upper hand, remember? But what, it's not like I was gonna interrogate them or anything. I guess more than anything I was curious as to why they didn't say anything after all this time. And I was disappointed, I'd missed out on so much! I could've been getting precious insider information about Karasuno practices and training, I could've been discussing volleyball and setting, but noooooo, Suga had to go and rob me of that for some godforsaken reason, and–

"Hello Oikawa-san." and he was here. I looked away from the window and came face to face with Sugawara Koshi as he sat down. He set his bag on the ground before smiling politely at me and asking, "So what would you like to start reviewing first?" I blinked. And then I blinked again. And then I frowned.

"That's it?" I demanded. "That's all you have to say after...after, I don't know, everything that transpired?" I finished lamely, gesticulating awkwardly. Suga laughed lightly, a genuine laugh, before asking, "What would you like me to say?" Wow. Suga-san was a tease, he was gonna make me come right out and say it.

"I would like you to tell me why you failed to mention that you're on the Karasuno volleyball team, knowing full well who I am, when we've been meeting for like two months." I deadpanned, leaning back in my chair and folding my arms.

Suga just shrugged. He said, "I suppose it just never came up. It felt strange to just come right out and say it when you first texted me, and then when we met you didn't recognize me from the practice game, so it would've been awkward to mention it then, and then we just kept meeting and meeting, and there was never a good time to just tell you after all the time that had already passed. Wouldn't it have been odd if after one of our sessions I just said 'by the way Oikawa-san, you do know that I play volleyball right, that I'm a setter for Karasuno? That doesn't bother you, does it?'" I squinted my eyes, disliking the truth of what he'd said but not wanting to admit it.

"Well of course I didn't recognize you from that one practice match, that's hardly fair, I showed up late you know, and even though I watched most of it, you never even played once." I said haughtily, challenging Suga. Of course, Suga being Suga, I couldn't shake him or his smile, and he just irritatingly crossed his arms as well and replied, "Yes, well, whose fault is it that I didn't get to play?"

I sank in my chair as I realized that was completely my fault, seeing as I was the one who specifically requested that only Kageyama set that day, darnit! Suga just laughed at my sullen expression. "I will admit though, you have no idea how many times I nearly burst into laughter because of something ironic you inadvertently said. It was also really funny when you would start talking about volleyball sometimes, and break down concepts you mentioned into the most ridiculous, basic terms. One time you spent like, two minutes telling me what setting was." This caused Suga to start laughing all over again.

I felt a light blush creeping across my cheeks (good god, had I really spent two minutes telling a fellow setter what setting was? Even if he wasn't in volleyball it would've been bad, but now it was just straight up embarrassing) as Suga recomposed himself. "Anyway," he said, I think wiping tears from his eyes, "we are on the clock you know, and do have to get down to studying. Midterms are next week after all, so seriously, what would you like to go over?"

Disappointment doesn't even begin to describe what I felt when Suga said that. There was still so much I wanted to talk to him about, so many things to say, so many things that had been left unexplored between us, but I realized sadly that he was right, and we did have to get some school stuff done.

"Fine, Suga-san, although I'm not sure how well I'll be able to concentrate after all that." I huffed out, but Suga just rolled his eyes at me and waited for me to hand over my work, just like he always did. I couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of the gesture.

We spent the full hour going over old tests and quizzes from throughout all the units I had covered up to that point. Occasionally I would ask about a concept, or one question would lead us to go explore another similar topic, but the hour somehow flew by, and I felt a huge wave of sadness wash over me as Suga and I started cleaning our stuff up.

"I guess this is it for now, huh?" Suga asked while picking up his bag. "What do you mean?" I asked while putting my papers back in folders and pencils back in bags. "Well, next Thursday is your last exam I assume, so you won't need to see me then. After that we'll have a huge break for the next few weeks so I definitely won't see you then, and honestly Oikawa-san, you're doing well enough where I don't think you really need me all that much anymore. I would understand if you wanted to stop seeing me after the break." Suga saw that I was all packed up and began walking off, me quickly catching up.

Oh my god, he was right. Suga was so very, very right. In actuality, I was doing good in calc and probably didn't strictly need a tutor anymore. It was certainly nice to have him around and ask any questions I had, but the number I had seemed to be decreasing and decreasing with every session. And of course we wouldn't do tutoring over break, but...that wasn't okay! I couldn't just, let go of Suga after I had finally, I don't know, gotten him? Gotten him somewhat at least. So I came up with an idea.

"Hmmm, I guess you're right. We'll just have to do something about that, won't we?" I asked smoothly, keeping a straight face and refusing to look at Suga even though I felt him turn his head towards me.

"What do you mean?" He asked me curiously. Deep breath Oikawa, you can do this. Just make sure to phrase it right, and everything should work out.

"Seeing each other." I began carefully. "It'd be a real shame if we stopped seeing each other after all that time, and only now learning about your volleyball career." Suga stopped walking. I stopped too and looked at him oddly, now it was my turn to be curious.

"Oikawa-san..." Suga trailed off uncertainly, doubt clouding his eyes. "You still...want to meet with me? Knowing that I'm from a rival volleyball club, one of your team's closest rivals?" Awwww, how cute, Suga was worried about how I would act now knowing the things I did. He had apparently misjudged me though, because if anything I was more interested in getting to know him now.

"But of course! You know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Or, we could be like Romeo and Juliet." I winked at the end and did a mental cheer when Suga looked away embarrassed and began blushing. He started walking again, so I followed him to the entrance.

"I suppose...I suppose I wouldn't mind just hanging out with you." He admitted softly, gazing at the ground thoughtfully. I clapped my hands together.

"Great! We should meet up next Thursday since we'll be done with exams and it'll be the first night of vacation. What do you want to do? We could...we could...uh, go to a park, we could even bring a volleyball and trying playing one-on-one, orrrrr we could go to the beach or shopping or a restaurant–oh, we could go skating! Like, roller skating or ice skating, I don't know–"

"Let's go out for dinner!" Suga exclaimed, cutting me off. I tilted my head and eyed him inquisitively as we made our way outside, continuing the walk to the path where the sidewalk and parking lot diverged.

"Alright Suga-san, I look forward to it. I'll text you the details, see you then, it's a date!" I said before breaking into a full on sprint before Suga could say anything else. When I reached the end of the sidewalk where it turned and went onto a different road, the one I would take home, I stole one last glance behind me and saw Suga was still firmly rooted in the place where I'd left him, staring in my direction dumbfoundedly. I laughed gleefully as I ran the rest of the way home, my studies momentarily forgotten when I got home and up into my room and whipped out my phone to call Iwaizumi.

I called him four times before he finally picked up. "Trashykawa, I just saw you like two hours ago, what do you want now?" Not even Iwaizumi's usual foul mood could put a damper on my joy though, and I thought I would burst from happiness as I exclaimed, "Iwa-chan, I think I asked Suga on a date and he said yes!" The line was quiet for a bit on the other end. "Isn't it great?" I prompted, still out of breath (although whether it was from the running, or the whole Suga thing, I couldn't say).

"Let me get this straight," Iwaizumi began, already sounding exasperated. "You're still interested in Suga, even after finding out that he plays for Karasuno, and you asked him on a date today even though it was the first time you guys talked with everything out in the open? And he said yes?"

I paused, sinking back onto my bed before answering, "Pretty much, yeah." There was another sigh on the other line. "Hold on, wait a minute, you said you think you asked him out? What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Now it was my turn to sigh as I learned back and allowed my head to rest on my headboard.

"Ahhh, yeah, about that, I kind of wanted to ask what you thought of the whole thing, see he was saying how we wouldn't be seeing each other anymore after today because you know, exams, then break, and I'm doing well and might not need him anymore, so of course I started panicking because of course I still want to see him, so I said we should fix that and keep seeing each other and asked if he wanted to hang out next week after midterms, so then I offered a bunch of different things we could do and he said he wanted to go to a restaurant, so then at that point we were outside and I was like 'it's a date!' and then I ran off before he could say anything. So, what do you think?"

Iwaizumi groaned, he must have been tired. I was expecting him to yell at me, to lecture and chastise me, but he clearly was lacking in energy or else he totally would've. "You mean you just randomly bolted off at the end? With no explanation, after you told him it was a date?"

"...yeah."

"...you're...you're special, you know that Oikawa?"

"Iwa-chan!" I wailed, frustrated my best friend wasn't helping me more. "Alright, alright Crappykawa, while I think it's beyond bizarre that you just left him like that, I do think he might think it's a date, or at least consider it since you said that and acted the way you did, and it's interesting he wanted to go to a restaurant out of the things you listed, that just screams first date, cause you know you have to sit and talk the entire time so it forces you to get to know each other." Iwaizumi finished confidently, although I was still feeling unsure.

"Sooooo, I should assume it's a date?" I asked hopefully, but Iwaizumi crushed that notion. "No Oikawa, you should definitely not assume it's a date in case he thinks it's not but, just, just go Oikawa, get to know the guy, see if you even like him and play it by year. Okay? You are Oikawa Tooru after all, I'm sure you'll be fine, you've had enough first dates by now to figure out if it is one or not."

I was about to retort with something mean about Iwaizumi when he said, "Well, gotta run Oikawa, see you tomorrow. Good luck with your date thing–and don't forget to study tonight, you know it's better to start it now so you'll have less for the weekend. Bye now." And just like that he hung up.

Unnhhhhhhhhhhh, I didn't want to study, not with Suga racing through my mind! Although, he would probably tell me to study if he were there too I suppose. So, I went over to my desk and pulled out my work.

Don't worry Suga-san, I'll study hard so I can finish these stupid exams, and take you on that date!


	20. 10. After (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year's!! 🥳 🥳 🥳

Karasuno ended up losing to Seijoh. A tiny, tiny part of me had believed we would lose from the beginning, but the rest of me had been so hopeful, especially after we won the second set and came so close in the third! It hurt like hell and was all I could do to keep tears from sliding my eyes. I absolutely refused to look at Oikawa at that point, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he was staring at me, but the last thing I needed him to see was me breaking down.

Everyone was crushed, some even more than me, but when we all showed up for practice the next day, even though it had been cancelled, I knew what a truly resilient team we had, and I also knew that with a bit more training, I think we genuinely could beat Seijoh, maybe even tougher schools.

Within a matter of days, our practice returned to the normal intensity, rather than slacking off a bit because of the tournament we had just lost. And then, soon after that, it got even harder because of all the extra work everyone was putting in; for the first time in a long time, I felt content with volleyball, and extremely hopeful.

Having dealt with volleyball though, that brought me to another subject: Oikawa. Oikawa hadn’t tried to approach me after the game or anything, or even call or text me, which was a huge relief because I wasn’t sure if I would’ve held up. But, given the fact that he hadn’t reached out to me, we now had our tutoring session coming up on Thursday and…well, and what?

I assumed it was still on since Oikawa hadn’t let me know otherwise. I wonder how it would go down though? Things would certainly be interesting between us after the game. But at the very least, I could finally talk to him like we were on the same level, the same playing field, not like before when he probably wrote me off as a boring nerd or something.

I waited, and waited, and Thursday finally came. It was all I could think about during school, especially towards the end of the day, and even during volleyball. Volleyball usually helped me clear my head for a few hours while I practiced technique, did strength training. Unfortunately, everything there reminded me of Oikawa, so it was harder to shake him from my mind than ever.

After practice, I quickly showered and got my stuff together, and then ran off to the parking lot to my car as soon as we were done cleaning up. Everyone was used to my being unable to stay and walk home with them anymore, at least on Thursdays, but I still felt bad, like I was missing out on team bonding or something. I sighed as I got in my car and drove off.

I reached the library at my usual time; I got out and slung my book bag over my shoulder, only to walk in and make my way over to the tables and find Oikawa already there, staring out the window similar to how I usually did.

How had he gotten there before me??? I was always the first one there, so I could start homework or something. Whatever the cause, there was no denying I would not have my usual time to gather my thoughts, and the confrontation would be occurring now.

How should I act? How had I not thought of how I would act beforehand, why hadn’t I, how dumb could I be? I definitely couldn’t let him get the best of me with his stupid smirk and cutting words, which I was almost positive he would use against me now that he knew everything…

What was I saying? I didn’t have to act a certain way, I should just…I don’t know, be myself, see what happens. So, what would Suga do? Suga would…Suga would act all sweet and innocent like everything was normal, be teasing, smiling. Yes, yes, that was what I would do. I felt my mouth quirk upwards as I walked the rest of the way over to the table and sat down as I brightly said, “Hello Oikawa-san!” I put my bag on the floor then sat back and asked plainly, “So what would you like to start reviewing first?”

Oikawa had been sneering at me when I first showed up, but now he just blinked and had the most confused expression adorning his face. He kept blinking, his mouth making a small ‘o.’ Yes Suga, we confused and surprised Oikawa! Way to go!

Coming out of his haze, Oikawa practically shouted, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say after…after, I don’t know, everything that transpired?” Transpired, that was an interesting word. An evading word I couldn’t help but laugh at. So, I decided to put the ball back in Oikawa’s court and asked simply, “What would you like me to say?” I pressed my mouth together, fighting to not laugh again, now at Oikawa’s frustration with me.

He visibly gritted his teeth together before finally coming out and saying, “I would like you to tell me why you failed to mention that you’re on the Karasuno volleyball team, knowing full well who I am, when we’ve been meeting for like two months.” Now, the ball was back in my court. Oikawa had a satisfied smirk on his face and had crossed his arms as well as narrowed his eyes at me, eagerly awaiting an answer. I suppose, teasing aside, I did owe him one, so I gave him one to the best of my ability.

I shrugged honestly and replied, “I suppose it just never came up. It felt strange to just come right out and say it when you first texted me, and then when we met you didn’t recognize me from the practice game, so it would’ve been awkward to mention it then, and then we just kept meeting and meeting, and there was never a good time to just tell you after all the time that had already passed. Wouldn’t it have been odd if after one of our sessions I just said ‘by the way Oikawa-san, you do know that I play volleyball right, that I’m a setter for Karasuno? That doesn’t bother you, does it?’” If possible, Oikawa squinted even further, clearly displeased with some aspect of my answer. Ah, well, there was nothing I could do about that. It was the honest to god truth, and whether he liked it or not, he would just have to accept it.

Apparently, Oikawa wasn’t quite ready to concede yet, because he then shot at me, “Well of course I didn’t recognize you from that one practice match, that’s hardly fair, I showed up late you know, and even though I watched most of it, you never even played once.” He finished with another satisfied smirk, but I only smiled wider because I actually had the perfect response to this question.

Mirroring Oikawa (although our smiles were completely different), I crossed my arms and shot right back at him, “Yes, well, whose fault is it that I didn’t get to play?” At this, Oikawa seemed to deflate as he realized the answer. It was kind of cute really, how he was getting all riled up and looked so…defeated now. It wasn’t something that I was used to seeing, since Oikawa and defeated were essentially oxymorons, however I still found it highly amusing and couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped my mouth.

Being reminded of how many times Oikawa had (unintentionally) made me want to laugh, I confessed, “I will admit though, you have no idea how many times I nearly burst into laughter because of something ironic you inadvertently said. It was also really funny when you would start talking about volleyball sometimes, and break down concepts you mentioned into the most ridiculous, basic terms. One time you spent like, two minutes telling me what setting was.” As I found that last admission slip past my lips, I couldn’t help but start laughing again because that had been insanely difficult not to say anything to and I remember I thought I was gonna pee my pants because the situation was so ridiculous.

I eventually calmed myself down, noticing with extreme interest that Oikawa’s cheeks were kind of red. Ah man, we didn’t have time for this, not today anyway. With great difficulty, I said, “Anyway, we are on the clock you know, and do have to get down to studying. Midterms are next week after all, so seriously, what would you like to go over?”

If I thought I was disappointed, that was nothing compared to the look of utter despair that crossed Oikawa’s face. He waited a bit before replying (maybe hoping I would revoke my statement and say we should just forget about schoolwork), “Fine, Suga-san, although I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to concentrate after all that.” He pouted at the end, reminding me of a petulant child which I couldn’t help but playfully roll my eyes at as I waited for the papers to be handed to me.

Soon after, we got back into our old rhythm of going over, asking, answering. It was almost like nothing had happened between us–almost. The atmosphere had changed somehow, it was…lighter, I think. Not that it had ever really been heavy or anything, but I welcomed the change.

But…that didn’t matter now, because Oikawa and I wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore, I thought glumly. Of course we wouldn’t, there was no practical reason, and I was certain he wouldn’t want me now knowing I had kind of lied to him for months, and was from a rival school and on a rival team. While we were packing up, I voiced this.

“I guess this is it for now, huh?” I asked, thinking I did a pretty decent job masking the sadness in my voice. Oikawa just looked confused while he put his stuff away and asked, “What do you mean?”

I started to walk off as I was speaking, not wanting to face Oikawa for some reason. “Well, next Thursday is your last exam I assume, so you won’t need to see me then. After that we’ll have a huge break for the next few weeks so I definitely won’t see you then, and honestly Oikawa-san, you’re doing well enough where I don’t think you really need me all that much anymore. I would understand if you wanted to stop seeing me after the break.”

Oikawa soon caught up with me, matching my pace. He appeared to think for a moment before responding casually, “Hmmm, I guess you’re right. We’ll just have to do something about that, won’t we?” ‘Do something about that,’ what on earth was he talking about? I asked him.

Oikawa confidently announced, “Seeing each other! It’d be a real shame if we stopped seeing each other after all that time, and only now learning about your volleyball career.” I stopped in my tracks.

Oikawa…the Oikawa Tooru, Grand King Oikawa Tooru…wanted to keep seeing me? Outside of tutoring? I mean, I know we had gotten along well enough today, but I get along with just about everyone, that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to…like, keep hanging out with me, so…why is Oikawa making it sound like he wants to? Could it be that he actually, genuinely enjoyed being around me?

Oikawa had stopped as well and turned to peer at me curiously with his big, brown eyes–aH DON’T LOSE YOURSELF IN HIS EYES!!!

“Oikawa-san…” I began, unsure how to ask what I wanted to say. “You still…want to meet with me? Knowing that I’m from a rival volleyball club, one of your team’s closest rivals?” Oikawa’s confused expression melted away into one of brightness, maybe even a hint of mischief.

“But of course!” He exclaimed. “You know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Or, we could be like Romeo and Juliet.” I began heavily blushing with his insinuation at the end and started walking again, praying he hadn’t seen my face go all red.

“I suppose…I suppose I wouldn’t mind just hanging out with you.” I said cautiously, refusing to look at Oikawa. To be honest, I was a little bit surprised with myself at the admission as I found it to be 100% true. My god, what would Daichi think, or Asahi, or the rest of the team if they knew how I felt about a certain rival team captain? Just thinking about it made me shudder a bit.

Oikawa brought his hands together, looking pleased as punch. “Great! We should meet up next Thursday since we’ll be done with exams and it’ll be the first night of vacation. What do you want to do? We could…” Oikawa trailed off, trying to think of what we could do. What should we do? What activities were acceptable when you were getting to know Aoba Johsai’s problematical, antagonistic captain who had just demolished your team not a week ago?

“We could…uh, go to a park, we could even bring a volleyball and trying playing one-on-one, orrrrr we could go to the beach or shopping or a restaurant–oh, we could go skating! Like, roller skating or ice skating, I don’t know–”

“Let’s go out to dinner!” I yelped cutting him off, my voice cracking a bit on the end. At the mention of ice skating, it’s like my mind stopped working. Just the notion, the idea, of skating with someone else, someone I knew, still scared the living daylights out of me, because ice skating was now mine, and mine alone, and I wasn’t ready to give it up quite yet. Maybe I never would.

Oikawa fixed me with a strange look after my brief outburst as we reached the point where we split. He easily replied though, “Alright Suga-san, I look forward to it. I’ll text you the details, see you then,” It was at that moment that I noticed a very concerning look in Oikawa’s eyes, one he would use in volleyball competitions, one that screamed trouble. I became a bit worried.

All of the sudden, he called out, “It’s a date!” and then proceeded to take off running far away from me, faster than rolling thunder. I kind of just stood there awkwardly, trying to register his words, watching his rapidly retreating figure. ‘It’s a date,’ what the heck what that supposed to mean??? Was he just like, saying it casually, like the saying, or did he like, actually think it was a date? Wait, was it a date!?!

To my horror, I realized Oikawa had reached the end of the sidewalk where he turned onto the next one, and he had looked back at me. And I was still sTANDING IN THE SAME SPOT CRAP I LOOKED LIKE AN IDIOT–

Before I went into full-on panic mode, I turned and sprinted to my car, taking off even faster than Oikawa had just moments before I believe. I don’t think I ever jammed the keys in the ignition and drove home so fast (I think I even went above the speed limit a few times, oh my god what was wrong with me why was I so flustered–).

I parked the car and hopped out, rushed inside and then slammed the door behind me, leaning against it, breathing hard, and shutting my eyes while I tried to clear my head.

“Suga?” A voice asked out of nowhere, startling me and putting me even more on edge than before. But it was just Sora, thank god. “Hey…” I said, waving halfheartedly.

Sora took one look at me before crossing her arms and asking, “What happened?” I struggled to form coherent words before settling on, “It’s complicated.” She sighed and rolled her eyes playfully before gesturing for me to follow her to the kitchen.

“The Fujimuras aren’t here right now (as usual), but they did leave sushi, so, that’s something.” I grinned as I sat down across from Sora and found a bunch of spicy tuna rolls I pulled to me, knowing Sora liked the milder stuff anyway.

“Sooooo you look a little…stressed. Hey wait a minute it’s Thursday, didn’t you just come from a tutoring session with Oikawa?” Sora looked at me carefully, now a mischievous gleam in her eyes (not unlike Oikawa’s).

“I-uh-I mean-um, well, yes, I did.” I sputtered out while Sora’s grin just grew even wider. “Aaaaannnddd, did you finally ask him out?” She teased, not knowing how close she was to what had actually happened.

“No,” I said quietly, my face now tomato red, “but he…um, well, I think that he may or may not have asked me out…?” Sora was now beaming. “Sugaaaaa, that’s amazing I’m so proud of you, look at my little foster brother finally scoring a date, he didn’t even have to ask himself!” While she jumped up and did a kind of happy dance, I just buried my head in my hands and moaned, “Soraaaaa, I don’t know if it’s a date though, he asked if I wanted to hang out, so then he asked me what I wanted to do and gave all these options–and I was getting so flustered–and I said we should go out to a restaurant so then he said we should go next week after finals finish on Thursday, then he blurted out, ‘It’s a date!’ and just sprinted off away from me and I don’t know what to make of ittttt!!!!!”

Sora had stopped doing her happy dance and appeared more serious now and to be seriously pondering my predicament. “Well lucky for you, I have been on several dates so fear not Sugawara, I shall help you! And to be honest, I think it does sound like a date I mean think about it, sure he phrased it weird asking if you wanted to ‘hang out,’ but I bet he might’ve been too shy to outright ask you out, or was scared you would say no. See, he found a loophole in the dating system, he essentially asked you out without explicitly saying it was a date, so you had no choice but to say yes. And, if things go well he can assume it’s a date, and if they don’t then no harm done. Get it?” (a/n: anyone else remember that episode of Seinfeld lol?)

Horror and fear dawned on me as I realized Sora was right, it probably was a date, oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god–

“Suga, I can see your mind spinning, what are you thinking?” Sora asked, cocking her head at me. Somehow, both of us had finished eating and were clearing away the dishes.

I took a deep breath. “Sora, I’ve never been on a date before or anything, or had a boyfriend or girlfriend, so I don’t know what you’re supposed to do, and what if it’s not really a date but I act like it is and then he gets weirded out by me, or what if it is and he wants to kiss me and–oh god Sora I’ve never kissed anyone what if he tries to kiss me and realizes how bad it is and then he doesn’t wanna date me anymore–or, what if he just wants to like, hug me or hold my hand or something and I can’t handle it because you know I don’t like touching, and–”

“SUGA!” Sora yelled at me, effectively shutting me and my rant off. She went to grasp my hands but upon remembering what I had just said decided better of it and placed them on the table instead.

“Suga,” She repeated, much more calmly this time. “Suga, you guys are just hanging out, regardless of whether it’s a date. Stop stressing. I’ll help you figure everything out, then you’ll go and get to know him and have a good time and hopefully go out again. People don’t usually kiss on the first date so I wouldn’t worry about that, and if he tries to touch you, well, you should just tell him you don’t like it. Be honest with him, if you wanna be good friends or boyfriends or whatever. And if he doesn’t respect that then goodness knows you deserve better. Okay?” I blinked. She made everything sound so simple when she said it like that, made my panicked rantings sound completely unnecessary. She was right, I could do this.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to quick apologize for my ocs, i know some people don't really like them (myself included) but i only put them in for plot relevance, you'll see more later. also, i'm finally making legit oisuga relationship progress in the story yayyyy!!!


	21. 11. The date? part 1 (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to lanie, sam, and leeav for helping me brainstorm ideas for this story! also sorry i will not be able to update as often now with school starting again, i will do my best to keep up with posting though! (also I don't own the new fanart)

My next week was spent painkstakingly studying for stupid finals, I had them peppered throughout the week, but I had three on Thursday, the last day of school before break, one of them being calc.

That day, I woke up super early so I could get to school early and study. I hurriedly got into my clothes, did my hair, and rushed out of the house shouting a quick 'goodbye' to my parents as I got into my car (I was going to drive today, I needed all the time I could get) and drove to the library where I would study for like an hour before heading to school, at mine and Suga's usual spot of course (I may have also quick stopped at the coffee shop nearby and gotten a quick breakfast). I also turned off all my phone notifications, very proud of myself for prioritizing my studies so highly. Suga would be proud too, and my reward would be my kind-of-maybe-hopefully date with him after school. Aw yiss!!!

I got so caught up in studying, I didn't notice that I needed to go until class started in ten minutes. I ran out of the library, barely having put my stuff away, and leapt down the stairs in front, racing all the way to the car where I then hightailed it to the school parking garage and parked, then sprinted inside all the way to my first period class, sitting down just seconds before the bell rang.

The entirety of the class was pretty boring, we'd already had the midterm two days ago. And I was pretty stressed thinking about my next period when I actually did have an exam. Also, Iwaizumi was in that class, but he was sitting far on the other side of the room since I'd gotten there late and couldn't find a seat next to him. Bummer!

As soon as that class let out, I dashed off to my next class, wanting to get a few minutes of studying in by myself. I was gonna say bye to Iwaizumi, but he'd been called over by the teacher so I just waved.

I went off to my next class and sat down, whipping out my books and notes so I could cram. Then before I knew it it was time to start, and then it was over. I think I did okay? It was hard, but not terrible?

The rest of the day went pretty close to that although my last two tests were at the end of the day, the last two periods. I avoided everyone (which was pretty unusual for me), still not looking at my phone or anything. I even ate lunch by myself in the back of campus so I could study alone with no interruptions or distractions.

Then, the dreaded time came for the tests. English, and calc, two awful subjects. But, I pushed through and after I submitted my calc test, I felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. I was free!!!! AND NOW I COULD GO SEE SUGA YES!!!!

I went off to the bathroom to change, very grateful I'd thought to pack a change of clothes the night before because I definitely would have forgotten this morning. After changing and fixing my hair, I ran to the parking lot and got in my car, preparing to drive to the restaurant I'd chosen (I thought it was a really good choice because it was, for the most part, pretty in between where Suga and I lived, and it wasn't too expensive or too cheap–oh shoot I just realized it couldn't really be considered dinner if we were going right after school? Ah, whatever, I'd had a pretty light lunch and was hungry, I'd just have a late dinner).

I was just driving out of the lot when I saw Iwaizumi walking with Mattsun and Makki. They started waving their arms wildly, so I begrudgingly slowed down a bit and shouted, "Sorry guys I can't talk or hang out now, I have to go to my date with Suga, I'll talk to you tomorrow, bye!" and then I drove off.

I think Iwaizumi had been trying to tell me something but I drove off before he could say anything, too focused on getting to the restaurant. I arrived fifteen or twenty minutes later at the mall where the place was (I had also strategically chosen the restaurant knowing it was at the mall and there were tons of other things to do after, if I could convince Suga).

After checking my reflexion one more time in the mirror, I took a deep breath and began walking inside, praying I wouldn't run into any fangirls. Somehow, I had a feeling that running into a bunch of cute, teenage girls who all simped for me would be somewhat of a turn off on a date with someone else. Just a hunch.

A few minutes later, I got to the restaurant. I was worried Suga might have gotten there before me, I thought I was in the clear but then at the last minute I spotted him at the back of the restaurant and felt awful, I mean what kind of a friend/date was I if I left him hanging like that–

Suga spotted me and smiled radiantly, waving. And then, everything else on my mind melted away, because Suga just smiled, the sweetest, softest smile I had ever seen on him, or even in general to be fair, and I just felt at ease. In a trancelike state, I walked over to the table and thought I would die on the spot when I saw how amazing Suga looked up close.

He had a really cute, slightly oversized black, gray, and white sweater, it was so cute the way the sleeves were just a bit to long and covered part of his hands, and he also had black, skintight pants that made his legs look so good oh my god and don't even get me started on his face, like–

"Hey Oikawa-san!" He greeted me politely, folding his hands neatly on the table. "You can just call me Oikawa." I said as I mechanically sat down, still staring at my (?) date. Or Tooru, that would be good too, I added silently in my head. I didn't think we were there quite yet and didn't wanna scare him off, but man I wanted to say it.

It could've been my imagination, but I swear Suga's cheeks went kind of pink, which looked so, so pretty with his pale, fair skin. "Alright, you can call me Suga then, if you want." He replied shyly.

My brain slowly began to process what had happened so far and–shoot! I had been late, well, not late really but I had gotten there after him. "I'm sorry you were waiting!" I blurted out, because just the thought of this perfect, kind, good human being having to wait for me was unthinkable.

"Not at all, not at all, you're fine!" He said reassuringly, his smile returning to his face. "Honestly I'm surprised you guys didn't have practice today though, I can't believe a team like Seijoh would give you a day off." Suga said, laughing a bit at the end.

"Actually, we usually have every Sunday and Monday off–well, you can go practice on Monday, I suppose a lot of people do, myself included of course–but there's no official practice." Suga looked absolutely shocked. "You're kidding!" He exclaimed. I shook my head.

"What about you guys, how are the Karasuno practices?" I asked, trying to appear casual and not like I was trying to get insider information on the enemy. Unfortunately, Suga was smart and apparently very good at reading people (something I already knew) and totally called me out on it.

"You want me to tell you all about our practices, don't you?" Suga asked, smirking playfully. I scoffed and put on a mock hurt expression before replying, "Why, my dear Suga, how ever could you imply such a devious thing of me?" I asked, feigning innocence. Suga just raised an eyebrow in response. I sighed.

"Alright, you got me. But don't tell me you're not curious about Aoba Johsai practices too." I shot back, grinning triumphantly. Suga's smile widened as he said, "Oh I've already seen your practices. They're quite interesting." Well, what was that supposed to mean? How could he have seen our practices? It's not like no one would notice if a Karasuno member just showed up and watched us the whole time, right?

"For some reason, someone decided to record a few of your guys' practices. Again, I have no idea why they would tape a practice, but they had some copies at the library, the one we usually go to, so I figured, why not? and watched them." What the heck, who thought it was a good idea to record Seijoh practices and put them in the open for anyone????

"Were they recent? Wait, how did you even find them?" I asked, becoming a bit worried, because hey, who's to say other teams didn't have the same idea? What if that meanie Ushiwaka had found the tapes as well, and that was how he was able to beat us at the tournament last week–

"I happened to come across them actually when I was looking for old games. They were just there and I thought it would be a good learning experience, you know? Why not take advantage of it if they were there? I couldn't believe it though when I went to watch it and it was a real practice!" While Suga laughed a bit, I blinked taking in everything he had just said.

"You...you watch old games too?" I asked curiously. Suga stopped laughing and eyed me carefully. "Only recently," He admitted, a bit embarrassed I think. "I actually got the idea from you you know, during one of our tutoring session you told me about how you liked to watch them when you couldn't fall asleep, and you know ever since Kageyama joined the team I feel like I haven't been able to help as much, so I thought by watching old games or other teams I could take notes, figure out how to improve out attacks and defense, stuff like that."

I was shocked by Suga's revelation, for many reasons. First off, he had copied me? Because of something I happened to casually mention during a tutoring session, like months ago? I actually remembered that day, and he had wanted to stay behind and get something from the library and, well, now I knew what that was about. And while I had taken him for a hard worker, I hadn't taken him for that hard of a worker. Watching old games took forever and was going above and beyond, even the coaches rarely did it (although in all fairness they were able to watch the games with complete focus in person and take notes), so the fact that Suga had taken it upon himself to do the same was just, wow. Also, the raw honesty about Kageyama taking his spot–he hadn't really said too much about it, but I knew it was there, hanging in the air unspoken, and it made me kind of sad as I realized this amazing person had been cheated out of their position by that brute, Tobio-chan.

Before I could say something thoughtful in response, our waitress came up to us. "Hi, welcome to Miyasaki's, I'll be your server today, what can I get you?" It was a young woman–girl more like it, she was probably our age–who looked pretty bored, although when she saw us her eyes lit up a bit. I didn't like that. Oh god please don't let her be a fangirl not a fangirl not a fangirl–

"May I please have some water?" Suga said pleasantly, oblivious to the way she was looking at him. I tried to keep myself from frowning at her as I said shortly, "I'll have a lemonade, thanks." The girl wrote down our stuff before saying, "Sure thing, I'll be back soon!" I swear, I think she actually winked at Suga before scurrying off. Honestly, I was feeling so jealous (even though Suga wasn't really mine, not yet anyway), I forgot to be offended that she had taken a liking to Suga over me.

"So boring Suga, just water?" I asked teasingly, trying to forget about the waitress. I briefly glanced over to where she was on the other side of the restaurant and happened to catch her still staring at our table. Suga was oblivious though.

"I know, it's honestly my favorite drink though. I suppose that makes me a pretty boring person." He admitted, chuckling a bit on the end, and wait, how could Suga be boring like I didn't know him that well yet but there was something about him that was just, like, aldshlakfhsofhslkhf, no, there's no way he was boring I was sure of it.

"I think that's interesting. Water is such a boring drink, I don't think it's anyone's favorite. Well, except yours of course." Suga replied, "Guess I'm just special like that." grinning cheekily at the end.

"Guess so." I agreed smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the abrupt ending! the date (?) is super long like several chapters worth of material so i am doing my best to split it up evenly


	22. 12. The date? part 2 (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (omg i tried to post this last night and my wifi crashed😑) yes this one is oikawa even tho the last one was too, it felt really weird to break the date up so i decided to just have it continuous with his pov then ill do two for suga after; anyway, i am so. busy. with school and have no free time during the week so sorry if i only post once or twice! (also wow i am struggling with calc I JUST SPENT LIKE AN HOUR ON ONE PROBLEM AND MADE THE STUPIDEST MISTAKE where is my suga tutor😭😭)

“I think that’s interesting. Water is such a boring drink, I don’t think it’s anyone’s favorite. Well, except yours of course.” Suga replied, “Guess I’m just special like that.” grinning cheekily at the end.

“Guess so.” I agreed smoothly. And then, there was a moment of silence. A horrible, awful moment where I couldn’t help but wonder, oh god, no one's talking, what if there are just a bunch of terrible, empty silences throughout our time here, goodness knows I’ve had plenty of those types of dates before and they were the worst, and I really didn’t want Suga to be like that, he was supposed to be different, wasn’t he???

And then he asked, “So how were your midterms? Do you think you did alright in calc?” with a little teasing smirk, and just like that everything was okay. I wasn’t the one scrambling to say something, Suga, who probably hadn’t been worrying at all, just simply spoke. Just casually, not anything heavy or significant, but it just felt so right, I couldn’t quite explain it.

“Aaaaah, they were okay I suppose. I actually think calc may have been my best one, believe it or not. I know I didn’t do awful, but I probably could’ve done a bit better. How about you, I bet you’re a super smart, brainiac, valedictorian type person huh?” Suga snorted, looking away for a moment.

“Yeah, something like that.” He affirmed. He looked back at me. “I think my exams went alright too, although like you said I guess I could’ve done a bit better.” Suga hesitated for a bit before asking with bright eyes, “Hey, what’s your favorite class?”

My favorite class? “Probably Japanese.” I said. “I guess because–well, I don’t wanna say it’s easy or anything, but you know compared to other classes I think it’s easy. It’s just like writing and stuff, there’s no set answer like with math and science, so it’s easier for me to do good. If that makes sense?” Well shoot, now Suga probably thought I was an idiot.

Before Suga could think about how dumb I was and change his mind about hanging out with me, I quickly asked, “What about you, what’s your favorite class?” Suga got another smile on his face, the one he had after successfully explaining a math problem to me. I decided to dub it his school smile.

“Ahhhh, I like so many classes it’s hard to choose! I like Japanese lit and all the reading we get to do, but history is also super fun, learning about the past, what things were like, how they came to be today, you know? World history was my favorite, I took that a few years ago. Oh! I also really like Chinese, I think languages are fun, and it’s so funny how many Japanese characters are similar to the Chinese ones. Makes learning it a bit easier.” Yep, Suga was definitely a nerd. The way his eyes lit up from talking about school was ridiculous, and I was hard pressed to think of anyone else who would’ve had the same reaction.

“You don’t take English?” I inquired conversationally, genuinely curious as to the answer though. I think Suga blushed a bit when he said, “No, I uh, actually speak English, and it felt like a waste to take it I guess.” I blinked.

“You’re bilingual? You speak English, like fluently? That’s so cool, I’m so jealous! Now I know who to call for help with English homework.” I tried to not laugh evilly, because holy crap having a friend (or more) who spoke fluent English would totally help bring my grade up.

Suga was still a bit red when he said, “Yeah, fluently. I don’t mind helping you with English, but you better not spam me every night! You have no idea how many people already do that.” Suga then closed his eyes, as if blocking out painful memories.

“Other friends?” I asked knowingly. While I wasn’t the smartest, plenty of people would still call or text me for homework help given my popularity. “Yes,” Suga said, still looking pained. “Especially my teammates. Sometimes they try to catch me before or after practice, or sneak attack me. One time I was literally kidnapped by them and brought to their house for the whole day to help with physics.” I burst out laughing at that, slightly intimidated by how smart Suga must have been, but also it was funny to hear about another team’s antics, goodness knows Seijoh had its fair share of stories like that.

“It’s good to know I’m not the only one with a crackhead team. One time last year we had arranged this huge study-party type thing–not a very fun party by the way, I would not recommend–and it was after practice, so a bunch of team members came over, even some of the third-years. Anyway, a lot of us had this huge English test the next day and we were studying together with one of the third-years notes, and it wasn’t until we were done studying that we realized his notes were for French, not English, when he told us we’d taken the wrong notebook.” I shuddered recalling the miserable night that I’d had to spend staying up even later and studying. Iwaizumi had not been pleased, especially since it was my fault with the whole grabbing the wrong book (but Suga didn’t need to know that, besides no one else noticed either).

“Wait, so you spent hours studying the wrong language, and not one of you noticed?” Suga asked, trying hard not to laugh. I nodded solemnly, and then Suga couldn’t contain his laughter anymore.

“You’re right,” he said, in between giggles. “It is nice to know that we’re not the only crackhead team around.” We settled into a comfortable rhythm after that, exchanging stories about our teams (although not any practice details, of course). My favorite story was of when Karasuno had had to do a fundraiser earlier in the year and they were making spaghetti to sell at the school one night, and Daichi had been put in charge, naturally, but even he couldn’t handle everyone and lost it when Tobio and Hinata had started a screaming match, throwing ingredients at one another while the other first-years had just watched and laughed, and then the second years had also had a food fight, throwing spaghetti in each other’s hair, while the other third-year curled up in a ball in the corner and cried, all the while Suga was trying to get everyone to get back to work. I didn’t think it was possible, but after all of Suga’s stories, I think Karasuno was actually a more chaotic team than us.

Sometime in between all our stories, the waitress had brought our drinks and we ordered. I was convinced she was hitting on Suga, and as soon as he turned away for a moment, I shot daggers into the back of her head. Like, excuse me, have you been flirting with him for the past two months? Uh, no, I don’t think so, so back off!

After a while, we finished sharing stories (for the moment, I’m sure we would swap plenty more in the future, I was having a good feeling about the (?) date). Suga was still settling down after laughing (and oh my god, I even made him snort when I told him about the time Iwa-chan made a complete idiot of himself trying to find the perfect moment to ask his current girlfriend out but it never came, and then we were at this Halloween party she also happened to be at and I pushed Iwaizumi really hard to ask her out, even though he was dressed in the most idiotic Godzilla costume, but he didn’t know that I had told her he was gonna ask him out earlier, so she messed with him the whole night knowing what he was trying to do, and man it was hilarious seeing serious Iwa-chan stumble over himself so many times), but afterwards, Suga asked me, “Okay, I’ve gotta ask, do you have a secret obsession with aliens?”

I was still trying to stop laughing too, but his question caught me off guard. “Yeah, why do you ask?” I replied. Suga just got this knowing smile on his face and said, “You’ve worn, like, five different alien shirts to our tutoring sessions before. There has to be some story behind that.”

I kind of froze as I realized that Suga had been paying attention to what I was wearing all that time (holy crap, who knows what else he had been paying attention to?), and remembered it now as well.

“As of matter of fact,” I began with a sly grin, and then launched into the story of how I swear I saw a UFO when I was a kid and then spent the next few years researching them and aliens, and kind of just the galaxy in general, how I had even wanted to be an astronaut for a while (“grand king Oikawa Tooru, an astronaut? Now that sounds interesting!” followed by a series of snickers), and I was 100% convinced that aliens were real.

I expected Suga to laugh at me, to tell me I was stupid and needed to grow up or something. Most of my dates did when I happened to share that information with them, and goodness knows I got enough crap about it from the rest of the team (although it wasn’t mean when they did it), but Suga did none of that.

“I think aliens exist too.” My mind was blown. “Really?” I choked out, in a state of disbelief. I scrutinized Suga’s eyes, searching for any sign of mockery or ridicule, but found none. Honestly, how could I even doubt Suga at this point anymore, he was genuine to a fault.

“It’s a pretty big universe, so there’s bound to be some other life form out there, right? I mean, I’m sure you would know much more about it than me though.” I couldn’t believe my luck. Did this guy have any faults? Like, any at all? Even the way he casually mentioned aliens didn’t make him sound crazy the way I did when I talked about the same stuff.

I smiled brightly. “Well, actually,” and then proceeded to tell Suga all about my extensive list of theories of other life forms, bringing in ideas from movies, articles I’d found, books I’d read. I realized that I had been talking for a while and hadn’t let Suga get a word in otherwise thought and stopped mid-sentence.

“Ahhh, I’m sorry Suga, I didn’t mean to bore you.” I said, sighing apologetically, but Suga goodnaturedly insisted I wasn’t boring him at all, and then kind of smiled at the end but not really, like he was trying to hide it or something, and that made me kind of sad because why would Suga deprive the world (and me, more importantly) of this absolutely stunning smile it wasn’t fair I wanted to see it!

“What is it?” I asked as I watched Suga further try to conceal his grin (and mostly fail). Suga shook his head a bit before saying, “It’s just…” he bit his lip, as if unsure whether or not to proceed. I arched an eyebrow, encouraging him on.

“You’re so…I don’t know, normal.” Well that hadn’t been what I was expecting. Wait, Suga thought I was normal?! As in boring, and average, and just like everyone else, oh shoot oh no, that wasn’t good, I wanted him to really like me!

Realizing the misconception caused by his words, Suga hurriedly apologized and tried to explain, “Uh, that’s not what I meant to say! Or, I mean it is, but I meant that…talking to you now, listening to you, it just feels like…well, you seem like a normal high schooler. It’s just, you can be pretty intimidating on the court you know, and I guess we haven’t really talked like this, well, ever before. It’s nice to know that you're just, like, a normal person I guess.”

Suga was blushing again (my god he was adorable the way his cheeks would heat up, and when he got really embarrassed, the blush would start to reach the tops of his ears, and creep down his neck, and you know what, I’m just gonna try to make him blush as many times as possible in the future because it’s so cute to see). I smiled as the waitress brought our food (wow, we had already been there for like an hour, the time had just flown by), mostly having forgotten about her flirting after talking with Suga for so long. Mostly.

While I had gotten a mild soba dish, Suga had gotten the spicy ramen. We traded a bit of each other’s food, Suga really liked mine, but when I tried some of his, I think I started tearing up a bit and choking.

“How can you…eat that?” I coughed out, reaching for my lemonade and easily finishing it off. I was tempted to steal Suga’s water, but I wasn’t sure if we were there yet. Suga laughed lightly at my reaction.

“I guess I just grew up eating a lot of spicy foods.” He said apologetically, shrugging a bit. I was disappointed that the waitress had to come back and give me a refill because I didn’t want her there! But my thirst outweighed my dislike of her.

Although we didn’t talk too much while we ate, I was amazed that we somehow got back on the topic of space.

“Jupiter is without a doubt the best planet.” I argued adamantly. “First of all, it’s huge–”

“Size doesn’t necessarily make it the best–”

“It’s shielded Earth from so many comets and meteors and stuff, plus it has a ton of moons so it has a bunch of eclipses, and eclipses are super cool, and then there’s all the dust and electrical storms, and it has a huge sea of liquid metallic hydrogen. And don’t forget about the Great Red Spot–”

“Okay but Neptune is amazing too, like the color is absolutely beautiful, plus it also has moons and rings, it has the fastest winds of any planets and is farthest away so we know the least about it, making it the most mysterious planet with the most potential–” We went back and forth like that for a bit. I was shocked with Suga’s random knowledge of outer space, it didn’t come close to mine, but compared to the average person, I thought it was pretty impressive.

I was completely blown away, and severely disappointed, when the waitress came back with the check (I still had so much space stuff to discuss with Suga!!!!!). And, you know, the waitress.

I thought I was gonna lose it when the girl very obviously slipped Suga her number and said, “Call me!” and then winked at him. Okay, that does it.

“Excuse me, my boyfriend and I would appreciate if you would f*ck off, thank you.” I said, folding my hands under my head and smiling sweetly at her. The girl glared at me and rolled her eyes before walking off.

I turned back to Suga and saw his face getting redder by the second and, oh shoot, I called him my boyfriend crap crap crap crap crap cra–

“Um, Oikawa, can I ask you a question?” Suga asked me shyly. I think I felt sweat rolling down the back of my neck when I cheerfully responded, “Sure!” praying my voice didn’t sound as shaky as I felt.

Suga hesitated a bit, biting his lip before he looked up at me nervously and asked, “Is this…is this a date?” And then my heart stopped. Because I had just had the probably best date of my life, I desperately wanted it to be a date, but here it was, the “I’m straight” speech, or “I’m not interested,” or “I’m taken,” I was certain it was coming because let’s face the facts, Suga was too good to be true.

“I don’t know.” I said coyly, hoping I still had a chance. “What do you think? Does this feel like a date to you?” Suga was still blushing pretty hard. He glanced down at the table, his voice going a bit softer as he uttered, “I…don’t know. I’ve never really been on a date before.”

My brain blew a fuse. “How…how is that possible, you’re like, the nicest person I’ve ever met, and you’re like really fricking smart, and you’re super cute, like so cute it’s not fair–” I cut myself off, my eyes going wide as I realized what I’d just said. It was my turn to blush now, and while Suga still looked heavily embarrassed, he managed to say a “thank you” in between laughs.

When both of us had settled down, Suga bashfully said, “I think I would like this to be a date, if that’s okay with you.” And holy heck did Suga just agree that this was a date? Could my ears have deceived me? No, I think…I think, he actually did say that, hOLY SHI–

“Yes, that is very okay with me.” I blurted out, and found myself grinning like an idiot, although Suga had a similar smile on his face as well. “Sooooo can I call you my boyfriend?” I asked, biting my lip. Suga bit his lip too, trying to restrain his huge smile as he said, “Yes, I would like that.” He couldn’t hold it back after that anymore though, and neither could I.

Suga brought me back to reality when he grabbed the check. “Sugaaa, let me pay! I was the one who technically asked you out!” I whined, it was the least I could do for all Suga had done for me (mostly just existing and tolerating me).

Suga gave me a reproachful stare. “Nonsense, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you pick up the check on your birthday?” He asked casually, signing the check. I blinked. Wait–

Sh*t. I’d forgotten it was my birthday. Wow I was an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, it is oikawa's birthday. it was so funny when i was going through the dates i had planned out when starting the story (not to necessarily include, just to have because it makes me feel more in control of the plot for some reason (also i know i messed up the inter high tournament dates sorry)) and i got to july and was like hey wait isn't oikawa's birthday in july? and then it happened to be the 20 which was the date i gave oikawa to offer as his and suga's date thing and was like oooohhh i can make a plot of of this😁😁


	23. 11. The date? part 1 (Suga pov)

After that tutoring session on Thursday, the only thing I could think about was the maybe date I had next week. Which was very bad because I needed to be studying hard for the upcoming exams.

I was a pretty responsible student, and had started studying weeks ago technically, but the weekend before was usually the most important. I even went to volleyball and did some ice skating, two things I would have skipped ordinarily, but I was so distracted I needed help clearing my head. Apparently it was pretty obvious though, because both Daichi and Asahi commented on my less than stellar performance, in addition to Mrs. Nakajima.

“Don’t tell me you finally got a girlfriend, Suga?” Daichi asked me teasingly while we were on a break. Asahi overheard and looked over at me, surprised. “Suga, you have a girlfriend?” He asked, genuinely curious. I may or may not have conveniently forgotten to tell everyone I was gay. Oops–

I did my best not to panic and waved their questions off, saying, “No, nothing like that. I’m just super worried about exams next week and wondering if I’ll have enough time to finish studying!” They both stared at me flatly.

“If Suga is worried about the exams,” Asahi began, “we’re doomed.” Daichi finished. Both of them were good students, although not quite as good as me, I guess, I still thought they were pretty smart.

“You guys will do fine!” I reassured them, offering one of my best smiles. They eyed each other warily before we returned to practice.

Doing my sports did help clear my head, not 100%, but a lot which I took as a win. Monday came around, then I had my first exam on Tuesday, a few Wednesday, the rest Thursday. Thursday.

Before I left for school, Sora stopped me by the door. “First off, good luck on your tests and all, I know you’ll do great.” She said. Then as an afterthought she added, “And thank you for helping me study as well, I feel way more confident about pretty much everything now.” Then, she adopted a more serious expression.

“Okay, remember, don’t get caught up in the little details. Just, be natural, see where it takes you. And be engaged, try not to allow for any long periods of silence–but you have to talk about interesting stuff, not fluffy stuff like the weather, unless he happens to be really into weather or something. At the same time, you shouldn’t force anything. If you guys don’t click, then that’s that and you can just assume it wasn’t a date, or sort it out if necessary. And be engaged! Show him you’re interested in him and what he has to say, even if it’s kind of boring. I mean, if he’s a boring guy don’t go out with him again, but at least be courteous, you know?” By the time Sora was done, I was feeling kind of lost, and scared.

“Shoot, ah, forget everything I just said–or, no, don’t! But like, kind of remember it if you have time. Okay? Okay. Bye Suga, one of my friends is picking me up, see you tonight! Oh, you have your change of clothes, right?”

I nodded as Sora pushed me outside, pressed the keys to me, and said, “Alright, bye Suga, have fun–but not too much fun. Bye!” And just like that, I was unceremoniously shoved in the car and drove off. I put some music on to distract me from, well, everything. I was definitely feeling overwhelmed, but…it was in a good way, not like before when I was struggling and didn’t know how to ask for help. I could handle this.

Exams were over before I knew it. I had my last period with Daichi and had to slyly sneak away from him after, so he wouldn’t catch me changing into, well, less than strictly casual clothes, and jump to conclusions. Even I was trying not to jump to conclusions.

After changing, I ran to the parking lot and got in my car, plugging in the address Oikawa sent (it was kind of close to Karasuno, so that was nice, I would probably beat him there too). It was kind of odd he wanted to go out for like, a legit meal in the middle of the afternoon, but whatever, I didn’t really care where we went or what we did so long as I was with him.

Just as I was arriving at the mall, I saw a call coming in from an unknown number. I quickly parked and got out, grabbing my wallet so I could answer the phone.

“Hello?” I asked curiously. On the other end, a gruff voice answered and asked, “Hi, uh, is this Sugawara Koshi?” I blinked as I slowly made my way to the mall front entrance, wondering who could possibly be calling me and about what.

“Yes, that’s me, how can I help you?” I replied sweetly, still unsure of who it was. After a brief moment of hesitation, the other guy cleared his throat and said, “Uh, this is one of Oikawa’s friends–” Realization dawned on me as I recognized the voice, and then he said he was Oikawa’s friend.

“Oh! You must be Iwa-chan!”

“…”

“AhhhhHHHHH I’m so sorry that’s what he usually calls you so that’s what I think of you as now, in my head, I’m so sorry, uh…Iwa-san?” There was some more silence on the other end before Oikawa’s friend said, “I’m Iwaizumi Hajime. Nice to meet you, I guess.” I felt mortified. I had just referred to Oikawa’s childhood best friend, never having met him, using his pet name for him. Well shoot.

“Again, I am so, so sorry! I guess you already know who I am, huh?” I asked, rapidly trying to change the subject. Iwaizumi grunted in affirmation on the other line. Neither of us spoke for a moment.

“So, uh, how can I help you, Iwaizumi-san?” I asked politely, carefully enunciating his proper name, as if to erase what had happened before.

Iwaizumi sighed and then said, “Uh, listen, so Oikawa’s kind of an idiot, I’m sure you’re aware, and today is actually his birthday–”

I gasped quietly. Oikawa had asked me out on his birthday?! Well what the frick was I supposed to do with that?! Oh god I hadn’t gotten him a present or anything–not that I would’ve known, of course, but like, what if he somehow expected me to know, and then when I didn’t get anything he thought I was a bad friend or something, or–

Iwaizuimi continued, “but I’m like 97% convinced he somehow managed to forget it was his birthday. Anyway, if he did happen to remember and has just been acting weird all day for no reason, please don’t let him make you feel like you have to…”

“Have to…?”

“I don’t know, Oikawa is unpredictable. Just don’t let him guilt you into doing something because it’s his birthday. But, assuming he did forget, which is most probable, is there any chance you could…try to send him to my house after? I was gonna have this surprise party for him at his house, but then his mom called and said his dad had some kind of work emergency or something and was having people over–the point being it’s at my house now, I guess it won’t be much of a surprise, but he hasn’t been checking his phone all day, so please just…make sure he knows to head over after your guys’ date or whatever.”

I stopped functioning properly when he said the word date. “I-um, uh, I mean, it’s not-I don’t think it’s a date?” I stuttered out, further embarrassing myself. Great, now Oikawa’s friends would all think I was stupid.

Iwaizumi snorted on the other end. “Yeah, not a date, sure. Anyway, just tell him for me. Thanks, bye Sugawara!” And then he hung up before I could say bye back, which caused me to panic further, because crap Oikawa’s friend just hung up before I could say bye he must actually hate me, and we’d only talked for like a minute, over the phone! NooooooOOOO!!!!

Darnit, it must’ve been the Iwa-chan, I thought as I sullenly made my way to the restaurant and entered the new contact in my phone. I grabbed a table and told the host that someone else would be joining me shortly. I sat down and rested my head on my fist, pondering over what to do about Oikawa’s birthday.

Assuming he had forgotten, should I say happy birthday when he first got there? No, that would be weird, but it’s rude not to tell him happy birthday, but if he doesn’t remember then it doesn’t really matter right? Should I casually mention it at some point? And should I take him shopping afterwards, or oh! Maybe I could get the bill? Goodness knows I didn’t mind having someone to spend money on, I had a pathetic enough social life as it was not to mention my family, or lack thereof.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice Oikawa walk up to the front, but I did spot him once he was in line. I smiled and beckoned him over, trying not to drool as I took in his appearance, because damn he looked fine in his khaki pants and dark blue button up shirt, like wow navy blue actually looked so good on him and–no, NO! No Suga, we are going to focus, and not come off as a creepy pervert staring at him and greet him like a normal human being.

“Hey Oikawa-san!” I said jubilantly. I was feeling a bit disconcerted when I saw him looking at me kind of strangely, he didn’t look quite as happy, more serious. Maybe he had caught me staring? That would be really awkward if he had, it would kind of ruin the afternoon.

Oikawa sat down, not taking his eyes off me. “You can just call me Oikawa.” He said bluntly. I was taken kind of aback by his forwardness and positive my cheeks had already begun flushing red, but I forced myself to say, “Alright, you can call me Suga then, if you want.”

A moment later, Oikawa seemed to lose his cool and hurriedly exclaimed, “I’m sorry you were waiting!” It was actually very reassuring to see him kind of flustered so I knew I wasn’t the only one. That gave me the boost of confidence I need to console him. “Not at all, not at all, you’re fine!” I assured him. “Honestly I’m surprised you guys didn’t have practice today though, I can’t believe a team like Seijoh would give you a day off.” I added laughingly. They were so intimidating, I had figured their training was even more rigorous than ours.

“Actually, we usually have every Sunday and Monday off–well, you can go practice on Monday, I suppose a lot of people do, myself included of course–but there’s no official practice.” Oikawa responded mildly.

I couldn’t help it when my jaw dropped, he had to be joking right? I had been certain Seijoh was one of those seven days a week, double practice, plus weight lifting and conditioning type teams, so this was news to me.

“You’re kidding!” I blurted out, wincing after the fact, because what if I was making it sound like I was making fun of his practices? And that wasn’t what I was trying to do at all! Oikawa didn’t seem phased though, he just had a lazy smile on his face as he shook his head.

“What about you guys, how are the Karasuno practices?” He then asked, probably thinking he was being real smooth and sneaky with how he had casually brought up my team practices. I totally called him out on it though.

“Why, my dear Suga, how ever could you imply such a devious thing of me?” He asked with one of the most falsely sweet smiles I’d ever seen. It was a very Oikawa type smile. I just stared at him and eventually raised an eyebrow, causing him to relent and admit, “Alright, you got me. But don’t tell me you’re not curious about Aoba Johsai practices too.”

Ah, yes, the Seijoh practices. That brought me to an interesting topic. I smiled coyly and informed Oikawa, “Oh, I’ve already seen your practices. They’re quite interesting.” I smirked, watching my companion attempt to decipher the meaning of my words. I decided to have mercy and put him out of his confusion though and said, “For some reason, someone decided to record a few of your guys’ practices. Again, I have no idea why they would tape a practice, but they had some copies at the library, the one we usually go to, so I figured, why not? and watched them.”

At this point, Oikawa’s jaw dropped. To be fair, I couldn’t blame him. Taping team practices and then making them available for the public, where another team (or member, such as myself) could get their hands on them was an absolutely horrendous idea. Actually, if I were Oikawa, I think I would’ve told the coach so he could pull them and keep them for private use only.

Oikawa had seemingly had the same train of thought as me because he looked horrified and asked, “Were they recent? Wait, how did you even find them?” I’m sure he had more questions, but I cut him off and assuaged his fears when I said, “I happened to come across them actually when I was looking for old games. They were just there and I thought it would be a good learning experience, you know? Why not take advantage of it if they were there? I couldn’t believe it though when I went to watch it and it was a real practice!”

Darnit, now he probably thought I was like, cheating or something, or being unsportsmanlike, I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it! I laughed at the end, hoping to lighten the mood and persuade him it really wasn’t too big of a deal, especially when I saw his face get even more serious. He shocked me though not by chastising me for my questionable behavior, but instead inquiring about the watching itself.

“You…you watch old games too?” He asked incredulously, looking at me as if in a whole new light. I bit my lip before tentatively continuing, “Only recently…I actually got the idea from you you know, during one of our tutoring session you told me about how you liked to watch them when you couldn’t fall asleep, and you know ever since Kageyama joined the team I feel like I haven’t been able to help as much, so I thought by watching old games or other teams I could take notes, figure out how to improve out attacks and defense, stuff like that.”

The more I said, the more I couldn’t stop myself from letting embarrassing things slide past my mouth. I can’t believe I had just admitted to copying him and his game watching in addition to making it sound like I had really low self confidence (which I absolutely did, in all fairness, but he didn’t need to know that). Well, now he must have really thought I was a loser, great.

I think Oikawa was about to say something, probably call me out on it, but I was saved when the waitress came up to us and said, “Hi, welcome to Miyasaki’s, I’ll be your server today, what can I get you?”

“May I please have some water?” I replied, probably a bit too fast, but god I just needed to get far away from the conversation that had just occurred.

The girl smiled brightly at me before turning to write down that and Oikawa’s drink. “I’ll have a lemonade, thanks.” And with that she said, “Sure thing, I’ll be back soon!” and walked off. I thought I was in the clear, but then Oikawa commented, “So boring Suga, just water?” And then I realized I had a new problem to deal with because darnit, yes I love water buy who orders that on a maybe-date, like, ???

Trying to salvage my dignity and Oikawa’s impression of me, I answered, “I know, it’s honestly my favorite drink though. I suppose that makes me a pretty boring person.” I laughed awkwardly. Hmmmm. Somehow, I don’t think that was the right thing to say, or what I had had in mind. And now there was nothing I could do about it.

Surprisingly, Oikawa ever-so-graciously saved me and said, “I think that’s interesting. Water is such a boring drink, I don’t think it’s anyone’s favorite. Well, except yours of course.” Well, he kind of saved me. I would take it.

“Guess so.”


	24. 12. The date? part 2 (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again sorry for the awkward start lol it was tough splitting this section up

“I think that’s interesting. Water is such a boring drink, I don’t think it’s anyone’s favorite. Well, except yours of course.” Well, he kind of saved me. I would take it.

“Guess so.” I replied, effectively ending our conversation and bringing us into an awkward silence. Way to go Suga! You did like, the one thing Sora said not to do, howwww?! How how how had I done that, why am I like this?

I took a calming breath, knowing I had to save things before we got off to a really bad start. I could hear Sora in my head, telling me to ask questions that would be relevant and engaging, easy questions. I suddenly grinned and asked, “So how were your midterms? Do you think you did alright in calc?”

YES! Yes Suga, you did it! We can both talk about schoolwork, and it’s especially relevant because you’re his tutor! Heck yeah!

“Aaaaah, they were okay I suppose.” Oikawa said nonchalantly, shrugging. “I actually think calc may have been my best one, believe it or not. I know I didn’t do awful, but I probably could’ve done a bit better. How about you, I bet you’re a super smart, brainiac, valedictorian type person huh?”

I snorted. “Yeah, something like that.” I said dully. I got the feeling Oikawa wasn’t super into school and academics, so telling him that I was actually the third-year class’s valedictorian maybeeee wasn’t the best option. I could tell him another time.

“I think my exams went alright too,” I continued. “Although like you said I guess I could’ve done a bit better.” I hadn’t felt as confident as I normally did on tests and quizzes, mostly because I was stressing about my (?) date with Oikawa. I didn’t need to go into details though.

Before there could be another lull in the conversation, I brightened as I thought of another safe question I could ask.

“Hey, what’s your favorite class?” Because regardless of how much you liked or hated school, everyone had a favorite class, and it was important to know your friends or other close people with an unspecified relationship’s favorite class, right?

Oikawa thought for a moment before saying, “Probably Japanese. I guess because–well, I don’t wanna say it’s easy or anything, but you know compared to other classes I think it’s easy. It’s just like writing and stuff, there’s no set answer like with math and science, so it’s easier for me to do good. If that makes sense?” I nodded thoughtfully. Daichi’s favorite class was also Japanese, for mostly the same reasons.

Before I could dwell too long on his answer, Oikawa asked me, “What about you, what’s your favorite class?” I think my face must have lit up like a Christmas tree because–oh my god!–Oikawa was following my lead and reciprocating my question, keeping the conversation going, Sora would be so proud!

“Ahhhh, I like so many classes it’s hard to choose! I like Japanese lit and all the reading we get to do, but history is also super fun, learning about the past, what things were like, how they came to be today, you know? World history was my favorite, I took that a few years ago. Oh! I also really like Chinese, I think languages are fun, and it’s so funny how many Japanese characters are similar to the Chinese ones. Makes learning it a bit easier.” I shut myself up, realizing going on a rant about my favorite classes actually probably made me look like the biggest nerd, and Oikawa probably didn’t want to date a nerd, but I could take back anything I had said darnit!

“You don’t take English?” Oikawa asked, raising an eyebrow. I felt my mouth go dry because, oh god, telling Oikawa I was fluent in English would certainly make me look like an even bigger nerd, but that was the least of my worries, because then he would ask how I was fluent, and I would have to say my dad was an American, not is, and if he picked up on that then he might ask about it, which could lead to other discussions about my childhood, and just, yikes. I was certain a disaster was headed my way.

Bracing myself for the worst, I hesitantly admitted, “No, I uh, actually speak English, and it felt like a waste to take it I guess.” I held my breath. This was it, the moment that would make or break it, because if we started talking about my family…well, let’s just say that was more like a fourth or fifth, or actually twentieth date conversation.

None of that happened though. Oikawa’s eyes lit up as he told me, “You’re bilingual? You speak English, like fluently? That’s so cool, I’m so jealous! Now I know who to call for help with English homework.” And I smiled. Because I would gladly help Oikawa with English homework, it was much better than what could’ve happened if he had responded differently.

I clarified, “Yeah, fluently.” Then I decided it was best if I clarify further, “I don’t mind helping you with English, but you better not spam me every night! You have no idea how many people already do that.” I shut my eyes tight, blocking out all the times I got roped into helping other people study, more often than not against my will.

“Other friends?” Oikawa asked teasingly. “Yes. Especially my teammates. Sometimes they try to catch me before or after practice, or sneak attack me.” Saying this out loud made me feel kind of dumb, so I felt like I needed to corroborate with a story and added, “One time I was literally kidnapped by them and brought to their house for the whole day to help with physics.” I shuddered, recalling how terrified I had been when I was just walking down the street last year, minding my own business when I was grabbed and shoved in a car and taken away. Thankfully, I had realized it was Tanaka and Noya fairly quickly, but I was still on edge for the rest of the day.

Of course, the way I had presented the story was mostly just funny, so Oikawa laughed. Not the mocking laugh or the fake one I heard at matches, but a real laugh, and it made me really happy knowing I was the cause of it.

“It’s good to know I’m not the only one with a crackhead team.” Oikawa said, relieved. He then told me a story about how he’d pulled a pretty much all-nighter with his teammates for an English test, only to find they had been borrowing the wrong notebook for the good notes, and they were for French instead and didn’t realize until after they were done studying.

“Wait, so you spent hours studying the wrong language, and not one of you noticed?” I asked, seeking confirmation whilst doing my best not to laugh, I didn’t want him to think I was making fun of him, but wow, that was a pretty stupid thing to do. Noted, languages are not Oikawa’s forte.

When Oikawa nodded with mock graveness, I knew it was okay for me to laugh, and I didn’t hold back. After I was done, I told him, “You’re right, it is nice to know that we’re not the only crackhead team around.”

Oikawa and I then proceeded to swap our best team stories with each other. I was surprised at how many good ones I could come up with, and with how funny Oikawa’s team sounded. I didn’t know much about them, other than the fact that they looked almost as intimidating as Oikawa at matches (and Iwaizumi probably didn’t like me).

Eventually the waitress brought our drinks, which I was very grateful for. Given how prone I was to getting anxious about the littlest things, it gave me an acceptable excuse to not talk and gather my thoughts for a moment, if necessary. Honestly, I didn’t think it was though, what with the way things were going.

After all of our stories (Oikawa’s favorite had been when I showed him a video I had of Daichi singing the Sailor Moon theme song in the locker room (clothed of course!) after practice when he thought no one else was there; had it been mean, yes, but it had effectively supplied me with considerable blackmail against him that I had used on several occasions), I broached the subject I’d been curious about for a while. “Okay, I’ve gotta ask, do you have a secret obsession with aliens?”

“Yeah, why do you ask?” Oikawa replied with large eyes. I tried and failed to suppress my grin as I said, “You’ve worn, like, five different alien shirts to our tutoring sessions before. There has to be some story behind that.”

Oikawa got the most animated look on his face as he told me how he was positive he’d seen a UFO as a child, which prompted him to become super interested in outer space to the point where he even wanted to be an astronaut, which I thought was amazing. He ended by telling me he believed in aliens. Oikawa was an interesting guy, to say the least.

“I think aliens exist too.” I said conversationally, like it was the most natural thing in the world. If Oikawa could be so open about his beliefs, then I guess so could I.

Oikawa was flabbergasted. “Really?” He asked, sounding like he had swallowed his drink wrong. I reasoned, “It’s a pretty big universe, so there’s bound to be some other life form out there, right? I mean, I’m sure you would know much more about it than me though.” I made sure to add that last part, because here I was talking about aliens when I knew very little about the subject, while Oikawa was seemingly an amateur astronomer.

When Oikawa got this big, dopey grin on his face, I knew I had done the right thing. If I thought he was going off before, it was nothing compared to how he was talking now, making sure to back up all his theories and ideas with all kinds of sources. It was honestly adorable to see such an intimidating guy like Oikawa geek out over something like space and aliens.

I realized with a start that I had probably also been staring at Oikawa with a dopey grin as he paused and eyed me concerned, saying apologetically, “Ahhh, I’m sorry Suga, I didn’t mean to bore you.” I promised him he was fine, that I was very interested in what he was saying (it was the truth), but then Oikawa asked suspiciously, “What is it?”

Horror dawned on me as I acknowledged the fact that as soon as I had stopped staring at Oikawa strangely to listen to his apology, I’d started up again right after. But, now he had caught me, I had to say something!

“It’s just…you’re so…I don’t know, normal.” Oikawa’s eyes went wide after the words left my lips, and I immediately regretted them.

Feeling like that dumb protagonist from the ladybug and catboy show Noya and I occasionally watched ironically, I stuttered out, "Uh, that’s not what I meant to say! Or, I mean it is, but I meant that…talking to you now, listening to you, it just feels like…well, you seem like a normal high schooler. It’s just, you can be pretty intimidating on the court you know, and I guess we haven’t really talked like this, well, ever before. It’s nice to know that you're just, like, a normal person I guess.”

Noooooooo things had been going so good between us, but of course I had to go and screw it up with whatever that had been. Please, let our conversations from earlier be enough to carry us out of my weird ramblings!!!!

Once again, the waitress saved me, bringing our food at just the right time so I didn’t have to worry about saying more ridiculous things and making an even bigger fool of myself. The food was pretty late, but honestly I didn’t even care at that point, for the second time that day her timing was impeccable and that in and of itself was a feat.

I had gotten the spicy ramen, which was really good, I think I would have to come back and get it again, while Oikawa had gotten some soba noodles.

He shocked me when he said, “Could I try some of yours Suga? You can have some of mine too if you want?” I happily agreed, because that had to be a good sign, right? His food wasn’t as good as mine I didn’t think, but it still tasted great. Oikawa didn’t seem to feel the same way about my food.

“How can you…eat that?” He choked out, frantically chugging his lemonade until it was gone. I shrugged playfully and responded, “I guess I just grew up eating a lot of spicy foods.” I smiled sweetly as the waitress came to refill his glass.

Very skillfully, I subtly got us back on the topic of space. He was clearly comfortable with it, I was too, so it was safe and a good option. I even got in a few words that time when we started arguing about the planets. Oikawa was convinced that it was Jupiter, but I believed it was Neptune. We agreed to disagree.

After too short a time, the waitress came and brought the check. When she set it down, I vaguely noticed there was an extra slip of paper there and looked up to see the girl wink and say, “Call me!” Wait, had she been flirting with me before or something?

Then, with a sickeningly-sweet expression, Oikawa told the girl, “Excuse me, my boyfriend and I would appreciate if you would f*ck off, thank you.” I–wait–wait–I, wait, shoot–I-uh, wait–huh? (read: Suga.exe has stopped working)

The waitress shot Oikawa a dirty look before walking off. He then turned to face me and looked surprised, I bet I was embarrassingly red but, should I? I mean, no, but like, no I had to know, I was going to.

“Um, Oikawa, can I ask you a question?” I said slowly, cautiously, testing the waters. In a confident voice, Oikawa smiled brightly and said, “Sure!”

I stopped chewing on my lip (although I didn’t stop wringing my hands under the table) and extremely softly asked, “Is this…is this a date?”

Gosh darnit there was that annoying smirk, how could Oikawa be so cool about all of this when I was a literal disaster? Oikawa simply said, in response to my very serious question, “I don’t know, what do you think? Does this feel like a date to you?”

I wasn’t sure how to reply to that, was it some kind of a trick question? Had this whole thing been a joke, a trick, to mess with me? No, that was stupid, Oikawa wouldn’t do that to me. But…what do I say??…????

Deciding honesty was the best policy, I just said what was on my mind. “I…don’t know. I’ve never really been on a date before.”

Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say, because now Oikawa was looking at me like I had five heads. Stupid, why had I said that? Oikawa wouldn’t want to be with someone as inexperienced as me! I knew for a fact he’d had several girlfriends and boyfriends, I wasn’t big on social media but whenever I went on, it’s like his stuff was everywhere, so I couldn’t help but notice.

I wasn’t good enough. If he had been considering classifying this as a date, he most definitely was not anymore, and dang it, I had been so close to finding someone I really enjoyed spending time with and wanted to get to know better, but of course it would be taken away from me at the last minute, just like everything else in my life.

I was prepared for Oikawa to say a lot of painfully true, even if unintentional, things about how sad it was that I was a third-year in high school and had absolutely no romantic experience of any kind. I was not prepared for what he actually said.

“How…how is that possible, you’re like, the nicest person I’ve ever met, and you’re like really fricking smart, and you’re super cute, like so cute it’s not fair–” My mouth fell open at Oikawa’s admissions. No one…no one had…I don’t think…ever said things like that about me. Definitely not my parents. Maybe my sister had at one point or another, but that was so long ago, and those weren't the type of things that guys just went around saying to each other, so not any of the few friends I’d had or teammates, and…it blew my mind to hear such undeserving praise come from Oikawa’s mouth, directed at me.

I started laughing. Oikawa looked quite severely embarrassed, having realized everything he’d just told me, although it made me believe it was all true, or he believed it to be true anyway, because he was going kind of red too.

Somehow, I said “thank you” while laughing my socks off. After I stopped laughing, and Oikawa and I’s colors had returned to mostly normal, I said shyly but certainly, “I think I would like this to be a date, if that’s okay with you.”

Oikawa looked at me, seemingly in a state of disbelief as he hurriedly responded, “Yes, that is very okay with me.” We both started at each other with the biggest smiles after that, so big I thought they would fall off.

“Sooooo can I call you my boyfriend?” Oikawa asked. Was he…no, he couldn’t be, but…he almost looked, nervous? That couldn’t be right. Regardless, I found myself eagerly, genuinely answering, “Yes, I would like that.” and then we both continued smiling at each other for who knows how long like lovestruck idiots.

I finally, shyly looked down, my eyes falling on the check, and then I remembered it was Oikawa’s birthday. I had gotten so caught up in our date (yes, date! It felt so good to say, I just wanted to say it over and over again, date date date date date date date date date I just had a date with Oikawa Tooru!) that I had forgotten about his birthday and all the plans I had been concocting as to how to go about making him aware of said birthday.

Slyly, I grabbed the check while Oikawa was still in a daze. “Sugaaa, let me pay! I was the one who technically asked you out!” Oikawa complained, making a grab for the check, which I skillfully pulled away and out of his reach.

I looked at my boyfriend (Oh. My. God. My. BOYFRIEND) with mock solemnity and said, “Nonsense, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you pick up the check on your birthday?” I burst out laughing as Oikawa’s face fell, as he realized that it was, in fact, his birthday, and somehow he had managed to forget.


	25. 13. The party (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized there's a lot of blushing in this fic sorry lol (also don't expect any chapters until possibly friday or saturday sorry we'll see😓), also everyone wish me on my calc part 2 test this week😭😭😭

I was still in a state of shock as I watched Suga sign the check. I couldn’t even move to stop him, I was so surprised.

After the waitress came and got the check again (still mad at me), I rasped out, “How did you know?” And then Suga smiled at me, this time it was the knowing smile that was kind of a smirk.

“You have really good friends.” Was all he said, and–hold up, hold up, hold up, did that mean that Iwaizumi and my other friends had been in contact with Suga with me not knowing??? How long had that been a thing? Why hadn’t I been made aware of that development? Oh god, what if they talked about me behind my back and complained about what an awful person I was, that would be awful!

Before I could ask Suga, his phone buzzed on the table. I don’t usually make it a habit of reading other people’s texts, but the phone was literally turned towards me, how could I not? Also, it wasn’t a lengthy text or anything. It said (from Iwaizumi Hajime), “Hey are you alone? I wanted to call you”

Like I said, I hadn’t meant to read it, but I had. Suga looked at me, and before he could say anything, I said, “Ooh, call him now! I wanna listen!” Suga gave me a flat, very not amused look.

“Don’t worry, I already know about the party. He usually throws one for me every year. I’m sure that’s what he doesn’t want me to hear about, right?” Suga’s look of shock at my words only confirmed my theory. And, I was really excited because Suga relented. He texted Iwaizumi and then called him.

I held my breath as the phone rang. Then, I could tell by the expression on Suga’s face that Iwaizumi had picked up. I couldn’t hear him unfortunately, but at least I would be able to hear Suga’s side.

“Hello Iwaizumi-san.” He said, very politely and formally. That was good, it meant that they probably didn’t know each other that well, or maybe at all really, Iwaizumi could’ve just reached out to him about today.

After a bit, Suga said, “Yes, I’m alone, I’m in the bathroom.” He looked up at me with amused eyes, although you couldn’t hear it in his tone of voice. Also, it scared me a little how easily Suga had lied, like it was nothing.

Suga laughed and replied to whatever had been said with, “Don’t worry, he didn’t follow me in here, I haven’t heard anyone come in after me.” I was torn between being hurt by Iwaizumi’s lack of trust in me, and scared of yet another flawless, instant lie from Suga.

“It…it went well. We’re pretty much done now, so I’ll send him over to your place, although I’m pretty sure he figured out that you’re having a party for him.” I rolled my eyes. Honestly, what a terrible plan, if they wanted to have a surprise party it should’ve at least been at my house so as to make it less suspicious.

There was some shouting on the phone, I couldn’t make out what was being said, but Suga winced and held it away from his ear for a few seconds before bringing it back. He looked kind of apprehensive as he said, “Uh, yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you…?” I sat up straighter.

The phone must’ve been passed to someone else, what if it was someone who was gonna tell Suga a bunch of bad things about me!? I resisted the urge to grab the phone out of Suga’s hands before something like that could happen, instead trying to calm myself down.

“I-I couldn’t! I would be a huge imposition, and-and you guys don’t really know me, so I would totally be intruding–” As I listened to, and watched, Suga get all flustered, I realized my friends were inviting him to the party.

This did make me a little nervous because who knows what my friends would do to Suga, what they would tell him, how strangely they would behave, but, introducing him to all my friends felt like a very boyfriend thing to do, which was what I really wanted, so I leaned over across the table and told Suga, “Say yes! You should totally come!”

Suga appeared very nervous as he bit his lip, worry shining in his eyes. He listened to the other person, or people, on the other end of the line before asking timidly, “Iwaizumi-san, would that…be okay?” Iwaizumi? What could he be asking him for?

A few moments later, Suga blushed and sputtered out, “Um, well then, yeah, uh, I guess I will go. Um, see you guys soon, we’ll leave in like five minutes!” Suga hung up. He turned to look at me with his gorgeous, big brown eyes and said, “I guess you got the gist of the conversation?” I nodded enthusiastically, standing up and dragging Suga with me. I vaguely registered the fact that he flinched when I pulled him up, but chalked it off as surprise or something.

“Come on Suga, we’ve got a party to get to!” I said, tugging him behind me. I stopped when we were outside the restaurant and let him go. His eyes were kind of wide and he was breathing a little hard, it was probably a lot of excitement for him in such a short amount of time.

“Which way did you park? I’m that way.” I said pointing to the left, hoping we were in the same direction so I could hold his hand, let everyone know Sugawara Koshi was taken and that he was mine, all mine, and also, I just wanted to be close to him.

“Darn, I’m in the opposite direction!” Suga apologized with a small smile. I sighed heavily, we would have to hold hands another time. “Alright, well I’ll send you Iwa-chan’s address and we can meet there then, alright?” Suga nodded quickly before waving and starting to walk off in the other direction. “Bye Oikawa, see you soon!” I smiled as I watched his retreating figure before I turned the other way and started walking to my car.

I still couldn’t believe Suga was actually mine, with me, dating me, my boyfriend. I was…not the nicest person. I could be downright mean sometimes, I could be arrogant, immature, easily made jealous (I’d become jealous over Suga twice before we even started dating), judgemental, the list went on. When I tried to think of one thing, just one thing wrong with Suga, I came up blank. I mean, sure I didn’t know him too well, but we had known each other for almost three months now. And I could think of nothing.

I got to my car and started driving off, wondering if I should go fast or slow, to get there before or after Suga. Ideally, we’d arrive at the same time, but the odds of that happening were slim.

Well, luck must’ve been on my side, because I did arrive at the same time as him! Thank you universe for helping me avoid an awkward situation!

There were several other cars in the driveway and along the road (thank god Iwa-chan lived on a corner and had more space), although I think Suga blanched a bit upon seeing all of them. On the bright side, they appeared to be all cars from volleyball team members; while naturally I had other friends outside of volleyball, I was closer to my teammates and it would be much easier for Suga to meet just them for now.

“It’ll be fine, I’m sure everyone will love you.” I said reassuringly as we walked up to the front steps. Suga offered me a small smile in return but nodded. I knocked on the door and heard all the noise inside stop. A few moments later, Iwaizumi opened the door. I stepped in, Suga hiding behind me a bit.

“Surprise!” Everyone yelled, jumping out from various places. I snorted in amusement at their failed surprise as a few more people came over to greet me while the others went back to, I don’t even know, it looks like there were a few games going, I assumed there was food in the kitchen (not that I was really hungry, which was my fault), and then a lot of people were just having conversation.

“Happy birthday Crappykawa.” Iwaizumi said, decking me in the back of the head, although he smiled affectionately. Makki and Mattsun came up too and said “happy birthday” as well. Their attention soon after turned to the smaller man hiding behind me.

“Soooo, this is the infamous Sugawara Koshi.” Mattsun said teasingly as he crossed his arms. “Hello!” Suga said shyly, waving at them. “Are you, uh, Makki?” He asked, his hand going to the back of his head.

“That’s me, Hanamaki Takahiro, but you can call me Makki. We spoke on the phone.” Makki said, intervening. I visibly grimaced, terrified of all the things he could have said to Suga.

“I’m Matsukawa Issei, you can call me Mattsun.” Mattsun said as well, his smile growing bigger by the second. Suga matched their smiles with his own, which was also growing brighter. “It’s nice to meet you all, I’m Sugawara Koshi, but you can just call me Suga.”

Iwaizumi nodded at Suga. “We also spoke earlier, I’m Iwaizumi.” He said roughly. I pouted at him, not wanting him to come off too harsh to Suga who didn’t know him, but before either of us could say anything, Makki and Mattsun each looped an arm through Suga’s and dragged him off to go do god knows what. I was about to protest and follow them, but Iwaizumi held me back.

“Just let them go, I’m sure Suga can manage on his own.” He told me. I bit my lip but nodded, Suga was tough, I’m sure he could take whatever bs my friends put him through (even if he was left a blushing, stuttering mess).

“So. How’d it go? Also, you’re still an idiot for forgetting your birthday and not even looking at your phone all day.” Iwaizumi said, turning to face me better. After apologizing, I filled Iwaizumi in about, well, almost every detail from the date (“so it did end up being a date?” “Iwa-chan, I’m getting there, don’t rush me!”). By the end of my story, Iwazumi’s eyes appeared a bit softer.

“What?” I asked defensively. He shook and head and blinked a few times before saying, “I don’t think you’ve ever been this excited about a date. Something’s different with you, the look in your eyes, the way you talk about him.” Iwaizumi got a teasing look in his eyes when he added, “He is pretty cute, I’ll give you that.”

“Right?!” I said, and started to launch into what just turned into a huge Suga simping fest (a/n: and he didn't invite me😒), but Iwaizumi knew me too well and cut me off. “Alright Oikawa, that’s enough ranting out of you. Why don’t you go greet your other teammates, who I’m sure would like to wish you a happy birthday since, you know, it is your birthday (well, I suppose you don’t know actually), and nobody’s seen you all day.” I smiled one last time at Iwaizumi before going off to talk to some of the second-years who were playing Twister, happily joining the next round.

The party turned out to be a huge success. While I had been chatting with Iwaizumi, Suga had apparently been making his rounds, and when I made my own rounds afterwards, the reactions were pretty much all the same.

“He’s a keeper Oikawa-san.”

“How come you didn’t date anyone else like him the past forty times?”

“Damn, how’d you get someone like him to date someone like you?”

“You better not f*ck this up Oikawa.”

“Do you know if he has like a sister or something?”

I was a little concerned with some of the comments, but overall, I was over the moon with how well things were going, and I also felt very proud of Suga. I don’t know what he was doing to get everyone to like him so much (probably just being his amazing self), but it was great.

After talking with a bunch of teammates, I tried to go back over to Suga who I hadn’t really seen since arriving. I searched the room for him and panicked when I saw him talking alone with Iwaizumi and rushed over to them.

I made eye contact with Iwaizumi, just as he smirked at me and said, “And if that idiot ever pulls anything or hurts you, let me know and I’ll come beat him up for you.” That meanie, why was I friends with him again?

“Iwa-channnnnn!!!!” I wailed, forcibly intervening in whatever godawful conversation they’d been having about me. I crossed my arms and stared Iwaizumi down and spat out, “Just what do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to get Suga to break up with me???”

Iwaizumi laughed immaturely. He didn’t even acknowledge me, just said bye to Suga and left. Why did he have to be like that?!?!

Panicking some more, I turned around to face Suga and worriedly asked, “Suga, what awful lies did he spread about me? You mustn’t believe him, they’re not true I swear!” I had finally, finally after months gotten Suga to go out with me, it had been no easy feat. And now Iwaizumi was going and ruining all my hard efforts, it wasn’t fairrrrrr!!!!

“Don’t worry, he didn’t say anything bad about you. He was actually very nice to me.” Suga calmly reassured me. But then I became very concerned, because he got a very unsettling, un-Suga-like look in his eyes and continued, “Besides, Iwaizumi’s the least of your worries, you should hear what some of your other teammates are saying.”

My mouth went dry as chalk as I realized Suga was of course right, I had plenty of other teammates he had been talking to throughout the night and oh god what else they told him about me?!?!

Just then, Yahaba came to drag me off, probably to talk to the second years who I hadn’t seen much of that evening. I shot Suga one last terrified look before allowing myself to be hauled off, thinking desperately that I needed to get myself invited to some Karasuno event where I could dig for dirt on Suga from his teammates…although I had a feeling they wouldn’t take to me half as well as Seijoh did Suga.

After we had cake, people started to leave. “It’s getting late Oikawa, I better head home. Thank you though, so much for, well, everything.” Suga said, radiating warmth and smiles with his hands clasped neatly behind his back.

“No, thank you Suga.” I started chewing on my lip, debating as to whether or not I should say the thing that was on my mind, but figured I should take a chance at least.

“Hey, uh, what time is your practice over on Saturday? I was wondering if maybe you wanted to like, hang out afterwards?” I looked away from Suga as soon as I said it, feeling the heat rise to my face. Was I being too forward, too bold? Now that I had finally gotten Suga, I wanted to fully enjoy it as much as possible.

“9:00, what about you?” Suga replied easily, not seeming phased by my asking him out again so soon. I did a mental fist pump.

“Ah, 10:00. I was thinking we could maybe meet somewhere like halfway again if we finished at the same time, but that’s an hour gap–”

“No problem, I can hang out a bit after practice and then head over to Seijoh and, er, I could pick you up if you want? Save gas, help the environment and all that?” Now Suga looked away from me as he said that, embarrassed by his boldness.

“That would be perfect! We can go out for ice cream or the park by the school or something. I can’t wait! Bye Suga, thank you so much for coming!” I went to hug Suga, who tensed up a bit. It was our first hug (do people even remember that kind of thing? First hug, is that important?), although I found it hard to enjoy seeing as Suga didn’t seem to be. He did un-tense up a little bit, but not a lot. He stiffly reached around to hug me back before saying a hurried “goodbye” and leaving. Maybe he was just bad at hugs or something?

“Wooooh, get him loverboy!” Makki cheered from behind me (after Suga left). I rounded on him with a glare, but then he, Mattsun, and even Iwaizumi all started laughing. “What’s so funny?” I demanded of my closest friends and teammates. Iwaizumi finally spoke up and said, “Your face.” I was taken aback by his comment, which had sounded very immature and non-Iwaizumi-like.

“What’s wrong with my face?” I practically shrieked, resisting the urge to run to a mirror and frantically analyze each detail–what if I had frosting on it from the cake, or some other food, and it had just been there the whole time while I was talking to Suga?!?

“You just…you’re glowing. You’re literally glowing Oikawa, Suga was too. You two are really lovestruck idiots, you know that?” Iwaizumi said, still chuckling with the others. I rolled my eyes at their antics, but couldn’t resist the smile that formed on my face, because yes, I think I was in love with Suga and I honestly didn’t care who knew.


	26. 13. The party (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been such. a long. week. i wanted it to be friday on like tuesday i thought it would never come, but it finally did and friday nights are the best bc i have no sports after school so i can take a huge nap and then read and write and post ff!!!!! so here is the next chapter, i would love to post another one tonight we'll see how it goes lol (also the test was actually good thank you for everyone who wished me luck, i wish you all a happy weekend and happy reading!!)

I smirked as I finished signing the check, looking up at the waitress (aghhhhh, that had been awkward) when she took it away. I found it hilarious how Oikawa was still so shocked, he appeared to be unable to properly function. I suppose anyone would be if they forgot their birthday and didn’t realize it until late in the afternoon–well, not me, I didn’t really celebrate my birthday, but that was beside the point.

“How did you know?” He eventually choked out, still looking very lost and confused. I smiled, just thinking of Iwaizumi and how much he must care for Oikawa. “You have really good friends.” While Oikawa processed that information, I looked over to see my phone buzz on the table, and of course it was facing him so he saw it and read it before I could grab the phone. He had the decency to look embarrassed, but then I saw it and it said, “Hey are you alone? I wanted to call you” from Iwaizumi.

I looked over at Oikawa after reading it myself, and before I could make up some pathetic excuse for what he had seen, Oikawa’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas and he insisted, “Ooh, call him now! I wanna listen!”

I looked at him flatly, using the face I did when reprimanding the underclassmen for their wild behavior. Before I could actually protest though, Oikawa persisted, “Don’t worry, I already know about the party. He usually throws one for me every year. I’m sure that’s what he doesn’t want me to hear about, right?”

Well, apparently there really wasn’t much of a surprise to the whole thing. That was…that was really cute though, that Iwaizumi threw him a party every year.

I decided to cave, to which Oikawa cheered. I texted, “Yeah I’m alone now, I’ll call you.” I hit the dial button and raised the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing until it picked up after the second ring.

“Hey,” Iwaizumi said, “Hello Iwaizumi-san.” I said back, very formally, hoping I conveyed my respect for him. Whether he noticed or cared though, I couldn’t tell. “So you’re alone right now?” He asked, hoping to confirm. I felt guilty lying to him, but Oikawa seemed to think it was okay, and he did know about the party anyway.

“Yes, I’m alone, I’m in the bathroom.” I reaffirmed, wondering what exactly it was that he wanted to call me about. “You’re sure you’re alone, like he didn’t sneak in behind you or something?” Iwaizumi asked. I laughed lightly. Him and Oikawa must have had an interesting friendship.

“Don’t worry, he didn’t follow me in here, I haven’t heard anyone come in after me.” I said naturally enough, or hoping it came off that way at least. Iwaizumi bought it I think because he moved on and asked, “Well, how’d your date go? Did you guys leave yet?” I blushed when he said the word date, it was like my mind went to mush.

“It…” I trailed off, my mind still hazy and hung up on ‘date,’ “it went well. We’re pretty much done now, so I’ll send him over to your place, although I’m pretty sure he figured out that you’re having a party for him.” I saw no point in lying, it had been a kind of lame attempt at a surprise party though, given, well, everything about it.

Iwaizumi sighed. “Yeah, I guess that was to be expected–” He was abruptly cut off by lots of screaming on the other end. I frowned curiously, putting the phone away until it stopped. Once the other end quieted down a bit, I heard a new voice say, “Yo, are you Suga? Oikawa’s tutor he hasn’t shut up about for like two months?” His last statement made my whole face go crimson. Oikawa…hadn’t shut up about me? He had told his teammates about me?

“Uh, yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you…?” I awkwardly responded. “Makki–hey guys, shouldn’t Oikawa totally bring Suga over with him?” I paled as a very large cheer was heard on the other end, presumably the entirety of the Aoba Johsai team.

I nervously protested, “I-I couldn’t! I would be a huge imposition, and-and you guys don’t really know me, so I would totally be intruding–”

“No you would not be, trust me, I think everyone wants to meet the guy who played Oikawa for like two months before revealing you were Karasuno’s setter. Please, please come, I’m sure Oikawa wants you to come too–”

I looked over at Oikawa who was vigorously nodded and whisper-shouted, “Say yes! You should totally come!” eliminating any reason for me to say no.

There was some more shuffling on the other side of the phone. “Sorry about that,” Iwaizumi apologized as I realized he’d gotten his phone back. I bit my lip before asking, “Iwaizumi-san, would that…be okay?” There was a pause on the other end.

“To the party? Yeah sure, you don’t have to ask me, knock yourself out.” I blushed again because, what if I had come off weird asking if I could go, when the whole rest of the team had basically just invited me? But like, he was Oikawa’s best friend I was pretty sure, and I definitely wanted to start off on his good side.

“Um, well then, yeah, uh, I guess I will go. Um, see you guys soon, we’ll leave in like five minutes!” Trying not to think about how lame I sounded, I looked up at Oikawa, the faintest smile etched across my face, and said sheepishly, “I guess you got the gist of the conversation?”

Oikawa nodded very quickly and, remembering we were good to go I guess, stood up and grabbed my wrist, dragging me behind him.

I jumped when he grabbed me, it had been so sudden, and I couldn’t help as my head was inundated with memories of my childhood, being roughly pulled off in a similar manner, dragged faster than I could keep up with, and then the significantly less pleasant things that would follow…

I desperately fought to keep those thoughts out, because gosh darnit, why couldn’t I be normal and okay with touching? Why did they have to ruin it for me, even after all these years? I really liked Oikawa, I didn’t want to be off-putting to him on our first date, on his birthday, when we were headed to his party, but…Sora had said if I was uncomfortable I should tell him, and that he should respect my choice. I knew she was right, but, if only I didn’t have to do this right now!

“Come on Suga, we’ve got a party to get to!” I was steeling my nerves, getting ready to tell Oikawa when we stopped outside of the restaurant and he let me go. Enormous waves of relief crashed over me at having been released.

“Which way did you park?” Oikawa asked. “I’m that way.” He pointed off to the left, and holy fricking heck, thank god or whatever deity was out there watching over me because I was parked in the opposite direction, meaning Oikawa wouldn’t be able to touch me at all while walking to our cars, further meaning I didn’t have to have the conversation with him on our first date. Score!

“Darn, I’m in the opposite direction!” I apologized, doing my best to look upset when in reality I was elated. “Alright, well I’ll send you Iwa-chan’s address and we can meet there then, alright?” Oikawa asked after sighing. I rapidly nodded, wanting to get out before Oikawa could suggest something like taking me to his car then dropping me off at my own.

“Bye Oikawa, see you soon!” I exclaimed, restraining myself from running to the parking lot. I had just escaped an uncomfortable confrontation, the last thing I needed was to spoil it by making myself look like a weirdo in front of him.

Reaching my car, I got inside and entered Iwaizumi’s address. It wasn’t too far, so that was good. I grimaced as I started driving though and realized I would probably have to do a lot of hand shaking, and who knows what else?

Calm down Suga, you can handle a few quick handshakes, I told myself. I had had many years to figure out how to deal with my…thing, but I had also built up somewhat of a resistance to my natural instinct to shove other people away. It wasn’t strong, but much better than it had been years ago. I was also better when it was me initiating the contact, like with my teammates at games. Since I started it, I was in control, much different than when I was caught off guard like before in the restaurant.

I pulled up to the house just as another car was arriving, presumably Oikawa. I got out and walked up to him, wincing at the number of cars because I didn’t love big parties, but it was fine, I could suck it up for one night, for Oikawa.

Sensing my uneasiness, Oikawa consoled me. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure everyone will love you.” He said smiling sweetly, so I gave him the best smile I could muster at the moment in return (a shaky one).

Oikawa knocked on the door, and inside all noise ceased. I rolled my eyes at the sad attempt of a surprise party, glancing at Oikawa and seeing him do the same. A few moments later, one of Seijoh’s players greeted us, the one he’d referred to as “Iwa-chan” at our game–ah! Not Iwa-chan, not Iwa-chan, Iwaizumi!

Before either of us could say hi, all the rest of the team members jumped out from various hiding places (hiding place is a strong word, I saw someone holding a plate of food on their head, and others just crouched on the ground). “Surprise!” They shouted, and although the attempt was not the most successful, the enthusiasm definitely was. I thought it was really cute.

Oikawa snorted beside me as a couple more of his friends approached along with the one who was already there.

My eyes widened in shock as Iwaizumi hit Oikawa in the head and muttered, “Happy birthday Crappykawa.” I didn’t know how to react, but I turned to Oikawa and saw that he had a smile on his face and then nearly laughed, because apparently that kind of thing was just how he and Iwaizumi were.

The other two that had come up also wished Oikawa a happy birthday, and them immediately after, they sidestepped around him to look at me (oops, I guess I had been kind of cowering behind Oikawa’s back the way Hinata usually did).

“Soooo, this is the infamous Sugawara Koshi.” The taller, dark-haired one said, shooting me a grin as he crossed his arms.

“Hello!” I said, trying to sound polite and waving shyly. Stupid stupid stupid, I felt like a child, they were all taller than me and, well, they were comfortable with everyone while I was not. “Are you, uh, Makki?” I said, trying to sound conversational.

“That’s me, Hanamaki Takahiro, but you can call me Makki. We spoke on the phone.” The lighter-haired one said, waving from a couple feet of way. I was very grateful when he didn’t offer me a hand to shake.

“I’m Matsukawa Issei, you can call me Mattsun.” The first one said to me, still sporting a huge smirk. Come on Suga, you can do this, don’t let them scare you, I chided to myself.

Taking a deep breath, I released my 1000 megawatt smile before saying, “It’s nice to meet you all, I’m Sugawara Koshi, but you can just call me Suga.” This was like a game, them against me, ascertaining if I was worthy or not. It was a game I intended to win.

“We also spoke earlier, I’m Iwaizumi.” Oikawa’s other friend said. I turned to him with my (hopefully) dazzling smile, willing some brilliant words to come my way that I could relay to him, but before any of that happened, I found my arms being connected with two other people’s and was promptly dragged off, away from Oikawa. I resisted the urge to look back at him with a face that screamed Help!

“We’re so glad you could join us,” Makki–no, Mattsun said, glancing down at me. “I’m glad I could make it too. Oikawa hasn’t been the most open about his friends, so I guess I’m a bit curious to meet everyone.” I shot back, hoping that was a good, appropriate response.

“Oh don’t worry, we’ll make sure you meet everyone.” Makki said, grinning like the devil himself. I grinned right back and chose not to gulp, because why did he say it like that should I be scared?

It was right to be a little scared. I made my rounds, talking to everyone. It seemed that all the players, regardless of age, had embarrassing stories to tell about Oikawa. I think they were probably trying to make me realize what an idiot he was, like when several of them showed me videos they had of his singing and dancing to the most random songs in the club room (it was a little disturbing at the sheer number of teammates who had those videos; also, maybe he was more like Daichi then I thought), or when they told me about the cardboard cutouts he had of himself, how he would flirt with his reflection in mirrors sometimes, how he had a dartboard with Ushijima’s face. Alright, the last one was a tad bit concerning, but for the most part I just found Oikawa’s ridiculousness endearing.

I countered their stories with the few that I had of Oikawa, and as I was telling them, I realized that Oikawa had been flirting with me from like, the very beginning of the tutoring. And I was just an oblivious idiot. Oops–

Regardless, they were very amused by my stories which was a major win in my opinion. I was finally starting to feel at peace when I felt my heart stop as Iwaizumi approached me, alone, with a kind of serious look on his face.

“Hey Iwaizumi-san!” I said brightly, preparing for my toughest battle yet. “Hey.” He greeted, nodding his head in my direction. I took a deep breath, preparing to thank him for the party, dish out compliments (which may or may not have been doing a lot–but when I gave compliments they were genuine!) left and right, when he started talking before me.

“I don’t know what Oikawa’s told you about me, but you don’t have to be scared of me.” He said earnestly. I was taken aback, unprepared for that, and consequently unsure of how to respond.

“I-he, uh…Oikawa…he does complain about you a lot, and uh, how ‘mean’ you are. But, he usually balances it out by telling me what a good friend you are, and ‘Don’t you dare tell him I said that!’” Iwaizumi laughed at that, a real laugh, not a fake one. I noticed his body language was also very relaxed, which put me at ease as well.

“Listen Suga, I just wanted to tell you that…for all his faults, Oikawa’s actually a decent guy. And don’t you dare tell him I’m saying this, it’d go straight to his ego which would be bad for everyone. I guess this is my ‘don’t hurt him’ speech since I’m his best friend, although I doubt you would do anything like that unless it was highly warranted.” I looked up at Iwaizumi with big eyes, a small smile creeping its way across my face. If only Oikawa knew what a softie his ‘Iwa-chan’ was.

“I think you’re a good match for him.” Iwaizumi went on, looking kind of embarrassed now. “I’m not sure if he’s a good match for you, but I think you do a pretty decent job keeping him under control which few people can do.” Iwaizumi looked up at me, smirking and said, “And if that idiot ever pulls anything or hurts you, let me know and I’ll come beat him up for you.”

“Iwa-channnnnn!!!!” Oikawa shrieked. I turned around and saw he was approaching us, and pretty close now. He stepped in between us and glared at Iwaizumi. “Just what do you think you’re doing? Are you trying to get Suga to break up with me???”

Iwaizumi just laughed. “Bye Suga.” He said to me before walking off to talk to some of his other teammates. Oikawa rounded on me as soon as he was gone and demanded, “Suga, what awful lies did he spread about me? You mustn’t believe him, they’re not true I swear!” He whined dramatically.

I rolled my eyes at his behavior and assured, “Don’t worry, he didn’t say anything bad about you. He was actually very nice to me.” I got a wicked grin on my face as I decided to mess with Oikawa a bit and added, “Besides, Iwaizumi’s the least of your worries, you should hear what some of your other teammates are saying.”

Oikawa visibly paled and whispered, “Oh god.” I laughed as he was dragged off by another teammate, still looking shaken at what could’ve been said about him.

I played a few party games and had some snacks after that, then they cut the cake and sang him happy birthday, and, well, it started to empty out after that. I offered to stay and help clean up, but Iwaizumi profusely shot me down.

“It’s getting late Oikawa, I better head home. Thank you though, so much for, well, everything.” I said shyly, careful to keep my hands behind my back lest he try to do something or touch me in some way. I would have the conversation with him, just…not yet, it was too soon.

Oikawa looked nervous and a bit sweaty when he said, “No, thank you Suga…Hey, uh, what time is your practice over on Saturday? I was wondering if maybe you wanted to like, hang out afterwards?” Ahh, so that was what had him nervous. He was asking me out on another date. Pretty soon too, I would have to ask Sora what that meant. Surely it was a good thing?

“9:00, what about you?” I asked, pleased that Oikawa had asked me because I don’t know if I would’ve had the guts to for at least a week.

Oikawa looked very sad and disappointed as he mumbled, “Ah, 10:00. I was thinking we could maybe meet somewhere like halfway again if we finished at the same time, but that’s an hour gap–”

I cut him off. “No problem, I can hang out a bit after practice and then head over to Seijoh and, er, I could pick you up if you want? Save gas, help the environment and all that?” Oh wait, maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say, what if he thought I was being clingy or desperate or something now? That hadn’t been my intention at all!

“That would be perfect! We can go out for ice cream or the park by the school or something. I can’t wait! Bye Suga, thank you so much for coming!” Oikawa exclaimed, beaming. I was starting to smile myself when he surged forward and wrapped his arms around me and–oh god, I wanted to enjoy the hug. I wanted to enjoy it so bad, and I prayed that one day I would be able to, but in that moment, I felt like I was being smothered. Not in a good way with love and affection, which is how it should’ve been, but more in a harmful, violent way.

I did my best to relax, I really did. I even made the effort to put my arms around him as well, but after a bit too long I pulled away and said, “Goodbye!” and ran off to the safety and solitude of my car.

Thankful I was out of the view of the door or any windows, I sighed and rested my head against the steering wheel. Should I tell Oikawa on Saturday? Was that too soon? Maybe it would be better to wait a bit longer…but he would probably want to hold hands or something! GahhhhHHHH!!!!

Before driving off, I opened my phone and saw a bunch of missed calls and texts from Sora. Oops. I quickly responded to them, reassuring her that I was alive and well and would be home soon. Besides, when I told her everything that happened, I’m sure she would have a field day.

Driving off with my previous concern still on my mind, I pondered how I could combat it. I needed to make a stronger effort, to make up for it. I needed to prove that I was worth the extra hassle, that I was a worthwhile boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone has like date ideas or just story ideas in general, plz feel free to share lol, i have a general idea of where im taking things but wouldn't mind some extra ideas, i cant promise i would use them but ill see what i can do!!!


	27. 14. After practice (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the next few chapters, they will all be of this date, i havent decided how ill break it up yet well see (and sorry i didnt update again last night haha i started watching aot and dangg the uniforms are like🥵🥵🥵 (also so is levi lol))

“So Oikawa, when’s your boyfriend coming?” Iwaizumi teased me during a break at practice on Saturday. It was a little past 9:30, so Suga was probably on his way here already. I was super excited, we were gonna go to the park nearby and maybe play volleyball, and go shopping after (maybe), it was gonna be great! I may have been a tad bit unfocused at practice, but I was very enthusiastic and pumped up at least?

“Oho, what’s this? Loverboy’s got a date already?” Mattsun teased after taking a sip of water. “That’s why he’s been so distracted today, he can’t wait to go see his precious Suga.” Makki added, making kissy faces at me. I stuck my tongue out at him, you know, like the mature team captain I was.

“Alright, alright, back to practice.” Coach Irihata called out, breaking us up. Usually that was my job, although it made things a little difficult when I was caught in the middle of it. Shooting dirty glares towards my fellow third-years, I jogged back to the court where we were working on recieves and serves at the moment. If we were lucky, the coaches would let us play against each other at the end.

They didn’t. We finished a few minutes early after dismissing us, congratulating us on finishing midterms, and then we started to clean up. I happened to glance at the bleachers (which were mostly empty) out of the corner of my eye and saw Suga.

“Suga!” I shouted, running over to him. Several other team members looked our way as well. Suga looked embarrassed by all the attention, but started climbing down to meet me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you come in or I would’ve said hi sooner! You weren’t spying on us were you, gathering info to tell Karasuno?” I said teasingly. Then I noticed a kind of big tupperware container he was holding as he reached the bottom of the stands. “What are those?” I asked curiously.

“Ahh, I made cookies for your team, I hope that’s okay! I was making some last night to bring to Karasuno this morning, to celebrate the beginning of vacation, end of exams, and I thought I should make some for Seijoh too since I was stopping by.” Suga looked extremely embarrassed now. “I’m sorry! Maybe bringing snacks is a weird thing to do on your team, I usually do for mine but–”

I stared blankly at Suga. Of course he would make cookies for Karasuno, and Seijoh. Of course. What had I done to deserve him again?

“Suga trust me, I don’t think anyone will be mad at you for bringing us cookies. Well, maybe the coaches, but it’s Saturday anyway, we don’t have practice for a few days.” Suga looked a little more relieved after I reassured him everything was fine, but he got all flustered again when I shouted, “Hey everyone, my amazing boyfriend made cookies for us all, come over here if you want any!” (a/n: i dont think they make cookies in japan lol sorry for any culture clash mistake things i make in the future please just ignore them)

The reaction was immediate. Mops and volleyballs were forgotten as pretty much everyone stampeded over to us. “Oh my god, he actually did.” Iwaizumi muttered as he stalked over to us as well. I smirked at him, very proud of my boyfriend.

“What kind are they?” Kindaichi asked, already reaching for one. “Chocolate chip and sugar!” Suga said cheerfully with that stunning, bright smile of his. “You can have as many as you want, I made way too many.” Everyone took a bunch, even the coaches came over and took some after Suga offered (although not before a playful jab about sabotaging the competition by fattening us all up).

“Godd*mn, we need a team mom.” Mattsun muttered as everyone ate Suga’s cookies. Several of my teammates hummed in agreement. “Don’t you dare screw this relationship up Oikawa, or you’ll regret it.” Makki threatened, which was also backed up by many others.

“It’s like you guys don’t care about me at all!” I protested, knowing they were joking (but also not). While the rest of us finished up, Suga sent a questioning look at Kunimi who hadn’t tried to get any yet.

“Sorry, I’m gluten-free.” He said apologetically, but Suga was unphased. “Oh, I actually made some gluten-free ones too, the ones over here on the bottom.” Kunimi blinked in shock, as did the rest of the team, because oh my god, it wasn’t just me, right? Suga was actually perfect.

Kunimi gratefully took some of those, after which he told Suga, “Holy crap, these are the best gluten-free cookies I’ve ever had.” Suga looked very proud and sincerely thanked him.

“Someone at Karasuno’s also gluten-free?” I asked conversationally, finishing up my cookies. As Suga put the lid back on his box, he said, “No, but I saw you guys had gluten-free stuff at the party the other day and assumed one of you was gluten-free.” Everyone stared at Suga. He looked up like nothing had happened.

“D*mn, I don’t believe it Sh*ttykawa, you actually made a good decision about who to date. First time for everything.” Iwaizumi said, walking away to go clean up before I could shoot back an insult. Everyone else followed soon after, including Suga.

“I can help clean up, I don’t mind!” He said pleasantly. My brain was too busy malfunctioning at Suga’s seemingly limitless kindness to protest, so he ended up helping much to everyone’s shock and delight.

As Suga and I were getting ready to leave after all the cleaning was finished, Yahaba said, “I wish you had come sooner Suga-san, it would’ve been really fun to play a match with you!” Suga looked surprised at the second-year’s words, but he smiled and said, “That would be really fun, maybe next time!” I grinned, just thinking of the implications of “next time,” as well as the prospect of getting to play against Suga with my team.

“Bye bye, see you guys next week!” I called, waving to my teammates as Suga and I left. Suga waved too as we made our way out. “Should we walk to the park or drive?” Suga asked me.

“Let’s drive I guess, just so we’re not parked at school on a Saturday?” I said. Suga nodded and we got in his silver car. As soon as he started it, his music turned on, presumably where he left off. I raised my eyes as the theme song to Death Note began blasting.

“Heh, sorry, I like to listen to anime songs.” Suga said as he turned the volume way down and pulled out of the parking lot. “Do you watch a lot of them?” I asked curiously, wanting to get to know my boyfriend better (I also had a very specific plan to further get to know him at the park).

“Yeah, kind of. Do you?” Suga asked shyly. “I’m familiar with a bunch, but not really.” I paused before slyly adding, “Maybe we should watch one together.” I pressed my lips together, waiting for Suga’s reaction; it was good. He laughed joyfully and agreed that it was a good idea that we should try.

We arrived at the park in a really short time. Getting out, I brought my volleyball with me and began leading Suga to the net. “It is a sand court, so naturally it will be kind of different, but we can still do our best to play one-on-one.” I said, walking a bit slower to keep pace with Suga.

“That’s fine! As long as we play volleyball I don’t really care.” He said contentedly. I actually hadn’t been to the park in a long time and had forgotten how picturesque everything was. The grass was an incredible shade of green, lots of the flowers along the pathway were blooming, and the lake was a shimmering blue from the morning sun. I grinned as I realized how romantic it was, especially given the park wasn’t too crowded.

“Wow, this park is beautiful!” Suga said with big eyes, shining brighter than the water. Not as beautiful as you, I thought, proud I could call someone as breathtaking as Suga mine. He kind of faltered and missed a step and choked on air. I looked at him oddly,

“I-I, um, uh, th-thank you, Oikawa.” Suga stuttered out, and it wasn’t until a few moments later when I realized I had said that last thought out loud, and nearly choked on air myself. No no no Oikawa, you have to be smooth, you can’t let him know how nervous you are, just run with it!

“Just speaking the facts!” I added, winking at Suga who had started blushing even more. He blushed a lot around me…but that was good, he looked really cute when he did that, and I had resolved to make him blush more during our last date.

“Well, here we are!” I exclaimed, taking off my shoes and setting them on the side with my phone and wallet. Suga followed suit, setting his stuff on his side, and I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw him barefoot.

“What’s so funny?” Suga asked, crossing his arms and stealing the volleyball from me. “You’re feet, they’re so tiny!” I said in between laughs. “They are not!” Suga protested adamantly. When I stopped laughing, I asked, “What size are you then?” Suga looked away and mumbled something. “What was that?” I said teasingly, holding my hand to my ear. Suga muttered something too quietly for me to hear again. “What?” I asked louder.

“I’m a 24 okay?!” He finally admitted, throwing up his arms in exasperation (a/n: this is a 6 in the US and 39 in Europe). I burst out laughing again, having to sit down on the grass. His feet were so tiny, it was adorable. Suga started laughing too then. “Well at least my feet aren’t freakishly large like yours! What are you, a 32?” He asked, amused, trying to calm down so we could actually play.

“I am not, I will have you know I am only a 30.” I said smirking (a/n: a 12 in the US and 46 in Europe), settling down myself and getting ready to play. I was going to beat Suga, and get to show off my skills to just him. It was a win-win!

“Alright, enough about shoe sizes, let’s play!” Suga said, and then served the ball to me. We played back and forth for a while (it took a while to get used to playing one-on-one, and once we did we were pretty tired). I was very disappointed when Suga turned out to be better than me at one-on-one.

“No fair Suga! That point was mine and you know it!” I argued weakly, knowing it wasn’t. Suga went to retrieve the ball. As he returned, he gave me a devious smile and said, “Alright Oikawa, you can have the point. I like giving to charity anyway.” I opened my mouth in protest but Suga had already moved to serve again.

The next point easily was out of bounds, but I watched dumbfoundedly as Suga ran like there was no tomorrow and dove to dig it, pancake style; he was successful, but unfortunately it dropped before he could get back up to send the ball to me.

“That was a crazy receive Suga! Maybe you should be a libero.” I joked, getting the ball that had rolled to my side. Wiping the sweat off his face, he said, “I used to be one actually.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, spinning the ball on one finger. “I used to be a libero, back when I was a first-year.” I dropped the ball.

“Wait, actually? Did you play in middle school, were you a setter or libero then? And how come you’re not anymore?” My head began to overflow with questions, wanting to dig deeper and deeper into the mystery that was Sugawara Koshi.

Suga walked over to me and leaned on the side of the net, trying to get under the shade (he had let me have the shady side after I kept complaining about how hot it was, another reason why he was literally perfect).

“No, I didn’t play in middle school, I didn’t start until high school. When I first joined, we didn’t have a libero and my receives were actually pretty good, for never playing before anyway, so I became the libero. Then in my second-year our setter who unexpectedly moved at the beginning of the year and we didn’t have a setter, and the one from before had been working with me a bit at the end of the year just because I was kind of interested in trying setting, so then when Nishinoya, our current libero came, I got moved to setter and, well, that’s how it was again this year.” Suga got a faraway look in his eyes as he added, “Well, for the most part. Kageyama’s the setter now.” (a/n: i've seen a few libero-suga aus and rly liked the idea even tho it doesnt really fit with this story but i was too lazy to write it out sorry lol)

I was silent for a bit. That was a lot to process. First of all, the fact that Suga was at his current level and had only been playing for a little over two years was amazing. Second, he had only been setting for a year or so and was already a pretty great setter; if he had started sooner, he maybe could’ve been something really special, but since he hadn’t, I felt like he had been robbed. Third, Suga had been cheated out of several other things, like the libero position, now setter. It made my blood boil that it was stupid Tobio-chan stealing it from him too. Although, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that if he had gone to Seijoh, it could’ve been me in Suga’s position.

“I suppose I should thank you for dealing with Tobio-chan. I can’t imagine what things would be like if he’d gone to Aoba Johsai.” I admitted honestly. Suga just laughed lightly–perhaps a bit too lightly–and shrugged me off.

“I’m glad he’s at Karasuno. Our team hasn’t been all that great for a while now, but this year, I think we’ve got something really special, and a lot of that is due to him.” Suga smiled at the end. I stared intently at his eyes, which were looking at the ground, trying to ascertain if he was being truthful or not, if he was really okay with how things were, or if it tore him up that he’d been pushed to the side again. I wanted to push the issue further, but decided not to.

Regardless of his true feelings, I had no doubt that he was a good upperclassman who never let Kageyama know how he truly felt and only supported him. Unlike me who, the last time I had been his upperclassman, handled the situation…slightly less well…and may or may not have tried to hit him at times.

“Well, as much fun as this has been, wanna go get ice cream now? The place is pretty close to the park actually so we could walk back here if you wanted after?” I asked, waiting for Suga’s approval before going to get my stuff.

“Sure! Let’s go!” Suga called out to me, going to get his stuff as well. I resisted the urge to laugh at the delicate way he put his shoes back on, reminding me of Cinderella or something. I also resisted the urge to walk over to him and put his shoe on like the prince did, because Suga probably would’ve been weirded out.

“Race you to the car?” Suga asked excitedly. I got a competitive look in my eyes and, disregarding the fact that racing was a very Tobio (and Chibi-chan) like thing to do, agreed, “You’re on!” I took off immediately after, barely giving Suga a chance. I was yet again shocked by him as he caught up with me and ran just as hard despite his considerably shorter legs.

We neared the parking lot, ignoring the odd looks we were getting from a few other people in the park. I also reasoned that I wasn’t screaming like an idiot, so really I wasn’t acting like stupid, annoying Tobio-chan.

“I win!” I shouted, touching a tree on the edge of the lot that we seemed to have agreed was the end point. “Nuh uh, I totally won fair and square!” Suga asserted as he leaned over, torn between catching his breath and laughing at our, well, ridiculousness.

“How about a tie?” I asked out of breath, leaning my head back against the tree and closing my eyes. “You’ve got yourself a deal.” Suga said, smiling back at me. I was about to sit down from exhaustion when Suga started moving to his car and unlocked it.

“You coming?” He teased me, getting inside. I groaned and painstakingly pushed away from the tree. While did my Suga have to be so cruel??? (my Suga, hehehehehehe).

I dragged myself over to Suga’s car and climbed in the passenger seat and began giving directions to him to the ice cream place. While we drove, I smiled as I thought of what I had planned for after we got ice cream.


	28. 14. After practice (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe sorry this is a long chapter (as I said before the next few chapters will all be their second date which I think ill just break up normally, i didn't wanna have the second date part 1, 2, 3, 4 or whatever and like four oikawa povs in a row so sorry for however strangely it will read). i hope you all are having a great weekend, stay safe!

“Thanks for your help with the cookies Sora, see you later!” I said, waving to my foster sister as I left the house. “Good luck with your date!” She called out, going back to bed. I was a bit jealous.

6:00 AM practice was so early, and for three hours??? I suppose it was all worth it though if it paid off. And, I had cookies! That would undoubtedly brighten everyone’s mood!

Practice was long, and hard. Mostly because I couldn’t get Oikawa off my mind. I even got to set more than usual when we held a few practice matches in between team members because I was so eager to head off to my date. I made a mental note that I couldn’t do this every time I had a date.

Every time I had a date, a little presumptuous of me. Hopefully though, all would go well just as it had last time, and there would be many more in the future!

After practice, I went and got the cookies. “Guys, I brought cookies today to celebrate the end of exams, great job everyone!” Everyone’s eyes lit up. Tanaka, Noya, and Hinata all sprinted towards me and began bowing on the floor.

“Thank you Sugawara-senpai!” Hinata cried, still fervently bowing. “You are the best senpai.” Noya and Tanaka agreed solemnly. Kageyama was a bit behind them, awkwardly bowing as well.

“No problem, I figure everyone’s been working pretty hard and deserves a treat!” I said smiling brightly and setting the container on a table. Tanaka, Noya, Hinata, and Kageyama were the first to grab cookies, followed by the other second-years and then Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. I grinned as Tsukki took one and mumbled a “thank you” before walking off.

“Thank you Suga, it’s been too long since you brought cookies.” Daichi said, taking a couple and laughing. I rolled my eyes playfully as Asahi chimed in and agreed, knowing they both had a weak spot for my baking.

I really wanted to just get out of there, but Oikawa still had practice for another hour anyway, and it would’ve felt weird to just sit in the parking lot for a while until he finished, so, after cleaning up I took forever in the showers and getting ready, and was the only one still there by the end.

I put on a list of my favorite songs to calm me down. The drive was fine, I did get to the Seijoh gym a bit early though. There were still a few minutes left of practice, but I decided to go inside and watch (it wouldn’t count as spying when they were so close to being done; also I’d literally watched copies of their whole practices before, so…).

Clutching my box of cookies, I nervously padded inside, feeling a bit more at ease when I spotted Oikawa going to do one of his crazy jump serves and sat down in the bleachers. It looked like they were working on receives. Once they finished (Oikawa’s side had one), the coach gathered everyone to dismiss them and then they started walking off.

I curiously peered at Oikawa, wondering if I should wait until they were done cleaning to approach him, or if that would be rude to sit and just watch them, or–

Oikawa looked right up at me, and I swear my heart stopped when the biggest, most endearing smile broke out across his face and he shouted, “Suga!” and immediately sprinted over to me.

Accepting the fact that by the time we finally left the gym I would be red as a tomato, I climbed down from my seat and started walking down the steps to greet him, holding onto my tupperware container like it was my lifeline.

When I got to the ground, Oikawa started rambling, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you come in or I would’ve said hi sooner! You weren’t spying on us were you? Gathering info to tell Karasuno?” Before I could retort that I most certainly had not been, he looked at what I was holding and asked, “What are those?” (a/n: they are crocs, sorry ill shut up now)

Then, it was my turn to start rambling. Because really, making cookies for a rival team? Really??? That you just met? Was it too forward of me, or like, awkward? “Ahh, I made cookies for your team, I hope that’s okay! I was making some last night to bring to Karasuno this morning, to celebrate the beginning of vacation, end of exams, and I thought I should make some for Seijoh too since I was stopping by. I’m sorry! Maybe bringing snacks is a weird thing to do on your team, I usually do for mine but–”

Oikawa laughed dryly. “Suga trust me, I don’t think anyone will be mad at you for bringing us cookies. Well, maybe the coaches, but it’s Saturday anyway, we don’t have practice for a few days.” While I was feeling much more confident after Oikawa’s reassurance, that crumbled away when he shouted, “Hey everyone, my amazing boyfriend made cookies for us all, come over here if you want any!”

I didn’t really like attention. Not from big groups of people anyway, I got super self-conscious. I’d learned to deal with it of course, competing in international televised competitions would do that but, that was a bit different. I wasn’t talking, I was just skating what I had been practicing for hours on end. This…I actually had to interact and talk to others. I could be good at it, but I just got so anxious talking sometimes!

Everyone seized what they were doing and broke out in a dead sprint towards me and Oikawa. I watched Iwaizumi mutter something to Oikawa and prayed it was good.

One of the tall, spiky-haired players (Seijoh had a lot of those) was already reaching for a cookie as he asked, “What kind are they?” reminding me of Tanaka and Noya. I forced myself not to laugh when I recognized him as the one Kageyama had dubbed “onion-head” at the inter-high prelims.

“Chocolate chip and sugar!” I said sweetly. I had specifically chosen those ones because chocolate chip was most popular and sugar, well, it another popular non-chocolate choice. “You can have as many as you want, I made way too many.”

I was very proud when everyone came over to take my cookies, even the coaches. I took special attention to the fact that Iwaizumi grabbed more than anyone else, it appeared that he had a major sweet tooth, and hopefully I would be able to use that to my advantage.

“Godd*mn, we need a team mom.” Mattsun, I think, asked. I blushed and bit my lip, was I that…maternal? Motherly? It was an ongoing joke on Karasuno that I was the team mom, even Sora had overheard and now she, along with several of my teammates, occasionally referred to me as “Sugamama.” Apparently, it was so bad that even another team noticed after knowing me for like, two days.

Another of the third-years, Makki? He added, “Don’t you dare screw this relationship up Oikawa, or you’ll regret it.” Well, at least everyone liked me! They all agreed with the previous statements, but that didn’t stop me from feeling overwhelmed and embarrassed by everyone’s positive reaction to me.

“It’s like you guys don’t care about me at all!” Oikawa cried mournfully, but I saw the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, letting me know he wasn’t that hurt and that he was probably just as overjoyed with his teammates’ taking to me as I was.

I was feeling very pleased with myself that everyone had taken at least one cookie when I noticed one boy on the outside of the group of us hadn’t. I caught his eye, darnit, now it was awkward because he would think I was offended or mad at him or something? When I wasn’t?

“Sorry, I’m gluten-free.” He apologized, sparing me any further embarrassment. Oh wait, gluten-free he said?

“Oh, I actually made some gluten-free ones too, the ones over here on the bottom.” I announced triumphantly. Yes, today was a success. Points to us Suga, way to round out the good impression!

“Holy crap, these are the best gluten-free cookies I’ve ever had.” The boy, whose name I now remembered was Kunimi, informed me. “Thank you!” I said to him. One of the kids in the last foster home I was at had been gluten-free, and I learned a lot about the different kinds of food that fell under the category, and the best recipes to use.

I started to put the box away after everyone was done. “Someone at Karasuno’s also gluten-free?” Oikawa asked, wiping his mouth. I turned away smirking when I saw that he had somehow managed to get some chocolate on his nose. “No, but I saw you guys had gluten-free stuff at the party the other day and assumed one of you was gluten-free.” I said nonchalantly.

I hadn’t thought it was a big deal, but apparently everyone else did, looking at me in shock and awe. “D*mn, I don’t believe it Sh*ttykawa, you actually made a good decision about who to date. First time for everything.” Iwaizumi chuckled before walking off. I felt a little breathless as I realized Oikawa’s best friend had just indirectly paid me a huge compliment.

Oikawa was silent. He too started walking off to finish cleaning, and I followed. He tried to stop me but I protested, “I can help clean up, I don’t mind!” Goodness knows it was significantly more appealing than awkwardly watching everyone clean up when I was perfectly capable of helping as well.

Oikawa relented (which his team was very grateful for), and we finished soon enough. As Oikawa and I were getting ready to leave, one of the second-years, a very sweet-looking boy, came up to us and said, “I wish you had come sooner Suga-san, it would’ve been really fun to play a match with you!”

I was at a loss for words. That was such a nice thing to say! And to a rival teammate no less! I was certain that Karasuno wouldn’t have had the same reaction had the situation been reversed.

Realizing I needed to respond, I said to Yahaba (?), “That would be really fun, maybe next time!” I wasn’t lying, the chance to play with Seijoh would be pretty cool, especially given how little I was able to play with my actual team as it was.

“Bye bye, see you guys next week!” Oikawa said quickly, beginning to walk out of the gym. I waved to everyone as I followed him, happy to have met his team again, but even happier to be going to my much-awaited date with Oikawa.

“Should we walk to the park or drive?” I asked, getting my keys out. “Let’s drive I guess, just so we’re not parked at school on a Saturday?” Stupid question, of course we shouldn’t stay parked at the school on a Saturday.

We got in the car and I started it. My embarrassment levels soared when the Death Note op began blaring out of my speakers, where I had left off when I parked. I frantically went to turn it off. “Heh, sorry, I like to listen to anime songs.” I apologized. Idiot, what kind of mature third-year in high school listened to anime songs? (a/n: me lol)

“Do you watch a lot of them?” Oikawa asked as I pulled out onto the main road. I carefully went over his question again and again, searching for any trace of malice or mockery, but came up empty.

Feeling it was safe to admit my anime obsession, I quietly said, “Yeah, kind of. Do you?” Maybe he did, since he seemed pretty chill about it?

“I’m familiar with a bunch, but not really.” Was his reply. Ah, darn. That would’ve been nice to have a friend into anime. To be honest, I didn’t have many friends outside the team, and Sora didn’t watch, so I quietly obsessed on my own. Oikawa surprised me though when he tacked on, “Maybe we should watch one together.” It wasn’t even an uncertain question, it was more of a firm statement. I laughed and agreed; it felt liberating to hear him say that.

Soon we got to the park. As Oikawa led the way, he said, “It is a sand court, so naturally it will be kind of different, but we can still do our best to play one-on-one.” I hadn’t played that type of volleyball in a really long time, but I was eager to try something new and looking forward to it.

“That’s fine! As long as we play volleyball I don’t really care.” I admitted as we strolled along the path. The park was absolutely gorgeous, and I was shocked that it wasn’t more crowded, especially on such a nice, sunny, overall perfect day. It was so nice that I think I would have to come more often.

“Wow, this park is beautiful!” I exclaimed. Not very original, but it was what was on my mind. What Oikawa said next was also not very original, but still shocking nonetheless.

“Not as beautiful as you.”

I was more embarrassed than I had ever been at his frank admission. I turned to look at him, he was looking down at me with the most…lovestruck, I think? expression on his face, his eyes were just shining and-and…I think he was actually serious, and not kidding or lying to me?

I did not think I was beautiful. I didn’t think I was even pretty, or cute, or attractive in any way. My face was so plain, so boring. My eyes were pretty boring too. I thought that no matter what color or shape your eyes were, they were pretty in some way, but when it came to my own, I just…didn’t. And then there was that stupid mole I had by my eye, why couldn’t I just have a clear face? And don’t even get me started on my hideous hair. If I thought I could pull off a buzz cut like Tanaka, I would’ve gotten one long ago, but I definitely could not. It’s just, what kind of seventeen-year-old had gray hair? It was mortifying, ugly, weird. I used to like my hair, but then it went and turned gray during…because of the incident. I thought it would return to its old color, but it never did. In short, I found myself quite unappealing, which was why when Oikawa, a literal god/model (I mean his face was perfect, his hair was stupid pretty, his eyes were stunning, he was just…amazing; he was beautiful, not me) told me I was beautiful, I was unsure as to how to respond.

“I-I, um, uh, th-thank you, Oikawa.” I wanted to tell him, no, I’m not, but I didn’t wanna come off as an annoyingly low self-confident person (which I absolutely was) because that was a big turnoff.

“Just speaking the facts!” Oikawa replied, winking at me, and I tell you I wanted to scream, because someone like Oikawa was complimenting someone like me, like, I absolutely did not deserve that, if anything I should’ve been showering him in compliments, but goodness knows I didn’t have the confidence to do that either.

We walked in slightly awkward silence the rest of the way until we got to the net. “Well, here we are!” Oikawa set his stuff on the grass, so I went to put mine on the other side of the court in a pile as well. As soon as I took off my shoes, Oikawa burst out laughing, and I noticed it was at me. I became self-conscious all over again (although I was learning more and more that I had little reason to feel that way around Oikawa who, for some reason, thought I was, well, beautiful, and lots of other good things).

“What’s so funny?” I asked apprehensively. “You’re feet, they’re so tiny!” He said, pointing at said feet. Alright, so maybe I did still have some reason to be self-conscious around him. “They are not!” I defended myself, but when Oikawa asked, “What size are they?” I knew I was done for. I embarrassedly mumbled my size a few times, hoping Oikawa would give up, but he kept persisting until I practically screamed, “I’m a 24 okay?” which prompted a whole nother round of laughter.

My instincts told me to curl up in a ball and hide from the ridicule, to block it and everyone out like how I used to. With Oikawa…I found myself not wanting to do that. It was different than before because he actually cared about me, he liked me, as he’d proven several times. So, I did something very un-Suga-like. I started laughing too.

I even retorted, “Well at least my feet aren’t freakishly large like yours! What are you, a 32?” He did have pretty big feet, but he goodnaturedly responded, “I am not, I will have you know I am only a 30.” I rolled my eyes, amazed at how…easy…our interaction was. Oikawa was just…nice. I’m sure lots of people (especially certain teammates of mine) would disagree, but I knew otherwise.

“Alright, enough about shoe sizes, let’s play!” I said giggling. We started playing; Oikawa went kind of easy on me with his serves, thank god, but I still struggled to keep up with him. In the beginning at least, I actually started doing decently as time wore on and even began beating him. Take that Oikawa Tooru!

“No fair Suga! That point was mine and you know it!” Oikawa complained. I was learning more and more that he was kind of a child. Not to the extent Hinata was, but still a child. I shot back, “Alright Oikawa, you can have the point. I like giving to charity anyway.” I smirked at my comeback, it sounded so weird coming from me, but at the same time it felt natural. And I made Oikawa laugh. I lived for his laugh, the real one, it was so cute.

During the next play, I managed to pull off a pretty good receive that would have made Nishinoya proud. Even Oikawa said, “That was a crazy receive Suga! Maybe you should be a libero.” Without thinking, I responded, “I used to be one actually.”

Crap. Why had I said that? It just opened a whole can of worms and I would have to explain my volleyball career, and just like, ugh.

“What do you mean?” Oikawa asked, not really paying attention. Sighing, I hesitantly added, “I used to be a libero, back when I was a first-year.” Unfortunately, that had piqued Oikawa’s interest and he let loose a string of questions about me and volleyball. I reluctantly walked over to him and launched into the embarrassing story of how I had been pushed out of my libero position last year, and this year out of my setter position. It was embarrassing in general, but explaining all of it to Oikawa, a volleyball superstar, it was straight up humiliating given the difference in our skill levels. It was even worse because I had to admit I’d basically lost to Kageyama, who he absolutely loathed.

I prayed he wouldn’t make some snarky (even if jokingly meant) comment about my patheticness, and was very grateful when instead he said to me, “I suppose I should thank you for dealing with Tobio-chan. I can’t imagine what things would be like if he’d gone to Aoba Johsai.” Oikawa looked…genuinely relieved. I knew he respected Kageyama as a setter, no matter how much he hated it. What I didn’t realize was the extent to which that respect extended. Apparently to the point of fear. It reminded me all too much of myself.

I laughed and shrugged him off, wanting to move on from the topic. “I’m glad he’s at Karasuno. Our team hasn’t been all that great for a while now, but this year, I think we’ve got something really special, and a lot of that is due to him.” I (painfully) admitted that, hoping it would bring an end to the conversation. I was, of course, very dedicated to Karasuno and its success, but…I just wanted to play volleyball, to get better, to have fun. Kageyama…well, let’s just say he made it kind of difficult for me to do that, no matter how many times I tried to convince myself it had nothing to do with him.

“Well, as much fun as this has been, wanna go get ice cream now? The place is pretty close to the park actually so we could walk back here if you wanted after?” Oikawa asked pleasantly, and I smiled real wide because he had effectively gotten us past the painful, former conversation. Also, I was getting hot, I was probably also burning up as I hadn’t put any sunblock on and burnt incredibly easily given my (ugly) paper-white skin.

“Sure! Let’s go!” I announced, going to pick up my stuff just as Oikawa was doing. I sat down on the backs of my legs, leaning to the side as I reached to put my shoes on. After that, I stood up and prepared for a nice walk back through the park. Until an unusual idea popped into my head, and I offered, “Race you to the car?”

It was undoubtedly a very juvenile thing to do, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I thought Oikawa would shoot it down, but he narrowed his eyes at me and instead said, “You’re on!” barely giving me any time to react before sprinting off. If he thought I was just gonna let him win though, he had another thing coming. I easily (okay maybe not easily, but like somewhat easily) caught up with him and pulled ahead the tiniest bit as we reached a tree by my car in the parking lot.

“I win!” He declared, crossing his arms proudly. I was pretty winded from the short race, but did my best not to let it show. “Nuh uh, I totally won fair and square!” I countered. At least I wasn’t the only one out of it, I had thought Oikawa was fine but he looked, well, less fine now as he suggested, “How about a tie?”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” I told him, going over to my car. I could at least gain the upper hand and make it look like I wasn’t as tired as he was. “You coming?” I asked, very much wanting to crawl back to the park and just lie down and take a nap in the shade of a huge tree.

Oikawa didn’t hide his exhaustion so well; he sauntered over to me, looking like he might collapse at any moment, not even responding to my jest as he slowly got in the car.

At least we were going to get ice cream, that would probably give us some energy, I thought as he told me where to go to get to the store. It was thrilling to know that our date was only partially over and I still had lots of time to spend with Oikawa. I was surprised as I found myself not ready to let him go when we got to the ice cream place.


	29. 15. Questions (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the awkward way this is split up, but if i hadnt it wouldve been really really long lol (also sorry if the concept is weird, i was just looking for a way for them to get to know each other better and this was the best i could come up with -_-)

"I'll have the matcha ice cream, what about you Suga?" I asked, glancing over at my boyfriend. For some reason, getting ice cream with Suga felt so...I don't know, domestic. Fluffy, romantic, a relationship-must. I was curious to see what kind he got.

"Can I get the honey lavender please?" He told the employee politely (who was thankfully not an attractive young man or woman, but an older person who probably wouldn't be flirting with either one of us).

Honey lavender seemed very fitting for Suga, I thought, watching the man get our ice cream. It wasn't overly sugary to the point of being unable to handle, but still sweet if not a little boring; a comforting flavor. It reminded me of how water was his favorite drink (oh yes, I was making a list, which hopefully would continue to grow).

When the man asked for us to pay, I darted out in front of Suga before he could give anything. "Here you go sir." I said, handing him my card. "Oikawa, at least let me pay for mine!" Suga protested, although it was already too late. I smirked as we walked outside back to his car after getting the ice cream.

"You paid last time–"

"That was your birthday!"

"It was more expensive anyway. Now we can be even, you paid for me last time, and more because it was my birthday, and I paid today, although less because it's not a special occasion I guess. Happy?" Suga was still grumbling but I could see he had given in by the time we reached the car. It was nice Suga wanted to pay though. Usually the people I went out with just expected me to, but with Suga, well, I wanted to. He was a rather refreshing change from what I was used to.

"Can you hold mine while I drive?" He asked me. I smiled. "Of course! Anything for my Suga-chan!" Suga's eyes widened, and immediately I recognized my mistake.

"AHhhh!!! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to call you that, I swear, it kind of just slipped out without me thinking, I promise I won't do it again." Suga appeared to have recovered and, after getting in and starting the car, said, "It's fine, I don't mind...Oikawa-chan." He drove off, the tiniest trace of a smirk evident on his face, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief because thank god, I hadn't screwed things up. Also, relationship progress! Yay! I would definitely take advantage of calling him Suga-chan in the future (and he called me Oikawa-chan, oh my god).

When neither of us started talking (it was a pretty short drive to be fair), I turned the music back on, and the Death Note opening picked up again. "I can't believe you watch Death Note Suga-chan, seems a bit dark for you, don't you think?"

"And I thought you didn't know anything about anime." Suga replied playfully as we neared the parking lot. "You're right, I have no idea what the show's about, but I mean, it is called Death Note, it can't be anything too happy." Suga parked and shrugged. "I suppose it is dark, but the logistics and plot are so intricate, and, it's just, it's fascinating." He paused and eyed me carefully. "Well, if you're into that kind of thing."

If I hadn't been sure before, now I was, Suga was smart. He didn't praise the show for its characters or specific genre, he praised it for the plot's intricacies, what kind of sane high schooler answer was that?

"It doesn't sound terrible. I guess I'm just more into alien movies and space documentaries though." Alright, now I sounded like a nerd, I wasn't one to talk (although I didn't have the outstanding grades I was certain Suga did to back me up).

We got out of the car and I handed Suga his ice cream. "Can we go sit by the water? I wanna dip my feet in!" I said, laughing and running off. I didn't see it, but I could feel Suga's eye roll, reminiscent of Iwaizumi (although much milder).

I almost spilled my ice cream on the way and faltered to re-steady it, but when I looked back up, Suga whipped by me in a blur. How was he so fast? It didn't make sense.

"Suga-chan! Wait for me!" I called, sprinting after him once my ice cream was stable. I could hear his merry laughter a ways in front of me, which let me know that he had no intention of doing so.

Not too much later, we got to the water. There was a really nice spot with a tree that hung over the water and a bench behind the path near the lake. I went right up to the water's edge though and sat down, taking my shoes off and slowly putting my feet in the cool water. I closed my eyes and leaned back a bit, enjoying the serenity of the moment.

I looked back up after a bit, seeing that Suga had yet to join me. He was still standing behind me, eyeing the water suspiciously. Well, that wouldn't do. "Don't worry Suga-chan, the water won't bite, I promise. Come on, just put your feet in, live a little. And if some monster tries to drag you in, I promise I'll swim in after you, beat it up, and bring you back." I wasn't sure why Suga was so hesitant, but something did seem a bit off, so I did my best to put him at ease.

"Promise?" He asked with his huge eyes, bigger than normal. I thought he was joking back after my jest, but he actually looked pretty serious. Deciding not to joke back, I seriously responded, "Promise. Scout's honor." putting my hand on my chest.

Suga hesitated a bit longer but slowly edged towards the water and sat down beside me. He waited a bit longer after that before removing his shoes and putting just the tips of his toes in the water.

"You don't like the water?" I asked curiously, but trying not to sound intrusive. When Suga bit his lip and got a kind of scared (?) look in his eyes, I considered apologizing and taking my question back but he said softly, "Yeah, bad experience. I haven't been able to get over it I guess." When he didn't elaborate, I let it go, grateful for what he had shared.

I let silence hang over us for a bit longer before broaching my next discussion topic because it felt wrong, like I was violating how vulnerable he seemed at the moment. After deeming an appropriate amount of time had passed, I began, "Sooooo, Suga-channnnn..."

Suga had withdrawn one of his feet and brought his leg up to his chest, which he was now holding. He looked very cute and I just wanted to take him into my arms and bury my head in his hair because like–

Ah, no! I thought I was getting better about doing that but apparently not. I would have to work on it in the future. But back to the discussion.

Suga had raised an eyebrow at my prompting him. I continued, "I don't want to break up with you." OH SHOOT WAIT WHAT WAS THAT THOSE WERE NOT THE WORDS WE AGREED ON OIKAWA!!!

Suga looked very confused and kind of fearful, so I began scrambling to fix my mistake. "Ah, that's not what I meant to say! I just meant that, I really like you Suga-chan, and, well, I'm not really the best at relationships (or lasting ones anyway), so I was researching how to like, have good dates and start off good with your partner–not that I think our relationship is failing!" Jesus christ Oikawa you've been dating for like two days, what are you even saying?

Suga looked absolutely bewildered now, he had that lost puppy look on his face, and his head was even tilted off to one side (it was very adorable). I took a deep breath. "I'm rambling, aren't I?" I asked, looking away embarrassed. Suga paused before responding but eventually said, "I think you are. Why don't you just, say what you want to say? You can tell me." I had now covered my face with my hands, but at Suga's words I peeked out from behind them and saw him smiling sweetly back at me, and f*ck, how could I say no to that face of his? He was definitely going to be the ruin of me.

"Can I ask you a list of questions I found, to get to know you better?" I asked straightforwardly. I resisted the urge to apologize for the way I came off, implying I didn't know him well, even though I didn't, but admitting it felt wrong, and like, just–no, this is why I didn't say anything extra, I just would've gotten super flustered.

"Alright, ask away. I...I can't promise I'll answer everything, but...I think that's a good idea! We should get to know each other better if we're...dating." Suga beamed at me. I stared at him for probably longer than was necessary before nodding (I wonder why he thought there was a possibility he wouldn't be able to answer some of the questions? I was just going through light stuff).

"Right, um, er, thanks!" Smooth. Very smooth. I took a deep breath before starting, praying that this would go well, that Suga and I would still be compatible after learning more about each other.

"Alright, so, first question. Um, sorry, they're kind of random but uh, if you could have dinner with anyone in the whole world, who would it be?" Was I being weird? That hadn't been my intention, but it didn't mean I wasn't coming off that way. Hmmm.

"You mean, aside from you?" Suga asked, dare I say, flirtatiously? He had withdrawn his legs from the water and was sitting with them crossed in front him, resting his head in his hands and giving the most impish look, I swear.

"Yes, aside from me, that was a given!" I shot back, trying to sound just as confident in teasing him back, but I had to turn my face away after I felt heat climbing up my face. Once I was sure it had subsided, I glanced back at my boyfriend who was now staring solemnly across the water. That serious look had returned to his face once again, and the wind was ruffling his hair now, blowing it in the breeze, and holy crap, with the shade of the tree covering his face, Suga looked like my own personal Byronic hero of a boyfriend, all dark and mysterious and brooding (even though that wasn't what he was really like). And hot. He looked very hot.

Suga's eyes lit up a tiny bit as he slowly turned back to look at me. He had a small, soft smile on his lips as he answered, "My older sister."

...Interesting. I don't know what I had expected of him, maybe some cool historical figure who had made a huge impact on Japan, some great world leader, but somehow, something so simple as his older sister was such a simple yet incredibly sweet and fitting answer for him.

Before I could ask about his sister, Suga shot my question right back at me. I was caught off guard, I don't know why, it was only natural that he asked me the same questions back. Maybe I was just used to bad dates who only talked about themselves.

I smoothly replied, "Well I was going to say Beyoncé, but now you made me feel bad and I feel like I have to have a morally acceptable answer, so I'll say...mmmm, I'll say...my mom."

"Your mom?" He asked, smiling. Not in the mocking way that my teammates would've, more in a I'm-a-nice-person-and-wouldn't-make-fun-of-you-if-you-said-you-wet-the-bed-until-junior-high kind of way. And he looked interested in what I had to say, like he really cared about my answer, which I'm sure he did.

"My mom...she's, well, she's great. I know everyone thinks their mom is the best but I swear, mine really is. She's always there for me, in volleyball, with school, my personal life. I know she really cares about me and would do anything for me. Even when I screw up big time, when I lie about stuff or throw a tantrum after losing a game or something volleyball-related–er, not that I've done that recently or anything! Because that would be childish and-and immature, which I'm not, obviously–she just knows how to deal with me, how to help me, and loves me unconditionally. Plus, she's like, the best cook I know, so that's pretty great too."

"Your mom sounds like a great person." Suga said after I was done. "She is." I agreed. There was a pause after in which I smiled looking down at the ground, playing with the grass as the last thoughts of my mom faded away (because I loved my mom, but I was on a date in all fairness). I was about to move on to the next question when I jerked my head up and added, "My older sister's a close second though, she's pretty great too. And my dad. And my nephew–well, actually I don't know, he can be pretty annoying at times–"

I stopped mid-sentence to look over as Suga who was softly laughing at me, his eyes closed and head thrown back and, just, wow. He looked really pretty the way the light that broke through the tree's shadow caught his hair and it shone. He shone; he was so beautiful, and I had to wonder what someone like him was doing with someone like me.

Before I could get lost in that train of thought, I asked, "Alright, you ready for the next question?" I mourned the loss of Suga's beautiful laugh as he sat back up straight and fixed his gaze back on me.

"Yes." He said brightly. I pursed my lips before continuing, "If you could be famous, would you, and for what?" This question also triggered the serious look from Suga. Not as serious as before I don't think, but, still. He seemed to be considering his answer very carefully, which I was grateful for. It would've been disappointing if he wasn't interested in me, him, us.

"No, I don't think I would. It would be kind of annoying having people recognize you wherever you go, no privacy really. I guess I'm kind of just a quiet person." Suga bit his lip and looked kind of sad. He then apologized, "Er, sorry, I'm probably not like the people you usually date, I'm not really outgoing or extroverted or anything."

I couldn't help but feel saddened by the fact that Suga seemed to think something was wrong with him for being the way he was, when of course there wasn't. I was debating over how to respond, to let him know I lo-liked him just the way he was without making him feel worse for apologizing for being himself (I knew how people like Suga were, I just wasn't aware he was quite that unsure of himself, which was gradually becoming more apparent as he apologized for little things, talked about how he felt not good enough in volleyball especially compared to Kageyama, those kinds of things).

Without really thinking about what I was saying, without carefully considering an appropriate response, I smirked and told Suga, "I've always liked quiet people: You never know if they're dancing in a daydream or if they're carrying the weight of the world."

Suga blinked at me. He blinked again, and then again. "Did you...just quote Looking for Alaska?" He asked me dubiously. I internally winced. Had that been a lame nerd thing to do? Wait,

"I'm surprised you knew the reference." I admitted, raising an eyebrow. Actually...no, I could see Suga being the type to read John Green books. Me on the other hand–

"Me? I'm surprised you knew it! Who would've known that you were a closeted romance novel type of guy?" Suga was smirking very widely at me now. I had to salvage my reputation somehow!

"I-I don't. My older sister used to make me read them and watch the movies with her. I guess I just happen to still remember some of the things." I responded nonchalantly, letting out a huff of air at the end. I was telling the truth! I may have omitted the fact that I willingly read them after my sister got me hooked, but that tiny detail wasn't important.

"Uh huh." Suga chuckled, clearly not buying my story, but being the merciful human being he was, he let it slide. "Alright, well now you have to answer the question, although I think I already know the answer."

Suga looked at me expectantly, and I didn't fail to deliver. "Yes, I would like to be famous, for volleyball of course! Besides, I think volleyball is a good thing to be famous for. Not everyone would recognize me for it like you wouldn't want, but still enough people to, I don't know, make it fun?" I really wasn't bothered by the notion of becoming famous, goodness knows I got stopped by plenty of fangirls every other day. While it could be irritating at times, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the huge boost it gave my ego every time.

"Fair enough. Alright, what's next?" Suga asked, yawning a bit and covering his mouth as he closed his eyes. I swear, it's like he was intentionally trying to supply me with an endless stock of adorable mental images of him. Not that I was complaining.

"Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you're going to say, and why or why not?" I posed, leaning my weight back against my hands and adjusting my position to face Suga better. He was kind of sputtering now, looking embarrassed as he muttered, "Yeah, yeah I do."

"Oh?" I prompted. I had been kind of surprised when I found the question, because really, who would do that? Why would you do that? It was just a phone call.

Suga quelled all my concerns as he hesitantly explained, "I...sometimes I get really flustered when I'm in a situation where...er, where I have complete control? If that makes sense? Like, with us, right now, I didn't think of anything to say beforehand because we just...flow together, but with others, mostly strangers but even some of my friends, I have to plan what I'm going to say to them, because what if something unexpected happens and I wasn't prepared? What if they asked me something I wasn't expecting and–"

Suga paused. He had been animatedly gesturing with his hands but now peered at me closely and let them fall to his side. "Sorry, it sounds ridiculous when I'm trying to explain, but basically I just overthink things sometimes. So, yes, I usually rehearse what I'm going to say before calling someone."

"That's not stupid." I insisted. I guess I hadn't necessarily thought about that aspect of social interaction, not quite the way Suga had, but I could still understand how some people just weren't as comfortable in certain situations as others. Even though he somehow managed to get along with pretty much everyone no matter the circumstances.

"I mean, I don't usually plan what I say out, I guess I don't mind thinking on the go so much, but it makes sense why you would want to, I can understand that." I added, feeling some elaboration was necessary. While Suga still looked shy and the tops of his cheeks were a bit red, he smiled at me and...wow. His smile. I thought I'd seen them all but...this one was just stunning, it was so soft and kind and good and pure and all things Suga, and it was aimed right at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh sorry for the abrupt ending! (also be prepared the promised angst is finally coming up soon)


	30. 15. Questions (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's rEADY FOR SOME ANGST?????? (ok in all seriousness plz read this note lol🙏) so yes, i finally got into slightly more angsty stuff in this chapter, and there will be more in the last part of this date from suga's pov (unless this doesnt count as angst, i didnt go in depth with description here or anything it was mostly just a bunch of sad stuff and suga being insecure, if this isnt angst please let me know haha). also sorry for the late update, i usually update friday nights and i fell asleep at 5:00 then woke up at midnight so yea, that was fun, but here, enjoy this chapter, and have a great weekend!

We arrived at the ice cream store relatively quickly, and after briefly glancing at the flavors, Oikawa told the man at the register, “I’ll have the matcha ice cream, what about you Suga?” I still thought it was funny how nice he looked right now (nice as in kind, although goodness knows he looked extremely handsome at the moment as well). It was so different from how he was on the court, I wanted to take a picture and show Daichi.

“Can I get the honey lavender please?” I asked the employee politely, committing to memory that Oikawa liked matcha ice cream. You never know when I might need that kind of information (also it was just another thing for me to learn about Oikawa)!

Soon after, the man handed us both our ice cream. Without really thinking, I went to pay but was thwarted by Oikawa who practically shoved a credit card towards the man. “Here you go sir!” He said brightly, as if completely oblivious to the unforgivable offense he had just committed.

“Oikawa, at least let me pay for mine!” I objected. Was it nice that Oikawa was being a gentleman? Absolutely. But I hated relying on others for any kind of help, and this definitely fell in that category.

My boyfriend paid me no mind though, already walking out of the store with that dumb triumphant grin on his face before I could do anything. Looks like I would have to get used to him being like that.

Once we were outside, safe from me intervening, he tried to reason with me, “You paid last time–” but I cut him off and shot back, “That was your birthday!”

“It was more expensive anyway. Now we can be even, you paid for me last time, and more because it was my birthday, and I paid today, although less because it’s not a special occasion I guess. Happy?” I found myself too tired to keep arguing and gave it up (not before mumbling a few choice words under my breath). It would seem that Oikawa was going to be the death of me (in the best way).

This was further confirmed when we got in the car and I asked him to hold my ice cream while I drove, and he replied, “Of course! Anything for my Suga-chan!”

I choked on air. Oikawa…Oikawa had called me Suga-chan. His Suga-chan, no less. I thought I was going to die from…embarrassment? Shock? Happiness??? Something. It was just…well, there were lots of things about it. It was a much more intimate nickname than just Suga. And he casually referred to me as his. I don’t think I had been “anyone’s” in a very long time, and it had certainly been a very long time since someone so affectionately called me Suga-chan. I…I think I liked it…but it was totally unfair that Oikawa thought he could just get me all flustered like this with no warning!!!

Contrary to his usual suave behavior, even Oikawa recognized that he might have gone too far and quickly apologized, “AHhhh!!! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to call you that, I swear, it kind of just slipped out without me thinking, I promise I won’t do it again.”

The thought of him not doing it again was worse than the thought of him continuing to do it, so I cautiously assured him, “It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Should I or shouldn’t I? …alright, I’m gonna go for it.

“Oikawa-chan.” I sneakily tacked on at the end. Oikawa looked shocked then, but quickly smiled blindingly, and I knew everything was okay. I smiled too.

We were almost to the park when Oikawa had to go and turn the music on again. I knew I should have disconnected my phone earlier.

“I can’t believe you watch Death Note Suga-chan, seems a bit dark for you, don’t you think?” Oikawa asked. It took me a few moments to realize that he wasn’t criticizing me, but was more so just teasing. So, I teased back. “And I thought you didn’t know anything about anime.” I was about to think how impressive it was he recognized the song when I then remembered the car’s screen displayed all the music info. Never mind.

We entered the parking lot from before and I slowly began pulling into a spot (if I could just pull in once that would be great, usually I had to redo it several times as parking was the worst part of my driving, second only to merging). YESSSS!!!! I did pull in nicely on the first try, now I didn’t have to look like an idiot who couldn’t park in front of Oikawa!!!

“You’re right, I have no idea what the show’s about,” Oikawa admitted, still going on about the music, “but I mean, it is called Death Note, it can’t be anything too happy.” I shrugged nonchalantly and responded, “I suppose it is dark, but the logistics and plot are so intricate, and, it’s just, it’s fascinating.”

I caught myself before I went on a rant about how great the show was, which would undoubtedly cause me to segway into a bunch of other animes that Oikawa probably didn’t want to hear about. I tried to end the conversation politely by allowing, “Well, if you’re into that kind of thing.”

Begrudgingly, Oikawa acknowledged, “It doesn’t sound terrible.” He then paused and got a huge smirk on his face. Why, I wonder? “I guess I’m just more into alien movies and space documentaries though.” Ah, that made sense. It was cute to see Oikawa light up about space and aliens.

As soon as we got outside, Oikawa gave me my ice cream and practically shouted, “Can we go sit by the water? I wanna dip my feet in!” Before I could protest, he was running off, leaving me little choice but to hurriedly follow. It also caused me to not really process what he had just said.

Oikawa was fast. That was to be expected, I’d seen him on the court, running before. I saw that he stumbled a bit though a few paces in front of me, and I took advantage of the moment and pulled ahead of him.

“Suga-chan! Wait for me!” I nearly did stop and wait for him when he called me Suga-chan, but I couldn’t let him win. He already won enough, and as Iwaizumi had said, the last thing we needed was for his ego to inflate further. So, instead I just laughed merrily, mostly because I knew I was going to beat him, and it would be great.

I did win. I stopped at a break in the path and took in the scenery, Oikawa not far behind. It was beautiful, the huge trees with hanging branches, the shining sun and pastel blue sky, the rich, verdant green grass. And then there was the water.

Oikawa’s words from before our little race flashed through my head. “Can we go sit by the water? I wanna dip my feet in!” he had said. Sure enough, he surged forward and sat down, taking off his shoes and sticking his feet in the water without a second thought. I hung back.

I was a weird kid. An annoying kid. I disliked being touched, one of the most basic aspects of life, and I strongly disliked the water as well. A glass of water was fine. It was a small amount in a small, controlled container. A shower was okay, it was a bunch of small droplets with air in between, lots of open space on all sides. Rain (light rain, anyway) was like that for me too. Anything that involved a semi-large body of water though, a lake, a pond, the ocean, a pool, a bath, count me out. Staring at the water, the churning waves, it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as being trapped helplessly inside of it, something I would (probably) never forget.

I was jarred out of my reflections of my hate for water when Oikawa called out to me, “Don’t worry Suga-chan, the water won’t bite, I promise. Come on, just put your feet in, live a little. And if some monster tries to drag you in, I promise I’ll swim in after you, beat it up, and bring you back.”

He was smiling, teasing, joking, laughing a bit even. He didn’t know the weight his words held. Last time…last time, I had been dragged into the water by a monster, more or less. I had tried to be brave, to be strong, but I couldn’t, it had hurt so much, and the things that he had said to me…I just, god, I was a wreck.

“Promise?” I asked Oikawa. Slowly, softly, shyly. He didn’t laugh at me or anything though. He must’ve sensed the change in the atmosphere, because he took on a more serious look and said, “Promise. Scout’s honor.” while clutching the fabric of his shirt over his heart.

A beat skipped. I decided to go for it and ever-so-cautiously approached Oikawa and the water’s edge. I sank down next to him and took off my shoes. I stared long and hard at the water before carefully sticking the tips of my toes in. At the first feeling of the water, my mind screamed at me to get away, to escape. Another very, very tiny part of me wanted to reach out and clasp Oikawa’s hand. That one was…odd. I hadn’t felt the urge to do that with anyone in years. I would have to think about it later.

“You don’t like the water?” Oikawa asked gently. I couldn’t face him, I was too embarrassed with my behavior (although being the godsend he was, he didn’t seem to mind). I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t want to pour my whole traumatic water experience out, because even if I said simply “I almost drowned once,” that would lead to how, which would lead to many more things, so I left it at, “Yeah, bad experience. I haven’t been able to get over it I guess.”

Oikawa didn’t mind this answer either and turned away from me to look back out across the water and humming quietly at my admission. I was grateful he didn’t press further like others would have.

The both of us were quiet for a while. Oikawa was probably just enjoying the water, the heat of the afternoon, spending time with me (hopefully). I, on the other hand, was doing my best to fight my fears and keep my feet in the water. Even if it was just a tiny part of them, I felt like I was somehow winning.

Nevertheless, I was appreciative of the distraction when Oikawa began speaking again. “Sooooo, Suga-channnnn…” he trailed off. I tensed up a bit because it sounded like he wanted something, what could he possibly want? Did he change his mind, was he going to ask me more about my weird behavior???

Well, whatever he wanted, I decided I’d gone on long enough in the water. I brought one of my legs up on the shore, planning to do the same with the other soon. I turned back to Oikawa, waiting for him to ask something of me.

Instead, he said, “I don’t want to break up with you.” I stared at him in shock, because what the h*ll was that supposed to mean?? “Doesn’t wanna break up with me,” was he going to??? Did he really ask me on this date just to break up with me? But-but, he hadn’t seemed like he was going to at all earlier??? Why would he want to break up already, how was I not good enough, what had I done, had it been the water?????

Oikawa started rambling some nonsense about how he hadn’t meant to say that, how he really liked me and wanted us to last as opposed to all of his previous relationships. I still had no idea what he was really saying though.

Oikawa stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. “I’m rambling, aren't I?” He asked, looking embarrassed, and looking away from me as well as soon as he’d caught my eyes. I hesitated for a moment before smiling, realizing that I think I was somehow the cause of making this beautiful god of a man before me this unsure of himself. Assuming I was correct, I found it very cute, and mentally cheered for myself.

In the kindest voice I could muster, I said to him, “I think you are. Why don’t you just, say what you want to say? You can tell me.” I felt almost hypocritical saying that last part, you can tell me, when there was so much I hadn’t told him. But, that was something else to worry about.

I almost lost it when Oikawa put his hands over his face, trying to hide his rapidly reddening complexion. It was just so cute. Oikawa was cute, very cute.

Sighing, he sat up and put his hands down. He looked at me intently and asked, “Can I ask you a list of questions I found, to get to know you better?”

Interesting…a list of questions to get to know me better. In theory, it sounded like a very nice idea. Maybe it was even something most couples did. Unfortunately for me though, I had a lot of red-flag type answers to personal questions. Things that would definitely make people not want to date me. And I didn’t want things to end with Oikawa before they had really even started.

So, I told him, “Alright, ask away. I…I can’t promise I’ll answer everything, but…I think that’s a good idea! We should get to know each other better if we’re…dating.” Dating, what a lovely word. How nice to be able to freely say it about Oikawa and I.

“Right, um, er, thanks!” Oikawa stuttered. Perfect, he was definitely put off by my lack of willingness to answer all the questions. Just perfect. Hopefully they would be tame ones I wouldn’t struggle with and would bring us closer, as was desired.

“Alright, so, first question.” Oikawa began. “Um, sorry, they’re kind of random but uh, if you could have dinner with anyone in the whole world, who would it be?” If I could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be? Hmmm.

I wanted to answer honestly. Oikawa hadn’t specified any rules really, and if I was being honest, I would say my siblings, how could I possibly choose between them? Obviously I couldn’t say all of them, but I think I would still say one and do my best to avoid questions that would lead to less than ideal answers.

Before answering, I teased Oikawa about if he was excluded from the list of choices, and he rolled his eyes (with a hidden smile) and said yes, aside from him. Inhaling quietly, I ventured forward. “My older sister.”

I couldn’t help the flood of thoughts of her that came into my mind as I spoke the words. Misaki, quiet, kind, brave, strong, beautiful, artistic. She was perfect in my eyes and while I loved all my siblings equally, her and I had been the closest of all, kind of like the heads of family, taking care of everyone else when our parents didn’t.

I didn’t want Oikawa to ask me about her though, so I quickly, asked, “If you could have dinner with anyone in the whole world, who would it be?” He looked surprised for some reason. Maybe he had been considering asking me about her, so good thing I stopped him.

He too took a bit to come up with an answer but eventually decided on his mother. I tried to hide my smirk, totally being able to see Oikawa as a mama’s boy. But, it was a sweet answer. I bet his mom really was a great person and that she was honestly his first choice.

“Your mom?” I asked, hoping for elaboration. I assumed that Oikawa wasn’t like me and could safely talk about his family without wanting to curl up in a ball and cry, and I wanted to hear more about his family, so I had deemed it safe to ask.

Oikawa got a very soft look on his face. “My mom…” he trailed off, and then proceeded to tell me all the wonderful things about her, just like I had wanted. And, just as I hoped, she seemed like a really nice person.

“Your mom sounds like a great person.” I commented. That made one of us.

“She is.” Oikawa agreed, smiling widely. It wasn’t quite the same way he smiled at me, but it was still very nice and cute.

There was a brief pause, I thought Oikawa would ask the next question but instead he said, "My older sister’s a close second though, she’s pretty great too. And my dad. And my nephew–well, actually I don’t know, he can be pretty annoying at times–” I couldn’t help myself and began laughing at Oikawa’s adorableness, it was like he didn’t want to leave any of his family out. I’m sure he would’ve started listing his friends if he hadn’t stopped when I burst out laughing.

“Alright, you ready for the next question?” Oikawa asked. I quit my laughing and sat up a bit more so I was facing him better before assenting. If the next one was anything like the last, I would be able to handle it without too much trouble.

“If you could be famous, would you, and for what?” As it turns out, the question was pretty similar (for me anyway) to the first one. It wasn’t overtly bad, and I could handle it, but it still made me think hard about my past.

I was inclined to say no. I had been famous, for many things, most notably my skating. I started skating really young, and by the time I was ten I was already competing internationally. My fame only grew in the next few years as my skating improved, and I was hit with more and more tragedies that reporters ate up. I couldn’t take it, all the focus on me, so that was (partially) why I decided to quit in high school. Thankfully, as the years wore on, people had forgotten about me more or less. In short, no, I didn’t love the spotlight.

“No, I don’t think I would. It would be kind of annoying having people recognize you wherever you go, no privacy really. I guess I’m kind of just a quiet person.” Suga chewed on my lip as I realized this was most likely the exact opposite of Oikawa's answer, and not what he wanted to hear. I couldn't help myself as an apology slipped past my lips. “Er, sorry, I’m probably not like the people you usually date, I’m not really outgoing or extroverted or anything.”

Oikawa’s next words came as kind of a shock to me: “I’ve always liked quiet people: You never know if they’re dancing in a daydream or if they’re carrying the weight of the world.”

I was shocked. Oikawa had just quoted one of my favorite books, and my favorite quote no less. I didn’t want to admit it but I liked the quote so much because I thought it applied to me. Also, it was a John Green quote so, you know, it sounded cool.

“Did you…just quote Looking for Alaska?” I asked, still in denial. Oikawa mouth set in a straight line gradually grew into a smirk. “I’m surprised you knew the reference.” He told me.

“Me? I’m surprised you knew it! Who would’ve known that you were a closeted romance novel type of guy?” I wonder if Iwaizumi knew about this, or the rest of his team? If not, I had just obtained some very interesting, potential blackmail material.

Oikawa lost his confidence as he must’ve realized this as well. He hurried to assure me, “I-I don’t. My older sister used to make me read them and watch the movies with her. I guess I just happen to still remember some of the things.” He tried to play it off cool but failed miserably, it was funny to watch.

“Uh huh.” I laughed, not believing him for a second. I decided to be nice and let him off the hook though. “Alright, well now you have to answer the question, although I think I already know the answer.”

I thought I knew the answer anyway. Probably yes, because he wanted to play pro volleyball. He didn’t disappoint.

“Yes, I would like to be famous, for volleyball of course! Besides, I think volleyball is a good thing to be famous for. Not everyone would recognize me for it like how you wouldn’t want, but still enough people to, I don’t know, make it fun?” I had to admit that if you weren’t uber-famous, and you didn’t have a slough of other things people hounded you for, it might not be the worst thing in the world. So I allowed, “Fair enough. Alright, what’s next?”

“Before making a phone call, do you rehearse what you’re going to say, and why or why not?” Oooooooofffffff, yes, yes I did do that and I felt really awkward about it. Figures the one question that doesn’t make me think about my crappy childhood still makes me look stupid.

“Yeah, yeah I do.” I muttered, closing my eyes and turning away. “Oh?” Oikawa prompted curiously. I then stumbled my way through an attempt at an explanation for why I did what I did, but unfortunately I couldn’t manage to put my thoughts into words and ended up sounding very strange, I’m sure. I stopped and sighed. “Sorry, it sounds ridiculous when I’m trying to explain, but basically I just overthink things sometimes. So, yes, I usually rehearse what I’m going to say before calling someone.”

“That’s not stupid.” Oikawa said kindly. He continued, “I mean, I don’t usually plan what I say out, I guess I don’t mind thinking on the go so much, but it makes sense why you would want to, I can understand that.” And then I smiled. Because once again, Oikawa was reassuring me that I was fine, there was nothing wrong with me, and it was just really nice to hear, even for such a little thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry if i disappointed anyone and that wasnt legit angst i promise i will go more in depth soon😣 speaking of which, i have a question, so as ive mentioned before im kind of writing the specific aspects of this as i go, and after this date i want to do a few weeks time skip to another significant date and was wondering if anyone would be opposed to this and thinks i should keep writing something for like each week? it's just this whole date part like not just this chapter, it took forever to write and i think it was ok but not super interesting and i dont wanna spend weeks writing boring, non-important fluff when i still have so much left to cover, if that makes sense? anyway plz let me know what you think!!


	31. 16. More questions (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh sorry for not updating last night, i fell asleep way early, i promise ill try to upload another chapter today if i can tho!

“I mean, I don’t usually plan what I say out, I guess I don’t mind thinking on the go so much, but it makes sense why you would want to, I can understand that.” I added, feeling some elaboration was necessary. While Suga still looked shy and the tops of his cheeks were a bit red, he smiled at me and…wow. His smile. I thought I’d seen them all but…this one was just stunning, it was so soft and kind and good and pure and all things Suga, and it was aimed right at me.

Deciding not to get caught up in his breathtaking smile (I had stopped breathing, which I only realized after I became aware that I really needed some air), I continued, “Okay, next one. What would a perfect day look like for you?”

Suga twisted his face in concentration, his tongue peeking out of the side of his mouth as he pondered the question, which was just, words can’t even describe how cute it was. Finally though, he answered, satisfied with what he had come up with.

“I guess I would like to wake up kind of early, when it’s still dark outside, although not from being super early, from rain–not the heavy thunderstorm kind though, just like, the light sprinkling kind. Then I would get up and have a light snack, then go for a run, and towards the end the rain would start to clear up, and then I would go to volleyball practice for a few hours–a training camp would be really fun!–then I would go home and have a late breakfast, maybe watch some anime, then take a nap, then I would go to a park or a big field and sit and listen to music and draw, maybe I’d have a picnic or something, then I think I would go skating, then I’d want to go out in a canoe or something and read and watch the sunset, then I’d go home and…and have dinner with a family, watch a movie I think, and go to bed.”

I blinked. That…that was a lot to unpack. And…and I needed to write all this down, I needed to know and remember these things about my boyfriend!!! If only he hadn’t given such a detailed answer, darnit. And, some of those things, what, what even? Why was Suga that way, who gave him the right to be unfairly deep and cool and sophisticated seeming?

There was actually a lot of physical exercise on that list. The run, the volleyball practice, skating??? What was that about? Like, roller skating? Maybe I could take Suga on a date to do that! And then the drawing, the reading (on a boat in the middle of the lake and then watching the sunset), it sounded so artsy and creative, crafty, but then he balanced it all out with pretty normal things like watching anime, a movie with family. In other words, he was perfect. Not that I didn’t already know that, of course.

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind if you tagged along to a few of those activities.” He added, feigning indifference, but I knew better. Returning to my senses, I bowed my head a bit and grinned.

“Why, my dear Suga-chan, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me!” I responded playfully with mock hurt. He rolled his eyes goodnaturedly, tilting his head as he reciprocated the original question (before I could ask for elaboration, no fair Suga-chan!).

“Hmmmm…” I trailed off. I don’t know why, I really should’ve thought more about what I was going to say, especially since I was the one who had the questions beforehand. Ummm…

“Okay okay, so, first I would sleep in. Like, pretty late, but not ridiculously late until noon or something. Then, I would have a huge breakfast–oh actually wait, I was gonna say I wanted to play volleyball after so scratch that. So yeah I’d have a light snack like you, then go play volleyball with my team, and I suppose you could tag along with us, and then we could all go out for like a team breakfast or something after, then I would go home and watch alien movies or read alien books. Ummm, then I would have a snack at some point and I would probably play volleyball with my nephew, or play some other game with him, and have dinner with my family, like one of my mom’s really good meals–oh, and milk bread! I love milk bread, I could eat so much of that. Oh, and then afterwards, I would want to go to an observatory, or a big open field where I could just look at the stars for hours. Actually, a field might be better cause like, then I could fall asleep under them, you know?”

“That sounds like a really, really great day.” Suga agreed honestly. “Our’s are somewhat similar, maybe we should mix them together some time.” He winked at me with a cute smile, which I happily returned. “Maybe we should.” I replied.

I was about to move on to the next question when something else rushed into my head. “Oh wait! Iwa-chan would be nice to me all day! That would make it really the best!” Okay, now my perfect day was complete.

“You guys have an interesting relationship.” Suga mused thoughtfully. I then realized that the only times he had actually seen Iwaizumi and I interact in person was at the party (limited) and at practice earlier today (also limited). And then, the other 90% of stuff I had described about him. Which probably didn’t make him sound like the nicest human being.

“Iwaizumi’s a good guy.” I assured Suga. “He and I have our differences for sure, but we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. God, I can’t imagine a life without him.” I surprised myself with not only my complete honesty, but the actual content of what I had said. Iwaizumi and I never said that kind of stuff to each other, but I guess it was always just there, between us. It made me glad I had such a good best friend.

Before I could let my mind turn to mush thinking about Iwa-chan and my’s friendship, I quickly prompted, “So, uh, when was the last time you sang, and to who?” This question had given me pause, it was kind of odd, but the article I’d found had assured me that it was a well-thought-out and carefully-chosen one, designed to bring people closer, ergo, here I was.

“Oh, I don’t like singing out loud, I’m not that good, so not for a while…maybe, gosh, maybe like, seven years ago? With my older sister?”

Seven-se-sev– “Seven years ago???” I asked in disbelief. “You don’t even like, sing in the car or shower by yourself?” I pushed. I mean, even if you were shy or didn’t like singing all that much, seven years was a really long time to go, well, silent so to speak. It sounded kind of sad, but I suppose some people didn’t really mind, like Suga.

“Ahh, I know, it sounds weird out loud but I’m just not that big on singing. What about you, I hear you give impromptu performances in the club room all the time, is that right?” I was completely distracted by the fact that Suga had turned the question on me before offering a bigger explanation when he brought up my singing in the club room.

“I…” my mouth went dry. “How, er, how do you know about that?” I asked in a small voice, scared to hear the answer. I was treated to a rather un-Suga-like, mischievous, straight-up devious smirk as he slyly said, “I have my sources.” This scared me. Suga was scary. I didn’t like it.

“Remind me not to cross you Suga-chan.” I muttered, before admitting that yes, sometimes I did get too into the moment and would burst into song and dance in the club room. Or the classroom. Or gym, or parking lot, or street, or anywhere really.

“Alright Oikawa-chan, hit me up with the next question.” Suga said, still laughing as I was forced to tell the truth when he questioned me about more embarrassing song/dance stories. I decided I really liked it when he was still laughing but wanted to move on in the conversation, so his voice would come out in short, soft rasps while his eyes were still closed up with crinkles.

Happy to move on, I quickly asked, “If you lived to be 100, would you choose to age, including your mind and body, or stay in the body and keep the mental state of a thirty-year-old?” I thought this question was pretty easy. Suga did too. We just had different ideas of what was right.

“Oh, for sure age.” He said confidently. I was shocked. “But…why?” Suga looked shocked too for a moment, but then…not so shocked. “I mean, I guess it might be cool to be forever young or whatever, but don’t you think you would get bored of that at some point? Being young, dumb, immature, never settling down or anything?”

“I-” Suga raised an eyebrow. I attempted to say something else, but he raised his eyebrow higher. Ah, darnit, I couldn’t fight Suga.

“Alright, you got me. I guess it would be weird to never experience the things you only would later in life.” Suga smirked triumphantly. I wanted to wipe his smug grin off his face, preferably with my lips, but I thought that might be unwelcome at the moment, so I didn’t.

“How do you think you will die?” I blurted out. I didn’t really think about what I was saying until I watched Suga’s face contort with shock and apprehension that I realized it was actually kind of a serious question. But! That was the point of today. I needed to get to know my Suga-chan better (my Suga-chan alskdfhwiofhsdlshdi).

“Well, ideally I’d like to think I’ll die of old age,” Suga began, chewing on his lip and playing with a strand of his hair. He seemed kind of hesitant as he went on, “but I know not everyone’s that lucky so…if I’m being more realistic, I guess I’ll say…cancer?”

“Cancer???” I asked. I mean, I guess he had a point, which I acknowledged aloud. Still, it was a bit of a pessimistic take on life.

“Well I think I will die in a car accident. After I’ve made it big with volleyball, I’ll be crossing the street late at night or something, and a driver won’t be paying attention but then they’ll look up and be like, oh my god, it's Oikawa Tooru! He’s even more amazing in person! and they’ll be so distracted, they won’t have time to swerve.”

Alright, maybe that sounded a bit vain, or like I wasn’t taking the question seriously. So, I hastily tacked on, “Or, you know, just me not paying attention and running into the street, or getting into an accident with a drunk driver. Something of the sort.” There, now I sounded nicer, like a slightly better person.

There was a light lull in the conversation as Suga stared pensively up at the sky. The sun was pretty high in the sky now, and it was a really nice day. The sky appeared even bluer than before, if possible.

I don’t know what prompted me, but I commented, “Isn’t it weird to think that one day we’ll just, like, cease to exist?” Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. What were you even supposed to say to that? Was there an appropriate answer?

Suga closed his eyes and murmured, “There one day and gone the next. It is strange to think about.” He was now very lost in thought, not even having opened his eyes and glanced at me while speaking. I wonder what he could be thinking of. Maybe he thought about this kind of deep stuff on a regular basis and had lots of deep thoughts about it. I wish I could know what was going through his head.

After deeming an appropriate time to have passed (Suga had opened his eyes and fixed me with that wide-eyed stare of his again), I slowly prompted the next question. “What are three things that you and I have in common?”

Suga blinked in confusion. “That’s the question?” He asked me in doubt, although I could see he was nevertheless already formulating an answer. I nodded and elaborated, “I mean, it was what three things do you and your partner have in common, so. What do you think?”

Suga looked less grim than before. I think he was even rocking back and forth a bit, and I think I saw the outline of a smile on his face. “Well, volleyball.” He stated, which I recognized as true. He stopped rocking after that and looked…not sad, but perplexed. Stumped.

“Um, what else do we have in common?” I went to respond but came up empty. What else did we have in common??? We both…we both…uh, had brown eyes? Aaaaanndddd were guys? Ughh no, those don’t count. Oh wait–

“We both believe in aliens!” I recalled proudly. “Er, well, to some extent anyway.” I corrected. I thought Suga might deny having said that, maybe he changed his mind and was embarrassed or had just casually said it so as not to make things awkward between us on that first date?

“Oh you’re right, that’s a good one!” Suga exclaimed, crushing any and all doubt of mine. Honestly how was I still doubting him at this point, we’d only been dating for like three days, but…well, I’d already established he was practically perfect in every way, Mary Poppins had nothing on him. Which brought me to the third point.

“And, we’re both extraordinarily attractive people.” I finished, folding my hands. Suga burst out laughing, his face going kind of red although I couldn’t tell if it was from laughing or blushing. After quieting down, he nodded a bit and smiled. “Alright. That’s three things then. What’s next?”

I was very impressed I’d remembered the previous questions, but I was drawing a blank on this one. What…what had it been? I remembered the ones after…maybe I should’ve written them down? Or, wait no, I'd decided that was weird and no sane person would show up with like a list of questions on actual paper, Suga would probably think it was weird.

“Is that all?” Suga prompted. I vigorously shook my head and informed him, “There’s actually thirty-six, but there’s three different types of questions so I figured we would just start with the first twelve today.” I thought Suga would be phased by the sheer number of questions I’d selected. Instead, he smiled and laid back down in the grass and said, “Okay! Let me know when you remember the next one!”

He closed his eyes again and I watched fascinated at how peaceful and content he looked. Honestly, I didn’t really want to remember the question anymore. I just wanted to lay down next to him, to watch him (in a cute boyfriend way not in a creepy pervert way), to fall asleep in the afternoon sun.

I got so caught up in Suga’s beauty that I didn’t realize how much time had passed until I noticed his breathing had evened out and, well, I think he had fallen asleep. “Suga?” I whispered softly. No response. I tried again, but still nothing.

I shrugged and did just what I had wanted to earlier. I fell back beside Suga and turned on my side to get a better look at him, and eventually drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

I woke to being gently prodded in the side. “Oikawa…” A voice said, although it sounded faint and faraway. “Oikawa…Oikawa…chan?” Who was talking to me? I was tired, sleepy, drowsy, I didn’t wanna get up!!!

“…Tooru?” I shot up.

It was Suga, he was sitting back on his knees and gazing at me curiously. Had he…he called me Tooru? That…that wasn’t fair, he shouldn’t be allowed to do that, giving Suga that power was like giving him a weapon of mass destruction.

“Huh?” I asked intelligently. Suga burst into a fit of giggles and fell backwards while I stared at him in confusion, still trying to wake up.

“We uh…we fell asleep I guess,” He managed in between laughs. What was so funny again? I felt like I was missing something important. In what world was falling asleep and missing out on valuable time with my amazing boyfriend a laughing matter?

I asked for clarification, and Suga replied giddily, “You uh, you have…you have something on your face there.” Oh god, not something on my face marring its otherwise perfection! And worse, in front of Suga!

I fruitlessly swiped at my face while Suga kept trying to tell me where it was (to no avail). And then, in one swift moment, he lunged over to me with an outstretched arm and wiped the corner of my mouth with the edge of his sleeve. He quickly retreated after that and looked away, seemingly embarrassed.

“You uh, sorry, you had some drool on your face.” He informed me. I now wore the same expression as my boyfriend, because he had just caught me with drool on my face. How was I supposed to show him I was the best boyfriend when I looked like an idiot with spit on me?

“I guess we should probably head out now, it’s almost 2:00.” Suga said sadly, standing up and brushing what little dirt was on him off. I, of course, must’ve fallen in a mud pile of something because I had a huge stain on the back of my shirt. Fantastic.

“I guess so.” I agreed very mournfully, standing up as well. We got our stuff and began slowly strolling back down the path we came.

“You ever remember that other question?” Suga asked me. What other–oh! Darnit, I had one goal today, one goal, ask Suga twelve questions. And I hadn’t even gotten that done. What number was I on, how many were left, maybe we could still finish?

“I did! Alright, what in your life are you most grateful for?” I thought the answer was pretty obvious. Family, maybe friends, a mix of the two, something like that. Any other answers seemed inappropriate, like it was wrong if you valued something else higher. And yet, Suga still found a way to have a different answer that wasn’t inappropriate.

“My life.” He said simply, keeping his head facing straight. “Y-your life?!” I sputtered unintelligibly. I mean…what kind of an answer was that? I…I just, so many questions…

“Mm.” He reaffirmed. “A lot of people aren’t so lucky. They die young you know, don’t really get a chance at life. So, I’m grateful I’ve made it as far as I have.” Suga’s answer was terribly honest. It’s not like I could deny it, he had a point, it was just interesting that that was what he thought of over the more generic answers. I guess my boyfriend was just cool like that.

“I guess for me it’s family and friends.” I said, you know, like an idiot after hearing Suga’s response. I couldn’t copy his, and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to come up with another good answer on my own that also worked, so I had to take the easy way out, darnit.

“Three more Suga-chan, we can make it! So, if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?” Suga actually stopped in his tracks. I stopped too and turned back to look at him. His face…I couldn’t read it. Was it confusion, shock, uncertainty…fear???

“Can I, er…could I, defer, that question? For a later date?” He asked hesitantly. I had been expecting a simple, oh, I really like how I was raised and wouldn’t change anything! Or maybe, I wish my parents were less strict or more understanding, I don’t know, something. Why would he want to hold off on that question? Did I need to be concerned? Had I hit somehow, unintentionally hit a deep personal issue?

“Yeah sure, no problem. The next one is sum your life story up in five minutes.” I said casually, trying to walk away, we were almost to the parking lot. Suga didn’t budge though. In fact, his expression now was…pained. I think that’s what it had been before as well, but it was much more pronounced now.

“Can I, er, defer that one too?” He asked nervously, looking down and kicking his foot around in the path. I blinked.

Okay, so he didn’t want to talk about his upbringing or his past in general. Something must’ve been really off, given his extreme uneasiness. Oh no, what if he wasn’t okay? What if Suga had like, a crappy home life and–nononononononononononononono I did not want to think about my beautiful, sweet, caring, angel of a boyfriend facing such pain. It hurt me to even consider the notion, but what else could it be? Why else would he be so apprehensive?

“Of course, whatever you want.” I said softly, giving the lightest, most genuine smile I could muster in an attempt to assure him that whatever he was thinking or feeling, it was fine, I didn’t care.

I think it worked, to some degree, because Suga came out of his stupor and began following me towards his car. We walked in silence for a few beats before I cautiously suggested, “If you’re up for it, the last question’s kind of easy. What superpower do you wish you could have.”

This question was met with no objections. Suga easily enough said, “To save people.” I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, so I let it go. I then said, “I would choose teleportation. So I could go explore the planets billions of lightyears away and see if there are any aliens, or what’s all out there.”

While it was an honest answer, I’d really been trying to lighten the mood, and I think I succeeded. Suga gave a tiny smile and told me, “That sounds like a really cool ability.” I thought of saying that his was too but decided against it.

We reached the car a bit after that. Suga unlocked it and we both slid inside. “So, am I dropping you off at your house?” He asked while starting the engine. It was getting late, so I understood that we had to go our separate ways, but it still left me feeling very sad, like I was missing his presence already even though he was still right in front of me.

“If you don’t mind! I can tell you how to get there, it’s not that far of a drive from here.” I promised, although I’m sure Suga still would’ve driven me if it was far.

I spent the whole ride telling him where to turn, occasionally throwing in little bits of info about something we passed. Like, “I fell off my bike over there when I was a little kid” or “I fell out of that tree a few years ago when I tried to climb to the top and get a better look at the night sky,” random stuff that didn’t really matter but I found myself telling Suga who listened attentively anyway. His anime music was also going the whole time, I think now it was some Hunter’s ex-hunter song?

A few minutes later we pulled up to my house. “You sure you don’t wanna come inside quick?” I asked again, but Suga remained adamant and shook his head. “Sorry, I really have to get going!” He apologized with a sorry looking smile.

Oh well, he could meet my family another time. I think my dad was the only one home anyway. “Alright, bye Suga-chan! We should hang out again soon since we have so much time what with break now!” Suga did, at least, look kind of happy now. He nodded rapidly at my suggestion and agreed.

“Awesome! I’ll text you Suga-chan, see you!” I called, and then turned and walked up to the front steps. I opened the door, which was unlocked, and went inside. I heard my dad on the phone, probably doing work stuff in his study, and decided to head up to my room.

I flopped on the bed and whipped out my phone, immediately making a call. The phone rang a few times before the other person picked up. “What is it?” They asked, sounding kind of annoyed.

“Iwa-chan!” I cheered, probably too excited to tell Iwaizumi about how my date had gone, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I was happy and needed to tell someone, and thankfully Iwaizumi was a good friend, so I knew he would listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that was really long, for the next date/section i can try to break it up more?


	32. 16. More questions (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok as promised, here is a second chapter today to make up for not posting yesterday, i probably wont be able to post again until friday :( but im having sooooo much fun writing the next ones, i cant wait to share them!!

“That’s not stupid.” Oikawa said kindly. He continued, “I mean, I don’t usually plan what I say out, I guess I don’t mind thinking on the go so much, but it makes sense why you would want to, I can understand that.” And then I smiled. Because once again, Oikawa was reassuring me that I was fine, there was nothing wrong with me, and it was just really nice to hear, even for such a little thing.

Oikawa cleared his throat and said, “Okay, next one. What would a perfect day look like for you?” Oooooohhhhh, that was a good one. What would a perfect day look for me? Actually wait, maybe it wasn’t good. A perfect day would be waking up with my family still intact and good parents that really cared about me, and me not worrying about how I looked, how I acted. And no panic attacks. I got those from time to time, and they sucked. But I couldn’t say that.

Instead, I thought long and hard about an appropriate answer. I put as much detail as I could into it, wanting Oikawa to think I was taking this very seriously (which I was).

I described everything from waking up and the weather to meals to various activities throughout the day and the people that I would see. I faltered a bit at the end when I said I wanted to have dinner with my family because, well, you know. Oikawa didn’t notice, I don’t think.

Oh wait, he was staring at me kind of blankly. Either he did notice, or I had had too long of an answer and bored him with it to the point of losing him. Oops. I had wanted to put a lot of thought into it, to answer it as honestly as possible, but…

How could I save things? Mmm…oh! I casually added, “I suppose I wouldn’t mind if you tagged along to a few of those activities.” and hoped that it would bring my boyfriend back to me.

Oikawa's blank expression turned to one of teasing as he began, “Why, my dear Suga-chan,” I-I-my. Dear. Suga-chan, I can’t, “I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me!”

After recovering from his use of his little nickname for me, I rolled my eyes and asked, “Alright Oikawa-chan, what’s your perfect day look like?”

Oikawa hummed, deep in thought, and not too much later began relating a series of events that sounded not too far off from mine. It involved more interaction with people though, more of his family, more of his teammates, me. I also learned that milk bread was his favorite food, something I had not yet mastered in the kitchen but certainly intended to now, and he gave me the idea of taking him to an observatory or field for a date. It was a very helpful answer.

“That sounds like a really, really great day.” I told Oikawa. I then did my best to coquettishly add, “Our’s are somewhat similar, maybe we should mix them together some time.” I even winked at the end (what was I thinking that was Oikawa’s thing not mine oh god).

Oikawa didn’t seem to mind though. He happily replied, “Maybe we should.” I felt hopeful. I almost laughed when Oikawa’s eyes lit up afterwards and he continued his perfect day with, “Oh wait! Iwa-chan would be nice to me all day! That would make it really the best!”

“You guys have an interesting relationship.” I commented, thinking back to the hitting, the swearing, the badmouthing, but also the undeniable care that Oikawa and Iwaizumi had for one another. It was unconventional to say the least, but somehow it fit them perfectly.

Oikawa confirmed my thoughts when he admitted, “Iwaizumi’s a good guy. He and I have our differences for sure, but we’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember. God, I can’t imagine a life without him.” And I pray you’ll never have to, I couldn’t help thinking, knowing what it was like to lose the person you were closest to. Words couldn’t begin to describe the unthinkable, unimaginable pain of knowing they were gone for good.

Darnit, I did it again, I got all dark from a light topic. I was (temporarily) brought out of my spiral of depressing thoughts when Oikawa asked the next question. “So, uh, when was the last time you sang, and to who?”

See, the question had distracted me, but the content of it brought me right back. I didn’t sing anymore, not since…not since Misaki died. Misaki was an artistic prodigy, in both actual, physical art, and music. She had tried to teach me how to draw and paint like she did, how to play instruments and sing like her. I wasn’t bad, per se, but when put next to her, my performances were pitiful. Because of this, at some point I’d stop trying to measure up to her and started to just enjoy being with her, learning from her. Singing duets with her was my favorite, I only ever sang with her. That’s why when…when she died…it felt wrong to sing without her. So I didn’t.

“Oh, I don’t like singing out loud, I’m not that good, so not for a while…maybe, gosh, maybe like, seven years ago? With my older sister?” I did my best to give an honest answer to the question without lying, as was the common theme for me at that point. It wasn’t a lie, I didn’t like singing out loud, and I really wasn’t that good.

I thought Oikawa’s eyes were going to bug out of his head. He had been pretty good about not asking for more info when I gave a strange answer, but not even he could resist letting this one pass. “Seven years ago? You don’t even like, sing in the car or shower by yourself?”

I was off to a bit of a rough start when I awkwardly said, “Ahh, I know, it sounds weird out loud but I’m just not that big on singing,” but I saved it when immediately after I asked, “What about you, I hear you give impromptu performances in the club room all the time, is that right?”

This produced the desired effect as Oikawa immediately cringed and adopted a rather scared expression. “I…” He trailed off, initially unsure of what to say, eventually deciding on, “How, er, how do you know about that?” He reminded me of a small child (for like the eighth time that day) as I watched him cower a bit, oh my goodness was he shivering too?

“I have my sources.” I said lazily, enjoying the reaction my few words had produced. Oikawa looked downright terrified now. “Remind me not to cross you Suga-chan.” He mumbled, staring at the ground as he picked at the grass. I did my best not to laugh as he then proceeded to confirm all the stories I’d heard (not that I needed confirmation, I’d seen the incriminating, photographic evidence). It was hilarious (okay maybe I laughed a little).

“Alright Oikawa-chan, hit me up with the next question.” I pleaded, saving Oikawa from his misery and embarrassment. I swear I saw him breathe a sigh of relief, and not a moment later he gave me the next one. “If you lived to be 100, would you choose to age, including your mind and body, or stay in the body and keep the mental state of a thirty-year-old?”

“Oh, for sure age.” I said, without really thinking. Not that I needed to, I thought the answer was pretty obvious. I deliberately did not dwell on the ridiculous notion of living to be a hundred because, well, given my luck it would be a miracle if I didn’t die within the next five years.

Oikawa evidently supported the opposing answer as he stared at me in disbelief and questioned, “But…why?” After recomposing myself, I gave the simplest answer possible. “I mean, I guess it might be cool to be forever young or whatever, but don’t you think you would get bored of that at some point? Being young, dumb, (a/n: and brooooke young dumb, young young dumb and broke–sorry ill stop now) immature, never settling down or anything?” Oh. Maybe Oikawa didn’t want to settle down.

I peered at Oikawa curiously as he was about to say something but changed his mind and relented, “Alright, you got me. I guess it would be weird to never experience the things you only would later in life.” I sat back and smiled. It was nice to know we were on the same page about that.

“How do you think you will die?” Oikawa asked me then casually, out of nowhere. That one really caught me off guard. Ummmm, what would be a safe answer for this one???

“Well, ideally I’d like to think I’ll die of old age,” I started off cautiously. That part was true enough. I took a deep breath and continued, “but I know not everyone’s that lucky,” like my brother…and pretty much all my other siblings, “so…if I’m being more realistic, I guess I’ll say…cancer?”

My brother had died of skin cancer. It was easy enough to take care of if you caught it early on, but of course the foster home he’d been staying in hadn’t, and he had been too young to say or do anything, and by the time they realized he had it it was too late to stop. It made my blood boil just thinking about it, thinking about how I could’ve stopped, how I definitely would’ve noticed it if only we hadn’t been split up. But life wasn’t fair. This I knew all too well.

“Cancer?” Oikawa asked me in shock. Although it was irrational, I had a slight fear I would be afflicted with the same misfortunes as my brother, and if not skin cancer, then probably some other crappy disease or accident. Or maybe I would become an alcoholic or a drug addict like my mom. None of these things excited me. They were all terrifying, because what if one day I did spiral out of control like she had? What if fate dealt me an even harder blow and I suffered from some long, stretched out disease?

I was spared from elaborating when Oikawa began giving his own answer. “Well I think I will die in a car accident. After I’ve made it big with volleyball, I’ll be crossing the street late at night or something, and a driver won’t be paying attention but then they’ll look up and be like, oh my god, it's Oikawa Tooru! He’s even more amazing in person! and they’ll be so distracted, they won’t have time to swerve.” Oh, to be able to think of such a death. It was so…naïve. Not the car accident part, that one was very real, but…

Maybe Oikawa realized this. Maybe he didn’t. For whatever reason, he added, “Or, you know, just me not paying attention and running into the street, or getting into an accident with a drunk driver. Something of the sort.” And I think he matured then just a bit.

Neither of us said anything after that. I was waiting for the question when Oikawa pondered aloud, “Isn’t it weird to think that one day we’ll just, like, cease to exist?” (I was going to assume that wasn’t one of his actual questions).

I was very proud of myself, I still managed to answer the question without sounding depressed or something. I simply said, “There one day and gone the next. It is strange to think about.” Of course, this doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking all the things I knew I couldn’t say.

While I was sitting back with my eyes closed, Oikawa prompted, “What are three things that you and I have in common?” I opened my eyes and gazed at him curiously. “That’s the question?” Oikawa explained how it was supposed to be the three things you and the person answering had in common, meaning it was a collective question.

“Well, volleyball.” I said, stating the obvious. Stupid Suga, I internally chastised myself. Duh, of course volleyball. Oikawa hummed in affirmation. I willed the second item to pop into my head, to materialize out of thin air. It didn’t, unfortunately.

“Um, what else do we have in common?” I asked awkwardly. Oikawa opened his mouth to respond but then closed it, and became very confused. At least I wasn’t alone in struggling to come up with something.

Just when things were starting to get really awkward, Oikawa snapped his fingers and shouted proudly, “We both believe in aliens! …Er, well, to some extent anyway–”

“Oh you’re right, that’s a good one!” I praised, noting the fact that Oikawa’s enthusiasm had faded after he came up with the answer. It was almost as if he had seemed embarrassed there for a moment? It quickly disappeared though when he exclaimed cheekily, “And, we’re both extraordinarily attractive people.”

Whether or not Oikawa was joking, I really couldn’t tell, but at this point he kept going on about how “beautiful” and “attractive” I was, and I just thought it was really funny because, well, obviously I wasn’t, but I don’t think he actually cared strangely enough.

“Alright. That’s three things then. What’s next?” I inquired politely. When Oikawa didn’t respond after a bit, I tried again. “Is that all?” What had that been, eight questions? Nine? Surely that couldn’t be all, it wasn’t nearly enough to really get to know someone.

Oikawa adamantly insisted, “There’s actually thirty-six, but there’s three different types of questions so I figured we would just start with the first twelve today.” Thirty-six. Fantastic. There were bound to be plenty I wouldn’t be able to answer. But, as he’d said, we wouldn’t go over them all today, so I still had a chance. Maybe by the time we got to the tough ones I wouldn’t mind sharing. A faint glimmer of hope spread its way through my chest at this idea, of letting everything go and being so open with another person. It was a tantalizing dream I wasn’t sure I could go through with, but the very idea of it gave me hope.

Deciding that Oikawa looked pretty stumped, and having a hunch that he wouldn’t think of what he wanted to for some time, I brightly announced, “Okay! Let me know when you remember the next one!” and proceeded to lay back down in the grass and close my eyes. I was kind of tired sitting up and all, thinking about my past really drained me.

I slowly let all of those thoughts leave my mind, patiently waiting for Oikawa to deliver the next question. At some point, I drowsily yawned and sat up, and then looked over to see Oikawa also laying down with eyes closed, not too far from me. What-what, ???

I pulled out my phone and saw what time it was, and realized that somehow I had fallen asleep without even realizing it, and Oikawa had apparently followed suit. Bummer, I had just lost out on precious time with him! And it was getting late in the afternoon, both of us needed to get home.

I didn’t want to touch Oikawa, so I settled on repeatedly calling out his name, I even attached a -chan to one. Then, feeling very brave, I tried, “Tooru?” I liked the way the name sounded in my mouth. I’m not sure if Oikawa did, but he shot up so fast and whipped his head around to look at me.

“Huh?” He asked, and it was then that I noticed a line of drool slowly trickling down from the corner of his mouth, and holy crap Oikawa with spit on his face (and messy hair) had to be one of the funniest things I’d ever seen.

“We uh…we fell asleep I guess,” I did my best to provide an answer, although the only thing on my mind was his ridiculous, disheveled appearance. Oikawa stared and stared at me, finally daring to ask what was wrong, and I informed him, “You uh, you have…you have something on your face there.” I mirrored where the offending substance was on his face with my own, but he didn’t get it and missed completely. I got tired of watching him try to get it, so without really thinking I surged over towards him and pulled the sleeve of my jacket up so it covered my hand, and then wiped it away.

Wait wait wait stop stop, what had I just done???? I…did I just seek out contact with him? Well no, it had been with the sleeve covering me, so did that even count really? Probably not, but…

In an attempt to clear my head, I said, “You uh, sorry, you had some drool on your face.” You know, killing the mood like the awkward person I am. Oikawa looked horrified started wiping his face again even though I’d already gotten it.

Alright Suga, we need to fix this. “I guess we should probably head out now, it’s almost 2:00.” I suggested, hoping he would forget about all the events that had just transpired. I stood up and brushed the dirt off me, hoping Oikawa would take the hint and do the same. A good boyfriend probably would have offered a hand to help him stand up (not that he needed it). Unfortunately, I was not a good boyfriend and didn’t want to offer him a hand, so I kept busying myself with the now long-gone dirt on my clothes.

“I guess so.” Oikawa muttered, he didn’t look too happy. When he turned around, I noticed a huge, dirty grass stain on the back of his shirt and had to stop myself from laughing. It was funny to see Oikawa who was usually so impeccably dressed in a less than immaculate state. Oh shoot wait, do I have stains on my clothes too? I looked over my shoulders and came up empty, and breathed a sigh of relief.

We started walking away back towards the parking lot after making sure we had all our stuff. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy to put some distance between me and the lake.

“You ever remember that other question?” I asked, breaking the silence. Oikawa smiled, for perhaps the first time since we’d woken up, and exclaimed, “I did! Alright, what in your life are you most grateful for?” This was an easy question.

“My life.” I said simply. Goodness knows there had been times where I had been…unappreciative, of my life, shall we say. That had been when everything was fresh and really came crashing down around me, when I was still coming to terms with it. Since then I’d managed to move on, somewhat. Some of the foster siblings I’d had in the past had been a real help, and the volleyball club. They had probably helped the most, shown me what it was like to be, I don’t know, normal again (not that I ever really knew what that meant). They didn’t know anything about me really. When I stepped in the gym, I was just another one of the guys. And I loved it.

“Y-your life?!” Oikawa nearly screeched. Maybe it sounded weird to some people, but I thought it was a reasonable answer, even for a normal person.

I hummed in affirmation and offered a brief explanation. “A lot of people aren’t so lucky. They die young you know, don’t really get a chance at life. So, I’m grateful I’ve made it as far as I have.” Oikawa seemed to consider this before responding, “I guess for me it’s family and friends.” Oh. Oh. Had I failed the boyfriend test, was that answer too out there, was I supposed to say something generic like that? I mean, that would defeat the purpose, but…at least Oikawa wouldn’t think of me poorly…

Oikawa smiled brightly, drawing me from my inner-ramblings and declared, “Three more Suga-chan, we can make it! So, if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?” Well shoot. This was what I had been afraid of. There was no way I could answer something like that without revealing, well, everything.

If I could change anything about how I was raised, what would it be. Hm. How about a dad who was actually there? How about a mom who actually cared about me for being her son, not just my talent? Who was there for me and my siblings, who loved us, who didn’t beat me…

I realized with a start that I had stopped walking. Oikawa had stopped as well a few paces in front of me and was staring oddly with an eyebrow raised, expecting an answer.

“Can I, er…could I, defer, that question? For a later date?” I asked timidly. Despite my considerably alarming request, Oikawa was not phased. His blinding smile returned to his face soon after, and he assured me, “Yeah sure, no problem.” I thought things were okay, until after that he uttered, “The next one is sum your life story up in five minutes.”

If I thought the last question was bad, it was nothing compared to that one. I couldn’t move, it’s like I was stuck as I was hit full force with several painful memories I did my best to suppress.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply (but quietly), I awkwardly mumbled, “Can I, er, defer that one too?” This time, Oikawa took a moment to compose himself. I think he looked concerned (way to go Suga), but he somehow still managed to say, “Of course, whatever you want.” And he smiled then. Different from any other I’d seen, it was so caring and tender and not too big or bright but just-GAHHH!!!! It was…it was a very endearing, reassuring smile. It made me feel at ease.

After that, both of us kind of just started walking again. I thought the (brief) remainder of the date would be awkward from that point on, but instead, Oikawa asked me after a few seconds, “If you’re up for it, the last question’s kind of easy. What superpower do you wish you had.” He didn’t phrase it as a question, more of a statement. I appreciated that, it felt like he was telling me what it was, not expecting me to answer. I would though.

“To save people.” I said, without hesitation. If I could heal people, if I could prevent things from taking a turn for the worse…

“I would choose teleportation. So I could go explore the planets billions of lightyears away and see if there are any aliens, or what’s all out there.” Oikawa informed me lightly. I looked over at him, surprised for a moment, but then I realized he was probably trying to lift the mood (I was a notorious moodkiller).

“That sounds like a really cool ability.” I told him, trying my best to follow him. He didn’t say anything after that. I was grateful for when we got to the car and I was given an excuse to talk. “So, am I dropping you off at your house?” I would take what I could get.

“If you don’t mind! I can tell you how to get there, it’s not that far of a drive from here.” Oikawa said, probably eager to be rid of me. I geared myself up for a terrible, silent car ride with only light anime music and dull directions. That didn’t happen though.

The whole car ride, Oikawa talked for the both of us. Maybe he sensed I wasn’t quite in the mood, maybe he was just feeling talkative. Whatever the reason, I was so relieved, so grateful for him and his ramblings. I also learned that for being such a…well, for lack of better words, pretty boy, he sure got into a lot of accidents and must’ve been very clumsy. It was interesting to hear about that side of him you never would have guessed.

Time flew and before I knew it we were at his house. It was a really nice house and made me feel a bit on edge.

“You sure you don’t wanna come inside quick?” Oikawa asked me as he got out. I…no, no, I couldn’t meet his family, not now, not in my current state of mind. I needed more time to prepare too!

“Sorry, I really have to get going!” I said apologetically, hoping he wouldn’t press for me to change my mind. He didn’t though, he seemed to be good about accepting when I didn’t want to go further, which was really great.

“Alright, bye Suga-chan! We should hang out again soon since we have so much time what with break now!” Ah yes, school was out, which would give Oikawa and I plenty of time to see each other more. That…I liked that thought. It made me feel…happy, maybe? I wasn't quite sure, it was a rather foreign feeling for me.

“Sounds like a plan!” I agreed jubilantly. “Awesome! I’ll text you Suga-chan, see you!” And with that, he waved and left, running up his driveway to the front door. I waited until he disappeared inside before driving off (I wasn’t gonna leave my boyfriend if, for some reason, he couldn’t get inside his own house. I’m sure Iwaizumi would understand).

I settled my nerves on the way back to my house, reflecting on the date, everything that happened, everything I said. I was also preparing for a lengthy interrogation I would undoubtedly face from Sora after I got back. I think things were okay. They had gotten a bit rocky at the end, but, well, I had known that would come. It was, unfortunately, just the beginning of the storm, but I was willing to fight it for Oikawa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that was another long chapter, but im super excited for the next ones! i wish i could post and write more but its sunday night and im behind on my hw :(((((( (also i am so sorry for putting suga through so much pain, i love him so much and dont want to but i cant help it, as i have mentioned before i am an absolute SUCKER for tragic backstories😭)


	33. 17. Going steady (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: i wanted to do another series of oikawa pov chapters and then suga povs for the next little section but im not a fast enough writer and dont have enough done lol so you will get them in parts as usual. anyway, i cant promise ill update tomorrow or like every day over the weekend like i normally do (i have no school tomorrow thats why im posting tonight😁😁😁) but i shall try! (i have to direct my writing elsewhere, my mom wants me to write something for some scholarship, but on the bright side she said i can write haikyuu fanfiction, im thinking ill do a kurootsukkiyama love triange thing, idk well see how it goes🤷♀️)

After Suga and I’s date in the park on Saturday, I called and told Iwaizumi practically everything. Well, not everything everything, but most stuff. After spending a good half hour telling Iwaizumi all the cute little things Suga had said, done, then I got onto more serious stuff.

“Oikawa, as genuinely happy as I am for you that you have found a decent human being who is able to tolerate you for more than five minutes, if you’re just gonna keep telling me how “Suga-chan’s eyes shone brighter than the sun” and “Suga-chan has the most adorable sneeze–”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop, I’ll stop I promise Iwa-chan! But seriously, I need, like, advice from you or something, or to run something by you, please please please let me, I swear it’s important.” There was silence on the other end of the line, which after several years of friendship, I had learned to interpret as “fine.”

I sighed before beginning, “Look, Iwa-chan, I really like him, I really, really like him, and don’t want to mess this relationship up like all my last ones. Today in the park, I had this idea, I found a list of questions you’re supposed to ask your partner to get closer to them, and I thought they were pretty harmless right? Kind of random, but harmless. Anyway, almost all of them prompted this kinda weird response out of Suga, like he would get really sad for a moment before composing himself, then he flat out refused to answer these two question at the end–and then there was this thing with the water, I wanted to dip my feet in but Suga was like, really hesitant and mentioned a bad water experience he had and–”

“Crappykawa, are you sure you’re going somewhere with this?” Iwaizumi asked, sounded still kind of annoyed, but not full on I-will-personally-come-slap-you-if-you-don’t-shut-up annoyed, so I took a deep breath and persisted, “Suga was just…I don’t know, his reactions weren’t quite normal, don’t you think? And–I want–I want to be a good boyfriend, I want to get to know him better, but he almost seems closed off? And I can’t help but wonder, what if something’s wrong with him–er, not wrong with him, his life, something’s happening to him? It’s just a feeling or something–”

“What questions didn’t he want to answer?” Iwaizumi interrupted. It took me a moment to remember, as I’d been so shocked at the shift in Iwaizumi’s voice. He seemed…concerned, I think? His voice was softer, and his question indicated he’d really been paying attention.

“I asked…” I faltered a bit before continuing. “I asked about what he would change about his upbringing, and then to summarize his life in a few minutes.” Iwaizumi was quiet. I patiently waited while he processed the new information.

“Oikawa…” Iwaizumi started to say. Now he sighed before finishing his train of thought. “Look, I wasn’t there and I don’t know Suga, so whatever I say could be very wrong, you can’t just…accept it, okay? Promise me that before I tell you what I think.” I promised Iwaizumi in my most serious tone that I wouldn’t.

“Okay…those questions, they were about his past, his childhood. Pretty basic questions as you said that he didn’t want to answer. Now, I don’t know what else you asked, but I’m gonna guess none of it was also about that kind of stuff, but Suga still gave some kind of a reaction to them, maybe they made him think about his childhood. Anyway, the only reason someone wouldn’t want to answer those questions would be if they’ve got something to hide. That could be a ton of different things, maybe he’s got a really complicated family situation, like, they travel a lot and he never sees them, maybe it’s more serious and he was abused or something. Whatever the case, don’t press him. Please Oikawa, please, just let him tell you whatever it is when he’s ready. You don’t know what the situation is, so just respect his boundaries and wait. Okay? Can you please do that?”

Iwaizumi had confirmed what I had feared, that Suga had most likely been through some kind of sh*t, even though he was the nicest, most least-deserving person of any kind of pain.

“I promise I’ll leave him be.” I swore to Iwaizumi as we said our goodbyes and hung up. I went to lay on my bed and closed my eyes, swearing that whatever happened, whatever it was Suga didn’t want to tell me, I wouldn’t let it change my opinion of him, and I wouldn’t let it affect our relationship.

Over the next month, Suga and I went on several more dates. I took Iwaizumi’s advice and avoided pretty much any remotely personal conversation topics, sticking to safer things like our interests, school, volleyball. I also didn’t push to continue the questions game; we could do that later on.

While I was paying very close attention to Suga, everything he said and did, I noticed another thing: Suga did not like to be touched.

I had noticed it when, upon seeing him the first few times, I would give him a hug only to feel him completely freeze up. When our hands or shoulders would bump each other, he would jerk it away after a moment, probably trying not to be awkward.

At first I had been slightly hurt, I thought he didn’t want to touch me because he was repulsed by me or something. Then I thought maybe he was just really shy and wanted to take things super slow. Whatever the reason, I decided that there was bound to be a better explanation, so I paid even closer attention to him.

I watched when a cashier would hand Suga back his card, he would hold his credit card by the absolute farthest point on the end, and was vaguely reminded of how he did the same with a pencil I dropped back when we were still doing tutoring. I watched when we went to play mini golf and one of the employees had clapped Suga hard on the back when we got to the end and he won, and he had jumped pretty high. I watched when Suga went absolutely still when a pottery worker had come up behind him and leaned over his shoulder, pointing out something about his brush and paint. This was how I reached the conclusion that Suga didn’t like physical contact.

But I was his boyfriend! Surely he didn’t need to feel that way around me? And I know I had promised Iwaizumi and myself that I wouldn’t do anything rash, wouldn’t push Suga in anyway, but come on, I just wanted to do something simple like hold his hand! Deciding I needed further advice, I called Iwaizumi and explained the predicament.

“Iwa-chan, how long did you and Kimi wait before you started holding hands and kissing and stuff?” Iwaizumi (shockingly) happened to be much better with dating than I was. He’d only had two girlfriends, the first one he broke up with because she was literally moving to another country, and the second he was still going strong with after several months.

“I guess we started doing all the normal stuff right away, we didn’t start kissing until after a few weeks of going out. Why?” I bit my lip. Going over my thoughts, I sounded kind of unreasonable now, but I was already this far, and I desperately needed relationship advice.

I explained to Iwaizumi about how Suga and I barely touched, how I had stopped hugging him because he always just froze up, and how I had been paying attention on our last few dates and noticed he hated any kind of physical interaction with not just me, but anyone.

“Iwa-channnnnnnn, what do do? I just wanna be with my boyfriend, to kiss him, or h*ll I’d settle for holding his hand or an arm around his shoulder, something, but I don’t know what to do!”

Iwaizumi was quiet for a few moments, probably thinking about the issue more than I could at the moment, as I had spent hours upon hours pondering the situation, and still didn’t know what to do or make of it.

“Oikawa, I’m impressed that you picked up on that about him, that’s…that’s really good. I’m proud of you. But remember what we talked about earlier? About not pushing him about his past? What if…” Iwaizumi trailed off and sighed. “What if, I don’t know, this is related to that, somehow? Maybe it’s not, it definitely could not be, but…it could be, and you need to respect. His. Boundaries. I know that you want to touch him, I know what it’s like to like someone, I do. But please, for the sake of Suga and your relationship, just wait. Okay?”

I groaned but begrudgingly admitted Iwaizumi was probably right, and agreed once again that I wouldn’t push things. So I didn’t. I became even more aware of Suga on dates, not only avoiding personal conversations, but also trying my best to help prevent any kind of physical interaction with him, from me and strangers. I wished Suga would trust me already, but we had only been dating for weeks, so I resigned myself to my lonely fate, at least grateful Suga and I were still getting along really well.

Our one month anniversary was coming up. It just so happened that my parents would be out of town, leaving me all alone. If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t have hesitated to call my date over and do…not so innocent things with them. Suga was not just anyone though, so I couldn’t do that and instead planned out (what I hoped was) a really fun night for us to just chill and have fun. There had been a big of a texting mishap when I was inviting him over, but we didn’t need to talk about that.

I’d received lots of threats when I told Iwaizumi I was gonna invite him over to a sleepover without my parents (“Don’t you dare even think of trying any kind of funny business with Suga, I swear, if you so much as try to lay your hands on him, I will personally sprint over to your house, beat your sorry–” “IWA-CHAN I WON’T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT I SWEAR!!!!!”), but I was finally able to convince him I could be trusted.

Suga was going to be over any minute. I was running around making sure everything was okay, that I had snacks and all the ingredients I wanted, the pillows and blankets were in place, the house looked clean and decent. I thought I was going to die of fright when I watched Suga’s car pull up, but then I took a deep breath and reasoned, This is Suga. Your wonderful, phenomenal boyfriend that there really aren’t words to describe, and you definitely don’t deserve. Sweet, caring, kind Suga, who I didn’t have to worry about screwing up in front of.

Sighing one more time, I then grinned and raced outside, eager to greet Suga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: happy friday everyone! and happy early weekend, hopefully ill post again sometime tomorrow🤞🤞🤞 stay safe!


	34. 17. Going steady (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i didnt get any writing done today, but i was somewhat productive in other ways, i did two sports and took a huge nap and spent time with my sisters and finished one hw assignment, and its friday night and im feeling nice (heres some advice, listen up beach–sorry ill stop) so here, take another chapter lol

Oikawa and I had been dating for four weeks, one day, seven hours, and fifty-two minutes give or take. Not that I was counting or anything. We'd gone on exactly five dates since the one in the park (we'd played mini golf, gone to a museum, gone shopping, gotten coffee, and my favorite, painting pottery–we'd both tried to paint the other one and, well, let's just say they didn't turn out great, but it was still hilarious and I had obtained a very amusing souvenir).

I kept waiting for things to fall apart, for us to get into some argument, maybe my team would find out before I was ready to tell them and convince me I shouldn't be with Oikawa. Maybe he would change his mind and decide, no, realize that he could do a lot better than me. Maybe we just wouldn't be compatible together.

I was pretty sure that we were still in the "honeymoon phase," as they called it. Most high school relationships didn't end the best or last very long, but I couldn't ignore the fact that the two of us had gotten along so well for basically a whole month. I think Oikawa started to pick up on the fact that I had some skeletons in the closet so to speak though, something going on with me. I had been very clever in avoiding physical contact with him, but that didn't mean the occasional brush of hands or something didn't happen.

Anyway, on our most recent date when we went shopping (which had been a success), I couldn't help but notice all the other couples holding hands, arms wrapped around each other, kissing lightly. I think I may have even caught Oikawa staring at them wistfully, dare I say? And I had felt guilty. Horribly guilty. What kind of boyfriend was I that I couldn't even give Oikawa the simplest little things like that?

As nervous as I was, I had decided to be honest. While Oikawa and I definitely still had a ways to go in our relationship, I think it was safe to say he had passed the first test; I felt like I could trust him, and if he was making the effort for us, well, I would have to too, no matter how uncomfortable. I was going to come clean about my past to him (to some extent, at least).

Oikawa had invited me to sleep over at his house. "It'll be perfect Suga-chan, for our one-month anniversary!" Oikawa had insisted. I had been very concerned when the text first appeared, informing me that his parents would be gone for the night and I should come over, although I had received a series of fumbling texts after that explaining, "OMG WAIT NO IM NOT TRYING TO SLEEP WITH YOU I SWEAR" followed by "not that i dont wanna sleep with you bc i rly like u and think ur rly cute and i didnt mean to say that i swear im so sorry" followed by "but we dont have to do that bc we can go as slow as u want im so sorry i didnt mean to insinuate anything shoot shoot shoot awklsj ofawsfihfaiwhf."

At that point, I was practically rolling on the floor in laughter, Sora had come up to my room from the other side of the house downstairs to ask what was so funny. As heavy as the topic was, more or less, I thought it was absolutely adorable watching Oikawa stumble all over the place over text (and I may or may not have taken screenshots for future use).

When I had calmed down enough to respond, I felt bad upon seeing several more apology texts and assured him everything was fine and that yes, I would head over to his house Saturday afternoon and we could have a movie/anime marathon and cook or read or listen to music or whatever else couples did when hanging out at one's house.

After volleyball practice, I went home and had an early lunch and started getting my stuff together.

"Need any help?" Sora asked, getting ready to head out herself. I stared at the woefully small pile of things I had laid out across my bed. Sora's eyes briefly flitted over to my pile as well before sighing and saying, "So, I'm gonna take that as a yes."

She walked over to my bed and snatched the pajamas away. "Sora, I like those!" I protested, making a weak attempt to get them back. She gave me a stink eye. "Suga, I refuse to allow you to attend your first sleepover date in matching black and red plaid, you're gonna look like a fricking lumberjack." I didn't have a comeback for that. They were very comfortable pajamas but...maybe not the most visually appealing.

"Here." Having gone in my drawer, Sora found a more sensible pair a black joggers (which may or may not have had anime designs at the bottom she missed) and a matching shirt.

"Suga, you forgot your toothbrush. And toothpaste. And a brush. And–okay, you go do something else while I pack for you." I smiled sheepishly before leaving, thanking Sora. If not for her, well, I would've been even more of a disaster than I already was. So, I got my ice skating stuff together instead. I was gonna head to the rink and skate a bit before going to Oikawa's. I hadn't been for a couple days, and I wanted to settle my nerves.

"Okay here, you're all set. I have to go, my friends are here, but call or text me if anything goes wrong okay, or if you need advice or something. Got it? Good. Now go have fun." She tossed me a bag (not the original one I had chosen, she'd changed that too) and sprinted downstairs, hollering one last enthusiastic "Bye!"

Chuckling to myself (who was I, that I needed someone else to baby me? That was my job to do to others, apparently I was just that flustered), I did one last check to make sure I had everything before going out to the car, putting it in the trunk, and driving to the rink. It wasn't very far from the house, I could even run there if I was feeling especially athletic, so I got there soon.

"Suga-kun!" Mrs. Nakajima greeted me when I entered the building. The rink was, unfortunately, a bit crowded being a Saturday afternoon and all, but I knew there was an hour-long break coming up when it would clear out, and I would be allowed to skate. One of the many perks of knowing the owners.

"Hello Nakajima-san!" I returned, waving happily. The elderly woman made no attempt to hug me, to pat my back, shake my hand. One day, I had simply told her and her husband I didn't like touching. They knew most things about my past, unlike anyone else I currently knew, and had accepted and respected it without a second thought. I was extremely appreciative, and hoped tonight/tomorrow would go similarly.

"I'm surprised you haven't been here since Wednesday, you're usually here every day." She teased lightly, gesturing for me to sit down and get my skates on while she went to clear the rink. I mumbled an apology as she left and I took off my shoes.

I watched the crowd slowly trickle out, some probably planning to come back after. Mrs. Nakajima appeared behind them all and informed me, "I'm going to go have lunch with my husband, you go have fun!" and then left to my own devices.

After putting my skates on (a very nice pair that had actually been a gift from the couple not too long ago), I slowly made my way out to the actual rink. I let my eyes wander around before taking a deep breath and stepping out onto the ice.

It didn't take me long to get used to the change in footing, and a few seconds later I began slowly gliding in circles around the arena, trying to warm up. A good ten minutes later, I went back to get my phone and earbuds I'd left by the side. I put them in and put my music on shuffle, and then just skated.

In the beginning, I was concentrating (maybe too hard) on turning just the right way, getting good height on my jumps and landing perfectly, making sure my leg was in the right position when I lifted it behind me. It all felt a bit stiff, but then I let my mind wander to other things (ie Oikawa), and I lost myself in the music.

Oikawa, my amazing, incredible boyfriend, I thought, letting my body move however felt natural in the moment.

Oikawa, who I would be seeing soon, who made me all nervous but at the same time really excited. There were so many great things about him, all kinds of things, how determined he was to succeed, how much he loved his family, his laugh, his willingness to help me with volleyball, his singing and dancing. And, for some reason, he was with me of all people. I was a bit perplexed, confused, lost, but certainly not complaining.

Today could change that though. Today, he could hear about me and change his mind. Sure, we'd been seeing each other for some time, but...things could definitely change, especially when you least expected them. It wouldn't have been very nice of him, of course, I wanted to think he was better than that, but at the same time, I was...me. So, I wouldn't be shocked if he did break up with me...

No! No, I can't think like that! Oikawa–he...he cares about me. He likes me. We...we're good together. There was no way I'd go down without a fight, I would make him see tonight, I would explain everything, or almost everything anyway and we...we would be fine.

I couldn't lose Oikawa, not now, not after I had let myself get close to him. Could I still turn away from him if I wanted without getting too hurt? Maybe, but the further and further we got, the more awful a breakup would be. So, there was only the one option, I wouldn't think about any others. I was going to win. I was going to overcome my past and let it stop affecting at least one of my relationships.

I finished a quad and landed out of breath, realizing it was getting late and my time was pretty much up. Then I heard clapping and looked up.

"That was some of the best free skating I've ever seen from you." Mrs. Nakajima informed me, smiling as she waited for me to clear the ice. I immediately skated over and walked out the rink's door she was holding for me.

"Was it?" I asked curiously, disappointed I had been so focused on Oikawa I didn't really remember anything I'd just done.

She nodded and elaborated, "You did look kind of timid, scared, unsure of your movements in the beginning, but by the end everything flowed much better and looked very nice, more confident. I'm glad your skating is still coming along." She said. I blushed and looked away after muttering a thank you, because apparently that was what my thinking about Oikawa had produced.

"I have to go, but thank you for everything Nakajima-san! I'll probably be here tomorrow or Monday, see you then!" I called, trying to push skating from my mind as I went to get my things.

"Goodbye dear, have fun on your date!" She called out to me, turning and making sure the rink was good to reopen. I froze. "How...how did you know?" I asked dumbfoundedly, turning to stare at the smirking owner.

"What else could you be thinking of?" She chuckled before shooing me away. Redder than ever, I embarrassedly ducked through the incoming crowd getting ready to skate when the rink opened and hurried to go change, and then head out to my car. Once in the safety of there, I calmed down a bit and even laughed; apparently, I was just that obvious. Thank god my teammates hadn't pressed too hard yet.

Plugging Oikawa's address into my phone (I'd only been there one other time, my memory wasn't that good!), I prepared for the half hour drive, putting on the playlist where I'd left off.

Maybe Oikawa and I could like, make a playlist together or something? Or, it would be cute if we had an "our song" like some people did. Of course, that would involve slow dancing and, well, dancing together in general which I wasn't ready for, but it seemed like a nice idea for the future.

As the closing lines of the first Attack on Titan op played out, I pulled up to Oikawa's driveway (yes, very romantic and appropriate for the mood, I know). No sooner had I stepped out of the car and closed the door when I heard a loud, "SUGA-CHANNNNNNNN!!!!!" and looked up, a bit startled, to see Oikawa barreling towards me at full force. He stopped an arms length away, shocking me when he didn't go for a huge bear hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the abrupt ending, also i know this and the last chapter were short sorry, the next ones will be longer. happy weekend!


	35. 18. That date part 1 (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guysss im so sorry i didnt post something yesterday, i didnt write anything for this story at all until a few hours ago (i started the legit angst stuff YEE) and didnt wanna post knowing i would only have like one other written unpublished chapter left, but anyway here's this now, sorry its sunday night and tomorrow's monday, but i hope this makes it a little better!

Sighing one more time, I then grinned and raced outside, eager to greet Suga. “SUGA-CHANNNNNNNN!!!!!” I screamed, smiling widely when I saw my gorgeous boyfriend step out of his car. He looked up at me, clearly very surprised. I was very careful not to get too close to him and stopped a bit away (see, I didn’t even try to touch him Iwa-chan!).

“Hi,” I said breathless, probably looking like the idiot I was (very suave Oikawa, nice). Suga stared at me for a few moments, undoubtedly thinking I was a weirdo. He then stuttered, “Er, hey, Oikawa-chan.” while he became all flushed. Thankfully for me, this was not the first time Suga had seen me act bizarre, and he hadn’t dumped me yet, so, I was probably safe.

“Suga-chan, I have so much planned you don’t even know. Trust me, it’s gonna be great, we’re gonna watch Alien movies and anime and cook dinner and dessert and, well, whatever else comes to mind, come on!” I resisted the urge to grab Suga’s hand and drag him along behind me, remembering the last time I’d done that on our first date how Suga had seemingly hated it and been nervous, but I hadn’t really noticed it then. I wasn’t going to do that to him again.

I stopped at the door when I opened it, expecting to see my ineffably angelic boyfriend behind me, only to see he was still at his car. Okay, so maybe I did need to drag him behind me…

After a few seconds though, I registered Suga was at his trunk, probably getting his stuff that I’d completely forgotten about. I inwardly gasped in horror at my accidental rudeness and dashed over to grab Suga’s bag, careful to take hold of it away from his hands.

“Ahh, I’m sorry, I’ll take that!” I apologized and started up the driveway again, Suga now following. “Such a gentleman.” He commented of my actions, to which I turned and winked, and said in as flirtatious a voice as I could muster, “Only for you!”

Soon, we made our way to the staircase, up the stairs, and then to my room. “Here, you can set your stuff in my room.” I told Suga, leaning against my bed as I watched his eyes wander every which way. I suddenly felt very self-conscious and began looking around to make sure I didn’t have anything messy or odd laying around (even though I had meticulously done that several times before Suga’s arrival anyway).

“Ahhh, so this is the infamous cardboard cutout of you.” Suga observed. I followed his line of eyes to the offending cutout, and I swear, I panicked. I hadn’t even considered removing the cutout, it’d been in my room for so long I had just come to accept it, even though Iwaizumi along with the rest of my teammates wouldn’t shut up about it. It just, it had not registered when I was getting everything together, and now Suga would think I was super weird, like a new level of weird, how do I save this, how how how how how–

“Oh, yeah that, you know how the volleyball people do stories on me all the time and stuff? For some reason or another, they made a bunch of cutouts of me for some expo a couple years ago and had an extra, so I took it.” I said as nonchalantly as possible. I very discreetly stole a glance at Suga after to see his reaction, but he kind of just shrugged as if letting go of it, and then I did an internal happy dance.

“So, what are we doing first?” Suga asked brightly. I grinned and replied, “Let’s start with movies!” already racing downstairs. I was sooooo excited to watch stuff with Suga, it was like I was sharing a really deep part of me.

Soon we arrived in the living room. I noticed Suga carefully eyeing the pillows and blankets I had assembled on the couches and explained, “I know my house is kind of cold and I also thought we might accidentally fall asleep on the couch, so I came prepared.” I paused and bit my lip, but then decided to go for it. “Can we watch Alien first, pleeeeaaassseeeee?”

The Alien movies were my favorite, the first one was undoubtedly the best, but I loved them all so. Much, I mean there were aliens and astronauts and space and rocket ships and action and just–they were really good.

Suga smiled at me and said, “Sure!” while setting down and burrowing himself inside the blankets until they practically swallowed him whole, and I swear I had to stop myself from laughing, instead choosing to ask, “You’ve never seen it have you?”

Suga shook his head no. I then launched into a lengthy analysis of the movie (without trying to give too much away) going over every little thing from the characters and their relationships to the kind of cliché but still totally awesome plot, basically I got carried away and realized I had been talking for a while even though I already had the move queued up.

I apologized with a small laugh and then started it, leaning back to enjoy the cinematic masterpiece. I was probably bouncing with excitement at that point, but I didn’t care. The last time I had watched a space-related thing with someone was…mmm…Iwaizumi would usually suffer through something once or twice a year (and in return I would watch his stupid Godzilla stuff), occasionally I rangled my poor nephew into watching. My parents and sister knew better. So in short, it had been a while.

In addition to that, it was someone new for Suga, which prompted me to begin spewing out every fact I could remember about Alien, which was quite a lot. Suga didn’t mind though, he was very engaged, asking questions when appropriate, and he smiled so radiantly at me whenever I said something. He didn’t even try to make fun of me, to hurl insults at me. Honestly, where had he been the past eighteen years of my life?

We were getting to the end of the movie in Ripley’s final face off with the alien. I glanced over at Suga and saw him staring with wide eyes at the screen, flinching at a particularly terrifying jumpscare.

“Aw, is Suga-chan scared?” I poked. Suga tore his line of sight away from the inside of his hands (which he had brought up to cover his face), and gazed mournfully at me. “Shut up,” he muttered, good god, I think he was even shaking a bit. I deliberately remained firmly rooted in my spot as opposed to jumping over to the other side of the couch and pulling Suga-chan into my arms, and stroking his hair, and whispering–okay, yeah, I need to stop.

I redirected my energy to the movie and shifted towards Suga. “Soooooo, what’d you think Suga-chan?” I asked once it finished, trying to distract the both of us, him from the movie, me from doing things that Iwaizumi would not approve of.

Suga’s eyes lit up (which made my heart soar, because he actually liked the movie I think) and he started telling me all about his thoughts on the production, effects, and then he started complaining about how it was scary when he thought everyone was going to be the friends in the end, and I mean come on, how could I not laugh at that, the notion was just so ridiculous. He finished by informing he had liked the cat best of all. Suga was too adorable, I couldn’t stop myself anymore and doubled over in a huge fit of laughter.

This came to a screeching halt when Suga decided to chuck a pillow at me. I looked up at my kind hearted, innocent boyfriend in shock.

Finding my words, I uttered, “Oh Suga-chan, you did not just throw a pillow at me did you?” while a positively devious grin spread across my face. Suga stared right back at me, just as innocent as before, and nonchalantly said, “Oops. Must’ve been an accident.”

“This means war.” I informed him, snatching a ton of the pillows and blankets from the couch before scrambling to get away from Suga, in case he tried another attack soon. Once hidden behind the safety of the couches, I chanced a peek at Suga, who was still rooted in the same place as before and looking at me with his head tilted slightly to one side.

Did he seem confused by the overly-enthusiastic antics? Sure. Was I going to draw him in and reduce him to an immature five-year-old like me? Absolutely. I threw another pillow his way, mentally cheering when I got him right in the head, causing his hair to get a bit messed up (which I wouldn’t mind running my hands through and fixing).

“Hey!” Suga cried indignantly as I sank behind the couch again. A moment later, I heard quick footsteps scurrying out of the room. Confused, I got up again, only to find that Suga had grabbed a ton of pillows and blankets and hightailed it out of there. I smirked. Two could play at that game.

I took a moment to gather the remaining supplies before bravely forging onward. I waited for a bit behind the corner before surging forward and continuously pelting Suga, who had, in the short time we’d been apart, managed to set up a wall of sorts.

Despite the wall, I threw and threw until I had nothing left, only barely managing to knock down Suga’s fort. When I ran out, Suga looked up at me and smirked. It was his scary smirk. So, like any remotely intelligent person who knew Suga, I ran for my life.

Things turned into a full on chase, reminiscent of childhood games of cops and robbers or something. Suga would quickly dart forward and steal all the pillows and blankets, I would dodge them until he ran out then take them back and chase him, and so on until we couldn’t keep it up anymore and broke down, out of breath and unable to stop laughing (I totally won the game, in case you were wondering).

“Well, well, well, who would’ve known that serious, quiet, responsible Sugawara Koshi was capable of having an all-out pillow fight?” I had been a tiny bit unsure when the game started, Suga was just so…it’s not that he didn’t know how to have fun or have a sense of humor, he was just…mm, really reserved about it? But I had managed to break down some of those walls, I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself for that.

Suga started laughing again in response to my question, and the whole situation was so crazy, especially seeing Suga in such disarray when I was used to small smiles and big, nervous glances. But I could get used to this. I joined Suga in his laughter once again.

When we (finally) stopped, I told Suga, “Alright, so I was thinking we could make dinner now since it’s getting a bit late, and then while we eat we could either start the second alien movie, or some of the anime?” Already getting up, Suga said, “Sounds like a plan! So, what are we making?” I got up too and walked over to the kitchen.

“Sukiyaki!” This was a dish I had made time and time again with my mother, there was absolutely no way I could screw anything up, it was very safe, and I could impress Suga with my fabulous cooking skills. The plan was literally flawless.

After washing our hands, I began assembling the ingredients. I tasked Suga with cutting up some of the vegetables and stuff, I thought it would be more fun to cook together and didn’t wanna give him something hard, which is how he ended up where he did.

I started the stove and began pouring things in the pan, moving them around a bit while Suga went over to the counter and started chopping. When he was done, he handed them over and I gradually added them. Everything was going fine…until it wasn’t.

The liquid started boiling over, it was bubbling really loudly and, oh god, I think it was burning, shoooottttt–

In a panicked state, I accidentally shouted, “Ahhhhhh, I don’t know what to do! It doesn’t usually do this when my mom makes it!” It was very attractive.

Suga had the audacity to laugh of all things, but he gently gestured for me to move and took hold of the pan, playing with the burner and food until it was back to normal.

“You’re a lifesaver Suga-chan, thank you so much!” I shouted, and then embarrassment began to make its way across my features in the form of an unfortunately heavy blush. I looked away before he could see.

“No problem, I’m glad I was able to be of assistance.” Suga teased, handing the cooking utensil back to me. I clutched it shakily and finished cooking the sukiyaki. I did plate it myself, I didn’t make Suga do that at least! It didn’t turn out quite the way I had hoped, the way it tasted when my mom and I made it, but it was still good and I liked it.

While we ate we started Aliens, it took me almost the whole time to finish my meal because I was so enthralled with the plot. I looked over and saw that Suga was even worse off than me with plenty left on his plate halfway through the movie, which was absolutely hilarious because I don’t think he really loved it, but he was still putting so much effort into watching and paying attention anyway.

When it was over, we briefly discussed and then decided to turn to Suga’s show. “Soooo, what anime have you selected for us to watch?” I asked curiously. I had given Suga a warning of what I chose several days prior, but he hadn’t said anything to me.

Suga’s eyes lit up. “Ouran High School Host Club!” He cheered as he took the remote from me and went to put it on. Hmm…that show rang a bell. Maybe one of my old girlfriends had watched it? Or a classmate? I couldn’t place which show it was though.

“What’s it about?” I asked, watching the screen fervently as Suga found what he was looking for. A picture of it came up, and I recognized a few of the characters, or at least the animation style, as vaguely familiar.

“Basically, a bunch of rich, popular boys fight for the attention of a not rich, unpopular, non gender conforming girl. It’s good, you’ll see.” That was certainly a very interesting sounding show, and honestly, if Suga liked it how bad could it be? Well, possibly very bad, but he could suggest that we watch a livestream video of paint drying and I wouldn’t care. Besides, I could always just stare at him instead.

Completely unsure of what to expect, I peered at the screen as the cutesy theme song began to play with the characters dancing around. It wasn’t very indicative towards the plot, but Suga seemed to be into it.

“We can skip it if you want, I just figured you should watch it at least once.” He suggested, but I shook my head. “No no, it’s fine, I don’t mind.” The song was lowkey a bop, besides why would I willingly pass up the chance to watch Suga vibing to it?

I directed my full attention to the show after the song was over. There was a girl, or boy, or–well, Suga had mentioned a non gender conforming girl so I guess that was them? They walked around a nice looking school and started monologing about their mom, the school, and then they stumbled upon the host club.

The host club was…intriguing. I found myself genuinely curious about their behavior, their purpose, their strange interactions, which only increased throughout the first episode. I made lots of comments, which Suga either laughed at or gave an insightful response to.

We watched eight episodes in total before I thought that maybe we should take a break, just so we didn’t spend the rest of the night mindlessly watching anime (hopefully we would be together long enough where there would be plenty of time to do that in the future).

“That ending was kind of weird, especially the whole lightning scene, but I liked it!” I announced before getting up to stretch. “I’m getting a little tired though, could we take a break?” Suga nodded and turned it off, stretching a bit himself. I tried to refrain from getting a nosebleed when Suga lifted his arms and his big sweater rode up a bit, exposing a tiny expanse of smooth, alabaster white skin.

I forced myself to look away, and found my eyes subconsciously drifting up to his hair. Before I could think about what I was saying, “Can I ask you something random?”

“Sure.” Suga had replied, somewhat absentmindedly. I still had time to stop, but again, I wasn’t really thinking, so I continued, “Why do you dye your hair gray?”

Suga looked up at me in shock with huge eyes. He looked almost scared and–oh god, oh shoot, wait, what if this was somehow one of the things I wasn’t supposed to push him on, even though how was I to know something as simple as his hair was included in that???

Feeling awful (and knowing I would accidentally blab about this to Iwaizumi later, and he would whack me upside the head), I scrambled to form an apology. “Not that it looks bad or anything! I was just wondering, I mean, if you’re gonna dye your hair, why not get like, I don’t know, highlights or an ombre or something crazy like a rose gold color? Again I don’t care! I was just curious that’s all.” Well that was a disaster.

Suga looked down for a moment with the most serious expression I’d ever seen on his face, which was really saying something. He appeared incredibly deep in thought for a while before finally looking back up at me. I was surprised when I saw pure resolve and determination in his eyes. That’s when I realized whatever I had asked was inadvertently about much more than just the hair. I settled back down, slightly terrified of what was in store for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see i am finally getting to the angst, after like 35 chapters lol (completely unrelated, does anyone else watch aot, because i just finished season 3 part 1 and no one else i know watches it and i just want to rant about the intro and outro and characters and yea if anyone's interest dm me LOL😂 (can you even do that on ao3?))


	36. 18. That date part 1 (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys guys guys guys guys i am so excited to post the next chapter (not this one the one after, but i had fun writing this one too) its really long but ive been working on it all week and am finally getting into suga's past oml im so excited, i even postponed my friday ritual post school nap to upload this chapter bc im so hyped 😁😁 happy weekend! we made it!! 🥳🥳

As the closing lines of the first Attack on Titan op played out, I pulled up to Oikawa’s driveway (yes, very romantic and appropriate for the mood, I know). No sooner had I stepped out of the car and closed the door when I heard a loud, “SUGA-CHANNNNNNNN!!!!!” and looked up, a bit startled, to see Oikawa barreling towards me at full force. He stopped an arms length away, shocking me when he didn’t go for a huge bear hug.

“Hi!” He said brightly, waving animatedly. It took me a moment to respond because, okay–just–Oikawa, Oikawa was like, sooooo cute, like obnoxiously cute, to the point where it left me breathless, and I was also distracted by the fact that I hadn’t had to awkwardly pull back from a hug, as I had been expecting.

“Er, hey, Oikawa-chan.” I returned eventually, any redness I had managed to clear since the ice skating rink returning stronger than ever.

“Suga-chan, I have so much planned you don’t even know. Trust me, it’s gonna be great, we’re gonna watch Alien movies and anime and cook dinner and dessert and, well, whatever else comes to mind, come on!” Oikawa spun around and sprinted back up the door. I almost followed but remembered I still had to get my stuff, so I went back to the trunk and got my bag before locking the car.

“Ahh, I’m sorry, I’ll take that!” Oikawa exclaimed, once more right in front of me. He quickly took my bag and made his way up the driveway again, this time with me in tow. “Such a gentleman.” I teased, my heart fluttering when he turned to me and said with a wink, “Only for you!” Gosh darnit he was smooth (or he could be, when he wanted to be anyway).

I sucked in a quiet breath when we went inside. Oikawa’s house looked nice from the outside, but it was really, really nice inside. Poverty was one of the few things I hadn’t suffered from in the past (well actually…aaah, it’s complicated), although I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious when walking around. I did my best not to let it show.

“Here, you can set your stuff in my room.” Oikawa said, leading me down a long hallway upstairs. He stopped at the end and opened the door. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but somehow what I saw was very fitting. It was a fairly spacious room with light blue walls, lots of volleyball and space/sci-fi posters, and what looked like a walk-in closet and bathroom on opposite ends. Given the sheer amount of space stuff, I was honestly surprised he had a normal, plain bedspread instead of something with lots of little aliens and UFOs. Everything seemed fairly normal, if not a little childish, but then I saw it.

“Ahhh, so this is the infamous cardboard cutout of you.” I said smirking, setting my bag down at the foot of the bed. I also warily eyed the dartboard (which currently did not have a picture in it) on the wall, internally grimacing that that part had been true from what the Seijoh players had told me.

“Oh, yeah that, you know how the volleyball people do stories on me all the time and stuff? For some reason or another, they made a bunch of cutouts of me for some expo a couple years ago and had an extra, so I took it.” Oikawa said casually, as if it wasn’t like, the vainest thing in the world to have a random cutout of yourself in your room. I kept waiting for him to realize this or say something about it, but he didn’t so I just shrugged it off because let's be honest, it was Oikawa.

“So, what are we doing first?” I turned to Oikawa and asked. “Let’s start with movies!” He was already running back out of his room and downstairs, like an overly-excited child. Which he technically was, I guess. I chuckled quietly and followed him all the way down to what I presumed was the living room. There was a pretty big tv in the middle with an equally large couch in front, covered in pillows and blankets.

“I know my house is kind of cold and I also thought we might accidentally fall asleep on the couch, so I came prepared.” Oikawa explained, and then pleaded with huge puppy eyes, “Can we watch Alien first, pleeeeaaassseeeee?” How could I say no to him?

“Sure!” I said and sat down while Oikawa cheered and went to put his movie on. “You’ve never seen it have you?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Suga-chan you’re gonna love it, it’s a timeless classic about this crew that goes to check out this distress signal and then they run into these aliens and–oh sorry, I guess that was a spoiler, but I mean the movie is called Alien, you’re smart you would’ve figured it out anyway–”

Oikawa was terribly excited. He has been since I arrived, and I think it had mostly to do with the fact that we were watching one of his favorite movies. It wasn’t my favorite genre, but if Oikawa liked it, I didn’t really care. (a/n: spoilers for the movie if you haven’t seen it, i haven’t lol i tried in third grade but was too freaked out and couldnt finish it so these are like wikipedia level spoilers)

I watched curiously as the ominous music began to play while a dark shot of space with distant stars passed by, with various credits rolling. I was confused by the random white lines that started appearing at the top of the screen, but thought it was really cool how they slowly turned into the word alien.

As soon as the credits were over and the movie began, the comments started. I found myself not really minding, eager to hear Oikawa’s voice, and the various facts he shared.

“Their ship was named after this really old book about an explorer going to a silver mine.”

“The cast was originally supposed to be all guys, I really like the take with Ripley as a woman though, I think it’s way better!”

“They filmed this in summer and the cast got so hot in the suit at times that they passed out.”

“They had four different cats on set to play Jones.”

And so the comments went.

I liked to tell myself that I could handle horror movies, jumpscares, that they didn’t spook me too much (this was mostly a lie I was trying to convince myself was the truth), but goshdarnit if I didn’t jump a foot in the air when the alien attacked the guy’s face, when the alien burst from the guy’s chest, when the robot guy’s head was decapitated, when the fully-grown alien showed up–okay basically I did a lot of cowering.

“Aw, is Suga-chan scared?” Oikawa teased me from the other side of the couch. “Shut up.” I mumbled, briefly hiding my face in a blanket to escape the gore of the current scene. I could hear light laughter, presumably from my inconsiderate boyfriend, as I sighed warily.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the woman finally got rid of the alien at the end, slightly terrified when she did the last log as the sole survivor of her crew. Now, mine and her circumstances were nothing alike, but that part hit a little close to home.

“Soooooo, what’d you think Suga-chan?” Oikawa asked, jumping to sit on his knees and turning to face me.

“I actually really liked it! It’s amazing how they still managed to make the film so thrilling with 70s technology. It was kind of scary though, you didn’t tell me that! I thought they were going to like, I don’t know, make friends with the alien or save it or something–stop laughing!–not get attacked and murdered by it! And what was with the random android guy, it’s like they kind of just threw him in there amidst all the alien stuff? But anyway, yes, it was very good. I think my favorite character was the cat.”

Oikawa was chortling now at my lame review. I threw a pillow at him. The laughter immediately ceased and he turned to look at me with narrow eyes, a sneer forming on his face.

“Oh Suga-chan, you did not just throw a pillow at me did you?” He asked. I pursed my lips and gave my best innocent-looking face. “Oops. Must’ve been an accident.”

“This means war.” Oikawa declared, grabbing a ton of pillows and jumping behind the couch. I watched in disbelief as he slowly raised his head to look at me before chucking a pillow at me, which hit me square in the head.

“Hey!” I protested, and started gathering some of my own pillows and blankets. Once I had them, I dashed outside of the living room and hid behind the stairs, attempting to set up a barricade of sorts.

Was this real life right now? Was I really having a pillow fight of all things as a third-year in high school against Aoba Johsai’s equally third-year team captain? It felt very surreal…but I couldn’t deny the inner-kid in me that was having the time of my life.

I didn’t get a lot of chances to goof off. Goodness knows I’d been forced to grow up way too early, people began expecting so many things of me, my mom, my siblings who depended on me, coaches, teachers, even now on the volleyball team, everyone expected me to put an end to any and all antics–which I did–but sometimes I really just wanted to let go and join in.

I hadn’t had a pillow fight since…gosh, since before Asami…and the accident happened…and that was well over ten years ago. I remember…we actually used to have them quite frequently. Mom would usually scoff at us, annoyed, but Dad would team up with Asami, and Tomio, and Misaki and I would team up, even Mamoru would play.

I smiled bittersweetly thinking about my family (back before everything fell apart), all hints of sadness disappearing when Oikawa rounded the corner and hurled several pillows at me, only breaking through my barricade with the last one. I smirked when I saw he was empty handed and then left to chase him.

We did that for, wow, twenty minutes? I won, easily, Oikawa would ardently deny that but it was all lies, I totally won. We collapsed on the ground, in front of the tv back where we’d started, laughing so hard we were crying. I think it was just so funny, the two of us running around his house like idiots, but also learning that the other was willing to break down and act so immature.

“Well, well, well,” Oikawa managed after quieting down a bit, “who would’ve known that serious, quiet, responsible Sugawara Koshi was capable of having an all-out pillow fight?” This prompted a whole nother string of laughter to burst from me, and then that caused Oikawa to start laughing again. My stomach was hurting so bad by the time we finally stopped.

“Alright, so I was thinking we could make dinner now since it’s getting a bit late, and then while we eat we could either start the second alien movie, or some of the anime?” I nodded. “Sounds like a plan! So, what are we making?”

Oikawa led me to the kitchen. “Sukiyaki!” He told me. He went over to his fridge and began pulling out ingredients after we both washed our hands. Then he handed me a knife. “Is there any chance you could chop these Suga-chan? I’m gonna start the stove.” I had little choice but to accept the knife and ingredients, not that I minded. I used to cook a lot, and still did from time to time.

I started cutting scallions, mushrooms, and cabbage while Oikawa began pouring things in the pan, and after a little while asked for the scallions. “Here you go Oikawa-chan!” I handed them over, and then all the other ingredients which were gradually added until the pot was boiling. Oikawa started to freak out a bit when it started bubbling over the sides.

“Ahhhhhh, I don’t know what to do! It doesn’t usually do this when my mom makes it!” Oikawa stared horrified as it kept bubbling over, trying in vain to stir it a bit, but with no such luck. He looked so sad and disappointed, I know it wasn’t funny but I couldn’t help but laugh as I offered, “Here, let me,” and he moved to let me take over. I adjusted the stove's temperature and mixed only some ingredients around with more purpose than Oikawa’s frantic, haphazard mixing. A few moments later, it stopped bubbling.

“You’re a lifesaver Suga-chan, thank you so much!” I shrugged it off. “No problem, I’m glad I was able to be of assistance.” We finished cooking it and plated everything, deciding to watch the second Alien movie and then some anime. 

The second movie was admittedly more confusing than the first one, involving other androids, a queen alien, more ulterior motives, space colonies, and, well, yeah. I still liked it though, and even Oikawa was able to admit that the first was his favorite and the second wasn’t quite as good.

“Soooo, what anime have you selected for us to watch?” Oikawa asked curiously, handing me the remote. I vaguely noticed that his hand was barely gripping the end and he relinquished its control.

“Ouran High School Host Club!” I exclaimed, queuing the first episode up. “What’s it about?” I had tried to find a sci-fi anime similar to the Alien movie and failed, but I think Oikawa would like this one anyway.

I thought for a moment before responding, “Basically, a bunch of rich, popular boys fight for the attention of a not rich, unpopular, non gender conforming girl. It’s good, you’ll see.” Oikawa shrugged and settled back down, watching the screen with interest.

I smirked as the op began playing, Oikawa unconsciously leaning forward. “We can skip it if you want, I just figured you should watch it at least once.” I offered, but Oikawa insisted, “No no, it’s fine, I don’t mind.” Unlike me, Oikawa had plenty of commentary. I didn’t offer a plethora of facts as he had previously but chose to watch him instead. It would seem that whether Oikawa was the expert or beginner, he had something to say.

“Wow, they really threw that character’s tragic backstory at us not two minutes in.” (aka the exact opposite of this story lol)

“Oh my god, NO! I can’t believe they broke the vase, pause it Suga-chan, pause it pause it PAUSE IT!!!”

“So…are those guys, like, actually brothers?”

“Okay, there’s no way that kid is actually a third-year, he’s like, even more immature than us, and that’s really saying something after earlier.”

“Okay, that girl’s a straight up b*tch, and Haruhi’s a f*cking saint.”

“That…that actually makes a lot of sense. I liked the ending, let’s watch the next!”

And so it went. The sukiyaki wasn’t great, but I think it tasted better knowing we made it together. Besides, there was always next time.

We ended up watching eight episodes, stopping after the beach one. “The ending was kind of weird, especially the whole lightning scene, but I liked it! I’m getting a little tired though, could we take a break?” Oikawa asked. I nodded and turned off the tv, pleased my boyfriend had enjoyed the show (if things went according to plan, he would become a full on weeb in the next few months).

Oikawa got up and stretched, yawning a bit in the process. I shifted a bit in my spot on the couch, stretching my back and arms. Oikawa sat back down after that. He stared at me, and I stared right back at him.

“Can I ask you something random?” Oikawa said suddenly, breaking the silence. He leaned back casually, looking more awake after standing up. “Sure.” I responded, shrugging nonchalantly.

Oikawa grinned a bit and then asked, “Why do you dye your hair gray?” That, I had not been expecting. Seeing my shocked expression, Oikawa stumbled his way through an apology. “Not that it looks bad or anything! I was just wondering, I mean, if you’re gonna dye your hair, why not get like, I don’t know, highlights or an ombre or something crazy like a rose gold color? Again I don’t care! I was just curious that’s all.”

I let out a tiny breath. This was it. This was the perfect segway into what I had come wanting to finally tell Oikawa. The subject of my hair would easily lead to the drowning, which would lead to my family and–well, maybe I should just start at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seee i told u we r getting there :))) anyway, just a note, the next chapter will probably start with suga's pov since i think it will be more significant for oikawa to hear everything for the first time, and i wanna end with the more significant stuff lol. see you tomorrow for the next chapter 😄


	37. 19. That date part 2 (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys…we're finally here 😭😭 i honestly cant believe my story has made it to this point and omg it has, thank you to everyone who reads and helped me write so much! so yes, this is suga's backstory, i just wanna say im so sorry if i offend anyone bc someone has actually been through one of these things and I wrote it wrong? thats not my intention, let me know if i do tho and ill fix it. and yes as i mentioned last chapter, this is suga's pov first, ill probably go back to oikawa after. and yes, i went waaaaayyyyyy overkill with the trauma, but lets be honest, you knew what you were signing up for when you read the summary. ok so here it is i hope its okay!!

“It’s…it’s kind of a long story…” I began, a bit uncertainly. Come on Suga, you can do this, think of all the research you did! I tried to convince myself.

“Oh?” Oikawa asked curiously, raising an eyebrow, waiting patiently for me to explain while I desperately tried to find the words I was looking for. I knew what I needed to say, in theory, I just needed to figure out how to best transition to that point.

I inhaled deeply. “Actually Oikawa, I…” I paused, glancing over to my boyfriend. He was sitting, turned towards me, his head facing me, his eyes large and examining every inch of my face, not unkindly, just…curious and maybe a bit concerned I think. Above all else though, he looked at me like I meant something to him, like I was worth something, everything, like nothing else mattered, and I just, I–

Something clicked in me at that moment. “Oikawa. I really like you. And, this, us, what we have. You’ve been so amazing this past month–this isn’t a breakup speech by the way!–and, I’m not entirely sure why if I’m being honest, but you really like me too.” This brought me to the next, more important part of what I had to say, which made me really nervous, but I pressed forward.

“I haven’t…I’ve never really been close to anyone, let them in–er, not for a long time anyway. And, you put so much effort into us, like how you text me every day and tell me every little thing you can possibly think of, but you also ask me about my day down to the smallest details, or how when you’re trying to explain a volleyball thing like an aspect of setting and I don’t get it so you have to repeat it four or five times, you don’t care, you just…you’re so nice to me, and good to me and…” Alright, I got that out of the way, now it brought me to the last, most important thing.

“I want to start putting in the same effort you do. Not that I haven’t been trying too! It’s just, I haven’t been able to fully–it’s really complicated–but, I want to explain it to you, if that’s okay. I just, you deserve one. An explanation. So please, please just, listen to me for a while, okay?”

Oh my god, I did it. Well, not really, I hadn’t actually started explaining anything yet, but just getting to that point was plenty hard. I scanned Oikawa’s face, looking for any sign of fear or disgust or annoyance, but was only met with encouragement (and a bit of confusion).

“Of course Suga-chan.” He responded. He readjusted to a more comfortable position and brought more pillows and blankets to him. I realized he was expecting to be there for some time, and looked down and smiled as I also realized he wanted to hear me, to listen to me. He could be a surprisingly good listener, despite what his personality would otherwise suggest.

“Er, Suga-chan?” He then asked, looking just as unsure as he had initially. “I–um, before you start, I was just wondering, does this by any chance have anything to do with why…why you don’t, um, like–like touching?” Oikawa had barely managed to stutter his question out and looked as nervous as I felt by the end.

“You noticed,” I said softly, more of an acknowledgement than another question. Oikawa nodded. I pursed my lips before admitting, “Yeah. Yeah it does. I’m really sorry about that, I…I promise, everything will make sense after this.” I sighed for the umpteenth time in the last five minutes before leaning back and resting my head against the couch, gathering my thoughts before I started.

“You’ve asked about my past before, whether you remember it or not. You asked when we played your questions game, or little things like what sports I played as a kid, what my favorite thing to do used to be. I…I’ve avoided them as best as possible, up until, along with any time you tried to touch me. I really am sorry about that, I…hopefully I’ll be better about it one day.” I paused, waiting for Oikawa to say something, but he didn’t. He was still looking at me the same way as before, and it became very clear he didn’t intend on saying anything. He was listening to what I had asked, for him not to talk.

Okay Suga, you got this. So far so good. “To be blunt…I didn’t have the happiest childhood. Every time I try to think about it, even the faintly happy memories, they’re all tainted with sadness and that’s why I don’t love talking about them either–this is different though.” I hastily added the last part, not wanting Oikawa to think I was uncomfortable. I had been initially I think, but he had been so receptive so far, nonjudgemental, I couldn’t help but feel more at ease.

“I guess…I guess I’ll start with my parents. My mom used to be a big athlete, went to all kinds of international competitions, and my dad was the same way, except he was a musician. He was also American, that’s how I speak English.” I paused, a tiny, bittersweet smile on my face when I admitted, “I was so scared when you were asking about that, back on our first date, that it would lead to this conversation way too soon.”

“Anyway, both of their careers diminished after they decided to settle down and have kids. My dad was okay with it, but I don’t think my mom ever really accepted it which, well, I’ll get into that later. So, they moved to a small town in Hokkaido. Had my brother Mamoru, then my sister Misaki, then me, then my brother Tomio, and then my sister Asami.” My god, did I miss them. I did my best not to tear up, just by invoking their names. I was successful, for the moment, although I had a sinking feeling I would be crying at some point later.

“We were an unconventional family to say the least,” I bit my lip as I recalled my eccentric parents’ questionably legal “family game nights,” how they didn’t really care where we went or hung out and would leave us alone for sometimes days at a time, “but we were okay.” It was the truth. Maybe…maybe things would’ve been okay if we hadn’t been hit by everything…

“Things started to go downhill after…” I sighed. This was where things got really difficult. My throat began to ache as I furiously kept my tears at bay. “After Asami died. And…it–it was my fault, really.” I lowered my head in shame, and turned away because it wasn’t enough.

“How old were you guys?” Oikawa asked, looking terribly sad, mildly horrified (which would undoubtedly manifest into full horror by the end). “She was two. I was seven.” I said softly. It felt like I was being hit with the full force of the weight of my actions all over again; it had been ten years ago, but I hadn’t thought about it for many of those.

“What…what happened?” Oikawa asked, still appearing very, very sad. I had to get through this though, even if not for our relationship, then for me, because the entirety of my past had been holding me back in so many ways for so long, and this, getting through it, it had to be a step in the right direction.

“I was left alone with her, and Tomio. Mamoru and Misaki were both on school field trips, my parents were gone for some work thing. They didn’t have many of those anymore, but sometimes they would just leave, for hours, days, I never knew. I kept waiting, and waiting for them to come back, and then the air conditioning broke and we got so hot, and everyone was restless so I–I took them on a walk. The town was pretty small, relatively empty. We lived on a big hill and–and–you couldn’t really see around it, from the other side of the curve, and–and, I turned away for one second, Tomio had started screaming, there was a snake by him, and I went over to help and as soon as I got us away from the snake there was more screaming and–and–I was too late, all I could do was watch as this car came barreling down the road out of nowhere and it hit Asami and–she–she–”

I was crying now. I didn’t try to stop it this time. I buried my face in my knees, which I had pulled up to me as I finally confessed my horrible, horrible secret to someone after all this time. With all my family gone, it was just me who had known for years, and…it felt oddly good in a way.

If we had been a normal couple, I’m sure Oikawa would’ve been holding onto me tightly, wiping my tears for me or letting me cry in his shirt. Maybe we could be one day, but not today.

“You blame yourself…” Oikawa trailed off. I looked up and used the sleeve of my sweater to wipe the tears and snot off my face. “I–er, well, yeah, of course. It was all my fault–”

“Suga, you were seven, you were left alone for a ridiculous amount of time not only by yourself but with your younger siblings, that’s–that’s your parents’ fault, it’s not yours at all.” I blinked at Oikawa. I searched for any signs of insincerity but found none.

“But…” I started to say. “Who told you it was your fault?” He asked. Not demandingly or anything, he had been quiet, slow, understanding this whole time, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

“Pretty much everyone.” I murmured, grimacing back to all the people who had looked at me and called me a monster for what happened. My own family (Misaki had been the only one who tried to tell me otherwise (and Tomio was too young to really understand), but I was so young and bombarded with everyone else’s assertions, how could I possibly believe her?), friends, teachers, everyone.

“Suga…Suga I know in the grand scheme of things I haven’t known you very long, I know I wasn’t there, I know you can’t just change your mind on this overnight but…you can’t keep blaming yourself for that. I…please, please promise me you–you’ll–you’ll try not to, to stop, please?” I looked up at Oikawa’s pleading eyes through my tears, and he looked so sincere, so kind.

“I…” Like he had said, ten years was a long time to go only to suddenly switch my way of thinking in a few minutes. Truth be told, I avoided thinking about Asami’s death and my part in it as much as possible because of the immense guilt I felt, but…well, I was older now, more mature, smarter. And as deeply as the guilt was drilled in me, a tiny part of me had to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t completely all my fault.

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll try.” I eventually said. And I think–I think I actually believed it. And Oikawa did too. “Thank you.” He told me, going silent again, patiently waiting for me to continue. I nodded a bit before finding my voice and place again.

“Okay, so,” I started shakily, “like I said, things kind of fell apart after that. A lot of my family members hated me, especially my mother. My dad was torn, he was a good guy, but he always kind of went along with what my mom said or did, and he turned on me too. Everybody was in a fragile state, but then…then we got word that–that my aunt, my dad’s sister, had died suddenly, back in the States. And, I think my dad was a bit unstable before that, but he was really close to his sister so when he heard…he left so fast. He just, left, and, we never heard back from him.”

I had stopped crying now. Thinking about my dad hurt, but not as much. I guess a part of me hoped that he was still out there, that he would come back for me one day. We had checked with everyone, his sister’s friends, airlines and other transportation services. We confirmed that he had made it to America, but that was it. After that the trail went dead, no credit card traces or bank withdrawals. I knew he was most likely dead, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t crush the tiny part in me that liked to invent all kinds of reasons as to why he hadn’t come back. He could’ve been kidnapped by a mafia, or abducted by aliens, or magically teleported to an alternate universe. It was more comforting than thinking logically.

“He just…left?” Oikawa asked quietly. I shook my head, letting the newest piece of my story sink in. Poor Oikawa, we were still just getting started. There was still so much more…

“Just as before, things got worse. My mom really went crazy then, having lost Dad like that, so suddenly. Started drinking real heavy, doing drugs. Over the next few years she had a slew of boyfriends who weren’t much better than her. And she–er, well, she and they–they all became, kind of, violent.” I sucked in a deep breath. This brought me to a more, shall we say, relevant topic?

“It…they…I kind of took the brunt of things. I was the middle child, but, my older brother, he wasn’t…he wasn’t okay I don’t think. He would always hide from everyone–not that I wouldn’t try either–but, it was different how he did it. Sometimes he would leave for days at a time and–ahh, I’m getting ahead of myself. I was talking about my mom and her boyfriends. Anyway, they needed someone to lash out at I guess. My brother wasn’t there, my older sister, she–well, I’ll get to her later too, but I did my best to make sure she and my little brother were out of the direct line of fire so to speak, so…so it was usually me who got it the worst. That’s why…that’s why I’m not so good at–at, with touching.”

I started curling up and into myself now, not really thinking about it. I tried to explain, “I know it sounds weird but, every time someone touches me, it just, well–you’ve seen how I am, I freeze up and panic, my mind, it–it flashes back to the past and all I can think about is them–hitting me, beating me–”

I broke off mid-sentence and looked Oikawa in the eye. I had no reason to be scared, he had been nothing but understanding and compassionate so far, but still, I couldn’t help but feel awkward, like an annoyance, I mean surely he wouldn’t have agreed to date me if he knew about my insane emotional baggage?

“I really want to hold your hand Oikawa. I want–I want to hold hands and hug you and put my arm around you and sit right next to you and kiss you and–there’s so many things I want to do but I just can’t, not fully, not right now anyway, and–god, I’m so sorry–”

“Suga, don’t you dare apologize.” Oikawa deadpanned, cutting me off. He gazed at me with a fierce intensity that caught me off guard, he almost looked upset I think.

“…I–” I weakly attempted some kind of protest but was promptly silenced, again, maybe for the best.

“Suga. Of course I want to do all those things with you too. But–if holding my hand makes you have flashbacks, makes you think you’re being abused again, then jesus christ Suga, please, don’t hold my hand, take your time. I just want you to be happy.” Oikawa still had that firm determination in his eyes by the end of his little rant. They softened though a bit after, and he apologized, that he knew he kept saying things even though he promised he wouldn’t.

“You’re fine Oikawa. I…if I’m being honest, which is the whole point of this, it–it feels really good to hear you say those things. It’s been, well, it’s been a while since I’ve heard anything quite like it.” Oikawa looked absolutely stricken when I said that. He looked like he was going to say something but decided against it and prompted me to continue instead. So, I did.

“I’ll spare you all the details and specifics for now, although things got worse again as time went on, you know, with my mom and the boyfriends. Then we lost my brother, my older one Mamoru. He,” I sighed, thinking back to this other particular experience I would rather not relive.

“I told you he started distancing himself from everyone, especially after Dad left. Of course I was worried about him, but I was busy dealing with Mom and her boyfriends, looking out for Tomio, and Misaki. I should’ve…I should’ve been more aware. After Dad left, about a year later, Mamoru committed suicide.”

I closed my eyes. I would spare Oikawa the bloody details of this too. Maybe one day, assuming we stayed together long enough, I could share more with him, but he didn’t need to hear how I had helplessly stood and watched him finger the gun while talking to me, too scared to move. How when he finally did make a move and I vaguely registered it, I began moving forward only to be way too late. How loud the sound was, how horrific the scene was, how there was blood everywhere, the walls, the floor, the bed, him, me, how it wouldn’t come off no matter how hard I tried. No, Oikawa didn’t need to know about all of that.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured softly. I said a quiet thank you in response. What else could he say? Sit in silence and watch me grasp for words after that? Try to find another thing to say that might be inappropriate? Sometimes people threw around the phrase with no real meaning, but I knew Oikawa meant it.

(a/n: this next part is literally me stealing the plot of erased, which if you haven’t seen i highly recommend, or if you intend to, then yk, spoilers (i’ll do an all caps thing for when the spoilers are over). I can only be so imaginative with suga’s trauma, and i was watching it when i was brainstorming for this story which is how it ended up in here)

“Alright, so around that time, when I was in fifth grade, there were a series of child abductions and murders in the towns right next to us, it was all over the news. They would spike at random, then disappear for a bit. I started worrying that they would come and kill my siblings, or classmates and–so I started trying to be more social–I’d kind of shied away from most interaction outside my family after, well, everything before that happened. But I tried to, you know, stick in groups when walking home together–it was such a small town, so many kids walked everywhere–try to make sure that others weren’t alone either. Well, I guess I got so caught up worrying about others, I kind of forgot about myself along the way…”

Looking back, I had been an idiot. I totally lost sight of myself, I was so worried trying to make sure not a single kid was alone, it was like I began to think myself immune to it all.

(a/n seriously if you dont want spoilers stop reading now lol) “There was this game one day after school, a hockey game, and everyone was going, one of the kids in my class was really good. Even the teacher went. And, there was this one girl who–her friends had kind of turned on her which was my fault partly but that’s a different story–I saw her go off by herself and I just, panicked, because what if the person was gonna take her there, what if they followed us and noticed she been alone lately, and then I couldn’t find her and really started freaking out, and my teacher found me and I told him how worried I was, and then we looked outside and I saw this truck that I recognized and–ahh, this is also another different story, but basically I suspected them of being involved in the abductions–so I told my teacher and he offered to take me in his car so we could follow them.” (a/n: this makes more sense if youve seen the show haha)

Another moment of looking back where I was a complete idiot. I glanced at Oikawa, still raptly listening with a melancholy expression. If only things got better.

“I agreed. We got in his car, I started telling him more about the girl and why I was worried. I almost told him all about my theories about the abductions but felt embarrassed, stupid, so I told him it had almost become like a game, watching out for bad guys or whatever. And then…then, we stopped following the other truck, and my teacher started laughing, and…I was really confused. I didn’t understand.” Realization dawned on Oikawa’s face, a new expression of horror freshly painted across his features.

“No…” He said, sounding absolutely crushed, which was really pretty ironic given the fact that it was me with all the problems, not him, but it was so, so refreshing to have someone else who genuinely cared about me, who I felt comfortable enough talking to about…well, everything. It’s like I carried around this huge dark secret with me, every second of every day for years, desperately wanting to tell someone but unable to. Being normal and not telling my friends had its perks (I had considered telling Daichi or Asahi on a number of occasions), but it also had many downsides.

I nodded grimly, returning to the story. “Yes. It was him, he was the one responsible for all the abductions and murders. He went on and on about how I had “thwarted” his plans so many times with kids in my class and around town, how frustrated he was with me, and how he was going to make me pay. He had me trapped, it’s not like I had a phone, and, well, I was only ten, it’s not like I could’ve fought back. So, he drove us pretty far. It got dark. It started storming. It was storming so bad, there was so much wind and lightning, I could barely see anything. And then we got to this bridge. We were in the middle of nowhere, it was empty, and we stopped there. He started explaining a bunch of things to me I was too young to understand, but I did get the fact that he was going to kill me.” God, how I wish I could forget.

I swallowed thickly. “I couldn’t get out of the car, the seatbelt was messed with or something. But before I knew what was happening, he drove off the bridge. Er, well, he didn’t, but he made the car go off. For a few seconds I was just falling, and then it hit the water, and the car started to flood, and no matter what I tried I couldn’t get out, and it just kept sinking, and sinking, and the water was so cold, everything was so dark–and the water, the current, the waves, were huge–and, that’s the last thing I remember.”

(A/N: SPOILERS ARE PRETTY MUCH OVER)

I was startled to find that Oikawa was now crying. “Oikawa?” I asked slowly. He blinked and sniffled, using the sleeve of his shirt to clean his face up a bit, but it didn’t work. He just started crying harder.

“Oikawa–”

“Suga, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, turning away from me now. “I’m so, so, sorry. This–this was supposed to be about you and here I am, I can’t even be a good listener–”

“Are you–are you okay?” I asked uncertainly. Sighing and clearing his throat, Oikawa turned to stare at me. “I’m not. I mean, compared to you I am, I just. My god Suga, there’s still more, everything so far has been…it hurts, it hurts because I really really like you Suga, and–and knowing the awful things you’ve been through, all the people who have hurt you, I…I don’t even know how to begin to describe what I feel. But, again I’m sorry. Just, ignore me, I’m fine, you can keep going.”

I waited a bit while Oikawa stopped crying some. Yet again, I was touched by his empathy, and I felt good about telling him everything, it just, it felt right somehow. I was giving a condensed version of everything now but god willing we would be together for…well, who even knows. A while. And, I could build something with him, move on finally…

I continued, “I came to consciousness in the hospital. Apparently, I’d been out for a few weeks. Someone, by some miracle, had been out on a boat under the bridge and when they saw what happened, they saved me and took me to a hospital, and then they finally figured out who I was. While I was under, a few things happened. Number one, my hair. You asked about it earlier, sorry for taking such a roundabout way to get to it, but like I said, I…I needed to be honest with you. I was just waiting for a chance, and I took it. So now, here we are. My hair…while I was out, it just, went all gray I guess. I thought, maybe it would grow back like before, but it’s been like this for the past seven years, so I doubt it’s gonna change back.” (a/n: not sure if your hair can go gray in the span of a few hours irl, but it happens in les mis so were going with it)

I laughed bitterly at the end, scorning my stupid, ugly hair for the bazillionth time. “What…what color did it used to be?” Oikawa asked hesitantly. I thought I detected a voice crack, probably because he was still cooling down from before.

“Brown. Reddish brown, kind of a chestnut color.” I answered, a small, wistful smile making its way across my face. I had never thought I was even remotely beautiful, but my hair had been perhaps the one thing I liked. And then I lost that too.

“I bet it was really pretty.” Oikawa commented, and I sullenly agreed, maybe with a bit too much contempt. There was a bit of an awkward pause, when I finally decided to look over at Oikawa. His eyes were widening as he said aloud, “You don’t like your hair.” I slowly shook my head.

“…I really like your hair.” He said after another pause. I gave him a funny look and asked, “Why? You can’t possibly be serious, I mean, I look like a senior citizen and I’m not even in college, and the color itself isn’t even–”

“It’s different; unique. And–well, I know you didn’t come about it through the most conventional means, but, I think it looks really good on you.” He hesitated before adding, “And I actually think the color is really pretty. Like, I mean your hair just looks so soft and thick and fluffy and–and you should see the way the light hits it, even now with the low lighting–I mean it kind of just shines, like a really bright silver color and–” Oikawa had become a blushing, stuttering mess. He crossed his arms and looked away from me, muttering to myself about how “unfair life was.”

I was astounded. How…how could he just say things like that, when they very obviously weren’t true, I mean–but, wait, no, that couldn’t be right. Oikawa wouldn’t lie to me about that, and, he was so earnest, I think–I think he actually, genuinely, truly meant and believed it? That he like, actually liked my hair?

“You don’t have to lie. I know I’m not–that, er, well–my hair isn’t pretty, I’m not pretty, not like–like, the other people you used to go out with, or you–” Before I could stop myself I was letting my insecurities spill over and putting them into actual words before Oikawa. God I was an idiot, why–I mean, it was true, but I didn’t have to go and say it like that–

“Suga, you’re beautiful.” Oikawa told me as if he was shocked I didn’t know, that it was the most obvious thing in the whole world. I stared at him open-mouthed, my brain definitely having blown a fuse. I mean…

Oikawa. Oikawa Tooru. The god, the model, the all-star athlete, who was somehow my boyfriend, he was dead serious right now. Not even all my insecurities could convince me he wasn’t, I could just tell from the look in his eyes, the sincerity in his voice. And…oh my god, he wasn’t done–

“You’re so, so beautiful Suga, not just on the outside–because god knows you are, I mean your hair, your eyes, your face, your moles, you body–er, shoot, forget that last one but like, you’re so smart, you’re so kind and caring and you put up with all kinds of sh*t you shouldn’t have to but you do because you’re just that amazing of a person. I don’t care that you’re not some volleyball prodigy, I don’t care that you’re not cool or popular or whatever–and I only say that because I know that’s what you think!–I just care about you, and what an incredible person you are, and how–how lucky I am to be with you.”

Well damn if I didn’t start sobbing right then and there. “Did–did I say something wrong?” Oikawa asked frantically, making a move towards me but then back a moment after, probably remembering he couldn’t console me like you normally would your boyfriend (which made me cry a little harder).

“No–no, you didn’t, I–nobody’s ever–said those things to me–before–” I managed to choke out in between my sobs. I hadn’t cried in a long time, not since–well, I cried because of volleyball sometimes, but that didn’t really count. The last time like this was…it must’ve been after I lost Tomio, several years before. When he was gone, leaving me all alone, I tried to harden up, so I couldn’t be hurt anymore. It was scary being so vulnerable like right now, but Oikawa made it bearable.

“Well then, I guess I’ve got almost two decades worth of things like that to make up for.” Oikawa said sweetly, playfully even. “Thank you,” I whispered, smiling back at him through what was left of my tears. “Darnit, what did I do to deserve someone like you?” I asked, wiping my face with my sweater.

“Believe me Suga-chan, I have plenty of faults. I wouldn’t say you’re that lucky.” Oikawa assured me in an interesting turn of events. I eyed him curiously, realizing that even though my insecurities were significantly stronger than those of pretty much anyone else I knew, it didn’t mean that others didn’t have them at all, Oikawa included, despite the fact that he seemed perfect.

Well, now it was my turn to be a good boyfriend. “Everyone has faults, even me, I guess you just haven’t known me long enough to see them all. But whatever faults you have are definitely eclipsed by all the other amazing things. Like, your dedication, empathy, kindness–even if you don’t necessarily exhibit those with everyone, I know you’re more than capable of them–you’re also really encouraging and friendly (when it doesn’t come to rival volleyball teams) and do whatever it takes to help those around you succeed. And don’t sell yourself short, I know you’re pretty smart also! And–and of course–it goes without saying, but you’re beautiful too, like, you’re really handsome and your hair always looks perfect and it's such a pretty shade of brown, and it matches your eyes exactly which, you should see the way they look when they light up, they’re soooo gorgeous, and then there’s your height and you’re super strong and–um–”

Oikawa had the biggest smile on his face. It looked so sincere and genuine, and then the look in his eyes changed and his lip curled a bit and–ah shoot. Oikawa may have been a bit insecure, but not nearly as much as me. He definitely wouldn’t let this go, and I had definitely just inflated his ego tenfold. Iwaizumi was gonna kill me.

“I’m glad you think so Suga-chan.” He told me, flashing his signature grin. Although it did look slightly different than the one he used with fangirls and his friends. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but, that’s what it looked like to me.

I rolled my eyes as we both fell into a comfortable silence after that. Well, until Oikawa blurted out, “I’m so sorry, I just realized I totally derailed your story. Please, continue–not that you have to, it just seemed like you really wanted to get through it, so…?”

He had a point. I really had wanted to get it out of the way so Oikawa and I could move forward with our relationship, but things had considerably lightened up between us and the moment I picked up where I left off, they would darken again. C’est la vie, I suppose.

“Yes. You’re right, I do want to get it out of the way. So, my hair. Right. I woke up in the hospital after being out for a few weeks. As it turns out, a lot happened while I was gone. Even though I was brought to a hospital the day I went missing, the connection wasn’t made until several days later. The police started looking into my family and they learned about the abuse. I had tried to report it in the past, all of times ended in failure though for one reason or another. But I guess…I guess my mom and the boyfriend she had at the time, they got into a huge fight–not that that was uncommon, but this one was really big–about me being gone, the police. Both of them were crazy, but…things escalated and, he ended up killing my mom.”

Oikawa was silent. It wasn’t a strictly “I’m sorry” moment, not when my mom was such an awful person (may she rest in peace). I continued, “So my siblings were already staying with a foster family. I joined them a bit after, we were really lucky to all be together. It wasn’t the best house or the best family as a tradeoff, but we were together and didn’t really care. And then–then there was a fire and, the three of us were stuck inside and I didn’t want to leave Misaki. God I didn’t want to leave her, but the house was already falling apart, and she–I forgot to mention, she couldn’t walk, she was disabled–Misaki got caught under the stuff falling apart, and…I should’ve tried to help her more, but she wouldn’t have it, she made me take Tomio outside. I swore to myself, because of him, I would go outside and then back in for her, but by the time I got out, the fire was so big, there was…there was no way I could…and Misaki…she died. In the fire.”

Another painful moment I didn’t particularly care to remember. Just like with Asami, it was my fault. I could’ve saved her. If I had just been a bit faster, a bit stronger, a bit braver, then maybe she would still be alive today. She would’ve been a senior in college. She wanted to major in music and minor in art, and she was such a prodigy, I knew she would’ve gotten a full ride to wherever she wanted. Colleges were already looking at her when she was just a first-year. I could never be as great no matter how many times she tried to teach me, and it killed me that such a gifted, kindhearted person like her had died so unfairly, so soon. She had been the only one to offer me any kind of support as a kid, and then, just like that she was gone.

“Suga…I can’t even imagine losing my big sister…and, you lost not just her, but everything. God, that must’ve been…I don’t even know the appropriate words to use…” I nodded slowly, acknowledging his statements.

“I’ll try to finish this quickly before it turns into even more of a sob fest,” I said, genuinely wanting to get back to our fun evening. I had put a serious damper on things, but it was important.

Pushing through, I went on, “After that, there wasn’t anyone we could find that would take both me and Tomio so we got split up. The people I was with…we didn’t really get along.” Aw, shoot. I completely forgot to talk about ice skating. The reason I hadn’t gotten along with the family was because they were just like my mom, only wanted me for my skating. I had put up with them for a while because they promised to let me see my brother, but they kept pushing when I would see him back further, and further. And then, I found out right before my biggest skate at the junior grand prix finals that he had died. I had a panic attack in the middle of my program on international television, so that was fantastic. I had been so fed up with everything, everyone, the skating world, I quit. I had also kind of left in disgrace after my failure of a skate, but I was so done, I didn’t care.

I would tell Oikawa about skating another time I decided before continuing. Too much was too much for one day. “After a few years, it got to be pretty bad and I was switched to a different home. It was around that time that my brother died, he had a skin disease that they didn’t catch in time, until it was fatal.” I wouldn’t cry, not again, not again, I was going to move on quickly before I had the chance. “At that point, I had really lost everything. I guess I wanted a new start, which is why I ended up moving to Miyagi. Then I ended up at Karasuno and…I guess things were still pretty heavy for me when I first started. I wanted a distraction though, which is how I got involved in volleyball–which was an accident by the way, I had actually intended on joining soccer, but everyone was so nice and friendly at volleyball, I decided it didn’t really matter. And, I guess throughout that first year I started to…warm up to everyone else, especially my team members. I felt normal around them, they treated me normally because they didn’t know anything about my past which was so, so refreshing. Which brings me up to date to now–oh, I forgot. The home I was with for my first and second year was also kind of bad and abusive, but I finally got out of that a few months ago. That’s–it’s a whole different story I won’t get into now. So, yeah. Sorry for all my strange behavior, but now you know why.” I finished.

I breathed an enormous sigh of relief finally getting that all out, for the first time in my life. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, like I was free in some way. But now, how would Oikawa take it all?

Oikawa looked sad. Very, very sad. Angry perhaps, distressed, frustrated. Heartbroken, even. I waited patiently while he fumbled for the words he wanted. I also noticed that we had gotten closer than we were when we first started talking. Not to the point of touching, but we were closer.

“Suga, I know I already said it but I’ll say it again, I am so. So. Sorry. For all of the things you have been through. I can’t even begin to fathom…all the atrocities…and, I know it was really hard for you to say all of that too. I really appreciate you trying to be honest with me about everything, and I completely understand why you didn’t want to say anything before. I also completely understand if we can’t, you know, hold hands or anything more for a while. However long you need, I’m fine with that. So, don’t feel pressured or anything because I can wait as long as you need.”

Oikawa was literally perfect. I mean, sure he had some faults, but how could I even care when he was so amazing like this? I had been nervous to date and put myself out there for years because of all the problems I knew I would face, and the fact that my partner might not be so understanding. But Oikawa was. He actually cared about me, what I had been through, our relationship. It was so much more than I could’ve hoped for; I was so lucky, it felt surreal.

“Thank you.” I said, offering the best smile I could manage given the circumstances. Oikawa smiled back, and I knew that we good, better than when we started. Closer. My smile got a bit bigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …im so sorry. i…i know i went way overboard with the tragic backstory to the point of being completely unrealistic, but listen, this was the tame version. my mind was like, wait what if we made suga's dad not his actual dad, and he didn't find out until he was like in high school that his dad was an evil mafia boss–and oh! we should make him a vampire too! and hey wait, wouldnt it be interesting if semi was his twin who he was separated at birth from? and what if his sister had a kid right before she died and suga got separated from them, and then he found them and met them for like the first time right before they died from some disease, and–and so it goes. so you see, i really had to reel myself in. again, im sorry if i wrote anything wrong, i also know this wasn't the best chapter bc it was such a first draft, and so long that i didnt feel like editing it, i promise ill try to make the next ones better


	38. 19. That date part 2 (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i procrastinated in doing work to get this done, i rly wanted to upload this today so i pushed through and finished it and now my posts are all caught up with my writing (sigh) but i have a break coming up, so hopefully i can catch up with my writing then. anyway, i have lots of hw to do now😊 so ill go have fun w that, but here, enjoy the last day of the weekend and have this gift:

Listen. I had just asked Suga about his hair. In hindsight it was a bad idea, given his reaction, but now I had gotten into…I don’t even know, but seemingly, there was no backing out now.

“It’s…it’s kind of a long story…” Suga said, his hands twitching a bit while he bit his lip at the end. Maybe there was some deep significance to his hair. Maybe it was like, in honor of a grandparent who died or something?

“Oh?” I asked conversationally. Whatever the story, it was Suga, and I liked all things Suga, so I was still very curious to see what he was so concerned about.

Suga took a deep breath. “Actually Oikawa, I…” Suga looked so solemn, so serious. He stared at me as he trailed off. Where could he be going with this? Actually I…what? Apparently his hair was a very big deal, and I had most definitely struck a nerve. Iwaizumi was going to murder me. I was going to murder me, I had made Suga sad, anyone who did that deserved to be in the government’s most top security prison, like, without appeal.

Suga tried again, “Oikawa. I really like you.” Well that was a good thing. “And, this, us, what we have. You’ve been so amazing this past month–” oh my god oh my god oh my god was he breaking up with me, I can’t, there’s no way–

“This isn’t a breakup speech by the way!” Suga interrupted my train of thought, probably upon seeing my terrified face, “–and, I’m not entirely sure why if I’m being honest, but you really like me too.” Not entirely sure…why…I like him…what?

I listened in shock as Suga continued hesitantly, “I haven’t…I’ve never really been close to anyone, let them in–er, not for a long time anyway,” dear god, where was he going with this?

“and, you put so much effort into us, like how you text me every day and tell me every little thing you can possibly think of, but you also ask me about my day down to the smallest details, or how when you’re trying to explain a volleyball thing like an aspect of setting and I don’t get it so you have to repeat it four or five times, you don’t care, you just…” not that I minded, but I was absolutely baffled as to what I could have done to have deserved this nice little speech from my boyfriend.

“You’re so nice to me, and good to me and…” Suga looked up at me with determined resolve. “I want to start putting in the same effort you do.” Putting in the same effort???? Was I the only one who wanted us to succeed??? That–that couldn’t be right, Suga was an even better boyfriend than me, if anything.

As if reading my thoughts again, Suga hurriedly went on (with lots of stuttering), “Not that I haven’t been trying too! It’s just, I haven’t been able to fully–it’s really complicated–but, I want to explain it to you, if that’s okay. I just, you deserve one. An explanation. So please, please just, listen to me for a while, okay?”

I was pretty freaked out at that point. What was such a big deal that was prompting this kind of behavior out of Suga? Clearly, it was something really important, he was even more nervous than usual and seemed almost as terrified as I felt. Maybe…maybe he wanted to tell me…he was secretly an alien–ah, no. No, that was stupid, I’m not making that mistake again when someone says they have to tell me something important. Okay, well anyway, whatever he had to say, I was very curious and would patiently listen to the whole thing.

“Of course Suga-chan.” I said, settling in for what I assumed would be a very long “explanation” as Suga dubbed. While I did that, Suga moved around a bit too. He looked away from me and got this super cute, tiny little smile on his face and it was like the prettiest thing ever. I knew I had to focus, but I couldn’t help as the lyrics blasted through my head, “BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN’T HARD TO TELL, YOU DON’T KNOW-OH-OH, YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL” no no Oikawa, this has to stop. Yes Suga is very beautiful, and yes that song fits him very well, but come on, focus.

Before Suga could begin, a thought popped into my head. “Er, Suga-chan? I–um, before you start, I was just wondering, does this by any chance have anything to do with why…why you don’t, um, like–like touching?”

Surprise flitted momentarily over Suga’s face. I considered the fact that maybe I shouldn’t have called him out on that, but he was my boyfriend, and he seemed to want to be up front with me about everything right now, so why not address it?

“You noticed…” Suga murmured, looking sad and distressed. I nodded, all the while thinking, what is it that has got my Suga-chan so down in the dumps? Tell me already so I can help Suga, pleaseeeee!!!

“Yeah. Yeah it does.” Suga responded. “I’m really sorry about that, I…I promise, everything will make sense after this.” I raised my eyebrows when he leaned back and closed his eyes looking absolutely exhausted. As soon as he started talking though, my panic spiked again, my mind thinking back to the conversations I had had with Iwaizumi throughout the past month. The panic began to settle into a dread as I realized we had probably been correct with our assumptions.

“You’ve asked about my past before, whether you remember it or not. You asked when we played your questions game, or little things like what sports I played as a kid, what my favorite thing to do used to be. I…I’ve avoided them as best as possible, up until, along with any time you tried to touch me. I really am sorry about that, I…hopefully I’ll be better about it one day.” There it was, the blatant admission I had been afraid of. Because…even just conceptually, out of context, the idea of Suga being in any kind of pain was so repulsive, so nauseating, I didn’t want to even consider. But…

“To be blunt…I didn’t have the happiest childhood.” There it was. Exactly what I had been afraid of. It was staring me head on in the face now, and there was no way I could ignore it.

“Every time I try to think about it, even the faintly happy memories, they’re all tainted with sadness and that’s why I don’t love talking about them either–this is different though.” Iwaizumi had guilted me into feeling bad about pushing Suga in any way shape or form beforehand, but back then it hadn’t really felt real. This was real, and my guilt and shame now returned, stronger than ever for having made Suga uncomfortable at any time in the past.

“I guess…I guess I’ll start with my parents.” Holy f*ck, this was it. I had unlocked Suga’s tragic backstory. What if–why–maybe he shouldn’t be telling me, maybe it was too soon in our relationship, what if I couldn’t handle it or something? No–no that was stupid, Suga had handled it firsthand, the least I could do as his boyfriend was support him in this. I would have to do my absolute best. Anything less than perfection wouldn’t be good enough for Suga.

“My mom used to be a big athlete, went to all kinds of international competitions, and my dad was the same way, except he was a musician. He was also American, that’s how I speak English. I was so scared when you were asking about that, back on our first date, that it would lead to this conversation way too soon.” Already I wanted to ask questions, what sport his mom did, what kind of music his dad played, but I had promised to be silent and listen, at least until it was deemed okay for me to talk, and this was so not that point since we had only just started. Also, I realized that poor Suga had been dealing with this stuff the entire time, and even before we had been dating. While on our first date I had been concerned with just getting Suga to like me, he had been worried wondering if I would ask about his sad childhood.

“Anyway, both of their careers diminished after they decided to settle down and have kids. My dad was okay with it, but I don’t think my mom ever really accepted it which, well, I’ll get into that later. So, they moved to a small town in Hokkaido. Had my brother Mamoru, then my sister Misaki, then me, then my brother Tomio, and then my sister Asami.” Interesting, I hadn’t known that Suga had any other siblings. He had a few times mentioned his older sister, but that was it. I had talked about my older sister Emi often enough, but he had been much more reserved about his family. I guess I was going to find out why.

“We were an unconventional family to say the least, but we were okay. Things started to go downhill after…after Asami died.” Woah, hold on, wait wait wait, what!?!? Wasn’t Asami–didn’t he just say that that was his little sister? The youngest girl? I…Suga…Suga had lost his little sister? As a kid? How…

“And…it–it was my fault, really.” Suga's voice cracked on the last part as he turned away from me. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do. My boyfriend had just confessed that his sister had died, and it was his fault? No, there was no way, I didn’t believe it. Suga wouldn’t hurt a fly, I’m sure it would make more sense when he explained. Nevertheless, I was horrified. Losing a child was…there were no words for it. I didn’t know what it was like, it hadn’t happened in my family, but…I couldn’t even imagine…

Suga looked like he was about to break down. I wanted to distract him, but it’s not like I could be like “hey, you don’t have to keep going, let’s go back to watching tv!” so instead I decided to help push him along.

“How old were you guys?” I prompted as considerately as possible, trying to contain my deep sadness, because the last thing I wanted to do was set Suga off.

The answer was even more depressing. “She was two. I was seven.” Two and seven?!? What could innocent Suga have possibly done as a seven-year-old to bring about the death of his sibling? And even worse, how…I don’t even know how to describe it. Suga and his family had lost a toddler. An entirely innocent and far too young little girl who was gone forever. I wanted to start crying, but I could see tears beginning to form in Suga’s eyes and wanted to be strong for him. I prompted again (as gently as possible), “What…what happened?”

Suga slowly told me the (insane) story of how his parents had decided it was okay to leave him, as a seven-year-old, alone with his not one but two even younger siblings for several days. He had mentioned that his parents were kind of crazy, but this…that was a completely different thing from being a little crazy. That was so irresponsible, what…what had they even been thinking?

Of course something went wrong, Suga had taken them all outside for a walk when he had turned from one sibling to the other for a brief moment, and a car had come out of nowhere and hit Asami. I thought I was going to be sick, the notion of a tiny little Suga frozen with horror, watching his little sister get hit by a car, seeing her body afterwards, completely helpless and unable to find any adults…And the car hadn’t even stopped! That was just–I can’t–

Suga had now curled up in a ball and began crying very hard. I had comforted plenty of girlfriends and stuff in the past when they cried about how bad they did on a test, how their pet died or whatever. Usually I would just sit with them and hug them and let them cry and offer whatever words felt appropriate. This was completely different. Suga had literally lost his little sister. And I couldn’t even hold him, although I desperately wanted to, to bring him close and make him forget all about the awful thing that had happened to him, that he probably hadn’t been able to get out of his mind since it happened all those years ago.

As Suga’s crying increased, a sudden jolt passed through me as I remembered his earlier words. “It was my fault, really.” There’s no way…he couldn’t…but he did…

“You blame yourself…” I whispered grievously. Suga finally raised his head, his eyes so big and red around the edges. He looked so dejected as he tried in vain to clean his face a bit while admitting, “I–er, well, yeah, of course. It was all my fault–”

“Suga, you were seven, you were left alone for a ridiculous amount of time not only by yourself but with your younger siblings, that’s–that’s your parents’ fault, it’s not yours at all.” How could…how could he possibly even think that was his fault? He was so smart, and it obviously wasn’t, so many kids were lost to car accidents, and plenty of those occurrences were with responsible adults. Suga had been seven. Seven.

Suga looked very confused. “But…” He started to say, as if defending the fact that of course he was to blame, that it was perfectly reasonable, but I refused to let the travesty go any further of someone like Suga sitting with something so heavy on him when he wasn’t to blame.

“Who told you it was your fault?” I inquired cautiously, looking for something, anything, to prove my point. The response was crushing. “Pretty much everyone.” What kind of a family or community went around blaming literal children who could barely do addition and subtraction for something so intense??? That was awful, not even awful, the word wasn’t strong enough.

As respectfully and sincerely as I could muster, I told my boyfriend, “Suga…Suga I know in the grand scheme of things I haven’t known you very long, I know I wasn’t there, I know you can’t just change your mind on this overnight but…you can’t keep blaming yourself for that. I…please, please promise me you–you’ll–you’ll try not to, to stop, please?” The sight was heartbreaking, the way he looked at me with tears still pooled in his big, vulnerable eyes, others flowing freely down his pale cheeks. I wanted so badly to reach out and wipe them away, kiss them away, but that was the last thing I should be doing, so instead I waited for his reply.

“I…” I was scared he would refuse, that he couldn’t be persuaded he wasn’t in the wrong, but felt a humongous sense of relief when he clarified, “Yeah. Yeah I’ll try.” And I said, “Thank you,” feeling somewhat more at peace. I was glad we got that out of the way. It would certainly take some time to get used to, knowing Suga had been through that terrible ordeal, and even though I hadn’t known Asami, I felt the need to more properly mourn her somehow, like it was wrong to just hear about her and move on. I would have to spend some time the next day reflecting on the whole story. Maybe I could ask Suga if he had a photograph of them.

I expected Suga to more or less wrap things up after that. You know, things were really hard after that, I’ve been struggling to cope with it ever since. He did start doing that. “Okay, so, like I said, things kind of fell apart after that. A lot of my family members hated me, especially my mother. My dad was torn, he was a good guy, but he always kind of went along with what my mom said or did, and he turned on me too. Everybody was in a fragile state,” and then I heard the, “but then…”

But then??!?!?! There was more?!!? Losing a little sister and blaming yourself for it was more than enough trauma to last for a lifetime, in my opinion. So what else had my poor Suga-chan suffered?

“Then we got word that–that my aunt, my dad’s sister, had died suddenly, back in the States. And, I think my dad was a bit unstable before that, but he was really close to his sister so when he heard…he left so fast. He just, left, and, we never heard back from him.” …Suga’s dad had left. When he was a little kid. He had left not only Suga but the rest of his already broken family and just–disappeared? I knew there were so many parents who walked out on their kids, their spouses, it happened all too many times. But damn.

“He just…left?” I asked, maybe hoping I had someone misunderstood, misheard. But Suga only nodded in confirmation. Suga did not deserve that sh*t. How could anyone even think of abandoning him, or a bunch of other little Sugas? It was just…so wrong…

“Just as before, things got worse.” I’m sorry, worse?!?!? How could things possibly get worse, he already lost his little sister, then his dad left the family, I mean, why couldn’t life just give Suga a break?

“My mom really went crazy then, having lost Dad like that, so suddenly. Started drinking real heavy, doing drugs.” Oh, my god. That was not good. I couldn’t believe…how had Suga turned out as such a nice, compassionate person when all this stuff happened?

“Over the next few years she had a slew of boyfriends who weren’t much better than her. And she–er, well, she and they–they all became, kind of, violent.” My brain blew a fuse. I didn’t even know what to think anymore. Of course they got violent, why wouldn’t they, everything that could go wrong had apparently gone wrong.

After that new piece of information set in, I was mad. No, I was furious. I was lucky enough to never have been subjected to any kind of abuse. I knew a lot of other kids weren’t as fortunate. I had been kind of removed from it though, not knowing anyone who really experienced it. Suga had though. My god, the thought of his mom, someone who was supposed to love him and be there for him no matter what, and a bunch of older men he didn’t know, the thought of them laying their hands on him, bringing him so much pain…

“It…they…I kind of took the brunt of things. I was the middle child, but, my older brother, he wasn’t…he wasn’t okay I don’t think. He would always hide from everyone–not that I wouldn’t try either–but, it was different how he did it. Sometimes he would leave for days at a time and–ahh, I’m getting ahead of myself. I was talking about my mom and her boyfriends. Anyway, they needed someone to lash out at I guess.” I squeezed my eyes shut. Please Suga, don’t sit and try to justify, in any way, what they did to you.

“My brother wasn’t there, my older sister, she–well, I’ll get to her later too, but I did my best to make sure she and my little brother were out of the direct line of fire so to speak, so…so it was usually me who got it the worst. That’s why…that’s why I’m not so good at–at, with touching.” And then it all made sense. How horribly had Suga been abused to the point that he couldn’t even handle basic forms of physical contact? Obviously pretty bad. Honestly, I was so upset I was having trouble thinking clearly. What right did those people have to hurt Suga? Innocent Suga, even more innocent at the time as a small child. I wish I could time travel, so I could go and save Suga from suffering in that godawful home. Or even if I could go back now, so I could beat the sh*t out of everyone who hurt him.

My heart broke a little when I watched Suga start to curl up in a ball and apologize, “I know it sounds weird but, every time someone touches me, it just, well–you’ve seen how I am, I freeze up and my panics, it–it flashes back to the past and all I can think about is them–hitting me, beating me–” Suga paused abruptly. He stared at me with huge eyes, he just looked so…an angel. That’s what he looked like. Like a broken, fallen angel (a/n: cue red swan). There wasn’t even a hint of malice anywhere on his face, only complete and utter sadness.

“I really want to hold your hand Oikawa. I want–I want to hold hands and hug you and put my arm around you and sit right next to you and kiss you and–there’s so many things I want to do but I just can’t, not fully, not right now anyway, and–god, I’m so sorry–”

I lost it then. Not because I was mad at Suga, because I was mad that so many people had done so many awful things to him, and made him feel like it was his fault. I mean, just listening to the way he kept apologizing like he was in the wrong, it was so infuriating, because he had done absolutely nothing wrong.

“Suga, don’t you dare apologize.” I said cutting him off. I didn’t mean to frighten him or anything, which I may have accidentally done given the way he flinched back a bit, but Suga needed to hear this. He faltered for a few moments as if unsure how to respond, as if figuring out how to politely insist that no, it was his fault. I think he was going to do just that, so I interrupted him again.

“Suga. Of course I want to do all those things with you too. But–if holding my hand makes you have flashbacks, makes you think you’re being abused again, then jesus christ Suga, please, don’t hold my hand, take your time. I just want you to be happy.” I finished with firm resolve. I was suddenly very grateful for Iwaizumi and that he had talked me out of doing anything rash to Suga, because knowing all this now, would have been a horrible thing to do. And I really did want Suga to be happy. The h*ll with the fact that we were taking this relationship significantly slower than any of my previous ones, I would wait forever for Suga.

I noticed he still looked kind of nervous, not because of his story, but seemingly because of me. It seemed that way anyway, from how he looked at me. He surprised me though by saying, “You’re fine Oikawa. I…if I’m being honest, which is the whole point of this, it–it feels really good to hear you say those things. It’s been, well, it’s been a while since I’ve heard anything quite like it.”

I had just told Suga that he shouldn’t blame himself for everything. A simple thing to say really, I think a lot of people needed to be reminded every now and then that not everything was their fault. And yet, here was Suga, telling me it had been “a while” since anyone told him “anything” like that. That was a crime in and of itself. Suga deserved to be showered with praise every day, to be told what a wonderful person he was, how everything was okay. But there wasn’t anybody who did that for him, and that was not okay.

Suga went on, “I’ll spare you all the details and specifics for now, although things got worse as time went on. Then we lost my brother, my older one Mamoru. He…I told you he started distancing himself from everyone, especially after Dad left. Of course I was worried about him, but I was busy dealing with Mom and her boyfriends, looking out for Tomio, and Misaki. I should’ve…I should’ve been more aware.” I resisted the urge to cut Suga off again and assure him he was already dealing with a crapload of stuff no little kid should ever have to, and that if he forgot to take care of his older brother once in a while, he. Was not. To blame. But I didn’t want to interrupt again.

Good thing I didn’t. It might have been a bit insensitive given the next piece of information. “After Dad left, about a year later, Mamoru committed suicide.” Suga’s brother…had committed suicide. I… …Suga… …Suga had had to go through the pain of losing his little sister, than his dad walking out on him, then being abused by his mom and a bunch of boyfriends, and then, his brother had committed suicide.

I wanted to be mad at Mamoru for leaving his younger siblings like that, but how could I when he probably was in a pretty fragile state of mind and had such a crappy home life. If only–maybe if the school had taken more notice–or a teacher or coach or classmate or something. But it couldn’t be changed now. I couldn’t change the fact that my boyfriend had lost his older brother to such a depressing thing as suicide. And–oh my god, what if Suga had considered suicide at one point or another? No…no, my poor Suga-chan…

“I’m so sorry…” I was, for the millionth time that night, at a loss for words and mumbled the only thing I could think of. The Japanese language was a failure in that regard; there just weren’t the words that I was looking for, ones that would make sense in the moment, that carried enough weight.

(a/n: me starting to steal the plot of erased begins here, and in case you didnt read the suga chapter, ill say it again, it is such a good show omg i highly recommend, also ill do ill caps when the spoilers are over)

Suga still wasn’t done yet. What the h*ll. I knew this as soon as the words left his lips, “Alright, so around that time, when I was in fifth grade, there were a series of child abductions and murders in the towns right next to us.” No. No no no no no no no no no no I so did not want to hear about how my already traumatized Suga was either attacked by, or his friends or other siblings or something, by a serial killer.

I forced myself to listen as Suga told me more about the killer, how he started hanging out with all the other kids in town more, trying to make sure no one was alone. I’m pretty sure I went even more pale when he said, "I guess I got so caught up worrying about others, I kind of forgot about myself along the way…” because that was some terrifying foreshadowing if I ever heard some.

He went on about some hockey game, him leaving to go check on a girl in his class and make sure she was okay, mistaking her absence as having been abducted, and then going with his teacher to go chase after a car he suspected had taken her. How he told his teacher about his plan of keeping all the kids together.

“And then…then, we stopped following the other truck, and my teacher started laughing, and…I was really confused. I didn’t understand.” I really felt like throwing up now. If my assumptions were correct, then the story was about to get super dark super fast.

“No–” I whimpered, praying that I was wrong, hoping with every fiber of my being that I was. But it was all for naught, because Suga just looked at me sadly and nodded, and I wanted to scream.

Suga finished telling me that yes, his teacher was the killer and was mad at him for getting in the way of a bunch of other abductions, and was basically going to kill Suga. The man had taken them to a bridge and basically driven Suga off of it, into the cold, dark water raging below from the storm.

(A/N: SPOILERS ARE PRETTY MUCH OVER)

I couldn’t hold back my tears when Suga described the sensation of being so helpless, of drowning and sinking further and further under to the point where he had lost consciousness. Suga had almost died. He…he shouldn’t be alive right now. But, by some miracle, he was. I was so, so grateful that he was, and I wished so desperately that I could get rid of all his bad memories and replace them with a normal, happy childhood as opposed to the hell he had suffered in for so long. I realized that I obviously couldn’t do this, but it didn’t lessen my desire to at all. I also realized that that was probably why Suga was afraid of the water, and didn’t like storms. I couldn’t blame him, and I started beating myself up about trying to get him to go by the water on our second date, despite how hesitant he had seemed.

“Oikawa?” Suga asked softly, bringing me out of my sad thoughts. I blinked several times before becoming aware that I had been crying pretty hard. I tried to stop, the last thing Suga needed was to see me falling apart at the moment, but I couldn’t.

He started gently speaking to me again but there was no way I was going to let him comfort me when it definitely should’ve been the other way around.

“Suga, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry. This–this was supposed to be about you and here I am, I can’t even be a good listener–” I could feel myself losing my grip on the situation more and more, like I was going to lose it and become an incoherent mess. Suga, who was very concerned, stopped me and asked ironically, “Are you–are you okay?”

I sighed, trying to think how to best voice all the insane thoughts that were running through my head at the moment, of which there were quite a few. I finally said, “I’m not. I mean, compared to you I am, I just. My god Suga, there’s still more, everything so far has been…it hurts, it hurts because I really really like you Suga, and–and knowing the awful things you’ve been through, all the people who have hurt you, I…I don’t even know how to begin to describe what I feel. But, again I’m sorry. Just, ignore me, I’m fine, you can keep going.”

I did lots of more embarrassing sniffling and crying before I was able to stabilize myself, so to speak. After deeming I was okay, Suga told me how he woke up in the hospital, some person in a boat under the bridge saved him, and that he had been unconscious for several weeks. During all of that, his hair had apparently gone gray–oh. Oh. That was what I had originally asked about. And now I got it. He had to explain it turned that way when he almost drowned, because he was stuck in a car that someone drove off a bridge, which happened to be his teacher, which would’ve led to more about his past…yeah. Now I understood how we got there.

“What…what color did it used to be?” I asked curiously, trying to picture Suga with anything other than his signature argent hair.

“Brown. Reddish brown, kind of a chestnut color.” Suga said, smiling a bit for the first time I think since we had entered into the conversation. “I bet it was really pretty.” I commented without thinking, because dang, Suga totally made his gray hair work, but now that I thought about it, he would look pretty good with a deep russet color, but, I realized too late that I probably shouldn’t have said that.

“Yeah,” Suga muttered, looking down. Gray wasn’t the most traditional color, even though I thought it looked amazing. He probably didn’t like it because of that, or associated it with the whole drowning incident, and that made me really sad that Suga couldn’t even appreciate his own hair.

“You don’t like your hair.” I stated slowly. I thought Suga might try to brush it off, or deny it, but after a moment he just nodded. There wasn’t much I could do to fix Suga’s past, but this–this I was going to fix.

“I really like your hair.” I admitted honestly. Suga looked very confused; he scrunched up his face in a way that would have been adorable in any other circumstances and asked, “Why? You can’t possibly be serious, I mean, I look like a senior citizen and I’m not even in college, and the color itself isn’t even–”

That. That was exactly what I was aiming to get rid of. “It’s different; unique. And–well, I know you didn’t come about it through the most conventional means, but, I think it looks really good on you.…and I actually think the color is really pretty. Like, I mean your hair just looks so soft and thick and fluffy and–and you should see the way the light hits it, even now with the low lighting–I mean it kind of just shines, like a really bright silver color and–” I forced myself to stop talking because maybe I was taking it too far, and anyway, it was embarrassing!!! I mean, I guess it shouldn’t have been, we had been dating for a month, but I still wasn’t used to being so open with what I thought about with Suga. I would have to change that in the future. If he could do all of this, I could tell him how stunning he looked without wanting to sink into the ground.

I started muttering, annoyed with myself, when Suga tried to deny it. “You don’t have to lie. I know I’m not–that, er, well–my hair isn’t pretty, I’m not pretty, not like–like, the other people you used to go out with, or you–” I felt mad again. Suga was trying to compare himself to me, to people I’d dated in the past. He didn’t need to compare himself to anyone, he was perfect just the way he was (although if we were comparing him to past boyfriends and girlfriends, he was better than them all, let’s be real), and my god, was it depressing that such an amazing person couldn’t see that about themselves. (a/n: cue just the way you are, omg)

“Suga, you’re beautiful.” I said suddenly. This time I wasn’t shy about it. I was very confident, and Suga looked completely taken aback. Spurred on with my new boost of confidence, I continued, “You’re so, so beautiful Suga, not just on the outside–because god knows you are, I mean your hair, your eyes, your face, your moles, you body–er, shoot, forget that last one but like, you’re so smart, you’re so kind and caring and you put up with all kinds of sh*t you shouldn’t have to but you do because you’re just that amazing of a person. I don’t care that you’re not some volleyball prodigy, I don’t care that you’re not cool or popular or whatever–and I only say that because I know that’s what you think!–I just care about you, and what an incredible person you are, and how–how lucky I am to be with you.” All of it was true.

I started panicking when I finished–I thought I had done a really good job!–but Suga just burst into tears. “Did–did I say something wrong?” I asked. I was going to touch his arm in a hopefully reassuring way but drew back after remembering, well, you know, everything.

Suga sobbed, “No–no, you didn’t, I–nobody’s ever–said those things to me–before–” I couldn’t understand the rest of what he was saying, but I had heard enough. This was yet another crime that had been committed against Suga, the fact that no one, not a single person in his seventeen, eighteen years of life, had told him he was beautiful. That he was an incredible human being. That he mattered. How…how was that even possible? How could every single person he knew have neglected to ever tell him? How had I neglected to tell him for so long when he obviously so desperately needed to hear it?

“Well then, I guess I’ve got almost two decades worth of things like that to make up for.” I told Suga, who had begun to stop crying, which I was very grateful for. I couldn’t stand seeing him so broken like that, especially knowing I couldn’t do anything about it.

“Thank you.” Suga responded, so quietly I almost missed it, but he actually smiled. Not the bittersweet smile I had seen a few times before, but a real, happy smile. And I was the cause of it. I made Suga smile. I deserved a medal of honor or something.

It was Suga’s turn to shock me when he caught me completely off guard and mumbled, “Darnit, what did I do to deserve someone like you?” Someone like me!?!? I was a trashy, sh*tty person. Iwaizumi reminded me every day, as did all of my friends and teammates. I knew I wasn’t the worst, but I wasn’t the nicest person either. Suga was giving me way too much credit.

“Believe me Suga-chan, I have plenty of faults. I wouldn’t say you’re that lucky.” I muttered, not fishing for compliments, just trying to be real, like Suga was being with me. I should have known that no matter how much Suga put himself down, he would never stand by and watch while another person did, especially not me.

“Everyone has faults, even me, I guess you just haven’t known me long enough to see them all.” I highly doubted that. “But whatever faults you have are definitely eclipsed by all the other amazing things. Like, your dedication, empathy, kindness–even if you don’t necessarily exhibit those with everyone, I know you’re more than capable of them–you’re also really encouraging and friendly (when it doesn’t come to rival volleyball teams) and do whatever it takes to help those around you succeed. And don’t sell yourself short, I know you’re pretty smart also! And–and of course–it goes without saying, but you’re beautiful too, like, you’re really handsome and your hair always looks perfect and it's such a pretty shade of brown, and it matches your eyes exactly which, you should see the way they look when they light up, they’re soooo gorgeous, and then there’s your height and you’re super strong and–um–”

Oh my god, Suga-chan thought I was hot. I knew that lots of other people did, as evidenced by my social media and fan club, but it meant so, so much more coming from Suga. And, he didn’t just think I was hot, he thought I was a decent person, which not too many others would agree with. But, if someone as angelic as Suga thought I was good, then holy crap, maybe I actually was.

“I’m glad you think so Suga-chan.” I said smirking, because Suga was evidently just as embarrassed as I had been before. He rolled his eyes at me while his cheeks betrayed him and turned crimson. We sat there for a bit, processing everything that had just happened, when I remembered.

“I’m so sorry, I just realized I totally derailed your story. Please, continue–not that you have to, it just seemed like you really wanted to get through it, so…?” As great as our little heart-to-heart had been, I had gotten us way off track from Suga telling me about his past. I knew it was hard enough for him to do, the last thing he needed was me making it harder, so the least I could do was help him get back to it.

“Yes. You’re right, I do want to get it out of the way. So, my hair. Right. I woke up in the hospital after being out for a few weeks. As it turns out, a lot happened while I was gone. Even though I was brought to a hospital the day I went missing, the connection wasn’t made until several days later. The police started looking into my family and they learned about the abuse. I had tried to report it in the past, all of times ended in failure though for one reason or another. But I guess…I guess my mom and the boyfriend she had at the time, they got into a huge fight–not that that was uncommon, but this one was really big–about me being gone, the police. Both of them were crazy, but…things escalated and, he ended up killing my mom.”

…I honestly couldn’t say I was mad. That b*tch had had it coming to her. I wasn’t going to say I’m sorry. Good riddance. I’m sorry Suga, I’m sorry you had such a terrible mother. Oh my god, I was so lucky to have my own mom who loved me so much. As soon as she got home, I think I would give her a huge hug and tell her that.

“So my siblings were already staying with a foster family. I joined them a bit after, we were really lucky to all be together. It wasn’t the best house or the best family as a tradeoff, but we were together and didn’t really care. And then–then there was a fire,” No. No no no no no no no no NO– “and, the three of us were stuck inside and I didn’t want to leave Misaki. God I didn’t want to leave her, but the house was already falling apart, and she–I forgot to mention, she couldn’t walk, she was disabled–Misaki got caught under the stuff falling apart, and…I should’ve tried to help her more, but she wouldn’t have it, she made me take Tomio outside. I swore to myself, because of him, I would go outside and then back in for her, but by the time I got out, the fire was so big, there was…there was no way I could…and Misaki…she died. In the fire.” …no…no–why…

“Suga…I can’t even imagine losing my big sister…and, you lost not just her, but everything. God, that must’ve been…I don’t even know the appropriate words to use…” What if I lost Emi? What if I lost not just her, but my mom, dad, Takeru…how do you move on? How do you keep going after all of that?

“I’ll try to finish this quickly before it turns into even more of a sob fest,” Suga told me, and I realized that my eyes were wet again, my nose stuffed up. Please, I prayed, please let this be the end. Please tell me Suga didn’t lose more.

“After that, there wasn’t anyone we could find that would take both me and Tomio so we got split up. The people I was with…we didn’t really get along…After a few years, it got to be pretty bad and I was switched to a different home.” Suga didn’t go into details, but I really hoped it hadn’t been an abusive home.

“It was around that time that my brother died, he had a skin disease that they didn’t catch in time, until it was fatal.” aliwhfoiawfhsoiahwnviher NO. NO. NO. NO. N–WHY!?!??! WHY WAS SO MUCH TAKEN FROM SUGA WHO THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO JUST, ROB HIM OF HIS WHOLE FAMILY, HAPPINESS (a/n: …me✋😥), LAHSDOIHFASIUGIYF

“At that point, I had really lost everything. I guess I wanted a new start, which is why I ended up moving to Miyagi. Then I ended up at Karasuno and…I guess things were still pretty heavy for me when I first started. I wanted a distraction though, which is how I got involved in volleyball–which was an accident by the way, I had actually intended on joining soccer, but everyone was so nice and friendly at volleyball, I decided it didn’t really matter. And, I guess throughout that first year I started to…warm up to everyone else, especially my team members. I felt normal around them, they treated me normally because they didn’t know anything about my past which was so, so refreshing. Which brings me up to date to now–oh, I forgot. The home I was with for my first and second year was also kind of bad and abusive, but I finally got out of that a few months ago. That’s–it’s a whole different story I won’t get into now. So, yeah. Sorry for all my strange behavior, but now you know why.” What the–Suga had been abused recently!?!?!?!!! Within the past year!!?!?!? I had to force myself to take deep breaths to calm down. And-darnit, Suga was apologizing again!

I realized he was waiting for me to say something. What could I say? What was the appropriate protocol for when your boyfriend confessed to having one of the most depressing childhoods ever? I had to say something…

How did I feel? Horrified. Absolutely horrified. Suga was so nice and good and innocent and pure and sweet and loving and–just–he had been through so much pain. He was so much stronger than I gave him credit for, than everyone gave him credit for. Nothing could fix what had happened. Nothing would bring his siblings back, give him decent parents. But you could be damn well sure I would do everything in my power to make sure Suga never felt anything like that ever again.

Somehow, words just came to me. “Suga, I know I already said it but I’ll say it again, I am so. So. Sorry. For all of the things you have been through. I can’t even begin to fathom…all the atrocities…and, I know it was really hard for you to say all of that too. I really appreciate you trying to be honest with me about everything, and I completely understand why you didn’t want to say anything before. I also completely understand if we can’t, you know, hold hands or anything more for a while. However long you need, I’m fine with that. So, don’t feel pressured or anything because I can wait as long as you need.”

And then Suga smiled at me, again. It was tiny, but it was full of hope, and promise for the future. “Thank you.” He said, and I felt so, so relieved, because of what we had just gotten through, how much Suga trusted me, and how much closer we were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh these chapters were so longgg😭😭 ngl the next ones might be rly short it just, these took forever to write ahhh, but im glad i finally got to this scene, i think it was really important and did enjoy writing it (as much as you can enjoy when you are bringing so much pain to your favorite character)


	39. 20. Hangin with Seijoh (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guyssss i have a break from school next week and hopefully can do lots of writing! and im posting early today bc im gonna be in the car for a while later. so here, enjoy this chapter to kick off your friday/weekend!! (dw, its much lighter than the last one, i needed a temporary break from the angst)

After the talk, I decided we needed some serious cheering up, so I made us cheesecake (which Suga absolutely loved, I took note of; I also offered to make tea, which he laughed and said he hated, so that was also good to know), and then we watched a bunch of Disney movies until we fell asleep. It was…really nice.

Suga had to leave kind of early the next morning, which made me sad. “Are you sureeeeee?” I tried for the thirtieth time that morning as we were finishing breakfast. “Oikawa I’m sorry, I am, but I made plans!” Suga said getting up and getting the last of his stuff together.

“Yeah, yeah,” Suga was going shopping with Sora, his foster sister I learned, who was just “the best.” High praise from Suga meant a lot, so this Sora girl must’ve been a really great person. I would have to meet her, and then get on her good side.

“Bye Oikawa, see you later!” Suga said waving before heading towards the door. I walked him out, of course, being the gentleman I am, and sighed dramatically when he drove off. Now what? My parents wouldn’t be back for a few hours, I didn’t have volleyball practice, or even schoolwork.

OH! I HAD TO CALL IWAIZUMI!!!!!! I scrambled off the floor and over to the kitchen where I had left my phone. I almost dropped it–but I didn’t. I went to my recent calls (60% of which were him…it used to be more like 90, but now that I was with Suga, it was slowly going down and being made up by him) and hit his name faster than stupid Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan’s quick attack.

Iwaizumi picked up on the sixth call. “Sh*ttykawa you just don’t know when to give up do you? Would you like to explain to me why your calls have woken me up at the ungodly hour of 9:00 on Sunday????” Oops, I knew Iwaizumi liked to sleep in on Sundays and had completely forgotten.

“Uh–”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with your precious Suga-chan now? One of the biggest reasons I like him is because he diverts your attention away from me you know.” Agh, that Iwa-chan! He was so mean to me!!! (a/n: oikawa would totally have these petty gradeschool level thoughts lol)

“Iwa-chan~ don’t you want to hear about how it went?” I prompted. Despite his usually angry demeanor, I knew he cared about not only me but also Suga and my relationship with him.

“…fine.” He grumbled finally. I started squealing and flopped back onto the couch. Honestly, there was so little to do today that once I was done talking with Iwaizumi, I’d probably go back to sleep.

“Okay okay okay, so, I think it was a huge success, like even more so than all the last ones–” I proceeded to tell Iwaizumi every little detail from Suga’s arrival to us watching the movie (“Oikawa, are you trying to get him to break up with you?”) to us cooking (I may or may not have left out the part about me almost burning everything) to us watching the anime (“you watched Ouran High School Host Club for him? Jesus you’re whipped”). Then the more serious stuff.

“Iwa-chan, we were right. Suga has been through some of the craziest sh*t you couldn’t even begin to imagine. I–I don’t wanna go into details, but…my god, he’s been through so much pain, and he’s just lost so much–”

“Oikawa, are you crying?”

“…you don’t understand Hajime. It was bad. It was depressing just hearing about it.” I had started crying, just thinking about all of the new information I had been given last night. I was sure it wouldn’t be the last time either.

“It was that bad huh?” Iwaizumi asked softly. I nodded, forgetting he couldn’t see me, but I think the silence was enough anyway.

Iwaizumi sighed. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Then he paused again before saying, “Oikawa, whatever happens, don’t hurt him. Please. Not like the past people. Suga’s different, even I can tell.” Honestly, how could he still say those things to me after time and again I had proved how much I cared?

“I won’t!” I insisted desperately. “I know.” He replied. I sighed then and rolled my eyes while he continued, “I’m proud of you by the way, you must’ve done something right to get him to open up to you like that.” Oh my god Iwaizumi was proud of me. I never thought I’d live to see the day (I was proud of myself too).

After that we talked about how no, I had not touched Suga, and that I wouldn’t be for a long time anyway. I didn't elaborate on why he didn't like touching, but I also confirmed to Iwaizumi that I had been right about that. I, once again, promised him I wouldn’t do anything before Suga was ready. He seemed satisfied with my promises. Once we hung up, I fell back asleep until my parents came home. We did some cleaning, had dinner, I watched volleyball, and I went to bed kind of early then. Well, not before texting Suga of course.

I was very excited for the next morning. There was volleyball practice! Er, well technically the coaches wouldn’t be there, but I was going, Iwaizumi was going, Makki and Mattsun were going, basically the whole team was going. And since we were in charge, we set it for 10:30 so we could go to lunch after and sleep in.

I may or may not have arrived at the gym early. Like, half an hour early. In my defense, lots of others showed up early too. But not everyone, so I decided to text Suga while I was waiting.

“How was your practice?” I asked him. Karasuno’s practices were ridiculous, they had so many and they were so long. He should’ve just been finishing. I only had to wait a few moments before I got a reply.

“They’re cleaning the gym today so no practice:(((“ I groaned in empathy for Suga. I absolutely hated when I just wanted to go to the gym and play and it was closed for some reason or another. Before I could share these sentiments though, my phone was rudely snatched from me.

“Hey! Give it back!” I demanded. Mattsun had taken it (who was a bit taller than me). I couldn’t reach it. I was getting ready to tackle him for it (a last resort) when I heard him say, “Hey Suga!” Why…why would he…oh, oh no he didn’t–

“Um, hi, Mattsun? To what do I owe the pleasure?” Came Suga’s sweet, silvery voice from my phone. Dear god, he had facetimed Suga. Why. Why!?!?!? “Mattsun!! Give me my phone backkkkkkk!!!!!” I complained, still trying to reach it. It was given to Makki then who started running before I could reach it, gosh darnit.

I could hear him talking to Suga while running, and I would’ve followed him too but Mattsun tackled me! “Get off! Stop stealing my phone and talking to my boyfriend!” I complained. Iwaizumi walked over to me and smirked, and Mattsun had me pretty much pinned to the floor. God damm*t even the first-years were laughing at me.

I glared daggers at Makki as he made his way back. He just smirked at me, high fiving Mattsun. “Suga here informs me Karasuno’s practice today was cancelled. I say we invite him to ours, how about it?” He announced. Everyone cheered. I panicked because my team seemed to be of a particularly strong mindset today, to tease the crap out of me, and I really didn’t want Suga to watch me be made a fool of for the next two hours.

“Wait–” I started to say, but Makki just laughed and cut me off. “Now now Oikawa, we didn’t ask you. Suga, please, feel free to drop by any time before 12:00, we’ll be here!” They hung up after that, and my phone was returned. I snatched it and huffed at everyone (who was still laughing) and returned to sulking in the corner. Why did they have to be so mean to meeeeeeee?????

But, they had invited Suga without any prompting from me, so that was probably a good sign. And besides, it would be nice to see Suga. If I could just make sure no one made me look bad in any way, then I would be good.

Suga showed up about twenty minutes later; I was surprised by how good of time he made. He nervously padded into the gym, glancing around at the rest of us shyly. Then, him and I locked eyes from across the room, and this adorable little smile just began to slowly spread across his face and–f*ck. Iwaizumi was right. I was so whipped for Suga.

“Suga!” Yahaba called out, waving him over excitedly. Suga blushed and jogged over to where the rest of us were stretching. “Good morning!” He called out cheerfully. Everyone else crowded around him before I could even get a word in. They were trying to steal my Suga-chan it wasn’t even fair oh my god!!!

“Jealous much?” Iwaizumi chuckled, hanging back by me and taking in my expression. I narrowed my eyes at him and ardently denied it, but I knew there was no point. I knew I was wrong, Iwaizumi knew I was wrong.

“Geez, I’d hate to see what it looks like when someone is actually flirting with him. You’ve never been great about sharing your boyfriends or girlfriends, but this is a new level. I think you’re fuming Oikawa, like a cartoon character–”

“Shut UP IWA-CHAN!” I hissed annoyed, mostly because it was true. It was just my luck though that Suga had finally managed to break away from everyone else, just in time to see me shouting at Iwaizumi (who was smirking, the jerk).

“Hey Oikawa-chan.” Suga said slowly, his eyes wide and–and, he looked, like, happy, I think, and his cheeks were kind of flushed still and his smile was still so cute and–and–

Makki and Mattsun had followed Suga over to me, and the two of them burst out laughing when I didn’t respond (excuse me for getting lost in Suga, a literal angel on earth, trust me you would probably do the same). Even Iwaizumi was cackling. Cackling. He like, never laughed that hard. What was the world coming to.

I tried to compose myself and offered Suga one of my best smiles. He was raising an eyebrow at me now (probably because it had been like fifteen seconds and I had yet to say anything in response to his simple greeting). “Hey Suga-chan~, I’m so glad you could make it! Everyone’s been dying to play with you for the past month.” It was the truth in all fairness. I don’t know why, but my teammates were kinda obsessed with him.

“Suga has somehow made Oikawa less of a jerk.”

“Oikawa helped me with my homework today, for a whole hour! It has to be Suga, the old Oikawa wouldn’t have done that.”

“All hail our lord and savior, Sugawara Koshi.”

Makki and Mattsun may or may not have started making Suga memes. I told them to stop. They said no.

“Can we play a game, please, please?” Yahaba begged me. I looked over to the rest of my teammates; Kunimi and Kindaichi were watching with eager expressions, my fellow third-years gazed at me expectantly. I relented.

“Yes, fine! But–we should do drills first. Or, at least work on spikes or receives or something!” Most of what I said drowned out by cheers, but after that I managed to calm everyone down. We did work on serves first, a few of us on one side serving and the rest receiving. Naturally, I was serving, I mean come on, if you could take my serves you would probably be able to take most of the others in our prefecture. Suga was also serving. He was right next to me the whole time, and sure his serves weren’t particularly flashy or strong, but I was impressed by how much control he had over the ball, and how he could send it pretty much anywhere he wanted to. I thought it was really good, only having played for a couple years.

Another thing, Suga showered everyone with compliments. “Nice receive!” or “That was a tough one!” or “That was amazing!” As if he needed my teammates to like him anymore.

“You never tell us good job Oikawa-senpai.” Kunimi told me as he came to the other side of the net to get some water. I panicked, grateful Suga was still busy serving. I turned on the first-year. “I do too!” I protested. Kunimi took a long drink of water. He got ready to head back to receives before responding, “Not like Suga.” I slumped my shoulders, feeling mildly jealous of my boyfriend. God I was stupid, listen to me being jealous of him for such little things when I had so much more than him. I really was a crappy person. Mostly crappy anyway, probably not completely. Suga thought I was nice. That had to be like, my one redeeming thing.

After receives we did spikes. Suga, Yahaba, Watari, and I all set for the other players, each with our own style. I was very quick, clean, and precise with mine. Yahaba took a bit more time, he was still learning, but definitely improving. Watari was also quick, not too polished, but in the end his sets got the job done. And then there was Suga.

I had watched Suga’s sets countless times (I may or may not have rewatched the specific part of our game against Karasuno when Suga played on repeat…a lot). I thought I knew him well, but it was another thing entirely to see it in person. His sets weren’t anything amazing or particularly attention-grabbing, but I could tell he had worked hard on them. He couldn’t just set perfectly without thinking like Tobio, or me for the most part after years of practice. He clearly had to concentrate very hard, but he put in so much effort, so much care, that his sets had a different kind of strength about them. A refreshing change from most other setters.

“Oikawa, enough of this, let’s play each other already.” Makki deadpanned after receiving a slightly less than stellar set from me. In an instant, everyone else’s eyes were on me, so I relented. “Yes, fine, let’s play a scrimmage!” There were lots of cheers.

Dividing up the teams proved to be interesting. I was on one side with Makki, Mattsun, Watari, Kindaichi, and Sawauchi, while Suga was on the opposing team with Iwaizumi (how dare he leave me for Suga!), Yahaba, Kunimi, Yuda, and Shido (a/n: guys I looked up the Seijoh team and apparently there’s three other third-years who we’ve like never met😂😂).

I thought my team would have it in the bag. Iwaizumi told us, “You guys are going down, right Suga?” He looked over at my boyfriend who after a moment responded, “We’re gonna mop the floor with them.” WOAH WOAH WOAH since when could my sweet Suga-chan say stuff like that?!?!

Iwaizumi cheered in a very un-Iwaizumi like way. I think he was going for a high-five for a moment but probably remembered what I had said about Suga and thought better of it. Even if he was being annoying to me today (as opposed to, you know, every other day), he was being nice to Suga, and that was what was most important.

My team lost. Not by a lot, but I was shocked when we lost not only the first set, but the second as well. Suga and Iwaizumi, who were seemingly in charge, used Yahaba’s ability to their advantage. Whenever I targeted one of them with my serve, the other was able to set, so that helped them a lot. Then, I think Suga’s block had gotten slightly higher. He managed to shut out Makki a couple of times, one of them by himself. I took careful note of this. Oh, and Suga kept the morale ridiculously high by constantly praising everyone. Figures.

It was really weird to watch Suga set to Iwaizumi. He was my spiker, my best friend, I was his setter (a/n: not in this story lol). I couldn’t deny though that while their combo probably wasn’t quite as compatible as mine and Iwaizumi’s, they still made a pretty great team.

In the final set, just when I was getting ready to take the winning point and block Yahaba’s set to Iwaizumi, he set to Suga instead, who slammed the ball down on our side of the court, effectively shutting the game down. It was a really good spike, I had to admit. I was very disappointed the moment hadn't been record, because Suga spiking was like 🥵🥵🥵

“Noooooooo!!!!!” I moaned, falling to my knees. Makki and Mattsun sighed while we looked on to see the other team doing some kind of strange victory dance. That was new, none of my teammates did that, definitely must’ve been a Karasuno thing Suga had brought over.

“I say losers should pay for lunch.” Iwaizumi taunted once everything was over. My whole team gasped. We had actually done this a couple times before, but it was the worst when we went out and had to pay extra.

“Woah, woah, slow down there Iwaizumi, we didn’t agree on that beforehand like in the past.” Mattsun said, and was backed up by the rest of our side. Iwaizumi wasn’t having it. Neither was anyone else over there.

“But it’s tradition.” Yahaba interjected with a positively devious smile. It was almost as scary as seeing Suga give me that kind of look.

There was much arguing back and forth before Suga finally convinced his side that it was wrong to make everyone else pay for them. Makki and Mattsun fell to the floor and started worshipping him.

“Thank you, oh merciful Suga-savior!” They cried. Suga looked very startled and confused by the gesture (understandably). “Guys, it’s not that big of a deal–” He tried to tell them, but they just ignored him.

“Alright, enough of this, let’s go.” Iwaizumi said as everyone got their things. All of the third-years calmly started walking out to the parking lot while the underclassmen held back. We turned to look at them. They seemed kind of sheepish, but before anyone could say anything, Suga exclaimed, “Oh my god we’re such bad senpais do you guys need rides?” Oh. Oops.

The first and second years nodded. “Dibs on Suga!” Yahaba called, walking over to him. Kunimi went with Mattsun, Kindaichi went with Iwaizumi, Watari went with Makki.

“Why does nobody want to ride with me?” I whined. Honestly, if I weren’t so good at volleyball, I think they would’ve kicked me off the team. I was trying to be better though! You know, less selfish, have less ulterior motives. Apparently, it wasn’t working yet.

“Sorry Oikawa-chan.” Suga said, flashing me an apologetic grin. The other third-years burst into a fit of giggles at the nickname, but I didn’t care. Let the world know Suga-chan was mine!

We went to the same place as always, a little diner close to school. The place was mostly empty, so we got the biggest table that we usually took. Of course, it was just my luck that Suga got seated on the complete opposite end of the table.

“Remember Oikawa, sometimes we have to share with others.” Iwaizumi told me, sitting down in the chair next to me. I made a series of unintelligible noises (that Suga wouldn’t have been able to hear from the other side of the table) and resigned myself to my fate.

We ended up staying there for like an hour. Lots of little conversations had gone on between everyone who was sitting next to each other, thankfully the subject had finally shifted from embarrassing stories about Oikawa part 2 to volleyball, then other sports, then music and tv shows. Oh, and apparently Yahaba watched anime, so now Suga was his “anime waifu” whatever that meant.

Yet again, I was disappointed that Suga couldn’t stay and had to run errands. Then, not ten minutes after I left, I looked down and saw that a new group chat had been created.

“Seijoh+Lord Suga” it said. I blinked. “Heyo” Makki said, followed by a series of his and Mattsun's memes featuring Suga. I had just gotten home and hit my head against the steering wheel. Now Suga would be way scared.

I expected many awkward texts from Suga, confused texts, as he tried to further puzzle his way through the Seijoh team. What I did not expect was for him to send a meme, indulging Makki and Mattsun’s worship of him. The whole team commented various things and liked it and, oh my god, he used the stonks meme template. Don't tell me…

“SUGA WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AN HONORARY MEME LORD WITH US????” Makki asked. Suga said “ye.” I was scared. I was very, very scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if that was too fluffy lol, im doing my best


	40. 20. Hangin with Seijoh (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im just chillin at my grandparents house, i have next week off from school and i dont have any sports tomorrow, so i lowkey might post another chapter tonight fingers crossed, well see how it goes lol (also, IMPORTANT: i made the memes i referenced but dont know how or if you even can put them on ao3 (if anyone knows plz let me know!), but they are on wattpad if you want to see them, where i have the same username and the story has the same title)

a/n: so im just chillin at my grandparents house, i have next week off from school and i dont have any sports tomorrow, so i lowkey might post another chapter tonight fingers crossed, well see how it goes lol

Well, it had taken me a whole month, but I was finally able to be open with Oikawa about my past! Er, mostly anyway. I had left out a few things (*cough cough, ice skating, cough cough*), but there was still plenty of time for me to get there. And he had been so sweet about the whole thing! I was still a bit apprehensive, but he definitely set me way more at ease. And he made really good cheesecake after. It was so. Good. And after we watched Disney movies. It was great (I fell asleep pretty early and missed most of them though, we would have to rewatch them).

I woke up early the next morning. I was terrified that I was gonna have a nightmare and wake up screaming, as was not usual, but woke up and realized I had passed the whole night peacefully. I thought about getting up, but I knew that Oikawa was not a morning person and wouldn’t be up for a while, and it’s always the most awkward thing when you were awake and the other person wasn’t, so I went back to bed. Not before taking a few photos of Oikawa though.

I couldn’t resist the urge to slowly get up and tip toe over to him, where he was sprawled out taking up as much room as possible on the couch, snoring lightly with a string of drool falling from the corner of his mouth. In spite of how hilarious he looked, he was also so cute, so peaceful.

As I edged back to my spot on the couch, I bit my lip, realizing that Oikawa and I hadn’t taken any photos together. Wasn’t this Oikawa Tooru who obsessively posted things all over social media? Not that I wanted him to post a bunch of pictures of us! I just, I don’t know. I’d seen him post a bunch of pictures of his previous boyfriends and girlfriends, but it was like with me he just wasn’t interested. Surely there was a good reason?

I tried to reassure myself that it was nothing as I went back to the sleep. And, somehow, I fell asleep for another few hours. I woke up to the smell of Oikawa making breakfast which was just–words cannot describe. It felt so domestic, such a couple thing to do. But…I wouldn’t mind it happening more in the future.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay long as Sora and I were going shopping. “Who’s Sora?” Oikawa had asked, trying and failing to mask his jealousy. It was kind of cute when he got jealous, I knew he wasn't the crazy type who wanted to control everything I did, he just wasn't thrilled about the idea of sharing me with others. I laughed and informed him that Sora was my gay foster sister who he had nothing to worry about.

After making one last attempt to get me to stay, I said my goodbyes to Oikawa and left. I didn’t even put on any music on the way home though, I was so distracted reflecting on my one month anniversary. Apparently it showed.

“Good god Suga, you look lovestruck.” Sora snorted when I got inside. She was ready to go, so after I put my stuff up in my room I followed her back out to the car. “Good date?” She pressed further, trying to bite back a grin but giving up halfway through.

“Yes Sora, it did happen to be a very excellent date.” I informed her as I pulled out of the driveway and began heading towards the mall. “Lucky.” Sora muttered. She had broken up with her girlfriend a few weeks ago. But, she wasn’t one to be bummed for long.

“Suga, I need details. Details. This was your first overnight date, come on! Give me something to work with!” She pleaded, and–I–ahh, I couldn’t say no. Not after how nice she was to me. Besides, who else was I going to talk to about this kind of stuff?

“Okay, okay, okay, I will, I will!” I finally said. Sora listened patiently while I described everything, making little comments here and there (“He has a cardboard cut-out of himself in his room???? Suga I’m sorry, I have to question your taste in men a little bit…” “Lmao he totally tried to impress you with his cooking then almost screwed it up” “Thank god you found someone willing to watch anime with you”). Then I got to the end.

“You told him about your past!??!?!” Sora exclaimed, clearly shocked. I felt a pang of guilt as I hadn’t even told Sora yet. “I see that look Suga, don’t you dare feel guilty! You don’t have to tell me anything, or you can when you’re ready. Okay? Okay.” And just like that things were fine.

We mostly window-shopped at the mall, although I did get a really cute pair of black leggings with silver stripes up the side I would definitely wear when ice skating, and Sora got a pretty, dark purple jacket. I had to talk her out of getting a matching scarf, promising that I would knit a way better one for her soon.

After getting lunch, we went back to the car and drove home. We had just finished discussing a very peculiar group of mannequins we had seen walking out when Sora paused and asked me, hesitantly, “Hey Suga…do you…have you ever, I don’t know…noticed anything strange about the Fujimuras?”

I was surprised and had to compose myself before answering. “You mean, aside from the fact that they’re never home?” I asked, which wasn’t that odd when you thought about it, I mean they ran a funeral home themselves, which required pretty odd hours.

“No, not that–although that’s definitely weird too. Just like…you know, when you’re talking to them and they say or do something odd, they look at you funny, you know?” I tried hard to think back to the last time I had interacted with the Fujimuras. That had been…gosh, maybe three, four weeks ago? When I went downstairs for a glass of water in the middle of the night and the wife was sitting there in the dark, just staring ahead.

“Actually, now that you mention it, I guess they do behave a bit weirdly. Why do you ask?” I said curiously. “…I don’t know. No reason.” She said eventually, and that was the end of that conversation.

The next day, I was getting super hyped for practice, I woke up extra early at 5:00 so I could read some of my book before going to the gym at 6:00. And then, right as I was getting ready to leave, Takeda-sensei texted the team groupchat and informed us that the gym was being cleaned out today, so we wouldn’t be able to practice (and sorry for the short notice, he had just found out himself).

I groaned, slumping against the door. Well now what? Sora would be asleep until sometime in the afternoon, the Fujimuras were gone again (not that I would hang out with them or anything). Oh! I could text my teammates and we could all go practice at a park or something!

I whipped out my phone and texted the third-year groupchat first, just to make sure Daichi and Asahi were on board with the idea.

“Guys! What if we go practice at a park somewhere? What about the one a few miles from school?” I waited a few minutes before receiving a reply; Daichi and Asahi had both awkwardly shot down the idea. I was flabbergasted, I mean our team was known for always going the extra mile! Why would today be any exception??? I asked. After much coaxing, Daichi admitted, “I’m at Yui’s house.” Asahi said “Um, I too am over at someone’s house.” The texts stopped after that.

Now I was just flat out miffed. Both of the other third-years were over at someone’s house??? At least I was with Oikawa now, if I wasn’t I probably would’ve spent the rest of the day moping about Daichi. And hey wait a second, since when was Asahi dating someone???!?? I would definitely have to investigate further. Maybe I’d ask Tsukishima, he somewhat liked me I think and always seemed to have the dirt on everyone.

I spent the next few hours trying to entertain myself. I started drawing volleyball players, but they all managed to turn into Oikawa, so I gave that up. Then I decided I would start knitting Sora’s scarf. I got lost in that for a while, only brought out of my deep concentration when my phone pinged, signaling I had gotten a text.

“How was your practice?” The message from Oikawa read. A smile broke out across my face when I saw the text from him. I wasn’t a terribly social person and not a lot of people texted me, so it was really nice to get texts from him like every day.

I frowned when I actually processed the text before sadly replying, “They’re cleaning the gym today so no practice:(((“ I felt momentarily jealous of Oikawa, realizing that Seijoh’s practice hadn’t even started yet and they got to sleep in so late. I wasn’t not a morning person, I could be. But, I also was not a morning person, so.

I jumped when my phone started buzzing, announcing that Oikawa wanted to facetime. I really need to get a photo of him so I don’t have a lousy picture of a volleyball as his contact picture, I thought before eagerly picking up.

“Hey Suga!” A voice that was most certainly not Oikawa said loudly. Once the picture unfroze and I was able to see its owner, my previous thought was further confirmed. It was one of his friends, one of the other third-years on the team. Shoot, uhhh,

OH! MATTSUN! YES! “Um, hi, Mattsun? To what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked curiously, wondering if I had been texting him from the beginning. I could hear the vague sounds of screaming and arguing in the background while the camera became blurry, indicating that Mattsun was running away.

“I just wanted to talk to you, and maybe mess with Oikawa a bit, that’s all.” He told me, his voice coming out in short rasps until he finally stopped. “Are you at practice?” He then asked conversationally, straightening up (a/n: or gayening up, take ur pick lol) and looking at me as if nothing had happened.

It took me a moment to respond. “…uh…no, my practice was actually cancelled today. They were cleaning out the gym.” Mattsun got a devilish smirk on his face. “OHOHO?” He asked, and before I could formulate an appropriate response, he was running again.

He stopped. There was a bit of shuffling around, some background noise, then, “Suga here informs me Karasuno’s practice today was cancelled. I say we invite him to ours, how about it?” Then lots of shouting and cheering. I…what? Why…why did everyone want me to go? I was just a rival team member after all.

I think someone tried to tell them no, but Makki (?) laughed loudly and said, “Now now Oikawa, we didn’t ask you. Suga, please, feel free to drop by any time before 12:00, we’ll be here!” And then the line went dead.

…well, I had been invited to their practice by pretty much everyone, so…surely it would be okay if I went? Besides, my own team had kind of failed me today. At least the third-years anyway, I was positive Kageyama and Hinata had gone off to practice themselves (I decided I wouldn’t interfere with their one on one time😏 ), Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were probably together too, surely they’d get at least some volleyball playing in, and then there were the second years. Tanaka and Noya were so chaotic I couldn’t really keep track of them to be honest, and who knew what the ita squad was doing.

So, I decided to go. I was still dressed for it and had my bag together, so I quickly got the keys to the car and left, praying I would remember the way to Aoba Johsai without missing a turn or anything (sometimes I got flustered driving and did this).

I almost missed a turn, but then I didn’t! And I made it to the gym no problem. The parking lot was pretty much empty save for a few cars, probably some of team’s. As I got out and started walking to the front entrance, I panicked a tiny bit because what if they changed their minds? What if the door was locked and I had to awkwardly stand outside and bang on it until someone finally heard? What if I had bad breath since I had brushed my teeth hours ago? What if I wasn’t good enough, like their skill level was so beyond mine I couldn’t keep up? What if a giant meteor came and crashed into me–

Oh, the door was unlocked. And as soon as I went in everyone seemed to visibly brighten. Okay, I was okay, I could do this, everything was fine. And, I saw Oikawa then, him and I stared at each other and–I can’t describe the feeling but just–everything felt like it was going to be alright. His presence calmed me; a familiar face in enemy territory (although it really didn’t feel like enemy territory…thank god Karasuno didn’t know I was there).

“Suga!” One of the second-years called out to me. He had light brown hair and matching eyes, he had been very friendly to me the last time I was there. Yahaba was his name I believe? I think he was the team’s other setter. I tried to contain my rapidly-spreading blush as I went over to him and the others. “Good morning!” I said brightly, returning their smiles.

“Sugaaaaa, I can’t wait to finally play with you!” Yahaba exclaimed. Their libero, Watari, chimed in, “We’ll even have enough people to do six-on-six! Hopefully I can be on your side!” Makki and Mattsun walked towards us then and echoed the second-years’ sentiments.

Why…why were they being so nice to me? I wasn’t anything special, just the unofficial setter of Karasuno. My team really disliked Seijoh, especially after we lost at inter-high, but I was happy to see that they didn’t feel the same way. Well, about me individually at least. Karasuno probably could’ve been a bit better about their attitude towards the Aoba Johsai.

I happened to glance over and catch Oikawa sulking on the outside of the group, talking to Iwaizumi. God, what an idiot I was, I had forgotten to say hello to him. I politely excused myself from the other team members and walked over to him.

“Shut UP IWA-CHAN!” Oikawa snarled at his best friend. Oops, was I interrupting something? Oikawa didn’t seem to be in the best mood, maybe it hadn’t been him texting me earlier?

“Hey Oikawa-chan,” I said cautiously, testing the waters. I smiled a bit, hoping that I could somehow cheer him up. Unfortunately, it didn’t work I don’t think because he just stared at me with big eyes for a while, like I had grown another head or something. What if I had food on my face? What if my breath did smell bad? What if he randomly decided he didn’t like me anymore–okay no. No Suga, you know Oikawa well enough now to know he wouldn’t do that.

While Oikawa stared at me, the other third-years just laughed. What was so funny, had I missed something? Whatever it was, that must have snapped Oikawa out of his trance because he smiled really widely and proclaimed, “Hey Suga-chan~, I’m so glad you could make it! Everyone’s been dying to play with you for the past month.”

Well that was certainly interesting information. It was corroborated when Yahaba shouted, “Can we play a game, please, please?” Oh, he had mastered the puppy eyes. How could you say no to that face? He would be the ruin of a boyfriend or girlfriend one day (a/n: rip kyotani 💀💀💀).

Trying to be a good captain, Oikawa acted as the voice of reason. “Yes, fine! But–we should do drills first. Or, at least work on spikes or receives or something!” It was funny watching him disappoint everyone and try to be disciplined, he kind of reminded me of Daichi in that moment just a little bit.

Despite his words, everyone was satisfied by the notion of playing a game at some point during practice. After quieting down, it was decided that we would work on receives. I probably should have been on the other side of the net, but let’s be honest, my serves needed a lot of work too. And, I got to stand next to Oikawa the whole time!!!

The one downside was his serves made mine look like absolute trash. The sheer amount of power he managed to put behind them, the control he had…From a fellow volleyball player’s perspective, they were incredible. From his boyfriend’s perspective, they were hot. Like, so hot omg, I could literally watch him serve for hours, holy heck.

But! I could not let myself be so easily distracted, I had people depending on me on the other side of the net. I made sure to give feedback to pretty much everyone, letting them know if there was a particular thing they could do to improve, if it had worked the next time they received. I hope I wasn’t being annoying or patronizing, I was just trying to help!

We did sets next. I lowkey wanted to spike but given the fact that there were significantly more people who could spike than set, I decided to help Oikawa, Yahaba, and Watari out. We did that for a while (I made sure to check with every player that my sets were okay, if I needed to adjust them at all), but I could tell everyone was getting a bit impatient. Makki finally asked, well, no, he stated, “Oikawa, enough of this, let’s play each other already.”

Oikawa had been a good team captain so far. But, I thought it would be fair to give everyone a break. They didn’t even technically have practice today, after all. I think the same thing must have been going through Oikawa's head because he gave in. “Yes, fine, let’s play a scrimmage!” Everyone got super hyped after that.

I really wanted to play with Oikawa! But setters were short, so I ended up on the opposing side. I did have Yahaba with me. I considered doing the strategy I had with Kageyama but thought that might be a bit revealing and unfair to Karasuno, so I tried to come up with other things we could do. I also had Iwaizumi.

“You guys are going down, right Suga?” He had asked me as we stared at Oikawa from the other side of the net. I hesitated a bit before answering. I didn’t want to oppose Oikawa, but…well, we were on opposite ends of the court, so surely it would be acceptable? Besides, I wanted Iwaizumi to like me.

Having made my decision, I said, “We’re gonna mop the floor with them.” Oikawa had looked mildly irritated with Iwaizumi before (in the cute, angry way that seemed to be unique to their relationship), but after I said that, he started at me in shock, perhaps with a twinge of horror. Ah well, he would have to learn sooner or later I wasn’t always a perfect little saint (…okay fine, I was like 97% of the time).

Once we started playing, it took a few minutes to adjust to playing with a whole different team. Iwaizumi was great though, he was a really good wing spiker. Whereas Asahi had a quiet strength about his way of playing, Iwaizumi was…louder. More dominant, if that made sense. And he was pretty dependable, especially in helping me come up with ways to take Oikawa down.

I was astonished when my team ended up winning and beating Oikawa’s side, not just in the first set, but the second as well. It was honestly a battle of strategy, back and forth between Oikawa and I. We were very similar players in that regard, in trying to find weaknesses of the other team and exploit them while maximizing our own.

My favorite part of the game was at the very end when Oikawa had served the ball straight at me. By some miracle, I managed to get it up and to Yahaba. I jumped Hinata-style, knowing the ball would go to Iwaizumi but trying to throw off the other side even if just a teeny bit. And then the ball ended up going to me. In one satisfying movement, I struck the ball hard down onto the other court, the sound ringing off the gym’s walls.

“Noooooooo!!!!!” Oikawa cried, falling to the floor in apparent agony. The rest of his side looked pretty down too, while mine was insanely psyched up about our win. Without thinking, I started doing some of the strange victory dances that Noya and Tanaka had invented. I felt self-conscious for a moment, but then everyone else started copying me, so it was fine.

In the midst of our celebration, Iwaizumi said, “I say losers should pay for lunch.” Pay for lunch? Why…oh, oh, was Seijoh going out to eat afterward? Oh my god what if they were and I wasn’t invited that would be so awkward please no–

“Woah, woah, slow down there Iwaizumi, we didn’t agree on that beforehand like in the past.” Mattsun interjected, looking very much like he did not want to pay more than he had to for lunch (and who could blame him).

“But it’s tradition.” Yahaba insisted, coming up to the front. Oh my god, his face, he looked so, like, evil. Devilish. He lowkey reminded me of myself. While everyone kept arguing, I did my best to calm them down, to convey that we really shouldn’t make the other side pay for us, especially if we hadn’t discussed it before. Oh god, the thought of one of them paying for me–no–no–no, please no, I would so much rather pay for myself.

I guess my pleadings finally worked because everyone gave him. Makki and Mattsun started crying,as they sank to the floor and waved their arms in my direction. “We are not worthy!” “Thank you, oh merciful Suga-savior!” They said. I was lost, to say the least.

“Guys, it’s not that big of a deal–” I said but they just cut me off with even more odd compliments and praise. Well, I would take it. Nobody had ever praised me like that before, and it was honestly really flattering. And…nice.

“Alright, enough of this, let’s go.” Iwaizumi announced, dragging the two third-years off the floor. Everyone got their bags and headed toward the gym’s exit, although I noticed that a few of the players were still hanging back. The ones that were happened to be the first and second-years. Wait–

“Oh my god we’re such bad senpais do you guys need rides?” Wow I was an idiot, I had been so inconsiderate!!! Hopefully they would forgive me. I don’t think they were too mad though. Yahaba’s face lit up and he said, “Dibs on Suga!” Dibs on me???? That was certainly a new thing as well. But, not unwelcome.

Unfortunately, no one wanted to go with Oikawa. “Why does nobody want to ride with me?” He asked dramatically, and I did feel bad, I mean it was obvious everyone on his team kind of picked on him, but I also knew he could take it and that at the end of the day he had their respect. And let’s be honest, without all of the teasing, Oikawa’s ego would be bigger than the sun.

I still felt bad though. “Sorry Oikawa-chan!” I called, walking off to my car with Yahaba in tow. A bunch of the Seijoh players started laughing at my nickname for him I think. Even Yahaba couldn’t resist, “You call him Oikawa-chan?”

I smiled warmly as I unlocked my car and we got it. “Yeah. He started calling me Suga-chan first, I figured it would be weird if I didn’t call him it back, you know? And I think it’s cute.” Yahaba reluctantly agreed that yes, it was cute.

“You know, he didn’t let anyone he used to date call him that for…gosh, actually now that I think about it, only a handful of them managed to pass the test before they broke up. And it definitely took way longer than a month.” This piece of information was news to me, and I found it very intriguing. Oikawa liked to tack -chan on several people’s names, even those he hardly knew, so I found it interesting he wouldn’t want that reciprocated with him.

“You’ll have to let me know when you get to first name basis, nobody’s gotten there before I don’t think.” Yahaba said matter-of-factly as I pulled out of the parking lot and began following the other cars to the restaurant.

“Really?” I asked, genuinely fascinated, although I totally started blushing at the notion of calling Oikawa “Tooru,” and him calling me “Koshi.” This did not escape Yahaba’s notice, who started giggling.

We listened to music on the way there, I had the first Blue Exorcist op playing, and as it turns out, Yahaba was a huge weeb. I could not believe my luck. Our conversation got cut way too short by the time we arrived. Yahaba thought it was hilarious that I had gotten Oikawa to watch OHSHC and couldn’t wait to pester him about it.

It was a cute little place, a family-run business I think, and it felt really homey inside. Everyone automatically began walking towards a large table in the back, and I couldn’t help the smile that broke out across my face because everyone was so natural about it, they all seemed so close, and it was really nice to see all the team members like that.

I ended up sitting next to Yahaba where we continued our anime conversation with Kunimi and…ah shoot, what was his name, the onion-head guy? That was what Kageyama had called him (and he wasn’t wrong), but his real name was…something Daichi. Oh well, I would have to try to pick it up or ask Oikawa later.

SHOOT. OIKAWA. I was officially the worst boyfriend ever, I had barely talked to him that day, being so caught up in trying to get all the Seijoh players to like me and interacting with them. And–to make matters worse–he had been seated on the complete opposite end of the table. Darnit, I would have to make it up to him some other way.

The food was really good, they even had spicy mapo tofu, my favorite. With or without the Seijoh team, I had a feeling I would be going back there.

I tried not to pay too much attention when everyone started telling embarrassing stories of Oikawa, I think he’d suffered enough for the day, but I did my best to get the topic to something else. I managed to bring up basketball, so we talked about that for a while and then other things, but I was just glad Oikawa was in the clear now.

And of course, Yahaba and I had continued talking about anime. “Sugawara-senpai, will you be my anime waifu?” He cried. I laughed and agreed. Wow it was nice to know someone who was also into anime. I made sure to get his number (and Kunimi, apparently him and the onion guy were also each others’ anime waifus).

I wanted to hang out with Oikawa afterwards, but I had promised the Nakajimas that I would be skating that afternoon and needed to get over there (and I was excited to try out the new leggings I had bought).

While I was driving over to the ice skating rink, my phone lit up with text messages, so I quick pulled over to check them since I had a bit of time anyway.

In the new groupchat “Seijoh+Lord Suga,” a bunch of memes had been sent from Makki and Mattsun. They were…wow. Wow. Apparently they actually worshipped me or something, at least that’s what I got from the memes. And poor Oikawa, they put him down in a few.

Deciding not to disappoint the team, I began concocting my own meme before sending it back to them.

The response was hilarious. Everyone liked it, and either Makki or Mattsun asked me, “SUGA WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AN HONORARY MEME LORD WITH US????” I was very honored and wrote back, “ye.” It would seem that I now had a bunch of new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i love writing suga with seijoh its so cute, have a great day!!!!


	41. 21. Minecraft with Seijoh (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, a moment of silence for the MSD survivors and victims…
> 
> sorry, i live pretty close to where that happened and its the three year anniversary so i just wanted to pay respects.
> 
> ok, onto lighter stuff now, happy valentine's day! sorry i wanted to post last night and fell asleep. and sorry for those of you who dont play minecraft, i actually dont either but i owed one of my sisters a favor and she requested a mc chapter. my sisters are kind of obssessed with minecraft, and they love to make fun of me bc apparently i look like tommyinnit? and they also make fun of me when i wear green bc im from florida and blonde and call me dream? (they're minecraft youtubers ig) anyway, oml it took me so long to write, and my other sister had to edit like everything and help me come up with ideas, so kudos to her. there shouldn't be any inaccuracies since she spent so. long. editing but sorry if there are, i didnt understand half of what i was writing lol. i dont own the cover picture. now on with the story!

Later that day, I was sitting down to play Minecraft with my fellow third-years (we usually played sometime around the late afternoon on weekends, but had been playing several times a week what with break now), expecting a text from the groupchat “Seijoh’s Seniors” (I know, very creative) letting me know everyone was ready. I joined the server and decided to start looking for diamonds, since I had accidentally thrown the few I had into lava a few days ago. Then I got a text from a different groupchat instead.

“Suga’s playing :P” Iwaizumi had said in the chat he created, “Suga’s Seih*s.” What the–

Memelord1 and Memelord2 joined Iwaizumi’s SMP. A few moments later, so did godzilla_supremacy and Sk8rNotH8r. Interesting. Suga hadn’t said anything about playing Minecraft to me. Also, Sk8rNotH8r, what kind of a username was that?? Wait, what if Suga was like, secretly a skater boi?

Anyway, I decided to start looking for everyone else. I didn’t know how to craft a boat, and there was a huge lake in front of me so I had to swim. I got distracted by the chat notifications, informing me that Suga and Iwaizumi were crafting a bunch of tools together (why were they together??), and may or may not have almost drowned, but I saved myself! Once I reached the edge of the lake I found Makki and Mattsun.

I typed, “Hey.” Before I could say anything else, they started asking me about my inventory, so I told them I had a wooden sword, wooden pickaxe, furnace, a singular ender pearl. and a few raw chickens. They immediately began to question me about the diamond armor and tools they had given me out of pity a few days ago. I frantically tried to come up with a heroic reason as to why I had lost it. Unfortunately, I had nothing, so I was forced to tell them that I had also managed to lose that in lava. The response was immediate. “OIKAWA” “BOI UR TRASH” They said and started running around. Well, I bet their inventories weren’t much better!

“Well whats in ur inventories???” I typed annoyed, all the while Suga and Iwaizumi still gathering more things. Holy crap they were going fast, were they gonna speed run the game? I knew Iwaizumi could, but who would’ve guessed that Suga was so good at Minecraft?

“wow suga ur so cracked at the craft omg” I typed, hoping for some kind of response from Suga but receiving none. I tried not to be too bummed out. Makki, Mattsun, and I kind of stood around for a bit after they told me what was in their inventories. Then we decided to get some gold.

“going 2 the nether 4 gold” I typed while Makki, Mattsun, and I went over to the portal. We teleported to the lava-filled lair and began our journey to find a new bastion. We had to fight off the annoying ghats, magma cubes, and pigmen on the way (okay, it was mostly Makki and Mattsun doing the fighting; I…even after playing for years, I couldn’t seem to master Minecraft).

Everything was going fine. We were getting gold, all the brutes were gone. I was getting ready to text the chat that we had gotten gold, ask if Suga and Iwaizumi wanted to meet up, when I noticed that the notifications had stopped, the ones detailing all the tools Iwaizumi and Suga had been crafting.

All of the sudden, the two of them showed up in the nether. “oh hey guys, we just got a bunch of gold :)” I typed. I was standing on the edge of the bastion, leaving the gold-gathering to Makki and Mattsun because usually, when trying to get it, I would trip and fall in the lava. Suga and Iwaizumi joined us on the bastion.

I immediately notice Suga’s skin. It looked exactly like him in his Karasuno volleyball uniform, but it also looked like a total eboy skin. I had to admit, I thought it looked extremely handsome, especially since he had obviously designed it himself. How did Suga manage to be so good at everything he did?

And then things went downhill from there.

The two of them started attacking all three of us. Iwaizumi was an incredible player, and as it turned out, Suga was just as good, if not better, so they had pushed us all to the edge of the bastion in no time at all.

“GUYS WHAT THE H*LL” I typed frantically while trying to fend off Suga’s attacks. Makki and Mattsun said similar things. “were attacking you guys lol” was the only explanation Iwaizumi offered in the chat.

“IWA-CHAN SUGA-CHAN WHY” I tried again, just before I was finally pushed off the bastion (Makki and Mattsun were pushed as well). Not wanting to die, I threw an ender pearl towards the blue forest that was kind of close to me, praying it would land. I didn’t use them often, and when I did, I missed like 99% of the time.

It landed though! So I was transported to the forest. I noticed that Mattsun had done the same thing with an enderpearl, and Makki had tried to, but he had missed the forest and ended up in the lava, where he burned to death within seconds. Suga and Iwaizumi were still on the other side, most likely because they did not have enderpearls. Okay, but what just happened????

I started a group facetime call on the new groupchat “Suga’s Seih*s” (I would have to appreciate the name of the chat later). It was only a matter of seconds before Makki and Mattsun picked up. Suga and Iwaizumi did not.

“YOOOOOO WHAT JUST HAPPENED????” Makki asked, having died and most likely respawned back at his base with none of his things. “OIKAWA WHAT DID YOU DO TO PISS THEM OFF???” Mattsun demanded, while I sobbed, “I DON’T KNOW WHY MY BOYFRIEND AND BEST FRIEND ARE TRYING TO KILL US I’M SORRY!!!” I was genuinely at a loss. They were obviously working in kahoots against us as they hadn’t answered our calls, and had tried to kill us out of the blue.

I quickly checked behind me to see if Iwaizumi and Suga had caught up. I was extremely surprised when I looked back and saw them doing what looked like floating across the lava! If I wasn’t so afraid of dying, I would’ve continued to watch in awe. However, Mattsun’s shouting snapped me back into reality. “OIKAWA WE HAVE TO GO!” he shouted. He and I both started running while Makki demanded to know what was happening. He was so far from us though, I doubt he would be able to get back to us.

“THEY’RE CHASING US!” I screamed, grateful my bedroom was faraway from my parents, or I was sure that they would’ve come in to yell at me to shut up by now. Emi had done that a lot before she went off to college.

“QUICK GO TO MY UNDERGROUND TUNNELS! THEY WON’T BE ABLE TO FIND US!!” Mattsun hollered, and I followed him quickly down into them after we used a portal to go back to the overworld. Mattsun was not the best at Minecraft (he was still way better than me😪), but he did love his underground tunnels. While Iwaizumi built lots of cool houses, farms, and bases, Mattsun had spent years constructing his underground tunnels. He had a strange obsession with them, which I was very grateful for at the moment.

“OKAY FOLLOW ME LET’S LOSE THEM!” He told me, and I trusted him. He knew the tunnels better than anyone, better than me, better than even Iwaizumi, and of course better than Suga. I think we actually might make it out alive.

I didn’t look back to see if Iwaizumi and Suga were behind us (the traitors!!! There better be a good reason for what they were doing!!!!), but I was positive they hadn’t been able to follow up. For a few more minutes I followed Mattsun through the tunnels (while Makki desperately tried to find us again but didn’t see a creeper wandering around and accidentally let it blow up, which took away about half of his health (“OHHHH MY GODDDDD I HATE THIS GAME!!!”)), until he decided we had gone far enough and went back up above ground.

“Dude, let’s run for the hills over there.” Mattsun said, so once again I followed him for a while, until we reached the entrance of a cave.

“Aw, man! I’m like, really hungry, I gotta eat some of my chicken.” I whined, going to my inventory. I placed my furnace at the entrance of a cave. I had to use my wooden sword as fuel, so if anyone attacked me, I would have no way to defend myself. The line was quiet on the facetime call. Makki started laughing then. “What’s so funny?” I demanded.

“Mattsun’s totally gonna leave you, there’s no way he’s gonna stop and wait for you to cook your chicken and eat it.” Makki informed me. I rolled my eyes and finished cooking the chicken. “No he wouldn’t, we’re like bros–”

I finished cooking three chickens and my screen returned to normal. Mattsun was nowhere in sight. “DUDE!” I called out, although my voice was drowned out by my two idiot friends' laughter. “Seriously, where’d you go????” I asked, trying to figure out if he had gone into the cave or turned around and headed farther up to the mountains.

“Not telling lol.” I whined some more, but it did nothing, Mattsun still ignored me. I stood around for a few minutes, unsure what I should do. I wanted to find Mattsun, I knew that, but which way would’ve he gone? …mmm…let’s go…let’s go…ah, in the cave. Why not.

I ventured quickly into the cave, hoping to find Mattsun. I kept going deeper and deeper, scared I would run into creepers or something. I didn’t…until I did. There were skeletons and zombies that spawned out of nowhere. I may or may not have cursed a bit as I tried to fight them off and started mining the stone so I could build a wall around myself.

While that was going on, Mattsun started screaming. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY FOUND ME OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THEY’RE GONNA KILL ME AHHHHHHHH–” They killed him. Now it was just me left.

“They’re coming for you Oikawa.” Mattsun informed me as he respawned and apparently found Makki, who had somehow gone in a circle and ended back up at the base where he had originally started.

“They won’t find me, I’m like super deep in a cave and I built a wall around myself. Trust me, there’s no way they will find me.” I announced confidently. A moment later, Makki and Mattsun both typed in the chat, “Oikawa’s in the cave” and “go to the cave oikawa’s there.”

“YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!” I said and hung up on them, just barely making out the sounds of their laughter before I cut them off. I wasn’t quite sure what to do, I couldn’t go outside my little fortress I had built because there was no way I was skilled enough to fend off all the skeletons and zombies, but if I stayed there, there was a chance Suga and Iwaizumi would find me…aaah, they probably wouldn’t. I had gone pretty deep. And I hid myself inside the thing I built!

Apparently that wasn’t enough because they soon found me. I let out a stream of unintelligible noises as the both of them attacked me and killed me almost instantly. It hadn’t even been a fair fight, there was no way I could’ve defended myself against the two master players.

As soon as I respawned, I started the group facetime call with everyone again, this time with Suga and Iwaizumi answering.

“WHAT WAS THAT?????” I demanded of my traitorous boyfriend and best friend. Makki and Mattsun echoed my sentiments.

“I just found out that you guys broke my limited edition Godzilla action figure and didn’t tell me, and I know it was you because you all were over at my house last week and no one else but me has been in my room since.” Iwaizumi said, sounding pretty pissed. I glanced at him on my phone and saw that he also looked angry. I shrunk back in fear, despite being physically several blocks away from him.

“Oh…that, heheh, ummmm–”

“It was all Oikawa I swear!”

“Yeah it was totally him!”

“GUYS! IT WAS A GROUP EFFORT, IT WAS NOT ALL ME!!!” While the three of us argued back and forth, I noticed that Iwaizumi and Suga weren’t really paying attention, I think they were texting each other.

Giving up the argument (even though it had been all three of us, really!), I asked my boyfriend, “Sugaaaaaa, what did we do to you???” Suga looked very sorry and apologetic, but Iwaizumi replied for him.

“We were talking on the phone when I found out, and then I got really mad and wanted to kill you guys but Suga convinced me not to do that, so we compromised and decided to kill you in Minecraft instead. Also, Suga’s really good at Minecraft, so I let him join the server.” Iwa-chan and Suga-chan had been talking on the phone before this??? Without me???? How had I not known that the two of them were like, a thing? I wouldn’t say I was jealous…okay no, I was a tiny bit jealous. I was so confused though, I didn’t know who to be jealous of. But, jealousy aside, I was very pleased that my best friend and boyfriend seemed to be getting along so well.

“I’m so sorry!” Suga frantically apologized, offering up a bunch of explanations as to why he had decided to help Iwaizumi, and I could see he felt so bad, which was hilarious because it was just a game where you easily respawn, and I instantly forgave him, how could I not? And…of course I forgave Iwaizumi…that one had been my fault really…

“Now that you got your murderous rampage out of the way, can we play like civilized people?” I asked. After agreeing to replace Iwaizumi’s rare Godzilla collector’s item, we played for another few hours. Suga and Iwaizumi got a ton of more tools while Makki and Mattsun and I gathered other stuff. Then Suga started building a house (he was really good at building stuff, like his house was so cool I can’t), and I helped him. Well, help is a strong word I suppose. I decorated. Suga even let me put mine and his beds next to each other!!!

All of us did have to go have dinner eventually though. “Suga, how long have you been playing? Your fighting was like, really good earlier.” Mattsun asked. Suga laughed and replied, “Years! I haven’t been playing too often as of late, but building is my favorite. Sometimes I play with some of the other Karasuno members. I play with Hinata the most, him and this friend of his from the Nekoma team who is just…insane. I’ve been trying to beat him since we started playing but he’s so good, honestly everyone on the Nekoma server is. I’ve been trying to find enough good people to be able to beat them, if you would be interested though Iwaizumi, I think we might at least stand a chance.”

I was very disappointed that Suga had not extended the invitation to me, but I also knew I sucked at Minecraft. He and Iwaizumi (who readily agreed) promised that I could watch if they ended up playing Nekoma.

“Oikawa Tooru, I have been calling you for the past five minutes, come downstairs and have dinner!” My mom shouted at me from downstairs on the other side of the house. She was very loud and I could hear her very well.

“Ah shoot guys, I really gotta go. See you tomorrow. Bye Suga, thanks for playing with us! It was much more enjoyable when you weren’t trying to kill me!” Suga laughed and hung up, and was followed by everyone else as they said their goodbyes. I then raced downstairs to have dinner, in a very good mood because holy crap, Suga was a phenomenal Minecraft player, it’s like I kept discovering more and more things that made him an even better boyfriend. And he seemed to be getting along great with Iwa-chan. I was really, really lucky to have been as blessed as I was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that was ok, not sure if you guys will enjoy the minecraft or not? i might try to do more in the future if so..?


	42. 21. Minecraft with Seijoh (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im posting again today yayyy!!! sorry for discrepancies in the beginning, my sister changed something and i was too tired to rewrite it. anyway, she has requested that i turn the floor over to her now...
> 
> a's sister/n: i do not like anime but i love minecraft so this was very fun to help write! i did make a reference to dream's latest manhunt so if you watched that be on the lookout for it. i did also help write the last chapter, so any amazing writing there was probably me. if you don't like minecraft then this probably wont be as enjoyable, but you should read it anyway. you should also download minecraft and watch the dream smp because its very good and much better than anime. im now being told to stop recruiting people to watch the dream smp, so i guess have fun reading!

After a very productive skating session that lasted several hours, I went home and took a nap. I was woken up after only an hour or so by my phone ringing, I had forgotten to turn the ringer off. Who could possibly be calling me? The only person who ever really did was Oikawa, maybe it was him? I thought while groggily sitting up and reaching for my phone.

It was Iwaizumi. Woah, hold on wait, why was he of all people calling me?????? Maybe there was some Oikawa-related thing we needed to discuss? That had to be it, there was nothing else for us to talk about.

"Hello?" I said curiously, answering the call. "Hello, this is Iwaizumi Hajime. I'm one of the doctor's patients and was just calling to inquire about–"

"Iwaizumi, this is Suga." I said, trying not to giggle. Iwaizumi was silent for a few moments. He finally said something, evidently not to me as I could barely make it out what it was, but I caught "how," "possible," "doctor," and "idiot."

After his little rant, he said, "I'm so sorry Suga, I didn't mean to disturb you. You sound kind of tired." I blinked. Aw, Iwaizumi sounded concerned for me, it was so different from the tone I was used to him taking in the presence of Oikawa.

"That's because I just woke up from a nap." I informed Iwaizumi, who immediately began apologizing some more, and wow, I just wanted to laugh, because who was this Iwaizumi and where had the real one gone? Why was he being so nice to me? (a/n: i lowkey considered doing an iwaizumi pov chapter but thats so extra with oikawa and suga already, so basically iwa understands that suga is a really nice person who's lost a lot in life and should be protected at all costs, and now he has a soft spot for him🥺🥰)

"It's fine, really Iwaizumi! I probably would've slept for several more hours if you hadn't woken me up." Alright, so that was a bit of a lie, sleep was more often than not kind of hard to come by for me, and when it did, it wasn't unusual for me to wake up panting and in cold sweats, plagued by memories of the past. But I didn't need to worry Iwaizumi with my peculiar sleep habits.

"Actually, I wanted to play some Minecraft before dinner, so I owe you one." I said. I hadn't played Minecraft in probably a week. Hinata and I played on a server of mine a lot, one I had created at the beginning of the year, mostly with the first-years. Daichi and Asahi just were not interested, I had tried creating a server with the second-years and I had left for a few hours, only to return and find pretty much everything blown up and burned to the ground, fires everywhere, the ita squad running for their lives, and Tanaka and Noya laughing maniacally in the chat.

So yeah, I had had high hopes when the first-years started, given how I had tried to create a Karasuno server twice in the past only for it to fail both times. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. Hinata also loved building, so him and I were making all kinds of cool stuff. So far we had an amusement park (complete with a fully automated water park), a super high-tech looking downtown area, and were currently working on a Western-inpsired ghost town. Kageyama, bless his heart, tried to help but had never played before, so he usually ended up following Hinata around the whole time. Yamaguchi joined and helped occasionally, and a couple rare times, Tsukki had joined. He had built a dinosaur section in our amusement park.

"You play Minecraft?" Iwaizumi asked, sounding very shocked. "Of course!" I responded easily. I may have had a crappy childhood, but I didn't live under a rock. "Do you play?" I reciprocated the question.

"Yeah, I have for quite a few years, actually." I figured Iwaizumi was going to hang up on me soon after he realized I wasn't the doctor's office, but then we started talking about Minecraft and ended up going on for, maybe half an hour? when all of the sudden Iwaizumi went, "Oh...oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod oh–"

"Um, Iwaizumi? Is...is everything okay? Are you alright?" I asked, very concerned, because what if it was my fault, what if I had said something I wasn't supposed to? What had we been talking about before? Skins I think? That was pretty harmless, I was just telling him about the new one I had made this year.

"Yeah. Yeah everything's alright. I'm just..." Iwaizumi breathed in and out deeply several times. "I'm just very upset with a few certain teammates of mine who apparently broke my limited edition Godzilla figurine." I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

"Oh my god, I'm going to kill them. This time, I am actually going to kill them Suga, this is the last straw–" I think I could actually hear Iwaizumi getting the things he needed to kill his teammates and oh god what if was actually going to try to kill them????

"Uhh, Iwaizumi, maybe that's not the best idea! Surely there's another way you could...um...get, revenge?" I wracked my brain for an alternative, something that would somewhat satisfy Iwaizumi's evidently intense anger (limited edition Godzilla figurine, dear lord, was he super into Godzilla maybe? He had that, Oikawa had aliens, what, were Makki and Mattsun obsessed with Frankenstein or Dracula or something?).

"Iwaizumi! What if–what if you–uh–um–what if you killed them on–on Minecraft?" I offered weakly. It was a terrible suggestion in hindsight but I just could not come up with anything, and we had just been talking about the game, so you know.

"That...that's not a bad idea Suga. I haven't killed them for...it's been too long since I tried to kill them. We were actually gonna play Minecraft really soon also, I have a server. Wanna hop on and help me?" Iwaizumi asked while I could hear the sounds of him typing on a computer.

"K-kill them?" I asked nervously. He hummed in affirmation. Oh god, what was I supposed to do? I had been getting along so well with Iwaizumi and didn't want to disappoint him, but at the same time I had never played Minecraft with Oikawa before, and did I really want the first impression he got of me playing to be me trying to murder him? And then there were Makki and Mattsun who also liked me, I didn't want them to stop liking me! What to do, what to do, ahhhh...

"Um, yeah, I guess I'll help." I said very uncertainly, but Iwaizumi didn't seem to notice. "Great, thanks Suga, you're the best." A few moments later, I received the server IP on my phone from Iwaizumi. I opened Minecraft up on my computer and joined.

While that was happening, I saw that a new groupchat had been created by Iwaizumi. "Suga's Seih*s." Oh my god, Iwaizumi named it that, I can't–

"Suga's playing :P" He said. I laughed a bit as I joined, seeing that four other people were already on Iwaizumi's SMP. Memelord1 and Memelord2, presumably Makki and Mattsun. I also saw a godzilla_suremacy (who must've been Iwaizumi apparently), and toorulovesmilkbread. I laughed, it was such a nerdy name for Oikawa and yet entirely fitting.

With Iwaizumi still on call and now on speaker phone, he said, "Here, I'll give you my spare netherite tools and stuff, then we can get going to kill them." He gave me some armor, and then started speeding round his base, quite obviously trying to show off to me. Well, I wasn't going to be outdone by him.

I immediately began taking blocks from his chests and started rebuilding anywhere I could to make it look better. Iwaizumi whistled on the other line. "Damn Suga, I didn't know you were that good." And after that it became a competition to see who could outdo one another (I totally won).

"wow suga ur so cracked at the craft omg" toorulovesmilkbread said in the chat. I smirked as I assumed Iwaizumi has sent them images of my building skills, pleased Oikawa had recognized my skill. I could hear Iwaizumi laughing on the phone at the comment too. "I think he just fell even harder for you Suga." He said. I laughed at that too, especially when he added, "I forgot to mention, Oikawa lowkey sucks at Minecraft like you will be amazed at how bad he is."

A few moments later, I saw Oikawa had said, "going 2 the nether 4 gold" which couldn't have been more perfect. "Let's finish what we're doing, then I'll take you to the nether and we can start chasing them. Makki and Mattsun are pretty decent players, but I doubt that they'll be able to really fight us." He told me, which was good because my fighting was a tad bit rusty. The only practice I had gotten as of late was when I fought that Nekoma setter, and darnit if he didn't wipe the floor with me both times. I had gotten slightly better the second time, but it was clear that I needed to try harder.

"Alright let's go." Iwaizumi said. I quickly followed him to a portal which took us inside the nether. Thankfully, we didn't run into any monsters (not that it would have been a problem if we did anyway, I could easily fight those off), which was a good sign because they'd probably already been taken care of by the others.

"I see them, they're over on a bastion." Iwaizumi said. I walked closely behind him and soon spotted the other three members of the server gathering gold. Well, two of them were anyway. toorulovesmilkbread was just standing there for some reason.

"He falls in the lava easily." Iwaizumi said sighing, obviously thinking the same thing I was. Dear lord, how bad was Oikawa? I wondered as we approached the trio. I would have to help him in the future.

"oh hey guys, we just got a bunch of gold :)" Oikawa said in the chat. "No you didn't, Makki and Mattsun did while you watched." Iwaizumi muttered at the naïve comment. Oh Oikawa, if only you knew what was in store for you.

"Alright, let's try to push them in." Iwaizumi said. I steeled my nerves before doing as he said, offering a silent apology to my boyfriend, and Makki and Mattsun. They didn't have any armor, so it wasn't too hard to push them in. Just before we sent them over the edge, Oikawa asked, "GUYS WHAT THE H*LL" in the chat. I must've made some noise of guilt because Iwaizumi said, "They broke my $300 action figure Suga. And they didn't tell me." ...alright yeah, that was a really childish thing to do.

"I know, I know," I relented, continuing to push the three of them over and into the lava. "were attacking you guys lol" Iwaizumi typed. Oikawa replied, "IWA-CHAN SUGA-CHAN WHY" (I felt guilty for a bit again) as they fell. Just as they were all hitting the lava and beginning to drown, I noticed they were throwing something.

"Aw man, they have ender pearls." I observed grimly, watching as Memelord2 and toorulovesmilkbread made it to the blue forest nearby, although at least Makki died, so that was something.

"Oh, they're calling us." I commented, noticing the facetime invite that took over my phone's screen. "We can call them after." Iwaizumi said, to which I agreed.

"They're not gonna be there for long, we've gotta find a way across. I don't have any ender pearls and you don't either." Iwaizumi murmured, probably trying to come up with a strategy. "...what if we tried scaffolding bridging?" I suggested hesitantly. I had seen the trick in a Minecraft video, and had practiced it a few times. (a's sister/n: if you get that reference then you're poggers :)

"Oh perfect, you know how to scaffold? Yeah then, let's do that. It'll still get us over there a bit later than them but I'm sure we'll be able to catch up." And so we started scaffolding over to Iwaizumi and Mattsun, who had, as predicted, began running away. They did reach the portal before us, so we lost sight of them while still a ways behind.

"Arghhhhh, darnittttt." Iwaizumi exclaimed, smashing his head against his desk. "I'm sure we can still find them?" I offered politely. We finished running to the portal and then teleported back to the overworld.

"Yep. Just like I thought. Predictable, but smart." Iwaizumi said. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I remained silent as I continued following him. "The underground tunnels. That's where they went. Mattsun has been building them for the past three years so he knows them pretty well. I rarely go down here, so I'm afraid we're might get lost." Iwaizumi explained as we entered the tunnels.

"Ah, you're right. Guess we'll have to rely solely on chance to choose the right direction." I said, feeling just as bummed. Our prospects were not looking good. But we weren't going down without a fight! "Well, onward!" I cheered, taking the lead since Iwaizumi had no more idea where we were going than I did. He quickly followed me. I wasn't really sure what I was doing; I pretended to be Mattsun on a whim, thinking maybe it would help me. "I'm Mattsun, I like volleyball and memes. My best friend is Makki, I'm mean to Oikawa, all hail Lord Suga." I said in my head. Well, I thought I did anyway until Iwaizumi started snorting and asked, "Suga, what are you doing?"

Crap. I had been saying that stuff out loud. "...uhh...pretending to be Mattsun and guess where he would've gone?" I said meekly, my shoulder hunching as my head sank lower and backward.

Iwaizumi laughed some more and finally said, "Lead the way then Mattsun." Oh my god, I think I even saw him wiping tears from his eyes. Why was I so embarrassinggggg!!!!!!!???? It took me a while to get this question out of my head, but eventually I decided we'd been in the caves long enough (or decided that Mattsun would've come to that conclusion, rather), so we exited them. "Uhhh, let's...why don't we go check out those hills?" I asked, still trying to channel my inner-Mattsun and failing miserably.

"Sure, why not?" Iwaizumi asked, and then we ran around for a few minutes until I spotted something of interest. "Iwaizumi look over there by that cave entrance! Someone left a furnace there!" We sprinted over to the cave and saw that indeed, it was a furnace that had obviously been placed there by either Oikawa or Mattsun.

"I bet they put it there to make us think they went in the cave even though they didn't." Iwaizumi chuckled. Ahhh, that was sneaky of them! I trusted Iwaizumi enough to know the behavior of his friends, so at his suggestion we left the cave and continued wandering, knowing that the two of them were close.

We went higher up in the mountains, hoping for a better view, which produced the desired effect. "Oh look, he's right over there." Iwaizumi said, and a moment later, sure enough there was Memelord2 running around like a maniac. We easily ran over to him and attacked and killed him. His frantic running increased in pace when he finally saw us, but there wasn't much he could do. He died pretty soon and respawned back at his base.

"Where's Oikawa?" I wondered aloud. Iwaizumi had already left and ran back in the direction we came. "$10 says he ran out of energy and cooked back at the cave while Mattsun ditched him." He informed me as I followed. I couldn't help but question the logistics of his idea, I mean what were the odds?

The odds became much higher after I saw in the chat "Oikawa's in the cave" and "go to the cave oikawa's there." Well, that settled that. A bit later we reached the cave and went in.

"How deep do you think he went?" I asked after we had been looking for a few minutes. "Probably as far as he could without a bunch of monsters showing up and attacking him." Iwaizumi replied matter-of-factly. His theory was confirmed when a bit later we came across a horde of zombies and skeletons spazzing around. And then we saw it.

Iwaizumi sighed. I buried my face in my hands. "He's such an idiot." I mumbled, slightly embarrassed I was dating someone so stupid. Iwaizumi, who was best friends with said idiot, couldn't say much either. "Yeah." He said mournfully. There in the corner of the cave was a very obviously unnatural and discolored box, undoubtedly made from stone that had just been mined. But when you used the stone you just mined...it showed up as cobblestone, which made it extremely obviously as to where he was.

"Let's get this over with." I muttered as Iwaizumi and I knocked his thing down. As expected, Oikawa was hiding inside. We attacked him and killed him, causing him to disappear.

"Pleasure doing business with you Suga." Iwaizumi told me as another group facetime call came through on Suga's Seih*s. "Likewise." I said, a smile making its way across my face. Of course I felt bad about what we'd done, but I had had fun playing and teaming up with Iwaizumi.

Both of us hung up and answered the other call Oikawa had started where he was waiting with Makki and Mattsun. "WHAT WAS THAT?????" He screeched the second the call connected. I had to turn my phone's volume down from all the screaming he and the other two did. Of course, their screams were quieted when Iwaizumi revealed that he knew about the Godzilla figurine, that they'd broken it and neglected to tell him. Oikawa stumbled his way through an excuse, only to be cut off by Mattsun and Makki who blamed him. Iwaizumi started texting me about "why is this my life" and "oh my god these idiots are my friends." I wrote back, "I know the feeling."

I was brought out of the texting when Oikawa whined, "Sugaaaaaa, what did we do to you???" Ahhhh, rightttt, I had completely betrayed him and been a terrible boyfriend!!! But...he didn't seem too mad I don't think, just, really annoyed? Iwaizumi saved me though and answered, at least making it sound like it wasn't really me that was responsible for the attacks (which were justified in the first place).

I still felt I owed an explanation though. "I'm so sorry!" I cried to Oikawa. Well, and Mattsun and Makki as well. "I am so, so, sorry, I just, I was talking with Iwaizumi and he was really mad at you guys and, well, I can't really blame him I would be mad if you guys broke something of mine without tell me, and I really wanted to play Minecraft with him and one thing led to another and–"

"Suga it's fine, it's just a game, and Iwaizumi was right, we did have it coming." Oikawa cut me off, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief that he wasn't mad at me. He continued, "Now that you got your murderous rampage out of the way, can we play like civilized people?"

With a bit of coaxing (and Oikawa, Makki, and Mattsun all agreeing to replace Iwaizumi's Godzilla figurine), Iwaizumi gave in and the five of us played together. We spent the first half of playing just gathering various materials, and then we started building our own things. Well, Oikawa decided to tack on to me while I made a house. He thought he was helping by decorating, but I was shocked by how poor someone's Minecraft decoration skills could be while they were so stylish in real life. I added interior design to the list of things I would have to help him improve on (the one good thing he did was shyly ask if he could put our beds next to each other, I laughed and agreed, although the other three were disgusted when they came to check out the house and saw it).

Somehow, hours passed by and I hadn't even noticed. We all had to run to dinner and began saying goodbyes. In the process, Mattusn asked me, "Suga, how long have you been playing? Your fighting was like, really good earlier." (even though it really needed work).

"Years! I haven't been playing too often as of late, but building is my favorite. Sometimes I play with some of the other Karasuno members. I play with Hinata the most, him and this friend of his from the Nekoma team who is just...insane. I've been trying to beat him since we started playing but he's so good, honestly everyone on the Nekoma server is." It honestly wasn't fair. Kenma was by far the best, better than anyone I knew, or heck, anyone I knew of. Their captain Kuroo was pretty good as well (not as good as me), and you really had to watch out for the libero Yaku. His and Kenma's team ups were downright terrifying. Actually, now that I thought about it...

"I've been trying to find enough good people to be able to beat them, if you would be interested Iwaizumi, I think we might at least stand a chance." Iwaizumi grinned at me and said, "Sure!" Honestly...I think...I think if we practiced a bit more, and managed to get Hinata to help us (and Tsukki, I knew he rarely played, but he was also pretty good at Minecraft), we could take them down.

"Awwww, I wanna play with you guys." Oikawa lamented. I didn't have to look at his picture on the screen to know there was a big frown on his face. "Don't worry Oikawa-chan, if we play them you can come over and watch or something." I assured him; Iwaizumi backed me up and said he could watch him too.

"Ah shoot guys, I really gotta go. See you tomorrow. Bye Suga, thanks for playing with us! It was much more enjoyable when you weren't trying to kill me!" Oikawa exclaimed suddenly (I think I had heard someone calling him). I couldn't help but laugh, glad he wasn't still salty about my former actions, and left the call. My room was pitch black now, as the sun had set while we were playing and I hadn't turned on any lights.

I got up from the chair at the desk and decided to just lay across the carpeted floor, staring at the dark ceiling. I felt...good. Really good. I was trying to remember when the last time I had felt like that, and what exactly had caused it this time around. I think...I think it was because I was making friends. I was...letting people in, kind of. Sure I played Minecraft with the first-years, sure I watched the occasional episode of a show with the second-years, sure I had a semi-active groupchat with the other third-years, but it wasn't quite the same. The connection just...it was there, but it was like it hadn't really been explored at all. With Seijoh...I don't know. Everyone made me feel so accepted, so comfortable, which were not things I experienced often. I decided to relish the feeling, hoping to god that it didn't go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for my sister's spam before lol, happy valentine's day again, everybody stay safe!


	43. 22. Can't sleep (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didnt post yesterday, i finished m*a*s*h with my mom (😭😭😭 im crying to the wrong fanbase lol i doubt any of you have seen mash haha but i was so sad :'((( ), the last episode was really long. anyway, here's this chapter:

I did something kind of stupid on Saturday. I was up late the night before watching volleyball games (Suga hadn’t been able to come over, but we facetimed for part of them!), and was super tired the next day. I took a nap in the afternoon, not thinking an alarm was necessary and that I would be up soon. Unfortunately, I underestimated my fatigue, and my parents were out of town again and couldn’t wake me up. So, I didn’t wake up until almost 1:00 in the morning the next day.

“Shooooottttt…” I muttered when I saw how dark it was. I yelped when I saw the time because no, that just wasn’t fair! I only had a week or so left of break, I couldn’t afford to waste my days like that! And besides, now what was I supposed to do??? I had already slept for a good seven or eight hours, to go back to sleep until a normal time would be ridiculous, but if I didn’t, my whole sleep schedule would be thrown off even further…

Ah well, screw it. Gotta make the most of break while I can. In a matter of minutes I was feeling fully awake and knew there was no way I could go back to sleep. So, I did something my sister used to do when she couldn’t sleep. She liked to go drive around town and listen to music. Why not, I thought idly.

I kind of just wandered all over town, listening to the radio sometimes, flipping through stations, hoping I would be able to trick myself into feeling tired again. No such luck though. But I was already out and about…what should I do?

I glanced at my car’s clock and saw it was now a bit past 2:00. I also noticed that I had strayed kind of far from my house and was…actually, I was pretty close to Karasuno now…would it be wrong of me to…nope, I’m doing it. Go big or go home. I pulled over on the side of the road and quickly dialed my boyfriend’s number.

The phone began ringing. Ring. Maybe…maybe this was a bad or stupid idea. Suga could have his ringer off. Ring. And besides, nobody wants to be woken up in the middle of the night to do…oh. I hadn’t really thought of what we would do…Ring. Suga would probably think just driving around was boring. What if we…went to a park? No, that was dumb, it could be dangerous…Ring. What if we…maybe there was a random restaurant open–no, no restaurant would be open at this time that served minors, that was also stupid. Ring. Oh! What if we–

“Hello?” Suga’s soft, melodic voice questioned uncertainly, although I noticed he didn’t really sound tired which was odd a) given the time, and b) how long it took him to answer (he must have been sleeping).

“Suga-chan!” I chirped excitedly. No way, he picked up! Usually when I called people at 2:00, they only answered like, 3% of the time. Iwaizumi was my usual victim, and even if I happened to wake him up, he had made a habit of deliberately ignoring me and going back to sleep (that no-good, inconsiderate meanie! Occasionally I did need to talk to him about something important…). But Suga had picked up on my first call! He was just the best.

“Hey Oikawa, what’s up?” Suga asked like nothing was unusual and I wasn’t calling him in the early hours of the morning. “Suga-chan~, I was wondering if you might be interested in driving around town with me until I feel sleepy?” I inquired hopefully. I bit my lip when Suga hesitated before responding. He would probably say no, which was fine, honestly I was just pleased that he had picked up the phone–

“Sure, why not?” He replied. I was dumbfounded when I heard shuffling on Suga’s end, apparently getting up and ready to go. “…I–wait, really?” I tried again, just to make sure that I had heard correctly.

“Yeah, of course! What’s the plan, want to meet up somewhere? And where exactly do you wanna go?” My mouth was still hanging open as I continued to listen to Suga moving around. It was only after he prompted me again that I was able to give a coherent response.

“Uh, actually I’m right by Karasuno. I was in the area and figured I’d see if you wanted to tag along, you know? Any chance you could send me your address? I’ll pick you up!” A moment later Suga was both sending and giving detailed directions as to how to get to his house from that point.

After making sure I understood, I hung up so Suga could finish getting ready. I plugged his address in my phone just to be on the safe side and saw it was only like five minutes away, and so I got back on the road and went that way.

Soon I got to the neighborhood. It was a very interesting assortment of houses, there was lots of space and huge trees between some of them as well. The roads were all curvy too, and there weren’t many street lamps.

When I got to Suga’s house…I mean…it wasn’t a bad house, it really wasn’t, but…something about it just creeped me out. Maybe because it was pretty isolated, sitting on a corner and up on a hill, surrounded by lots of enormous trees. Maybe it was because the house was pretty old (not falling apart though, the condition was pretty nice). Maybe it was because it was so dark. I don’t know, but whatever, it’s not like it mattered. I got out my phone and called Suga again. (a/n: haha yes i just felt like giving suga a haunted house lol)

“I’m here!” I said brightly. I looked all around the house for any sign of light and finally saw a faint glow coming from a window up on the second-story. “Great, I’ll be down in a moment.” Was the reply. I waited for more lights to come on as Suga went downstairs, but the house remained dark.

“Suga-chan, are you sneaking out??? Are you going to climb out your window or something?” I joked. I could practically hear the eye roll as Suga shot back, “I dropped my wallet, I’ll be down soon, no need to be impatient.” Then there was a pause. “Why, would you like that? Would you…like if I climbed out the window, Oikawa?” Suga said, sounding very innocent, and I choked on air.

“…could…could you actually?” I rasped out finally, the idea of Suga climbing out his window, sneaking out to see me turning me on greatly. Suga burst into a fit of quiet laughter when I said that though, although at the end he said, “Sure Oikawa, if it’ll make you happy.” Not a moment later, the window with the low light was opening. There was Suga, dressed in all black and blending in with the night. He effortlessly got ahold of a branch and then with ninja-like skills made his way down the tree, jumping a few feet when he got to the end. He had even put his hood up and looked around before making a mad dash to my car. The little minx, he was putting on a show (and it was working).

I stared in awe when Suga got into the passenger seat, pulling his hood down and smiling at me. He was breathing a bit hard, the red of his cheeks and pitch black of his (Karasuno, I now noticed) jacket contrasting sharply with his delicate-looking ivory skin. God d*mn he was hot.

Suga raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh?” He asked mischievously, and it was then that I realized I had said that out loud. Well, there was no denying it now. “…yes. Very.” I admitted, wishing I could pull the same mysterious, sexy bad*ss look off (I had tried and could not, as Iwa-chan had reassured me on several occasions).

I started driving out of the neighborhood while Suga sighed. “Next thing I know you’ll be throwing stones at my window in the middle of the night and showing up with a stereo.” He murmured. …that…that actually wasn’t a bad idea–

“I was only kidding Oikawa-chan!” Suga exclaimed, cutting my train of thought off before it could leave the station (I would revisit it later). Instead, I turned to more important things at the moment.

“Okay so I’m gonna be honest, I lowkey didn’t expect you to let me kidnap you in the middle of the night and don’t really have a plan. Anything you wanna do in particular?” I asked, feeling kind of like an idiot. Suga appeared pensive for a while (not that I was studying him closely while driving, because that would be dangerous) before suggesting, “We could, I don’t know, see a movie? I’m sure there’s at least something playing this late. Or…I think there’s a bowling alley around here that’s open really late, or…” Suga kept rambling off various ideas, he had many more than me (in my defense, I didn’t know the area as well!) when suddenly he exclaimed, “Wait, stop! Can we go there and get slurpees?”

I noticed we were driving by a 7-Eleven and shrugged. Slurpees at 2:30 am, why not? Gotta make the most of break! So I pulled into the tiny parking lot and we got out. Suga was bouncing with excitement, for some reason he was very enthusiastic about the whole thing. (a/n: i thought i was americanizing the story further but apparently there are like thousands of 7-elevens in japan lol, who knew?)

I had to squint my eyes when we went inside, the bright fluorescent lights nearly blinding me, but Suga didn’t seem to care and went straight to the back of the store where the slurpee machines were. I watched curiously as he got a huge cup and started filling it up with blue raspberry.

“You’ve never done anything like this, have you?” I asked amused, especially when Suga’s cheeks went red as the wild cherry flavor I was going to get soon. “…is it that obvious?” Suga asked me, cringing as he filled his cup to the brim while I grabbed one of my own and started getting the wild cherry.

“Just a little.” I said smirking, thinking about how many times Makki and Mattsun and I did it over summer break (and, on rare occasions, Iwaizumi would join us). In my humble opinion, it was a right of passage to go out and do random things in the middle of the night with your friends, and I thought it was a little sad that Suga had yet to experience it.

“Karasuno doesn’t do late night outings?” I teased as we made our way to the checkout, the tired employee who clearly wanted to be at home and in bed rubbed their eyes and walked over to the cash register.

“No, not really. God, I don’t think I can imagine Daichi or Asahi doing anything remotely like this.” Suga admitted, giggling a bit (it was very cute). When we got to the front, I reached for my wallet and realized I didn’t have it. But of course Suga was already paying.

“It’s my turn Oikawa; it was my turn last time but you insisted it wasn’t and paid twice in a row, so don’t worry, it’s a good thing you forgot your wallet. We should stop and get something else later so we can make it even!” Suga told me before I could even open my mouth to protest, the stinker. I had most certainly not paid twice in a row, I wouldn’t be unfair to my Suga-chan!

“Come on, let’s go! I’ve got an idea where we can head now…” Suga said, biting his lip as if trying to contain his huge grin, but of course he couldn’t. I sharply sucked in a breath when Suga grabbed a tiny part of the sleeve of my jacket and pulled me outside. I blankly followed Suga outside to my car, but after a few steps he stopped and turned to me, then looking at his hand holding my sleeve, and immediately let go.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pull you, I-I-I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to grab you!” He apologized, but I waved him off and we kept walking. I hesitated before deciding to say, “…you know Suga-chan…you grabbed my sleeve without really thinking. That’s gotta be some kind of progress, right?” I wasn’t sure if it had been the right thing to say, but Suga didn’t seem to mind, even if it wasn't. He offered me a tiny smile before agreeing, “Yes, I suppose that would be progress.”

When we got in the car, I asked, “Where to?” Suga refused to tell me though and instead just gave me directions, bursting into random bursts of laughter. A couple minutes later, we arrived.

“You’re kidding Suga.” I deadpanned, hesitating to put the car in park. “Nope!” Suga said grinning widely, unlocking his door and getting out. “You coming?” He called out, walking farther away. I looked around to make sure there weren’t any security guards or anything who would bust us (I mean…I don’t think it was technically against any rules, but better safe than sorry), and after finding none, I shrugged and followed after my enigma of a boyfriend.

“Why here?” I asked, not that I really minded. Suga had taken us to none other than the Karasuno elementary school playground. I had to say, I was intrigued. None of my dates had ever taken me to a random playground in the middle of the night. I paused before climbing over the small fence, careful not to drop my slurpee. Suga was already on the main play structure.

“I don’t know. I didn’t go to elementary school here, and the playground always looked so fun, but it’s not like I can just randomly ask some of my teammates if they want to go hang out at a playground, you know? It felt…somehow appropriate for tonight though.”

“…yeah, you’re right, it does fit with our vibe right now.” I admitted and climbed up the tire steps to join Suga on the playground. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Then, he wiggled his eyebrows and said, “Wanna play a game?” I swear, he just kept getting more and more interesting.

“Jesus Suga, were you like, deprived of playgrounds too as a kid?” I joked. Suga gave me a pointed look, and he didn’t have to elaborate for me to understand. “Sh*t, sorry, my bad. Uh, yes. Yes, of course I would like to play a game. What did you have in mind?”

“Lava! Did you ever play it?” Uhh…I did my best to recall the last time I had been on a playground but my memories of it were very limited. It wasn’t that embarrassing I couldn’t remember how to play, but somehow when I asked for a refresher on the rules and Suga fixed me with a reproachful stare, I felt like an idiot.

“There’s a designated area that’s the lava, and we’re not allowed to go there. We have to make it from one side of the playground to the other without falling in the lava. For this one, I think the floor and the main base of the playground should be the lava. We can start at the side closest to us and end over there,” he pointed to the across from us and I followed his line of sight, “at the monkey bars. And we should race.” He added.

“You’re on!” I told him and began making a show of stretching. As soon as he had mentioned the word race, my competitive spirit had come out to play. I would not lose.

“Alright, let’s head to the start.” Suga said, setting his drink down while turning and walking a few feet to the little square step on the ground. I did the same and followed closely behind. I stood beside him when we reached there, him planning to go right and me left.

“Ready?” He asked, to which I replied, “You’re going down Suga-chan.” Man, I was getting so hyped up now! Suga killed my mojo when he calmly responded, “That’s what you said when we played volleyball in the park.” I had lost sorely when we played volleyball in the park.

“Okay go!” Suga shouted suddenly, already jumping off to his first structure. “No fair!” I cried indignantly, shooting off immediately to mine as well. They were all pretty easy, first the tire steps I had used to get up, then a little rock climbing wall, then this curly thing that I was never quite sure what you were supposed to do with, I mean there wasn’t enough room in between for a kid to slide but whatever, then a pair of slides next to each other. I was doing really well, even a bit ahead of Suga, and then I reached the last obstacle: the monkey bars.

There were two sets of monkey bars at the end of the playground, one on my side and the other on Suga’s. I hesitated only for a moment before jumping off from the slide and onto the first set of bars. Unfortunately, I was insanely tall for the playground and my feet almost touched the ground (I stopped them just before they hit). I hurried to pull my legs up, but by the time I was situated, I realized my hands were also huge on the tiny bars and slipping really easily. I grunted and did my best though to make it to the end, but I realized it was pointless when I looked over and saw Suga easily keeping his legs up (he had bent his legs backwards and up and the knees, it looked much more graceful than what I was trying to do, keeping my knees up by my chest), and effortlessly going from bar to bar. He finished in no time.

“Come on Oikawa-chan, you’re so close! Don’t worry, second place is still available!” He called while sitting and waiting patiently on the ladder to get down. I grunted and tried to finish but couldn’t do it any longer and fell, cursing and causing Suga to start laughing very hard. In any other circumstance, I would’ve been pissed, even given what a meaningless game it was. But…seeing Suga look so, I don’t know, carefree, lively, young, I couldn’t find it in me to be mad, because holy fricking crap, I was the one who made that angel laugh so hard, and I wanted to keep doing it again and again and again.

“I believe that was a foul Suga-chan, you started before me.” I said, trying to keep myself composed despite the fact that I had just very clearly lost (again, darnit! Current score: Suga-2, Oikawa-0). "Also, your hands are like, way smaller than mine so you had an additional unfair advantage on the monkey bars."

“Sureeeeee.” Suga teased me, causing me to look away. “No more races, please Suga-chan, I can’t bear another loss.” I said sighing (I couldn’t; I did not want to keep losing to him!). Suga didn’t mind though. “Alright, there’s plenty of other stuff we can do.”

So after the race, we went on the seesaw (Suga almost flew off several times when I sank and he rose in the air, I must’ve had a good thirty or more pounds on him, it was pretty funny), we spun around on the “spinny thing” as Suga dubbed (the big wheel-looking thing, which I honestly also didn’t know what to call), then we took turns on the “slidey thing” (another excellent name by Suga that I couldn’t object to not knowing the proper name either), going down the actual slides, and finally we built sandcastles. I thought mine was pretty good considering I didn’t have buckets or shovels or anything, but then Suga made a fricking volcano with underground tunnels in the middle of an arena-type structure (“Suga what is that?” “It’s a dope volcano castle in the middle of a gladiator arena, obviously.” “Obviously.”). Good thing that hadn’t been a competition or I would’ve lost.

After a while, we decided we should get back home. It was almost 3:30 after all. While we were going back, I asked, “Hey, how come you were up? I made the mistake of sleeping from sometime in the afternoon until after midnight–did you do the same?” I was getting ready to go off about how annoying it was then that happened, assuming Suga would say yes, but he didn’t.

“No, I was having trouble falling asleep.” He said simply. “Oh. Sorry you haven’t gotten any sleep today, that’s my bad.” I apologized, feeling bad because he must’ve woken up early for volleyball practice that morning and if he hadn’t taken a nap, he had probably been up for…almost 24 hours.

Sensing my guilt, Suga hurried to assure me I was fine. “No no, I went to sleep at like 11:30 or 12:00, I just woke up again and could not fall back asleep, so.” I nodded slowly, feeling slightly better. “You have trouble sleeping usually?” I asked, not trying to be nosy really, just trying to make conversation and not really thinking, focused on slowing down for a red light that had turned out of nowhere.

“Yeah, you know when you get those awful nightmares, and they feel so real when you’re dreaming, and then you suddenly wake up and your mind’s still in the dream and it takes you forever to calm down, and when you finally do you’re too scared to go back to sleep?” Suga asked casually. While at the red light I had refocused my attention on him and stared in mild horror. “I…you get those…on a regular basis?” I asked, aghast.

Suga seemed to sense then the weight of his words. “Er…yeah? But it’s fine, I usually fall asleep within an hour or so, so it’s alright.” …

“I’m sorry,” I said sadly, feeling helpless because there was nothing I could do to alleviate my poor boyfriend’s night terrors. God, I wonder what he dreamed about? Probably his sh*tty past. I read somewhere that people who had gone through traumatic experiences sometimes relived them in dreams. It was supposed to go away for some, but stick for others. Just Suga’s luck that he was one of the others.

Then I got an idea. “Hey, Suga, you should call me when you have a nightmare! Then it would be like, kinda like I was there, you know?” I suggested, very pleased with my idea, but Suga shot it down. “Oikawa, I’m not going to mess your sleep schedule up like mine too. Trust me, it’s really nothing, I’m fine.” He said, assuring me yet again. I sighed and said, “Fine, whatever you say.”

A few minutes later, we got to Suga’s house and I felt really sad that I had to let him go. We were just saying our goodbyes when there was a bright light that appeared out of nowhere and blinded me.

“Gah!” I screamed intelligently. Suga rolled down the window. “Sora, what are you doing up?” He said, sounding weary. Wait a second, Sora?

Having adjusted to the insanely bright flashlight being shined in my face, I squinted and saw a striking girl leaning over Suga’s window and fixing me with an accusatory glare.

“Soooooo, this is Oikawa Tooru.” She said eyeing me warily. I gulped. Suga had said she was a really nice person, but she was making me feel very nervous at the moment. “Sora–” Suga tried again, but she cut him off.

“Do you know I woke up in the middle of the night and went to talk to you, only to find you missing? Without a note, or text, or anything! And you didn’t answer any of my calls!” She said sternly, this time directing her glare towards Suga who also looked frightened. “My phone died?” He offered as an excuse (which was true, his phone had died while we were at the playground).

Sora rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll let you off the hook. You on the other hand,” She said, refocusing her attention to me. “Just where do you think you get off, stealing into the night with my innocent, defenseless baby brother?” She demanded fiercely while I shrunk back in my seat.

“Soraaaaa, you’re embarrassing me!” Suga whined while I tried to stutter my way through an explanation. “Look, Sora, I swear I’m sorry I totally forgot to let you know I was leaving, I didn’t think you would wake up while I was gone. Oikawa and I were just hanging out.” Suga explained.

“Just hanging out? At 3:45 am?” She questioned intensely. “We went to a playground.” I offered helpfully. Sora’s eyebrows shot up even further. I’m sure she was about to grill me about that, but Suga cut her off. “Sora, it’s late, we should get to bed, and Oikawa still has to drive another half hour to get home. So, why don’t we let him go for now, okay?” He asked with pleading eyes, getting out of the car.

Sora finally decided to let it go. “Alright Oikawa Tooru, you’re off the hook for now. But just know, if you ever, and I mean ever do anything that remotely hurts Suga in the slightest way, I will personally murder you!” She smiled so brightly at the end, you would’ve thought she had just announced the end of world hunger. I was terrified.

“Nice meeting you Suga’s boyfriend, see you around!” She said waving and going back to the house. Suga apologized profusely for her behavior before saying goodbye as well and following after her. I started driving away once their retreated figures disappeared inside, preparing for a long ride home. I had a lot to think about, like discovering yet another side of Suga, learning about his nightmares. Then there was also Sora. I would have to add her to my list of people to never under any circumstances piss off. I did value my life, after all, which I would need if I wanted to keep dating Suga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay im making so much progress with this story now that i have a chapter by chapter outline, glad i could write and post this today!! 😁😁😁 have a great week everyone!


	44. 22. Can't sleep (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im literally so sorry i meant to upload this last night but i was so sleepy writing it, it was getting late, and then i had to wake up at like 5:00 for swim practice this morning and was like agHHHH I CANT DO THIS😭😭 but i finished it now and here it is! hopefully ill post another today but i probably wont, its time that i start my hw before the rest of my break flies by and i have to do it sunday night LOL

I woke up out of breath in a state of panic, adrenaline racing through my body; I had been dreaming about my past, and a warped version of the present. The dream had started off innocent enough I think, I could just recall Oikawa and I and how we had been alone, walking in a park, watching the sun set, holding hands. Then the sun did set and he disappeared, and my mom was there, dragging me off to the basement for a beating where her last boyfriend (my least favorite of all, the one who ended up murdering her) was also waiting to help. And when they were done, my teacher was there, and suddenly we were driving in the storm again, the rain pounding against the car, the noise of it and the thunder adding to the terror of it all. And then I was drowning, sinking, and I wasn’t even in the car, I was so close to the surface! I could just reach the top, but for some reason I couldn’t move, and then I could make out Oikawa, laughing at me, pushing me further in the water…

A silent scream died on my lips as I became aware of my surroundings, realizing where I was. My room was pitch dark, the wind howling mercilessly against my window. As my eyes slowly adjusted to everything, it felt like all I could see were dark shadows, things lurking in the back of my room, waiting for me to let my guard down again until attacking. I knew this wasn’t the case of course, it was completely irrational, but when I had just woken up from a nightmare, I really wasn’t thinking rationally.

I had a strategy for when things like that happened. I built a fort out of pillows and blankets in the middle of the bed and curled up in a ball underneath them until I fell asleep. It wasn’t the most effective I suppose, but it worked well enough. When I used to have nightmares before…if Misaki was there, she would usually stay up with me until I fell asleep again, but that had been years ago. The only other person who was even in the house was Sora, who I would absolutely not be bothering with my stupid problems at whatever odd hour of the morning it was.

So, I remained huddled under my blankets, waiting for sleep to reclaim me. I kept waiting, and waiting. Just when I thought I would fall back asleep, a sharp, piercing sound woke me up. I flinched before realizing it was just the stupid grandfather clock the Fujimuras had in the hallway (which was way too loud if you asked me, even louder than the one my mother had had). Tintinnabulation; that was the word that described the ringing sound that resounded after the bell had rung. I had looked it up a while ago because I had come to loathe the sound, the way it seemed to mock me as I desperately fought to keep my sanity and get back to sleep.

In spite of this, I pressed onward and continued my attempts to fall asleep. I have no idea how much time passed, probably a lot, but the longer and longer it took, the more I began to give up hope for that night. I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off of all the ongoing night terrors. It was just my luck then that my phone began to ring.

My phone was sitting on the nightstand by my bed (not in my pillow and blanket fort). I really didn’t feel like leaving the safety of the cocoon I had made for myself, but…maybe talking to someone right now would actually help?

After the phone had been ringing for a bit, I cautiously ventured out from under my fort and tentatively grabbed it from my bedside table. It took my eyes a moment to get used to the brightness of the screen since I’d been sitting in the dark for a while now, but when they did, my heart sped up (in a good way). It was none other than my boyfriend, as if my prayers had been answered.

I accepted the call. “Hello?” I asked, baffled as to why Oikawa was calling at…2:03 in the morning (but again, very grateful). “Suga-chan!” Came his immediate reply, sounding bright and chipper as ever. He must not have gone to bed yet, that had to be it. But he probably would be soon…maybe he was calling to say goodnight and was so out of it he didn’t realize how odd it was to call at that time?

“Hey Oikawa, what’s up?” I inquired casually. Honestly, even if he was about to hang up, just hearing his voice was a blessing in and of itself. I had come to love the unique sound of it, the way he always sounded happy (even when he wasn’t), the honeyed, sing-song quality of it.

What Oikawa said to me was not what I had been expecting: “Suga-chan~, I was wondering if you might be interested in driving around town with me until I feel sleepy?” …Oikawa…he wanted me to hang out with him in the middle of the night? I…

Maybe most people would be annoyed by being woken up and asked something pretty unreasonable like that. I mean, not that I had been asleep anyway. But for me, it was…it was different, it meant something. Nobody called me to do random things, not many people asked me to hang out in the first place, and certainly not at a time like this. It just–it felt special, like Oikawa trusted me, wanted to be closer to me. I was probably reading way too much into it, but I couldn’t quell my feelings of excitement.

“Sure, why not?” I responded, perhaps a bit too hastily (hopefully Oikawa wouldn’t pick up on it). Very eager to escape my prison of sorts, I sprung up from my bed and went to get changed and brush my hair.

“…I–wait, really?” Oikawa said, sounding shocked. Oh. Oh. Had it been a joke? Was he kidding, he didn’t really want to go out and was just teasing me or something? Well…even if that was the case, I would still proceed as before I guess. “Yeah, of course! What’s the plan, want to meet up somewhere? And where exactly do you wanna go?”

Oikawa was silent again. Oh god, he had been kidding. Of course he didn’t want to go out with me at 2:00 in the morning, of course, who would anyway? I mean there were so many things wrong with me, like–GAHHHHHHHLAWIEFHILSHFDILFJH

I had to pause and take a deep breath. I was really trying to be better about not putting myself down, Oikawa had insisted several times that I was an “amazing, wonderful person” and shouldn’t think so poorly of myself. I was trying not to, it was just hard to break a habit I had had for years.

None of that changed the fact though that Oikawa may have not been serious about asking me to hang out. “Oikawa…?” I tried again, as he still hadn’t responded. Saying his name again seemed to bring him back to the present and out of wherever he had been before since he rapidly exclaimed. “Uh, actually I’m right by Karasuno. I was in the area and figured I’d see if you wanted to tag along, you know? Any chance you could send me your address? I’ll pick you up!”

Oh my god he wasn’t kidding he was actually there in the area! And he was going to pick me up, that was like, so…I don’t even know how to describe it. Oikawa had ridden in my car a few times in the past, but never me and his, and I was super excited.

Not wanting to keep Oikawa waiting, I put him on speaker while I texted him the address of the Fujimuras’ house, all the while telling him how to get there from where he was. I made sure to be very detailed, lest he get lost (I had gotten lost in the past when directly given directions on how to get somewhere, it was embarrassing).

Oikawa and I hung up while I finished getting dressed. I had selected my black Karasuno jacket with matching pants, not my best outfit but certainly one of the most comfortable, and perfect for chilling in the middle of the night.

Not too much later, Oikawa called again. “I’m here!” He shouted jubilantly. I glanced out the window and saw his familiar white car sitting on the side of the front lawn. I smiled, because, I mean, yes I had obviously talked to and planned everything with Oikawa beforehand, but seeing him there in his car convinced me that it was real, not a dream or something.

“Great, I’ll be down in a moment.” I told him, scouring the room for my wallet. I managed to lose it in stupid places a lot. It never ceased to amaze me how I seemed to be incapable of just setting it in just one place. It was probably in between the wall and my bed, that’s where it had been last time.

“Suga-chan, are you sneaking out??? Are you going to climb out your window or something?” Oikawa said to me over the phone while I grinned triumphantly, having found my wallet just where I expected.

“I dropped my wallet, I’ll be down soon, no need to be impatient.” I responded, grabbing it and standing back up. I stopped, having just processed Oikawa’s previous words. “Why, would you like that? Would you…like if I climbed out the window, Oikawa?” I teased lightheartedly.

Oikawa had other thoughts. “…could…could you actually?” Came his breathless reply and my mouth hung open for a moment before I started laughing. The idea of Oikawa having some kink for me sneaking out to meet him was just too funny. But, it was harmless really, so why not indulge him? “Sure Oikawa, if it’ll make you happy.” I said, shoving my wallet and phone in my jacket pockets and walking over to the window.

Moment of confession, I had never actually climbed out my window before (this specific one, I had climbed out of plenty other windows in the middle of the night). I didn’t usually open it either, only for special occasions or on a whim, like if I really wanted to smell the fresh air or something. But how hard could it be? I used to love climbing trees, and there was one that had a branch right up against my window, it drove me nuts sometimes how it would keep brushing it and make me think someone was outside, trying to get in.

The only thing I was concerned about was the branch was kind of skinny up by the window, and I wasn’t sure if it would hold my weight. Not that I thought I was fat or anything (well, I kind of used to, before Oikawa kept trying to convince me otherwise), but I knew I wasn’t exactly light per se.

Deciding not to get caught up hesitating, in one swift movement I jumped out and latched onto the branch as far away as I could, where it was thicker and stronger. From there I hoisted myself up to the top of it and kept crawling until I got to the main trunk; from there I was able to pretty much scale the tree. When I was still a few feet above the ground, I jumped down (not that I was trying to show off or anything).

I looked up and saw Oikawa raptly watching me from his car. Smirking, I played the part of the guy sneaking out to see his boyfriend, pulling up my hood and glancing back at my house and the neighboring ones to make sure I was in the clear before sprinting to the car.

No sooner had I gotten in and sat down when I turned to Oikawa who whispered, “God d*mn he’s hot.” I immediately felt embarrassed but realized that Oikawa hadn’t meant to say that out loud I don’t think, as he’d said “he,” not “you.”

“Oh?” I teased him, my smirk returning in full force. Oikawa must have then realized what he’d said; I think he thought about denying it but changed his mind and muttered, “Yes. Very.” I couldn’t deny that it was a huge confidence booster to get such a positive and raw, honest reaction from Oikawa.

Wordlessly, he started driving off. I buckled up and said sighing, “Next thing I know you’ll be throwing stones at my window in the middle of the night and showing up with a stereo.” Honestly, who would’ve known Oikawa was such a sucker for lame clichés? When he didn’t respond, I looked over and saw him deep in concentration, apparently about what I’d just said.

“I was only kidding Oikawa-chan!” I chastised, not wanting him to actually do those things…okay, maybe I wouldn’t mind a teeny bit if he did those things. After all, even if they were cliché, it’s not like I’d ever experienced them before.

As we left the neighborhood and got onto the main road, Oikawa admitted blatantly, “Okay so I’m gonna be honest, I lowkey didn’t expect you to let me kidnap you in the middle of the night and don’t really have a plan. Anything you wanna do in particular?” Ahhh, so that was why he had been confused. He was merely surprised that I had agreed to going with him. Well, it was reassuring to know.

I started thinking out loud, throwing around random suggestions. Then we drove by a 7-Eleven and I cut myself off and shouted, “Wait, stop! Can we go there and get slurpees?” For some reason I had a craving for them, they just sounded so good at the moment.

“Sounds like a plan!” Oikawa said easily and turned around, going to park. My excitement continued to grow as we got out and went in, it just felt so strange–in a good way, of course. Going out in the middle of the night, I never did that. Not as a kid, not in high school, not necessarily because I couldn’t, more so because there was no reason to. There wasn’t a particularly strong reason to now either I suppose, but it felt like I was living.

Once in the store, I went straight away to the back where the slurpees were. I couldn’t wait to get blue raspberry, it was my favorite flavor. It reminded me of the few occasions when fate had allowed Misaki to take me to get them; a break from our stressful life.

“You’ve never done anything like this, have you?” Oikawa mused, probably observing me acting like a kid. Okay, maybe I had gotten a little overexcited. “…is it that obvious?” I asked wincing at how cringe I probably was at the moment.

“Just a little.” Oikawa assured me, although somehow it didn’t feel that reassuring. I waited patiently for him while he got his wild cherry, willing the blush that had spread across my face to disappear. When Oikawa was done, we went to the checkout.

“Karasuno doesn’t do late night outings?” Oikawa questioned, a joking tone in his voice. I nearly laughed at the notion. I mean…I suppose in theory I could see my team doing something like this. Maybe it was just that I wasn’t close enough to everyone to realistically picture it happening.

“No, not really. God, I don’t think I can imagine Daichi or Asahi doing anything remotely like this.” Oh my god, timid Asahi trying to sneak out of his parents house in the middle of the night was too funny. And Daichi; sometimes he was just so serious. A really great person, but overall serious.

When we reached the register, I realized Oikawa didn’t have his wallet and smirked. It was payback time (pun intended); I’d been too slow to pay last time, even though it was my turn, and now the scores were uneven. But! I could fix some of that now.

It took Oikawa a few moments to realize what was happening, and indeed that his wallet was missing. “It’s my turn Oikawa; it was my turn last time but you insisted it wasn’t and paid twice in a row, so don’t worry, it’s a good thing you forgot your wallet. We should stop and get something else later so we can make it even!” I said cheerfully, laughing at his disappointed look.

When we were finished, I got a fantastic idea. “Come on, let’s go! I’ve got an idea where we can head now,” I said, dragging Oikawa behind me. Wait, dragging him behind me, what???

I stopped abruptly and realized what I was doing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pull you, I-I-I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t mean to grab you!” I stammered, mostly shocked that I had made the move to grab Oikawa in the first place. He just smiled at me though and said I was fine while we walked the rest of the short distance to his car.

“…you know Suga-chan…you grabbed my sleeve without really thinking. That’s gotta be some kind of progress, right?” Oikawa said to me. I was a little shocked that he had picked up on that and the reason for my exaggerated reaction, but pleased nonetheless because it meant he cared about me, he was paying attention to the little things about me.

“Yes, I suppose that would be progress.” I admitted, smiling because of the contentedness and hope blossoming in my chest. It was just, a really nice feeling to know that someone cared (and he was right, that was progress I think, me making a move to touch him without thinking (even if had just been his sleeve)).

Once we were inside the car and started driving, Oikawa asked me, “Where to?” He was in for a surprise. “Keep going straight and then turn right at the stoplight.” I said, deciding that we should go hangout at the Karasuno playground by the elementary school, because why not? Besides, once my mind latched onto an idea, it was hard to shake.

Oikawa looked absolutely miffed when I instructed him to park in the playground parking lot. “You’re kidding Suga.” He said, looking around in disbelief. My excitement faltered for a moment, because what if Oikawa was a lame, non-adventurous boyfriend who didn’t want to go play on a children’s playground at 2:30 in the morning? …nah, Oikawa was different I think. And even if he wasn’t, he would have to suck it up if he wanted to be with me.

“Nope!” I responded giddily, getting out of the car before Oikawa could protest. “You coming?” I teased before closing the door. I walked a bit before turning and making sure he was coming (he probably was, it would be weird if he just sat in the car the whole time and refused to get out).

After making sure Oikawa was in fact following me, I jogged over to the playground and bounded up the steps, patiently waiting for him to follow suit. He took his time walking over, taking in the trees, the streetlights, the playground, but he eventually joined me.

“Why here?” He asked me, not looking bored or disgusted I noted gratefully, more curious than anything. So, I decided to be honest with him. “I don’t know. I didn’t go to elementary school here, and the playground always looked so fun, but it’s not like I can just randomly ask some of my teammates if they want to go hang out at a playground, you know? It felt…somehow appropriate for tonight, right now though.” I remember when I was a kid and all the kids liked to go play on the playground after school how jealous I was. I would even send my little brother off to play there sometimes, Misaki would stay and watch and try to play too sometimes. I had to go off to the ice skating rink where I would be for the next several hours, not getting home until pretty late when I was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed, but had to take care of my siblings, worry if my mom would go another drunk or drug-induced rampage (and then there were the boyfriends to factor in), and do homework. In short, the playground signified a lot of lost childhood memories I had missed out on.

“…yeah, you’re right, it does fit with our vibe right now.” Oikawa said, causing me to get out of the past and focus on the present with my amazing boyfriend. I couldn’t change things that had already happened, but I could savor and make the most of the now. So…

“Wanna play a game?” I asked mischievously, thinking back to Oikawa and I’s pillow fight. Yeah, there was no way he’d say no. He did however attempt a poor joke. “Jesus Suga, were you like, deprived of playgrounds too as a kid?” One short glare from me was all it took before he was falling all over himself apologizing and enthusiastically agreeing to whatever game I had envisioned.

“Lava! Did you ever play?” There were lots of great playgrounds games, many better than lava, however we did have a very limited number of people which significantly reduced the possibilities, so lava it was.

“I…I don’t think I remember Suga-chan. Is there any chance you could remind me of how to play?” Oikawa asked hopefully. How did he not know how to play lava? It was exactly what it sounded like, you weren’t supposed to touch the lava and that was pretty much it. But, I nevertheless explained everything more in depth.

After choosing the designated lava and safe spaces, I announced that we should race, which certainly got Oikawa’s attention (he was very competitive, this I knew). “You’re on!” He said grinning, probably thinking he would win, even though there was no way I would let that happen.

“Alright, let’s head to the start.” I suggested and began walking to the opposite end of the playground, Oikawa close in tow (my favorite part was going over the jiggly bridge, it was so much fun). When we did get to the end and in starting positions, I asked, “Ready?” In response, Oikawa informed me smugly, “You’re going down Suga-chan.”

Oh like h*ll I was. I retorted, “That’s what you said when we played volleyball in the park.” This produced the desired effect; Oikawa’s face fell and he seemed to become very despaired. The perfect time to start the race.

“Okay go!” I said quickly, and was then off, barely registering Oikawa’s “No fair!” in the background. I had to win! I went as fast as possible without slipping and falling, glancing over to see how my boyfriend was doing towards the end. Woah wait a second, he was a bit in front of me, no no no–oh wait. I had nothing to worry about. He was completely phased by the monkey bars.

I, unlike him, did not hesitate and dove headfirst into them. I wasn’t quite as tall as Oikawa, so I possibly could’ve kept my legs all the way down, but I wasn’t taking that chance and bent my legs up. I also tried not to think about the pain in my hands with each grasp.

I didn’t look over at Oikawa until I reached the end (what if that fraction of a second had cost me the race?). Fortunately, just as I'd predicted, there was nothing to worry about, he wasn’t even halfway through yet. And honestly, it was so, so amusing to watch. He was struggling so much, and he had brought his long legs up to his chest for some reason and it looked very strange.

“Come on Oikawa-chan, you’re so close! Don’t worry, second place is still available!” I called out jokingly. Oikawa had been slipping before, but after my words it was like he gave up and just fell completely, losing his grip and ending up on his butt (a/n: poor oikawa he has no a** 💀). It was too funny, I couldn’t stop myself from laughing no matter how hard I tried.

In a poor attempt to salvage some pride, Oikawa declared, “I believe that was a foul Suga-chan, you started before me. Also, your hands are like, way smaller than mine so you had an additional unfair advantage on the monkey bars.” As he got up and dusted himself off, I responded, “Sureeee.” Despite his words, it was clear to both of us that he had lost fair and square.

Realizing and accepting this, Oikawa looked away from me and muttered, “No more races, please Suga-chan, I can’t bear another loss.” Good god I think he was serious. It was just a silly playground game, and yet he still seemed crushed by his loss. I couldn’t imagine what he was like after losing a volleyball match.

“Alright, there’s plenty of other stuff we can do.” I told him, hoping to bring his spirits up. I made sure to steer clear of all competitions for the rest of the night. I had really wanted to do the seesaw so I suggested that first–I couldn’t wait to quickly fly though the air, Oikawa was heavier than me so I figured that was what would happen. It did, only I hadn’t anticipated quite how much I would get thrown in the air, and how much it would hurt when I landed, so we had to stop going so fast after that.

We made our way through the whole playground, climbing on the ropes things, going on the swings (which wasn’t supposed to be a competition, though Oikawa kept going higher and higher. We were also jumping off, and I started getting worried about Oikawa’s knee, so I stopped going so high in hopes that Oikawa would realize he didn’t have to try so hard to beat me; it worked). We ended in the sandbox, I had this really cool design idea in my head to make a volcano, and then I would put a tunnel inside it and decorate it with leaves and sticks and put a giant wall around it, maybe like an arena? And maybe I would add a moat too.

I did all of that and it turned out pretty well. Again, it was not a competition, but Oikawa’s sandcastle…it was even worse than his Minecraft building skills. And that was saying something. I didn’t tell him though, I let him think it was okay, he seemed really proud of it too.

After we left and were driving back to my house in the car, Oikawa asked, “Hey, how come you were up? I made the mistake of sleeping from sometime in the afternoon until after midnight–did you do the same?” Oof, I had been there before. It felt like the entire day had gone by and completely sucked. Although, I would take it as opposed to my real reason.

“No, I was having trouble falling asleep.” I replied, not wanting to go into details if I didn’t have to. But then Oikawa started apologizing, he seemed actually disappointed with himself, so I hurried to assure him, “No no, I went to sleep at like 11:30 or 12:00, I just woke up again and could not fall back asleep, so.”

Again, I wasn’t going into details, but Oikawa did not know when to take a hint and pressed on, “You have trouble sleeping usually?” Well, he was my boyfriend. I was trying to be closer to him. There was no sense in lying I suppose, so I admitted, “Yeah, you know when you get those awful nightmares, and they feel so real when you’re dreaming, and then you suddenly wake up and your mind’s still in the dream and it takes you forever to calm down, and when you finally do you’re kinda scared to go back to sleep?”

Unfortunately, instead of just answering the question, letting Oikawa know I was fine, I worried him further. “I…you get those…on a regular basis?” He asked me, clearly shocked. Well, it didn’t matter, I would just play it off like it was no big deal. “Er…yeah? But it’s fine, I usually fall asleep within an hour or so, so it’s alright.”

“I’m sorry.” Oikawa told me. He sounded genuinely sorry, and I realized I had just made him all sad for me for no good reason. His face brightened a few moments later though as he exclaimed, “Hey, Suga, you should call me when you have a nightmare! Then it would be like, kinda like I was there, you know?”

Oh, Oikawa…It was a really, really sweet gesture that I appreciated so much. And the thought of calling Oikawa, of hearing his calming voice right after I woke up from a nightmare…it was downright tantalizing. Unfortunately, I got my nightmares so often that to disturb anyone else with my problem would be unbelievably inconsiderate, and there was no way I was going to put Oikawa through what I he didn't have to go through.

“Oikawa, I’m not going to mess your sleep schedule up like mine too. Trust me, it’s really nothing, I’m fine.” I forced myself to say. Oikawa deflated a bit but accepted my words. “Fine, whatever you say.” Oh, good, I had thought he would keep pressing the issue and I might relent, but he didn’t.

Just as we got to the house and were starting to say goodbye, a blinding light shone through my window into mine and Oikawa’s faces. While Oikawa made some kind of yelping noise, I rolled down the window and came face to face with exactly who I suspected it was.

“Sora, what are you doing up?” I asked cautiously. Sora was such a heavy sleeper (I swear, sometimes I could hear her snoring from all the way down the hall), I thought there was no way she would wake up and catch me. Apparently I was wrong.

“Soooooo, this is Oikawa Tooru.” She said, intently looking over said person. I bit my lip, praying she wouldn’t go overboard with anything. I sighed and tried to say, “Sora,” but was cut off.

“Do you know I woke up in the middle of the night and went to talk to you, only to find you missing? Without a note, or text, or anything! And you didn’t answer any of my calls!” She chastised me. I winced and shrunk back in my seat; honestly, I was so used to no one caring about me, I forgot that Sora did. I gave her the best explanation I could. “My phone died?” Yeah, it was pretty lame. True, but lame.

“Whatever. I’ll let you off the hook.” Sora muttered reluctantly. Then, her attention shifted to Oikawa, and I internally sighed again because who knew what she was going to do?

As it turns out, the answer was embarrass me. “Just where do you think you get off, stealing into the night with my innocent, defenseless baby brother?” She demanded and I felt my face heating up. She made it sound like I was a little kid or something!

Oikawa didn’t know how to handle her. He was usually so confident around girls, especially his fan club, although to be fair Sora certainly wasn’t a fan of his right now. So to save Oikawa, I wailed, “Soraaaaa, you’re embarrassing me!” hoping her soft spot for me would show and she would actually stop. I think it was starting to work, so I pressed onward while I had the opening, “Look, Sora, I swear I’m sorry I totally forgot to let you know I was leaving, I didn’t think you would wake up while I was gone. Oikawa and I were just hanging out.” This made her very suspicious though.

“Just hanging out? At 3:45 am?” Alright so yeah, it didn’t sound the best or all so innocent, but it was the truth. Of course, then Oikawa had to blurt out stupidly, “We went to a playground,” which did not work in our favor as Sora seemed to get more mad. I had to stop it.

“Sora, it’s late, we should get to bed, and Oikawa still has to drive another half hour to get home. So, why don’t we let him go for now, okay?” Very begrudgingly, Sora acknowledged that I had a point and agreed with what I’d said. I had hoped I could get out and say goodbye to Oikawa then walk back to bed with Sora, but of course she had to say one more thing.

“Alright Oikawa Tooru, you’re off the hook for now. But just know, if you ever, and I mean ever do anything that remotely hurts Suga in the slightest way, I will personally murder you!” And with that, she walked off. I was grateful she was giving Oikawa and I at least some privacy to say goodbye, but I was still mortified by how she had treated me like I was a little kid who needed to be constantly watched over.

“Oikawa, I am so, so, sorry!” I began apologizing, but he waved me off saying it was fine (although the look of fear was still lingering in his eyes). After that, I said goodbye and Oikawa did as well. I turned and started following Sora up to the house, going inside after I heard Oikawa drive away.

The first thing she said to me as we went up to our rooms was, “Alright, he was pretty hot.” I looked over and saw she was dead serious.

“Sora!” I exclaimed, not expecting her to be so blunt. “But,” she said sharply and turning to face me, “I cannot believe you didn’t say anything about leaving. Don’t get me wrong, all jokes aside I know you’re not a little kid, but some warning would’ve been nice you know, even just a text.”

I did have the decency to be ashamed. “Sora, I am sorry about that, it won’t happen again I swear.” Sora still wasn’t pleased, but she grumbled a bit and I saw a smile tugging at her lips, so I knew we were okay.

Just as we got to our rooms, I remembered to ask, “Hey, how come you did wake up? Normally if I don’t go in your room and bang pots and pans you go right on sleeping. I swear, you could literally sleep through the apocalypse.” Sora glared at me for that last comment, but then she looked more serious.

“I…I think it must’ve just been my imagination but…I don’t know, I think I head screaming.” I paused before going in my room. “…screaming?”

“Screaming.” She confirmed. That…that was really odd. Sora wouldn’t have woken up unless there was actually a sound, but where would’ve she heard screaming from? We were the only two in the house, the Fujimuras’ car was gone which meant they were at work, or at least not home.

“I thought it was you having another one of your bad dreams,” she confessed, “but it stopped pretty quickly and I thought it was just my imagination. Then I went to check on you and started freaking out because you weren’t in your room, and I scoured the house, everywhere–er, well, except the basement, but you know.” I did know. The Fujimuras didn’t really care where we went or what we did, they just asked that we stay out of the basement, I think they had some work stuff down there maybe? Whatever the reason, I was more than happy to oblige. No one wanted to venture into a cold, dark basement in the middle of the night (or any time really), but least of all me. I didn’t have the most pleasant memories associated with basements (among many other things).

“It…it must’ve been your imagination.” I said doubtfully. Sora slowly nodded before agreeing, “Yeah, probably nothing.” although it was painfully obvious that neither one of us believed it.

“Well, goodnight Suga. See you tomorrow.” Sora said, retreating into her room. “Goodnight,” I whispered as she closed the door, heading to my own room as well. At least I would have an easier time falling asleep now, having been out with Oikawa, and knowing Sora was also awake just down the hall. Never mind the screaming, I’m sure it was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayy that was a long and productive chapter🥳🥳 happy friday everyone, happy weekend (especially for those who didnt have a break this week, rip), i hope my story…idek what the words im looking for are lol, cheer you up? bring a smile to your face? anyway, bye, stay safe!


	45. 23. Water (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pLZ READ THIS ONE🙏🙏🙏 (or at leas the first part) ok so im not sure if this counts as a trigger warning, but theres a panic attack type episode at some point in this chapter? i am definitely not describing that right so if someone know the correct term for what happens after reading plz let me know. also, i hope you guys enjoyed the fluff, the next few chapters will be kind of angsty and dark before they get light like that again. okay thanks for reading happy friday again here is the next chapter! (oh and sorry for the slow beginning, i had no idea how to start this which is how it ended up the way it did)

With every day that went by, the start of school got closer and closer, and it felt like I hadn’t done anything, despite the fact that I’d had like a month and a half or so off. Well…okay I didn’t do nothing, I did acquire a very amazing boyfriend who I got considerably closer to since then, so that was a huge plus.

Regardless, when I was invited to a party on Wednesday, of course I wasn’t going to say no! I wasn’t a terribly big party person, but every once in a while I liked to go to a rager.

Iwaizumi told me not to. “Trashykawa, you know these people–”

“Yes, I do, they’re in several of my classes and very lively, which is why I’m going.”

“There could be alcohol there–”

“Oh no, not alcohol!” Iwaizumi glared at me. I sighed and tried to calm down a bit before having a legit conversation. “Iwa-chan, you know how important volleyball is to me. Even if there is alcohol, I won’t have any.”

Iwaizumi didn’t trust me, so he decided he needed to go and chaperone me. Figures. While I knew a lot of people going (they were mostly from Seijoh, but there were a few from other schools as well), they were more acquaintances than friends, so I thought I would check with Suga and see if he was interested. It was a long shot, but why not check?

“Oh, the one on Wednesday? Yeah, I’m going to that. Sora invited me.” Suga said calmly when I called and tried to invite him myself. Honestly, I was shocked he had said yes. He was a very quiet and reserved person, and I was having trouble picturing him in such a large, noisy crowd.

“Oh…awesome! So I’ll see you there?” I asked excitedly. Suga promised that yes, he would, and that he couldn’t wait to see me either. Additionally, he had seemed very interested when I mentioned that Iwaizumi was also going. I guess that was a good thing?

Iwaizumi and I drove together on Wednesday. The place was already pretty crowded when we got there, there were cars everywhere and it took us a few minutes to find a spot. I was feeling kind of nervous, wondering if it was one of those crazy parties that not even I wanted to be at, but when we went inside everyone was pretty chill, mostly just hanging out and talking all over the house and backyard. Some were upstairs playing games, watching tv, out in the yard throwing around a football.

“Suga-chan~!” I called out when I spotted him hiding in the corner, Sora a few feet away talking to some of her friends. I will admit, he didn’t look thrilled to be there (which made me wonder why he had decided to come in the first place), but he visibly brightened when he saw me.

“Iwaizumi!” And Iwaizumi apparently. To be fair, he was in front of me, and Suga said, “Oikawa!” right after. But still! Not Iwa-chan trying to steal my Suga-chan from me!

“How goes it? How’s the party, we miss anything interesting?” I asked Suga, who assured me that it was pretty boring, that he was bored (until we showed up). The only other person he knew was Sora, who was doing her best to include him but she conversely knew a lot of other people there apparently and was struggling to do so.

“Well it’s a good thing we showed up then, isn’t it?” I asked. Suga nodded vigorously. “Honestly I was planning on leaving soon if Sora was able to find her own ride, but I guess I’ll stick around a while longer.” I grinned and mentally cheered. Who cared about the actual party? As long as I got time with my precious Suga-chan, I really didn’t care.

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance I could interest you guys in a game of Monopoly?” Suga asked hopefully. Monopoly…that was not the most exciting game. But if it made Suga happy, then I would gladly play.

“Of course we’ll play with you Suga.” Iwaizumi said, his expression mirroring mine. I rolled my eyes at him as Suga took us upstairs to where he had found the game. By some miracle, we also managed to find an empty room.

“Dibs on the dog!” I shouted, snatching it before anyone else could. Okay, before Iwaizumi could, it was the kind of thing he would do just to annoy me. He rolled his eyes at and grabbed the car while Suga asked, “Why the dog?” He grabbed the shoe.

“It’s the only thing that’s actually alive out of the choices. Therefore, it’s the best.” I concluded. “Why the shoe?” Suga finished setting up the board and brought all the money to him, deciding to be the banker. “I don’t know. The shoe just interested me for some reason.”

Suga handed out our designated money and put the chance and community chest cards down. Everyone rolled the dice to see who would go first, it was me, then Suga, then Iwaizumi.

As it turns out, I had terrible luck. I rolled a two and went to the community chest. I thought I would get some kind of reward money, you know? Nope. “Hospital fees, pay $50?” I read in disbelief while Iwaizumi and Suga sniggered at me.

“Fork it over Oikawa.” Suga said with an outstretched hand. “So cold Suga-chan.” I muttered, reluctantly handing over the money. Of course for Suga’s turn, he rolled a six and bought Oriental Avenue, and Iwaizumi rolled a three and bought Baltic Avenue. I landed on the chance square and got the go to jail card.

“Are you kidding me?!!!?” I shouted, angrily moving my dog to the jail while Suga and Iwaizumi kept laughing. In fact, they laughed harder and harder each time they rolled the die and ended up buying property while I was unable to roll a double and escape. By the time I did get out of jail, at least one piece of property had been bought out of every set.

“No fairrrrr!!!!” I whined after I rolled the die and got another community chest card, this time for a doctor’s fee. “This game is rigged. Rigged I tell you.” I muttered, paying Suga again.

“When you lose and go broke Oikawa,” Suga began casually, “you can join my team if you want.” I stared at Suga in shock and horror. Iwaizumi also looked shocked, and somewhat in awe.

“Please don’t break up with Oikawa Suga, you are most definitely my favorite person he has ever dated.” Iwaizumi begged. I stuck my tongue out at him, but he was too busy getting caught up in Suga.

“Whatever happened to my sweet and caring boyfriend?” I pouted. As it turns out, when Suga got competitive, he could be very cold and unsympathetic. I kept losing, landing on Suga and Iwaizumi’s properties and went broke, so I had to mortgage out the few properties I had managed to require, but then those were gone too and it became an intense battle between Suga and Iwaizumi.

“Just for your comment earlier, I’m going to Iwa-chan’s side!” I announced, moving to join Iwaizumi on the other side of the board, only to be shoved away. “Oi, Suga invited you to join him, not me.” He said, also intensely focused on winning.

“I need to find new friends.” I declared, sighing dramatically and laying down on the floor. I briefly considered going downstairs and doing just that, but that would mean leaving Suga and Iwaizumi alone, and…well, sure Iwaizumi was straight, but he and Suga got along so well that even in spite of this I was worried he would try to steal him from me. Was I being irrational? Yeah, probably. Could anyone stop me? No, not really.

The game went on for hours, hours I tell you. I made a mental note to never play Monopoly with Iwaizumi and Suga ever again. I was so sure that Iwaizumi was going to win, Suga had to start mortgaging out all his properties as well, and he had hotels up, so it was expensive, but then Iwaizumi had to go and land on Boardwalk and Suga was able to slowly repay all his debts and start making more money off of Iwaizumi, until their previous situations were reversed. Iwaizumi was deep in debt and down to his last $100, and then he landed on Park Place. I kid you not, he flipped the board.

“Oh no, a tidal wave.” He said unenthusiastically, but Suga was smiling from ear to ear. “I win.” He announced smugly. “Too bad you didn’t join me Oikawa-chan.” He added with false remorse. I glared at him as he picked up the board and put it back.

“I wonder what’s happening downstairs, we’ve been up here for so long.” Suga mused. We all got up and exited to room, heading down the stairs. We also immediately regretted doing that. While the party had been calm and serene before, it was nothing like that now. It was loud (how we didn’t notice before, I have no idea; maybe soundproof walls?), and people had clearly been drinking. Like, it was a completely different party.

“We should go…” Iwaizimi murmured, looking around distastefully. I certainly wasn’t going to argue with him on that. “Yeah.” I agreed. “Suga, do you need a ride?” I asked as we headed to the door, although he hung back.

“I have to find Sora first,” He said, biting his lip and looking anxiously into the large, rowdy crowd of people. One look at Iwaizumi and I knew we were in agreement. “We’ll help you find her.” I assured Suga, who appeared incredibly grateful.

After describing Sora to Iwaizumi, the three of us spread out and began looking around the first floor (which was pretty big). I looked in the living room, dining room, kitchen, the bedroom on the first floor, I looked in a bunch of rooms I wasn’t even sure what their purpose was, but still no luck, so I ventured outside.

I ran into Iwaizumi who said he had only found a few girls matching the description, but none of them had been her when he asked. We stared at each other for a moment, unsure what to do, and then we heard something loud from a few people over.

“Let. Me. GO.” A very angry voice snarled. A very angry voice that I just so happened to recognize as Sora’s. “That’s her,” I said quickly to Iwaizumi. We ran over to the voice and saw a tall guy grabbing Sora’s wrist and trying to pull her closer while she desperately fought to get away. Everybody around us was so out of it, they didn’t even bat an eye. A few laughed. That was it.

“I don’t think so sweetheart–” The guy started to say, and then we showed up and cut him off. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” I spat out harshly at the guy, prying his hand away from her wrist. Iwaizumi looked like he was going to punch him, so I figured I’d step in first.

“Hey, stay out of this, it doesn’t concern you.” He yelled at me, refusing to let go. He then pulled Sora closer and attempted to touch her…chestal region. Alright, I was going to punch the guy now. Iwaizumi beat me to it, unfortunately. He got a really good one in on the jaw, the guy totally passed out.

“Thank you.” Sora whispered, turning to me and Iwaizumi and throwing her arms around both of us. I was kind of shocked, but soon after returned the hug. Maybe it just felt so weird to be hugged by Suga’s (basically) sister so openly when he didn’t do anything remotely close to that to me after dating for several weeks (again, not that I minded!).

“That guy was a jerk, he’s been harassing me all night–and my phone died–but I’m so glad you guys found me! Where’s Suga?” Sora asked, finally drawing back.

“We split up to find you, we were gonna head out and Suga wanted to too–”

“I would very much like that as well. Let’s hurry and find him…” Sora trailed off. I turned and followed her line of gaze, my eyes falling on Suga on the opposite end of the (huge) yard. He was still looking around and hadn’t spotted us. And then, as if in slow motion, when he walked by the pool someone went running by him and he got pushed in in the process.

“Suga!” Sora and I simultaneously shouted, breaking off into a dead sprint towards the other side of the yard. Iwaizumi undoubtedly had no idea what was going on, but followed closely behind.

It took us longer than I would’ve liked to get to the pool since we had to go around various plants and drunk, stumbling people. When we got there, I realized with dread that Suga was sitting motionless at the bottom of the pool.

Without really thinking, I jumped in. Sora did too, she beat me to him actually. Together, we hauled him up to the surface and walked over to the side of the pool, where Iwaizumi was sitting. “Here,” he said, reaching for Suga, so we handed him off to him as he pulled Suga onto the floor.

Thank god Suga started coughing up water when we got him to the surface, I had taken a lifeguard course the summer before but forgotten pretty much everything I think. We all stared worried at Suga as he slowly opened his eyes, gasping for air. When he came to it, he looked absolutely terrified, and not completely back in the present.

“Cold,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around himself, his teeth chattering. “Oh my god.” Sora gasped covering her mouth, looking almost as scared as Suga did.

“What do we do, has he ever had one of these episodes around you?” I asked, wanting to reach out and touch Suga, to let him know everything was alright, but that would probably set him off even further.

“No, never, he’s described them to me before but…I’ve never seen one happen…” Sora mumbled as we all watched helplessly while Suga shivered and continued breathing hard.

“…Suga…can you hear me? It’s me, Oikawa.” I tried, not really sure where I was going with it, but I had to try something. Suga was unresponsive for a moment but then, just barely, nodded his head. That…that had to be good right? But–shoot, um, now what?

I looked over to Sora and Iwaizumi, who seemed even more lost than me. “…Suga…I want you to concentrate on my voice. I’m going to count to ten. Can you…can you breathe, in time with them?” There was another nearly imperceptible nod.

I think I read somewhere when people had panic attacks, talking slowly to them and asking them to breathe while you counted was supposed to help? Then again, my brain could be making that up, and maybe Suga wasn’t having a panic attack, I had no idea what he was going through. But, I had to try something.

“One…” Suga’s rapid breathing slowed down in pace. “Two.” It got slower. “Three.” It was still kind of fast, but he was clearly making an effort. I slowed down my counting some more. “Four…” By the time I got to ten, I wouldn’t say Suga was back to normal, but he seemed to have calmed down some.

“Suga…are you okay? Do you think you could, sit up?” Suga had heard what I said I think, but he made no movement to sit, or stand, or do anything. His eyes had also shut again.

“Maybe…maybe we should carry him out?” Sora suggested slowly. Her and I locked eyes, and I knew she was thinking what I was thinking, what a horrible idea that was, but that we really shouldn’t just stay there with Suga by the poolside in the middle of a huge party.

“Yeah. Let’s do that.” I murmured, trying to figure out how to best go about this. I turned sharply to Sora and Iwaizumi.

“I can take Suga in my car with Iwaizumi, we can take him back to your house?” I offered, wanting to make sure we had a plan before blindly plunging into…whatever we were doing.

“Shouldn’t we like, take him to a doctor or something?” Iwaizumi asked, sounding surprised. Sora shook her head and responded, “He’s already been, I doubt there’s anything they can do that they haven’t already.” (a/n: i tried to look up ptsd/trigger episodes, what to do and how they work and stuff, anyway there was such an overload of information that i didnt go through it all so i am so sorry if i wrote something wrong or offended anyone, let me know and i will change it)

“Um…I actually…don’t have my license yet. I do have the keys on me, if one of you could drive our car I could give directions and the other could follow?” Sora admitted embarrassed.

Iwaizumi looked at me and said, “I’ll go with you Sora. Let’s get out of here.” I nodded and turned to Suga. Bracing myself, I said, “Suga…I’m going to carry you to the car, unless you think you can walk. Is that alright?” Suga was still for a while until finally he nodded, even less so than before, but a nod nonetheless. Taking a deep breath, I moved towards him and wrapped one arm around his knees, and the other behind his back. I did it very slowly, not wanting to scare Suga. Once I had him, I stood up and followed Sora and Iwaizumi out.

“See you back at the house.” Sora said, waving before worriedly looking at Suga one last time. Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to say something but decided against it and waved, following Sora.

Thankfully my car wasn’t too far, not that Suga was heavy. In fact, he was very, very light, and–oh. Oh my god. I was carrying him, I was carrying Suga, laksdhfowihefLHCHFlsdlnvISH

Listen. I know the circumstances were pretty grim. Of course I was worried for and terribly concerned about Suga, but, I was carrying him. I hadn’t had a chance to process it really until I was on my own with just him, but now I was. Suga and I had only touched once before, in having known each other for like four months, one and a half of which had been spent dating. I completely respected his wishes to not touch me until he was ready (I was only doing it now because of the circumstances), but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to touch him. And now, even though I wasn’t touching his skin, just soaked jeans and a soaked sweater, it was like a sensory overload.

Trying to calm down and focus on Suga, I carefully opened the passenger door and set him very slowly, very gently inside (after I told him what I was doing). I tried to close the door as softly as possible too and quickly went around to the other side so Suga wasn’t alone in the car.

I immediately got in and softly closed my door as well, only to look over and see Suga whimpering, quietly gasping for air, and then it hit me. I was an idiot. The whole reason Suga didn’t like water was because he had almost drowned. While sitting in the passenger seat of a car. F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK–

“Oikawa,” Suga cried, and my heart stopped, I was so unbelievably sad for Suga, I just wanted to take all the pain and sadness away from him, but I couldn’t, I was so helpless.

Instead, I murmured, “I’m here Suga. It’s Oikawa, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. You’re with me, in my car, I’m going to take you back to your house, with Sora, okay?” My voice seemed to have some kind of calming effect on Suga, so I kept talking to him the whole ride over, making sure to keep saying things. I also turned the heat way up in the car, and Suga’s seat warmer on.

Not too much later, I pulled up to the house, Sora and Iwaizumi (who had just arrived as well) waiting in the driveway.

“Suga, we’re here. I’m going to get out and carry you again, okay?” I waited for the nod before unbuckling and going over to Suga’s side and picking him up again. I quickly but carefully made my way to the front entrance, Sora waiting with the door already open.

“This way,” she murmured, going up the stairs and walking down the hall until we reached the end. She opened the door and turned on a light, and then lowered it to a dim glow. I set Suga on his bed after informing him that I was doing that. Suga uncurled from the ball he had remained tucked into the whole ride over just a tiny bit, which I think was a good sign. Sora left for a moment and returned with towels and more blankets, ever-so-gently rubbing him down and trying to dry him off. By the end of it, Suga looked pretty relaxed, and his breathing was much slower.

“…I think he’s asleep.” Sora observed, backing away. I hummed in agreement, grateful Suga had at last been able to find some much needed peace. Sora then turned to Iwaizumi and I and profusely thanked us for our help.

“Oikawa, if you want, I’m sure you could borrow some of Suga’s clothes?” She offered, already off and rummaging in his closet. I was going to say no, but it was only then that I realized I was actually pretty cold too and still very wet. And the idea of wearing some of Suga’s clothes was very appealing.

“You can shower too if you want…” She offered, but I declined and just changed instead. It felt like a really long day, and I just wanted to get home. “No thank you. We should head out, I suppose it’s safe to leave Suga in your care.” I replied. Sora nodded and smiled kind of shakily. “Of course.” She walked us to the door and thanked us again before turning back inside and closing it.

Iwaizumi and I started walking to my car. “…am I allowed to ask questions?” Iwaizumi asked uncertainly as if testing the waters. I sighed as I climbed into the driver's seat and rubbed my eyes.

“Suga…you know how I told you he’s got all that terrible stuff in his past? And how I also mentioned he didn’t like the water, back on that first or second date of ours?” Iwaizumi nodded. “Well, turns out he almost drowned once–it’s a long story and I still think it’s better if you hear it directly from him–but he hasn’t been able to really go in the water since. And, clearly it’s pretty serious…” I trailed off, wincing as I couldn’t get the image of a cold, pale, distressed Suga out of my head.

“That’s…I don’t know what to say.” Iwaizumi admitted as we drove off. We were silent for a while, not talking, not listening to music or the radio, just the sound of the car stopping and going.

“You love him, don’t you?” Iwaizumi asked me suddenly. I stammered awkwardly for a few moments before mumbling something unintelligible.

“I’m really glad for you Tooru. You guys are really good together. He’s good for you.” Iwaizumi said. We were at a stoplight, so I glanced over and saw he was looking at me with a rare, genuine, soft smile that seldom made an appearance on his face, even less so when directed at me.

“Thank you Hajime.” I whispered, driving the rest of the way in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh im sorry for further torturing suga!! goodnight, see you for another chapter tomorrow (hopefully)


	46. 23. Water (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy saturday!! ok confession, i think theres something wrong with me bc i had way too much fun writing this, especially suga's panic attack, i dont know why i just really enjoyed making him suffer so oikawa could go save him. anywayyy, here's the next part:

In hindsight, I shouldn’t have gone to the party. I don’t really like parties, unless they’re small or I know a lot of people there, which was not the case. It’s not that I didn’t get along well with strangers, most of the time I just didn’t feel social enough to make the effort. Maybe there was something wrong with me.

“Sugaaaaa, pleaseeee????” Sora had begged me. There was this girl going who she had a crush on and wanted to ask out, and of course I couldn’t say no, because I know she would’ve done the same for me. It didn’t mean I was going to enjoy it though.

My mood considerably brightened when I received a call from Oikawa, inviting me to the very same party. Iwaizumi was also going, which was great, it made for two more people I would feel comfortable hanging out around!

Wednesday came; Sora and I got ready (her much more so than I) and got in the car, Sora giving me directions the whole time. I blanched when we arrived and I took in the sheer number of cars there, but Sora assured me, “We don’t have to stay for that long, I just gotta talk to this girl. And besides, maybe you’ll find someone you know!”

I was silent as we got out and walked up to the door. We went in, several people saying hi to Sora while I trailed behind like a shadow. She had brought chips, so we went over to the kitchen to set them down. I got a glass of water, because it was my go to way to hide from others at a party, keeping my face behind a cup and constantly taking small sips so I didn’t have to talk to anyone.

Unfortunately, I finished that and had to throw it away. As I was walking back to Sora though, I spotted the two people I was waiting for come in. “Iwaizumi! Oikawa!” I grinned, bounding gleefully over to them. They smiled as well, looking just as happy to see me as I was them.

“How goes it? How’s the party, we miss anything interesting?” Oikawa asked me, looking around. Oh no, no no no I couldn’t let him find his other friends and leave me! Hmm, that sounded really selfish, but I had already suffered alone for the better part of an hour.

“Oh, nothing has happened, just a bunch of people standing around, talking. Very boring, I was very bored, but now you guys are here!” I exclaimed, clapping my hands together for emphasis.

“Well it’s a good thing we showed up then, isn’t it?” Oikawa teased, fixing me with that signature flirtatious look I would never get used to (I was at least learning how to blush slightly less when looked at me like that). I nodded quickly, as if hoping I could further draw Oikawa’s attention towards me.

“Honestly I was planning on leaving soon if Sora was able to find her own ride, but I guess I’ll stick around a while longer.” I admitted (honestly, Sora and I got there late, I was beginning to think Oikawa and Iwaizumi were ditching…I suppose I could’ve just texted them…oh well).

Okay, they were here, I had their attention, now I just needed to keep them away from everyone else! Ummm…uhhh…

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance I could interest you guys in a game of Monopoly?” I blurted out stupidly, mentally beating myself up after. Idiot, nobody wanted to play Monopoly at a big party, of course they were going to say no!

“Of course we’ll play with you Suga.” Iwaizumi assured me with a soft smile. Oh. Well, maybe I didn’t have anything to worry about. Honestly though, why on earth would they agree? Oikawa hadn’t said anything, but seemed to be in agreement with his best friend, so after getting over my initial shock I thanked them and led the way upstairs. I went to the very back of the house where the rooms hadn’t been claimed yet after grabbing Monopoly from the closet.

No sooner had I taken the first few pieces out when Oikawa made a mad grab for one of the player figurine things. “Dibs on the dog!” He called out like a little child, grinning stupidly when he had successfully obtained said dog.

Iwaizumi was already annoyed with Oikawa’s antics and much more calmly reached for the car. I took the shoe. “Why the dog?” I asked randomly, feeling that it was important, as his boyfriend, that I know the answer.

“It’s the only thing that’s actually alive out of the choices. Therefore, it’s the best.” Oikawa explained simply, examining his dog closer as if to make sure it was, in fact, the dog. He caught me off guard when he reciprocated my question curiously. “Why the shoe?”

Why the shoe? To be honest, I thought all the Monopoly chips were extremely dull and uninteresting. Honestly, a wheelbarrow, an ironing board, a thimble, what kind of choices were those??? All animals would have been better, or at least cooler objects. Like…like an ice skate or something. So I instead decided on the lame answer, “I don’t know. The shoe just interested me for some reason.”

I figured I would be the banker since I already knew the set amounts for everything and didn’t need to read the instructions. I quickly doled out everyone's money, then we rolled the die to see who would go first. Oikawa did, he ended up on the community chest space, and his card said he had to pay $50 for hospital fees. I didn’t intend on coming off as mean, but his expression of disappointment and disgust was too much, I started laughing along with Iwaizumi at his terrible luck.

“Fork it over Oikawa.” I demanded when I had stopped some, but Oikawa was even more sullen. “So cold Suga-chan.” He murmured as he hesitantly gave me the money. I tucked it away in the bank and rolled, landing on Oriental Avenue, which I bought, and then Iwaizumi went and bought Baltic. Oikawa had more bad luck and landed on chance, which sent him to jail.

“Are you kidding me?!!!?” He complained, angrily shoving his dog onto the jail space. He kept getting madder and madder with each turn he was stuck while Iwaizumi and I were more and more fortunate, able to buy a property with each turn.

After escaping and paying me, Oikawa rolled the die. He landed on the community chest. He had to pay for doctor’s fees now. “No fairrrrr!!!! This game is rigged. Rigged I tell you.” He said pouting and crossing his arms, taking forever to pay me as if hoping the card would disappear. It didn’t (and neither did his bad luck).

Without thinking, I stated, “When you lose and go broke Oikawa, you can join my team if you want.” Oh, shoot, oops, that was mean. That was rude. I-I-I mean I hadn’t wanted to say that but…my brain didn’t really filter things through when I was getting competitive.

While Oikawa was stunned and looked at me like I was some kind of rebellious traitor (I mean, maybe I was?) Iwaizumi was shocked as well, but in a completely different way. “Please don’t break up with Oikawa Suga, you are most definitely my favorite person he has ever dated.” He told me earnestly. I smiled at him, biting back a mild sensation of jealousy that began to spread through my chest at the mention of Oikawa’s past flings. I-I wasn’t jealous of them! There was no reason to be, that was before me, it’s not like he cheated or anything. So…why did I feel kind of sad when Iwaizumi brought them up?

“Whatever happened to my sweet and caring boyfriend?” Oikawa asked of me, crossing his arms in fake annoyance. I shrugged innocently and pursed my lips before returning to focus on the game (which I very much wanted to win). Oikawa wasn’t a problem, not only was his luck terrible but his Monopoly-playing skills were trash. I don’t think I’d ever seen someone lose so easily before, go broke so quickly. It shouldn’t have been possible, but it was. Good thing Oikawa had volleyball.

Iwaizumi on the other hand…it was a little harder to deal with him. He played smart, intense, and it was hard to keep up. I bought as many properties as possible, and I prayed and prayed that he would land on my stuff.

“Just for your comment earlier, I’m going to Iwa-chan’s side!” Oikawa informed me snarkily, going to sit by his friend who shoved him away. “Oi, Suga invited you to join him, not me.” He said coldly, immediately refocusing on my next move.

“I need to find new friends.” Oikawa stated, ignoring us from that point on and laying out across the floor. He went on his phone for a while but then got bored of that and returned his attention to the game. He started getting really excited as I was losing more and more, going broke, mortgaging properties, but his face fell when Iwaizumi landed on Boardwalk, which I owned. It was really very amusing.

I got more and more confident after that, Iwaizumi landing on my properties while I landed in free parking and then got stuck in jail for a few turns, sitting and amassing money from each turn. That was what really did him in and strengthened the gap in our money, but when he landed on Park Place, one look at his expression and I knew he didn’t have enough.

I blinked in surprise when he flipped the board and kind of glared at me afterwards. “Oh no, a tidal wave.” He said, which was probably as good as any admission of defeat as I was gonna get. “I win.” I clarified, picking up the scattered pieces. “Too bad you didn’t join me Oikawa-chan.”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were both muttering to themselves while I finished putting the game away. “I wonder what’s happening downstairs, we’ve been up here for so long.” I pondered aloud as everyone got up and went to the door. I winced when we went outside and started going down the stairs, hearing the music blasting, people shouting to talk over one another. And drinking. There was very obviously lots of drinking going on. Darnit Sora, why would you invite me here if you knew it was gonna be like this???

Alright, that wasn’t entirely fair. Sora had never invited me to a bad party before, this was the first time, so it was probably an accident (or she had been too distracted with her crush).

“We should go…” Iwaizumi said grimly as the three of us surveyed the ongoing destruction. “Yeah.” Oikawa agreed, turning to me and checking, “Suga, do you need a ride?”

As tempted as I was to take him up on that offer, there was no way I could leave Sora hanging without talking to her first, and she wasn’t answering her phone. I had texted a few times during the game, but nothing.

“I have to find Sora first…” I told Oikawa and Iwaizumi, a feeling of dread settling in my stomach at facing the large, wild crowd of people scattered throughout the whole first floor. Oh god, there had to be more than a hundred people there, how was I going to find her?

“We’ll help you find her.” Iwaizumi told me firmly. I looked back and saw that him and Oikawa were already moving forward and away from the door to help. God, I was lucky to have such good friends.

We decided to spread to get more ground covered, although I did my best to keep Oikawa and Iwaizumi in my line of sight. Unfortunately, there were so. Many. People that I got completely separated from them. At some point, I had made it into the backyard and sighed, realizing I had checked pretty much everywhere and Sora was still nowhere to be found.

I figured I would at least check the other side of the yard before trying to find Oikawa and Iwaizumi again. Unfortunately, that required going around the very large pool, which had several waves from some people splashing around inside. I inhaled sharply and steeled my nerves as I slowly made my way around the edge (which really didn’t have enough room, if you asked me). I had just made it in the clear when all of the sudden, someone ran by me, and then I was falling, falling–and then I hit the water.

(a/n: i tried to do more research on panic attacks, sorry for inaccuracies, this was the best i could do 😣)

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god I was drowning. I was drowning, and–I was trapped, in the car, I couldn’t get out of the seatbelt, I couldn’t breathe–I kept sinking, and sinking. And it was cold. It was so, so cold, there was nobody there to help, no one to save me, all I could see was his malicious smile as he watched me falling, falling, down, down–I still couldn’t breathe! I was going to die, I was going to die, I didn’t want to die, I couldn’t get out of the stupid seatbelt! There was so much water now, pushing against me, overwhelming me, I could feel my consciousness slipping away!

And now, something was touching me, oh my god, they were grabbing onto me, squeezing me–Mom? Is that you? But…why…why was she here? I thought…I was drowning…my teacher…how did she…?

I could breathe…wait, I could breathe? And…I was being touched again…had my mom…had she saved me? Why wasn’t she beating me? Why weren’t her boyfriends there? What had happened to my teacher, how come he wasn’t there anymore, how come I wasn’t in the car, sinking further and further down? And, oh my god, it was freezing, maybe I was still in the water?

I think there were other voices there, in the background. Was that–were they my saviors? The people who had rescued me, brought me to the hospital? Wait…I wasn’t saved, I had drowned, hadn’t I? Hadn’t I been drowning?

“Suga?” Someone said my name. I knew that voice. It was so familiar. Where did I know that voice from, how did I know it? They sounded so nice, so caring, there was no way it was my mom or her boyfriends or my teacher…

“Can you hear me? It’s me, Oikawa.” The voice said. Oikawa…Oikawa…why did I know that name? I didn’t have any friends named Oikawa, did I? I don’t think I did. I didn’t have many friends anyway.

Oh! …uh…wasn’t that the name of…that setter, the team captain, from Aoba Johsai? Wait, what was Aoba Johsai, there weren’t any Aoba Johsais in Hokkaido, not that I knew of…

Oikawa…what was he like again? Wasn’t he really tall, handsome, kind of rude and snarky (how did I know that?). Why was he talking to me then?

“Suga…” Oikawa said my name again. His voice sounded way different than I remembered. He sounded so scared, so concerned, why would he sound like that, when he was talking to me no less? Why did he care about me?

…oh…wait a…wait a second…wasn’t he…wasn’t I…weren’t we…together or something? Weren’t we dating?

“I want you to concentrate on my voice. I’m going to count to ten. Can you…can you breathe, in time with them?” I had no idea why Oikawa wanted me to do that. Why do you want me to do that Oikawa, it’s so random. But if he wanted me to I suppose I could.

I nodded and started breathing in time with his counting when he started. He had sounded pretty frantic and worried before, but by the time he got to ten he sounded a bit calmer. Hopefully I had helped him some?

“Suga…are you okay?” Am I okay? Why…oh, hadn’t I just been drowning? Hadn’t my mom been hitting me? I guess it was a fair question.

“Do you think you could, sit up?” Sit up, yeah I could sit. I went to go sit up and found that I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed it would seem. Huh. That was odd. But I didn’t want to disappoint Oikawa, he wanted me to sit up!

“Maybe…maybe we should carry him out?” A second voice said. Hmmm, that one also sounded familiar. Maybe it was a friend of Oikawa’s I had met. Had he introduced me to any girls?

Then there were more voices, the girl’s, Oikawa’s, a third one too. What were they saying? I couldn’t hear them that well, I hope they weren’t trying to talk to me. I can’t hear you, I wanted to say, but no words would come out.

“Suga,” The first voice, Oikawa, called me again. What did he want, what did he want me to do, how could I help him?

“I’m going to carry you to the car, unless you think you can walk. Is that alright?” Oikawa wanted to carry me? But…I didn’t like to be touched…why did he want to carry me? Not that minded…I don’t think I minded? I nodded to let him know he could.

A moment later, I felt strong arms wrapping around me–gentle arms though, I don’t think it was one of my mom’s boyfriends, they were quick, and rough. This person–oh, it was Oikawa, wasn’t it?–I could feel the care in the way they held me.

“See you back at the house.” The girl said. The house? What house were we going to? Why were we going to a house? Why–

“Suga, I’m gonna put you in the car now, okay?” Oikawa informed me softly. I heard a door open and–wait, why was Oikawa putting me in the car??? I didn’t want to leave his arms and–NO, no I didn’t want to be in the car! I had just escaped! I had just gotten out! I didn’t want to drown all over again, why was he helping my teacher? Why did he leave me in the car?

“Oikawa!” I called, where did he go? Wasn’t he supposed to be my boyfriend? Why had he just abandoned me like that? Was he going to drive me over the bridge too? Was he going to betray me also, was he leaving me just like everyone else?

“I’m here Suga. It’s Oikawa, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” Oikawa assured me. Oh. That was a relief. I loved Oikawa. I didn’t want him to leave me.

“You’re with me, in my car, I’m going to take you back to your house, with Sora, okay?” He continued. I could feel the car start as he kept talking to me. At least he was still inside it, I don’t think he was lying before, but even if he was he wouldn’t drive off the bridge with himself I don’t think. And we were going to see Sora–oh yeah, I remembered her, my foster sister.

“Suga, we’re here.” Oh good, we were there. But, wait hadn’t he mentioned we were going to my house? We were at my house? But I didn’t want to be at my house! My mom was going to be so mad at me, she would beat me and beat me until I couldn’t walk, and then one of her boyfriends would probably take over–why had Oikawa taken me there?

“I’m going to get out and carry you again, okay?” Yes, yes Oikawa, please take me, and don’t let me go. Please–please protect me Oikawa! Don’t let them hurt me!

I tried to nestle closer to Oikawa when I felt his arms wrap around me again. I felt safe in them, like he was shielding me from all the bad people. Which was really weird, come to think of it, I thought I didn’t like to be touched? Why…why didn’t I mind when he held me?

We went inside, my house I thought. It was cold, but not quite as cold as it was supposed to be. No, this couldn’t be my house? Why wasn’t anyone screaming? It didn’t feel right, it was quiet here. And there were stairs. I’m pretty sure we were going up stairs, which my house didn’t have. Oikawa hadn’t betrayed me then! He hadn’t taken me back to her!

All too soon, Oikawa was putting me down again. Why was he putting me down? Why was he leaving me? He said he wouldn’t? And–oh, I think I was in my bed. Everything was really soft, and warm. Somebody put more blankets around me carefully. That was okay then. And Oikawa wasn’t gone I don’t think, I could still hear his quiet voice. Everything was okay then. I was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i wrote everything okay, sorry if i didn't; anyway, prepare for more angsty dark stuff in the next chapter/one after that o_o


	47. 24. Gone (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (question, does anyone know how to do like italics or bold on here, or if it's even possible, thanks!!)) ok so i promised angst in this chapter, and imma be honest, there isnt as much as i thought there would be, not until the very end. speaking of the very end, i have a feeling some of you will be very upset with me, and i feel like i need to put another warning for what happens but like i dont wanna spoil it? and theres nothing graphic? so ill include a warning that something is about to happen like right before it does just to be safe. ok enjoy this chapter, the beginning is very sweet anyway

I woke up kind of late the next day, volleyball practice was in the afternoon, so I had plenty of time. I had planned on having a slow morning, going and watching tv for like an hour while having breakfast that hopefully one of my parents left out for me before leaving for work, maybe scroll on Instagram or something for a while after.

I got up and stretched, yawning while I reached for my phone. I dismissed a bunch of notifications and saw I had a text from Suga. Can I come over? it read. And then all the events from the previous night came spilling into my mind, the party, Sora, Suga falling in the pool, the panic attack, taking him back to his house.

I stared at the text for a while. Suga had been so out of it the night before. I’d never seen anyone go through what he had, not in person, and it had been both horrifying and terrifying to say the least. He had been so unresponsive, he had seemed so weak and vulnerable. I hated it. I had hated watching him go through that and know there was pretty much nothing I could do to help him.

Of course, I texted back, glad that Suga clearly had calmed down enough to be able to text me. I was about to close out of my messages when I saw that Suga had already read the text and almost immediately wrote back, Leaving now, see you soon.

Well crap, there went my lazy morning. Not that I wasn’t happy to see Suga! I just had to get ready right away because frick, he was already on his way, my hair was a mess (darnit, there was no way I could get it to how I normally styled it in time), I hadn’t taken a shower the night before either, I certainly wouldn't have time for breakfast, ahhhhhh!!!

I spent the next half hour scrambling around my bathroom getting ready. I hated being rushed when getting ready (only for Suga-chan would I suffer through it), it stressed me out darnit. But of course, I felt like a jerk complaining about something like that given what Suga went through the night before. Speaking of Suga,

I jumped in shock when I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I took one more look at myself in the mirror, thanking whatever gods were out there that I looked decent and presentable, and then sprinted downstairs to the door. I shouted, “Coming!” as I got closer, and skidded to a halt right in front of it, barely avoiding a collision.

I opened it to find a very nervous looking Suga standing there, biting his lip. He was wearing gym clothes I noted, and his hair was wet, so he must’ve just come from practice. Wow I was glad I wasn’t on Karasuno’s team, I couldn’t believe they’d already had practice while I was still trying to wake up.

“Hi,” I said breathlessly, wondering what exactly it was Suga wanted to say. “Hi…” Suga returned uncertainly. I moved to let him in and then started walking over to the living room after closing the door. Suga followed closely behind. We sat down on the couch and stared at each other for a few moments before Suga broke the silence.

Sighing, he said, “Oikawa…I-I’m sorry. About last night. I’m sorry you had to see that, and…look, I know you didn’t sign up for that when you asked me out, so…I…I understand if-if you’ve, changed, your mind. If-if you can’t handle me, that’s-that’s fine. I just didn’t want you to feel…obligated, to stay with me, or anything.” Suga looked like he wanted to cry when he finished saying all of that. He looked down at his hands folded in his lap and started biting his lip again.

“Suga…” I trailed off, feeling absolutely crushed, because Suga was such a nice person. Nice doesn’t even begin to describe it. As he had started to open up to me more, I had become increasingly aware of his abysmally low self-confidence. I had been doing my best to make him feel like he was good enough, because clearly not nearly enough people tried to reassure him of that, but here he was, plain as day telling me I could break up with him if he wanted. In all fairness, it wasn’t because of his looks or personality; he had probably reasoned that this was different, and in a way it was I suppose, but still. Still. It was a crime that he was still so doubtful of himself.

I took a deep breath. I had to word this just right, to reassure Suga. I could do this. I stated firmly, “Suga, I am not going to break up with you. I am not going to leave you because you had a panic attack. You’re right, I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I asked you to be my boyfriend. I knew you were a great person before, but I didn’t realize how lucky I was when you said yes, how much more there is to you. I didn’t know about your godawful past. I didn’t know about all the people who have hurt you, all the times life has cheated you. I didn’t know how strong you are, how you refuse to let anything get you down, how you keep trying and fighting back when so many other people would’ve given up.”

Suga was crying now freely. I hesitated before nervously pulling my sleeve down so it covered my hand, and slowly reaching forward to brush his tears away. I swiped my thumb along the bottom of his eyes very carefully, waiting for him to push me away, to tell me to stop, but he let me continue. I brushed the streams away from his cheeks afterward, and then withdrew my hand while Suga still looked at me with a kind of unreadable expression.

I continued, “Suga. I am so, so sorry that you have panic attacks, that you can’t sleep at night and have nightmares, and whatever else you suffer from. Nobody should have to put up with that, least of all you. If I could make them go away, I most certainly would; I’m sorry I can’t. But I want you to know that I would never, ever break up with you because of something like that, something you can’t even control. And…I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to help, however I can. Please Suga, just, let me in. Let me help you. I’m here, and I’m staying, so, stop saying that I can leave, because I’m not!”

No sooner had I finished speaking then Suga launched himself into my arms, burying his face in my chest and throwing his arms around my neck. I was too stunned to move. Was this…was this real life right now? Had Suga…had Suga just…had he just hugged me? That…that couldn’t be right…

I looked down and came face to face with a mop of soft, damp, silvery hair, and realized that no, that actually was happening right now, Suga was hugging me. Extremely slowly, and I mean extremely slowly, I raised my arms and brought them to encircle Suga, one hand coming to rest on his lower back, the other on his head. I really wanted to bury my fingers in his hair but figured that might be a bit too much, so I would hold off for now.

“Thank you, Oikawa. I don’t…I don’t know what to say…I don’t have the words to express my gratitude…I just, thank you. Thank you so, so much.” Suga whispered against my chest. I could tell that he was crying again as I felt my shirt become wet, but I really, really didn’t mind. Suga could cry through all of my shirts for all I cared.

We stayed like that for another minute or so, I relished it the whole time, because maybe this was a one time thing, who knew when I would be this close to Suga again? And I had never hugged him before–oh. Wait. Yes, we had hugged before. Once, at my birthday party, I remember. He had frozen up then, I didn’t know he didn’t like to be touched and had been so excited that we were hugging, I hadn’t thought much of it. That didn’t count though, this…this was so much better. And it meant so much more as well.

I bit back a sigh when Suga started to pull away. He carefully removed himself from me and wiped his eyes some more as I let my arms fall to my side. Suga finally sat back up and stared at me, and he smiled, he smiled so sweetly, my breath stopped, and oh my godddd he was smiling like that at me oh my goddddd ahhHHHHHH!!!!!

By some miracle, I found my voice and asked, “…Suga-chan…Suga-chan, why…why did you…?” Suga sighed and closed his eyes, as if preparing for an important talk (he probably was).

“Last night…when you carried me, I found that-I found that I didn’t, mind it, per se. It-it was confusing, because, I mean, when you first touched me, and Sora, and Iwaizumi, I thought–the touching, it kind of triggered this–” Suga cut himself off and sighed again. “I’m not explaining this right.” He murmured before looking back up at me again.

“What’s it like Suga-chan?” I asked quietly, trying to prompt him. I think he was trying to explain to me what had happened, and seemed to have gotten lost in his own world thinking about it.

Snapped back to the present, Suga began explaining, “When you have a panic attack, or, for me at least, usually it’s triggered by something. I haven’t had too many since I do such a good job avoiding those triggers–last night was probably the worst one I’ve ever had, I hadn’t been submerged in water since–since the accident. Anyway, water is a trigger for me. Touching is also, to some degree. Those are the two main ones for me. I guess basements is also on that list. Anyway, when those things happen, when I’m in the water, when someone catches me off guard and touches me, or if it’s for a long time, usually I get caught up in the past memories, like I’m reliving them, you know? And–it’s really weird, because I think I’m in the past and it’s happening again, but at the same time, I can somewhat hear and feel what’s happening in the present, and it’s really weird because those things aren’t part of the original memories. So, like last night when you guys were getting me out of the pool, I thought it was my mom or one of her boyfriends trying to beat me, which was really confusing because I thought I was in the car, by the bridge and–it was just really confusing. And then you were there and–and I forgot who you were for a minute, but then I slowly started remembering you as the captain and setter for Seijoh, and then finally my boyfriend.”

Oh my god. Suga had forgotten who I was? That was how bad it was? I couldn’t imagine what he must’ve been feeling. I felt heartbroken just listening to him talk. Sure he was telling me all of this now, but it was one thing to hear a description, and a completely different one to experience it firsthand.

Suga continued, “Anyway, when you carried me, I-I knew that you were my boyfriend, and you told me you were going to, but, it-it was different. Maybe for a moment I was scared my mom or a boyfriend was picking me up, taking me to the basement or something, but the way you held me, and, I don’t know, maybe because I was able to attach the feeling to you, someone I know and trust and care about, for whatever reason, I didn’t mind. And–I don’t think I’m over the touching thing yet. Sora tried, or well, I tried to touch her this morning, and I still had somewhat of a reaction to it. And with you just now, when I first touched you I felt something coming on too, but it was like I was able to just, get past it. I don’t know, it has to be some kind of progress.”

(a/n: i really dont know if this makes sense? but i want suga and oikawa to touch each other and its been almost 140,000 words and i needed them to make some progress, even though theyve only dated for like a month and a half, so again im so sorry if this is inaccurate!! (also i dont know if the next part will make sense either, same thing goes for it))

Suga gestured helplessly at the end, still not sure if he was explaining everything right. I chewed on the inside of my lip before slowly asking, “Suga…do you-do you want to, touch me? More, in the future? Or–”

“I want to try something.” Suga said, cutting me off, that look of fierce determination in his eyes. I nodded cautiously.

“Give me your hands.” Suga said. I blinked at him in confusion, but didn’t ask why. I carefully withdrew my hands, pulling the sleeves of my shirt down so they were exposed. I held them out in front of me, and staring at them very intensely, Suga reached forward and grabbed them.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god OHHH MYYY GODDD lsihfooiahAIWIHSE–okay, look. Suga and I had only held hands once before, when we first met and shook hands, and does that even really count??? It was like the hug, I could not believe that it was happening, but it was, holy fricking heck oh my god.

“I thought…when people touch me, I-it feels like it’s my mom or her boyfriends, I know what they feel like, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the sensation I have trouble differentiating between them and who it really is. So–I thought–maybe I could try to–memorize your hands instead–the way they feel, so, when you touch me, I think of you instead…”

I held my breath as Suga’s soft, delicate, tiny, pale hands held my own larger, more tanned and calloused ones. He had the lightest touch as he traced every vein, every bone, every nail and knuckle and a couple scars I had. I swear, I was being touched by an angel.

Suga did that for a while. Ten minutes, twenty, thirty, who even knows. He could hold my hands for however long he wanted. At some point, he closed his eyes and gripped my hands a little tighter, and all I could do was stare at his beautiful, perfect face in awe as he scrunched it up in concentration, trying to memorize everything down to the tiniest detail, to commit it to memory.

When he was done, he opened his eyes and smiled. “Okay.” He said. “Okay?” I asked. He nodded and repeated, “Okay.” (a/n: i did not intend for that to be a fios reference lol, i only remembered it after i wrote it).

“…Wanna…wanna watch something? We could keep watching, um, your anime, Ouran, uh, the one with the club?” Suga nodded enthusiastically. As we settled back into the couch, I turned the tv on and got the next episode cued up. Just as I hit play, I felt something warm and soft wrap around my hand. I looked down and saw that Suga had shyly reached over and slipped his hand in mine, intertwined our fingers. I tell you, I thought I had died and gone to heaven at that point.

We watched several episodes before Suga announced that he should go, that he hadn’t noticed but he had a few missed calls from Sora who wasn’t responding, she probably wanted to have a late lunch or something. My parents were probably going to be home from work soon anyway, so I reluctantly said goodbye to Suga.

“See you later.” I said, squeezing Suga’s hand softly as he pulled away from me. I raised my arm, letting it stretch out so I didn’t have to let go. Suga laughed lightly at me as I held onto him until the very last minute when he was too far.

“Goodbye,” he told me, also looking sad to part ways. I stood outside on my doorstep the whole time as he got in his car and pulled away and then left.

As soon as he left, I felt my stomach growl. I had been so distracted and caught up with Suga that I had forgotten I never had breakfast. And it was like, kinda late in the afternoon. And I had practice soon–SHOOT.

I ran inside and had a very quick bowl of cereal before throwing on my own practice clothes and then running out to my car and going to practice. I will be honest, I was pretty distracted the whole time. Of course I still did a great job, just slightly less so than usual. At the end, Iwaizumi asked me if I was okay.

“This wouldn’t by any chance have anything to do with last night, would it?” Iwaizumi inquired. I noted that for once, he didn’t seem mad at me, more concerned than anything. After we finished cleaning up and were alone in the locker room, I confided to him, “Iwa-chan, you will never guess what happened earlier today.” Iwaizumi wasn’t into guessing games. He just raised an eyebrow.

“Okay okay okay so Suga texted me and came over, and of course I was super worried for him and all, but he was okay this morning, although he started off–he said it was okay if I wanted to break up with him because of last night,” Iwaizumi’s eyes widened in shock.

“But of course I made sure that he knew I wouldn’t do that, that I didn’t care what he had been through, about his panic attacks or nightmares or how broken he is from losing like his whole family,” Iwaizumi now looked like he’d seen a ghost. Oh, oops. He didn’t know about the nightmares. Or Suga’s family. …well, I didn’t say too much, at least…please forgive me Suga, I swear I didn’t mean to tell him without your permission!!!

“Shoot, uh, you didn’t hear that from me. Um, anyway, he was really emotional and stuff, and Hajime, he hugged me. Suga hugged me, Suga who can’t stand touching, who hasn’t touched me since like, we first met and shook hands, he hugged me–and he also let me hold his hand! It was so amazing oh my god, I had never been more excited to hug someone or hold their hand ever I don’t think.”

Iwaizumi had a bittersweet expression on his face when I finished. “That’s…that’s really great Tooru. I’m really, really happy for you. I’m glad Suga’s okay too. I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I’m proud of you. You’re being really mature with Suga, I’ve never seen you like this before. You’ve never really cared about the people you dated, or put all that much effort into your relationships with them, but I know this is different. I’m really happy you and Suga are doing so well.” This was some of the highest praise I had ever received from my usually angry best friend.

“Iwa-chan!” I cried, throwing my arms around him not unlike what Suga had done to me earlier. Iwaizumi and I didn’t hug often, but he didn’t push me away. He sighed and hugged me back before we parted.

“See you tomorrow Oikawa.” He called as I dropped him off at his house (I had driven today because of the rush I’d been in, although he walked, so being the gracious friend I was, I offered to take him home).

“See you Iwa-chan!” I called, getting back to my house pretty quickly after that. I noticed with interest that my sister’s car was in the driveway. I hadn’t known Emi was coming over?

“Hello?” I asked as I went inside. I was immediately hit with the unbelievable smell of my mom’s cooking and thought I was going to faint, holy crap, when was the last time she had cooked that big of a meal? My birthday?

“Tooru?” My mom called. I walked over and found her chatting in the kitchen with my sister. “Ah, Tooru, you’re back! Why don’t you go shower and then come down and we’ll have dinner?” She said to me. I gaped at Emi. “Why are you here?” I asked dumbly.

“Well, hello to you too little brother.” She said dryly. I felt even more stupid and immediately ran over to her and hugged her, I hadn’t seen her in a while. “Sorry, I’m very glad to see you, just a little confused is all.” I whispered.

“Kunio had a photography shoot in the area, he doesn’t usually go too far but it was for friends, and we figured since it was so close to you guys we would stop by tonight.” Emi said, ruffling my hair. I swatted her hand away, although it was already so messy from practice, and I was about to shower, so it didn’t really matter.

“Well I’m very glad you could make it.” I told her before she shoved me away. “Ew, you’re sweaty. Go shower.” I rolled my eyes and promised to be down soon, saying hello to her husband, who was chatting with my dad, and Takeru, who was sitting on the stairs looking very bored.

His eyes lit up for the briefest of moments when he saw me before returning to their former disinterest. “Hey Uncle Tooru.” He said to me. “Take-chan!” I said grinning. “Don’t call me that.” He muttered, moving so I could get by. “Having fun?” I asked as I went upstairs. He didn’t reply.

I tried to shower quickly, not wanting to keep my family waiting, especially when it was such a big deal as we rarely saw my sister and her family, and my mom had cooked a huge meal. I tried not to spend too long on my hair, and I resisted the urge to change into pajamas, which is what I would’ve done any other night, but oh well.

I grabbed my phone and headed downstairs, noticing everybody else was (as expected) waiting for me. “Sorry, I’m here!” I shouted, sitting down with the rest of them. I placed my phone next to everyone else’s in the “cellphone hotel” (everyone in my family had fairly important jobs and sometimes had emergencies, so while we didn’t have them at the table, we left them on vibrate nearby in case it was a real emergency and they had to go).

I sat down and we said grace. My mom’s cooking was delicious, as usual, and it was very nice to catch up with Emi. Everything was going fine, and we were about halfway through the meal when Emi was telling us a story about Takeru and his class (much to Takeru’s chagrin) when one of the phones started vibrating.

We let it vibrate, because you know, one call wasn’t the end of the world, but then it went off again, and by the third time we had stopped talking because it probably was important.

“I’ll see whose it is.” My dad, who was closest, said getting up. He looked through the phones and then picked mine up, still furiously vibrating. He glanced at it and frowned a bit before looking back up at me.

“Some person named Suga’s trying to call you?” He asked. I jumped up from my chair and rushed to get the phone. I vaguely registered my parents trying to figure out who Suga was, a friend, if they knew them (to be fair, I had dated so many people they kind of stopped keeping track), while I made a mad grab for my phone and hit the accept button extremely quickly.

(a/n: ok here's the warning, be prepared, it is not graphic, but like, yea just be prepared)

“Suga?” I asked, terrified to know what was wrong. I don’t think Suga would’ve kept calling if it wasn’t important, he wasn’t like me. Oh, how I wish I was wrong though.

“Oikawa!” Suga’s frantic voice gasped. Oh god. Why did he sound like that what was wrong, what had happened to my dear Suga-chan, who had hurt him, no no no no no no no–

“Suga, what’s wrong, what happened? Are you alright?” I asked, very worried now. There was gasping on the other end–oh my god what if he was having another panic attack or something?

“Oikawa,” Suga cried hysterically, and I mean really cried, I could tell there were probably torrents of tears pouring down his face. “Oikawa it’s Sora, she–she,” Suga gasped for air again, fear laced into every word he uttered. I braced myself for the worst, absolutely terrified of what he was going to say.

“Oikawa, she’s gone, Sora’s gone.” Suga wailed, sobbing loudly now to the point that I couldn’t understand him. “What do you…what do you mean she’s gone?” I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer, but I knew I needed to hear it anyways.

“She’s dead Oikawa, she’s dead. Sora committed suicide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … … … um so … … … yeah, im really sorry about that. id like to personally apologize to Jesuisfatigue also, i know they really like sora (plz dont hate me😭 😭 😭 ). um…i wont be able to update until next friday probably, sorry to leave you hanging. i hope you enjoyed the first part of the chapter at least?


	48. 24. Gone (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so as some of you know i have a huge test tomorrow and wont be back on wattpad (or ao3 LOL i copy my ans from there and forget i need to change the wording sometimes) until its over :(((( but i was much closer to finishing this chapter than i thought and was shocked when i finished it a bit ago, so here is a rare midweek treat, i hope you enjoy!!

I woke up to the loud blaring of my alarm, letting me know it was time to wake up for volleyball practice. For a few moments, I didn’t remember anything from the previous night, just thinking it to be a normal day, just like any other. I got up and rubbed my eyes, and then I came face to face with Sora. She was staring at me looking very worried, and then I remembered.

“…Suga?” She asked nervously, still very concerned. “Are you…are you alright? Do you wanna, talk about last night? I know you have practice in a bit–and you should totally skip by the way, if you think you need to–but I just thought, maybe you wanted to talk?”

Practice wasn’t for another hour. I lived close to the school, I just liked to get up kind of early and somewhat enjoy my mornings. Anyway, I had plenty of time before I had to get ready and leave.

“Yes, I–sure. I would like that.” I stammered. Sora still eyed me hesitantly before nodding slowly. “Okay. Um, I made pancakes. I thought…maybe we could have breakfast together? I know we don’t get to usually.” I nodded enthusiastically and followed Sora down to the kitchen table. I was touched by her gesture, I knew how highly she valued sleep, how it took her like half an hour to wake up, but she had gotten up super early for me, and made pancakes, which were like one of my favorite foods. I was really, really lucky to have Sora. She was kind of like another big sister, and I knew that she could never replace Misaki, but I liked to think that we would be friends for years, even after we graduated and went our separate ways.

“Oh my god, these are delicious. Thank you so much Sora.” I said, accepting a plate piled high with whipped cream and pancakes that were loaded with chocolate chips (just the way I liked them).

“So…” Sora trailed off, cautiously eating some of her own pancakes. “You seem…to be doing okay right now. Um…last night…” Sora had been through some pretty awful things, but she didn’t have panic attacks and seemed at a loss as to what to say to me.

“I’m…I guess, I don’t wanna say I’m fine, because…that was pretty rough last night. I haven’t…I haven’t…filtered through everything yet, I was pretty lost and confused the whole time it happened. But, I’m okay for now. I promise.” I wasn’t okay, not really. Last night had been so intense, I didn’t think I would forget it for a long time. But I was still processing it myself, I didn’t know what to think, let alone tell someone else. Besides, I really didn’t want to worry Sora.

“You’re positive? You think you’ll be fine at practice?” Sora asked, eyeing me suspiciously. I nodded earnestly; if anything, going to practice would be good for me, a chance to let go and not really think about anything other than volleyball, and bring a sense of normalcy, something I highly valued, and Karasuno had come to stand for for me.

“Alright…” Sora said, trailing off. While we finished eating, we talked about more lighthearted stuff. I asked about her crush, if she’d had any success (“Suga, I tried to talk to her the whole time, there was this other dude who kept flirting with her too though, and he was like, nice and handsome, so it was really hard to compete…but I did get her number!”). She said she would call the girl, Akira, later.

Just as we were getting ready to go our separate ways (Sora back to sleep for another few hours and me to get changed and stuff for practice), I sharply remembered something from the night before (which I still needed to go over); Oikawa had touched me, a lot, and I hadn’t freaked out the whole time, or at all really. Could it be…could it be that I had gotten over it? That enough time had passed? I was eager to test my theory.

“Sora!” I called as she was about to walk away. She stared at me in surprise as I reached for her hand and brought it up close to me. This unfortunately, had been a mistake. Maybe because I didn’t think about it for a while before, maybe because her hand felt a lot like my mom’s, whatever the reason, I was clearly not “fixed.” My thoughts started to spiral out of control, I gasped and I could feel myself slipping away, into the past, into the basement–

Sora yanked her hand away before I could go into full blown panic mode, which was a huge relief because I had kind of just frozen up. She gazed at me intently and asked, “Suga, are you okay? Why–why did you, do that?” I looked back up at her feeling very stupid and embarrassed with my actions.

“…I-I’m sorry…last night…when Oikawa touched me…I didn’t mind so much. I thought–I thought that maybe I was just, over it, or something. I’m sorry, I just wanted to see.” Sora rolled her eyes at me. “Stop apologizing!” She told me with the hint of a smile. She then turned more serious and said, “Suga…I’m really glad that you didn’t hate when he touched you last night but…I don’t think this kind of thing will disappear overnight. But I’m happy to help you keep trying. Let me know if there’s anything you need from me.”

Sora looked at me then just the way Misaki used to. I held my breath, half expecting her to reach out and tousle my hair how she used to. She didn’t do that (which was probably for the best, my mom had kind of ruined that gesture anyway, the way she used to drag me by my hair).

She did pause before going upstairs and smile a tiny bit and say, “Suga…I know that we’re not super close, I know we’re not actually siblings, but…well…I just want you to know that, you’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a little brother. And I really care about you. I know that I’m not close to you in the sense that Oikawa is, that things are different between us, but…I just want you to know that…I’m also not going anywhere. I’ll be here for you, I promise.”

If I hadn’t just struggled to hold her hand, I would’ve hugged Sora. She was the only other person aside from Oikawa (and some of my siblings, years ago) who had ever said anything like that to me. Needless to say, it meant a lot.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Don’t get all emotional on me now Suga, you’ve got practice soon!” Sora said smiling, laughing a bit. “We’ll talk later, yeah?” She asked before disappearing in her room. “Yeah,” I called out, going back to my room to finish getting ready.

I took my time, I wasn’t in a rush, practice didn’t start for another half hour or so…although knowing my team members they would be there early. I should get going actually.

I paused outside Sora’s door and looked in to see that she had already fallen asleep. I smiled as I heard her lightly snoring, and couldn’t help but walk over to her and pull up the blanket that had fallen down some. It may or may not have been my imagination, but I swear she smiled just a tiny bit too as I walked away.

I went downstairs and out to my car, deciding not to put on any music today, I had a lot to think about in a relatively short time on the drive over. Okay…where to start, where to start, where to start…

So…my panic attack. I was walking by the pool…to find Sora…and then somebody pushed me in I think, and that’s when everything fell apart. I felt like I was drowning, back at the bridge, trapped in the car, I thought I was going to die again, I remember I could feel myself slipping further and further away, just like last time, it all felt so painful, so hopeless…

And then I had felt someone else, someone touching me in the water. I had thought it was someone abusing me but now I knew it was some combination of Oikawa, Sora, and Iwaizumi. One person had lifted me out of the water. I suppose two had been in the water. Wait a second–that meant–that meant that at least one of them had jumped in the water with their clothes on to get me! That–they–I–just–ahhhhhhh I can’t believe they were so quick to drop everything and help me!!! I can’t believe how lucky I was they noticed!

WAIT OH MY GOD! If they hadn’t noticed I might’ve actually drowned…I don’t think anyone else was really paying attention at that party, not with all the drinking at the end…oh my god…oh my god…I could’ve died. I could have died.

…I had been so confused after. When I was out of the water. I kind of came to realize Oikawa was there, and he was talking with the other people, although I wasn’t as aware of them. And Oikawa was trying to calm me down–oh god, he had sounded so worried, so, so worried, and I didn’t understand why, I just wanted to make him stop worrying and I was the cause of it in the first place!!!!!

And then when he picked me up–oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god Oikawa had held me, he had held me and carried me, and I didn’t hate it–he was so calm, so gentle in telling me what he was doing, reassuring me, and his voice was just so full of concern that I knew things were going to be okay when he was there, I felt so safe when he held me like that, up against his chest and–oh my god, I hadn’t felt that safe since… … …I couldn’t even think of a time that was comparable. Maybe before my childhood went to crap.

And hOLY FRICKING CRAP WAIT JUST A SECOND HADN’T I REALIZED THAT I LOVED HIM?!??!?!?! OH MY GOD I LOVED OIKAWA?!??!?!

Unfortunately, I arrived at Karasuno before I could go over what had happened too much more. I think I really needed to touch base with Oikawa though. I sent him a text asking if I could come over (although knowing him he was still asleep and wouldn’t see it for a few hours).

“Sugawara-senpai!” Hinata shouted, running over to me as soon as I got out of the car. “Oi, boke, get back here, I wasn’t done!” Kageyama hollered, following closely behind him. Oh my god they were so cute, they were here early practicing outside together, I can’t, I can’t–

“Sugawara-senpai, could you let us in?” Kageyama asked while wrestling with Hinata (Hinata was winning). Thankfully, I had the extra key that day and was able to open the gym.

“Thank you!” The pair yelled at me before dashing inside, fighting with the other to see who could set everything up the fastest. They were so innocent, so naïve…it was really great to see them be able to act like that, immature as they were. I thought how weird and out of place it would be if I joined them, running around without a care. I couldn’t do that…well, not with them anyway. I could around Oikawa though…

“What’s got you smiling like that Suga?” I heard someone ask from behind me. I turned around and saw Daichi walking through the gym entrance, Yui in tow.

“Suga has a girlfriend?” She asked giggling. A few months ago I would’ve desperately wanted to run away from them, to go hide in the closet until she left. I remember the way my heart used to pound when Daichi would look at me, talk to me. Now I felt nothing. Not only did I feel nothing, but what I now felt for Oikawa paled in comparison to my former feelings for Daichi. To be perfectly honest, that scared me a little, the intensity of my feelings. But I would much rather deal with that than unrequited love.

“Something like that.” I replied cheekily. Her and Daichi both stared at me in shock. I smirked as I went off to help Hinata and Kageyama.

By the time practice started, everyone was there are ready. It was really endearing to see all my teammates laughing, having a good time. Not that I wasn’t a part of that! I was, but, I don’t know, they all treated me like I was the mom of the group (which I was, but still).

After practice ended and we showered and cleaned up (and after I asked Tsukishima who Asahi was seeing; he did know, so I bribed him with dinosaur merchandise I had stored in my bag for situations like this. He said he would text me once we all left (honestly where was the fun in directly asking Asahi when I could bribe one of my favorite kouhai for it?)), Daichi stopped me.

“You’re actually seeing someone?” He asked, still looking just as shocked as earlier. As we got our bags, I could see Asahi trying to catch up, clearly having overheard the conversation topic.

“I am.” I responded aloofly, not elaborating. I would tell them soon…I just needed a bit more time. And a strategy. Blurting out that I was dating a rival team’s captain who nobody was particularly fond of didn’t seem like a great idea, just a hunch.

“And…do we get to meet this mystery person?” Asahi questioned, falling into step with Daichi and I. I thought it was kind of cute how curious they both were about my love life. Then again, we’d been friends since our first year and none of us had dated anyone until recently, so I guess it was a novelty.

“Just as soon as you tell us who you’re dating.” Daichi said smirking and lightly punched Asahi. He started blushing and stuttering a lot then. “I-I-um, uh, I-um, I’ll–soon! Soon, I–yeah. Soon I’ll tell you guys.” Big mood Asahi, big mood.

Asahi excused himself after that and said we could go on without him. I watched curiously as he started walking back towards the gym while Daichi and I continued on to our cars.

“…I’m glad you got a girlfriend Suga.” Daichi said to me. I raised an eyebrow. “You know, for the longest time I was convinced that you had a crush on me, and I was absolutely terrified because you’re one of my best friends, and I wasn’t sure how to let you down gently, but then you told me to ask Yui out and–well, it seems like things kinda just fell into place, huh?” He asked, laughing a bit at the end.

At that point, I had stopped and was staring at Daichi open mouthed. When he saw I stopped, he did as well, the smile slowly slipping from his face. “I…wait…Suga? Did…did you actually…?” Daichi was staring at me in shock as well. I glanced down at my phone when I saw I had a notification (looking for anything to distract me) and saw that Oikawa had written back and said I could come over. Let’s just say my mind was immediately elsewhere.

“Daichi, look, I don’t have time for this right now–”

“Suga wait, can we, talk, another time?”

“Sure,” I called out, wanting to get far away from that conversation as fast as possible. Once in the safety of my car, I texted Oikawa that I was on my way. I then opened a highly anticipated text from one Tsukishima Kei. It said, “He’s dating Noya”

“OH SH*T I WAS RIGHT!” I screamed to myself, and immediately began muttering, “Crap crap crap shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot I didn’t mean to curse I didn’t mean to curse oh god oh god–” I tried not to curse. It’s not like I was trying to be a goody-two shoes or anything. I didn’t have parents who cared, my equally teenage friends obviously didn’t mind. I don’t know, it just felt wrong…

…except for the few times when it felt right, such as right now. I looked back over to the gym and saw that Asahi was standing outside, chatting animatedly with Nishinoya. Oh my god, they were walking home. Alone. Together. AhhhhHHHHH OH GOD I CALLED IT I CALLED IT–

I knew they were good together, I could sense their connection from when Noya and Asahi met the year before. And then the whole quitting/probation thing happened earlier (oh my god, the sexual tension between them, I could not–), but now they were back together, clearly better than ever. I sent Tsukishima a very nice thank you text. Okay, onto Oikawa’s house now!

(a/n: sorry for suga's sudden mood shift and my poor attempt to explain it😣)

I was in such a good mood after practice. It had done exactly what I had wanted; made me forget. Because unfortunately for me, then I began to remember. I mean, remembering was important and all, but it totally spoiled my temporarily bright demeanor. My brain, being my wonderful brain, took one minor negative thought and turned it into a whole spiel about how Oikawa was probably going to break up with me after the night before. By the time I got to his house, I had convinced myself he was going to and was quite the mess (great, another reason for Oikawa to break up with me).

I considered changing my mind and leaving as I rang the doorbell but-oh god–that would be even worse, who says they’re going to go over, shows up, and then just leaves???? No, I needed to rip the bandaid off. I remained firmly rooted on the front step as I heard Oikawa racing towards the door inside. I heard him shout, “Coming!” and stop just barely in time. The door was yanked open, and there was Oikawa and just–oh my god, oh my god, I couldn’t do this, he just, he looked, oh god oh god oh god his eyes, his face, his expression, holy frick he just looked so–so good (not good as in handsome, although he was most definitely that too).

Okay Suga stay calm stay calm we can do this we can do this we can do this oh god oh god okay okay okay–

“Hi.” Oikawa said, taking in my appearance (I looked like absolute crap compared to him, especially considering I had just come from practice and I mean, sure I showered, but just–it wasn’t the same as getting ready at your own house and just–gah. GAH. Why did he have to be so perfect????).

“Hi…” I returned, losing the will to say what was on my mind more and more as every second passed. Once he invited me in though, and I followed inside, I knew there was no turning back.

As we sat down on the couch, I tried hard not to think about the last time I had been there with him, watching sci-fi movies, anime, having dinner and dessert, spilling my life story…if things went like I thought they would, I would have to cherish that memory as it was probably the best one of us, and would be one of the last.

Oikawa peered curiously at me from across the way. I wonder what he was thinking. How dare I show my face after last night? Maybe he was thinking about all the possible ways he could gently let me down. Well, I would give him an out.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed through and said everything I wanted to say. “Oikawa…I-I’m sorry. About last night. I’m sorry you had to see that, and…look, I know you didn’t sign up for that when you asked me out, so…I…I understand if-if you’ve, changed, your mind. If-if you can’t handle me, that’s-that’s fine. I just didn’t want you to feel…obligated, to stay with me, or anything.”

Oh my god, I said it, I said it, okay now there was really no going back, oh god oh god I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t I couldn’t I couldn’t, I was too ashamed, I had already said what I wanted to that was good enough, now if he could just make this quick and painless, short and easy, that would be fantastic–

“Suga…” I snuck a peek up at Oikawa. He looked…very sad. Very, very sad. Why was he sad? Shouldn’t he be relieved? Shouldn’t he be happy I was setting him free from this disaster of a relationship (the disaster being all me and my extensive problems)? I just–why would he be sad?

Oikawa inhaled and exhaled slowly. Okay, here we go, now it was coming. Maybe he was just sad for me earlier. Sad because he didn’t exactly want to break up, but knew there was no way he could ever be with someone as broken as me. I understood that. It had been nice, what we had so far. I hadn’t thought I would find anyone like that ever, so even that short time meant a lot to me.

The first words out of Oikawa’s mouth were, “Suga, I’m not going to break up with you.” …I–what the–HUH?????? What?????? He-he looked so serious! So solemn! Surely he wouldn’t be joking, not while looking at me like that but…whaaaaaaaatttttt?????

“I am not going to leave you because you had a panic attack.” Ohhhhh myyyyy godddddd was this actually happening????? Was Oikawa–was he–was he going above and beyond what a normal human being was expected to???? Was he legitimately serious about–about this????? Like, hOLY LIFHEWILHlfhweilhg9024hre90rvwoiIRHW–

“You’re right, I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I asked you to be my boyfriend. I knew you were a great person before, but I didn’t realize how lucky I was when you said yes, how much more there is to you. I didn’t know about your godawful past. I didn’t know about all the people who have hurt you, all the times life has cheated you. I didn’t know how strong you are, how you refuse to let anything get you down, how you keep trying and fighting back when so many other people would’ve given up.”

Every word pierced through me like those cartoon arrows with hearts, when a character fell in love. Everything he said, down to the tiniest detail, it blew me away, and I fell even deeper in love with him, if possible. And I started crying. Oh my god, figures Oikawa goes and says all the sweet, heartfelt romantic stuff and I just start bawling. I was not worthy. I did not deserve Oikawa in the slightest, and yet, he still wanted to be with me. He wanted to be with me. OH MY GOD!!!! I doubted him!!! I doubted him so much earlier, my stupid, idiotic head could not comprehend the concept of what a good person Oikawa is, despite the fact that he had proven himself to me time and again. I really was the worst boyfriend.

While I turned into a crying wreck, Oikawa just gazed at me kindly and paused, very slowly reaching over to me. I tensed up for a moment because I wasn’t quite sure what he was trying to do. I saw him bring his sleeve over his hand, and how he stopped millimeters from my face, waiting for permission from me.

I didn’t move. I was entranced. Oikawa continued at a pace that would have been excruciatingly slow for anyone else, but it was perfect for me. He wiped away the tears that had been pooling at the bottom of my eyes, barely touching me. The soft fabric of his shirt, the tenderness in the gesture, I forgot. For that moment, I forgot about my mom, her boyfriends, all the people who had hurt me. There was only Oikawa.

He continued drying my tears, moving onto my cheeks after my eyes. I wanted to cry more but couldn’t even think, I was so shocked and surprised by the touching gesture. I felt like sobbing even more when Oikawa continued, “Suga. I am so, so sorry that you have panic attacks, that you can’t sleep and have nightmares, and whatever else you suffer from. Nobody should have to put up with that, least of all you. If I could make them go away, I most certainly would; I’m sorry I can’t.” Oh my god, the expression on his face, you don’t understand, I can’t, I can’t–

“But I want you to know that I would never, ever break up with you because of something like that, something you can’t even control. And…I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to help, however I can. Please Suga, just, let me in. Let me help you. I’m here, and I’m staying, so, stop saying that I can leave, because I’m not!” Alright, there was no holding back the tears now, they were flowing uncontrollably. God, I was such a mess, it was mortifying really, but, everything Oikawa was saying to me, it just–it hit me so hard–in the best way!–but just–knowing he cared for me so much…there weren’t very many people I was close to or thought that way about me. The few that did, well, I absolutely treasured them.

I was so overcome with emotion, my instincts just took over and I dove towards Oikawa, throwing my arms around him and hugging him with everything I had. I was crying to so hard into his shirt, so moved by his words, I think my body was really confused and kind of wanted to bolt because of the sheer amount of contact, but at the same time my deeper, much more ingrained instincts told me no, this was okay, I was right where I was supposed to be.

I clung to Oikawa like he was the only thing keeping me grounded. I was shocked by how long I was able to stay like that, and I was even more astonished when Oikawa gently wrapped his arms around me after I initially hugged him and I didn’t start having a panic attack then and there. There was still a tiny part of me that wanted to run, to protect myself from the abuse (which obviously wasn’t happening, my body partially thought it was though), but the rest of me just melted into the touch. When was the last time I had been able to enjoy being held like that? Probably not since before my mom started beating me, even after when Misaki would try to console me, I would still get kind of agitated. But the way Oikawa’s hands rested softly on my back, my head, it just felt right. I knew I still had a long way to go before I was able to normally, regularly engage in contact like that, but it felt so, so right.

“Thank you, Oikawa. I don’t…I don’t know what to say…I don’t have the words to express my gratitude…I just, thank you. Thank you so, so much.” I murmured softly, smiling as I felt my tears begin to subside. I know Oikawa couldn’t see me, but I hope he knew how happy I felt.

As my mind started to regain control over my body, I decided to pull away so I didn’t have a panic attack and ruin the moment. I thought Oikawa would be smiling too, but when I saw his face, he looked absolutely bewildered. Oh no, had I done something wrong? Surely not…

Well, he didn’t look mad or anything and–gosh darnit I was being stupid again. I just could not seem to get it through my thick skull that Oikawa actually, genuinely liked me, didn’t dislike me for all my faults but rather thought they made me stronger. It was just, surreal.

Realizing that Oikawa was probably not mad at me, I smiled at him because like, oh my god. Our first hug, like, real hug. My first real hug in years. It was amazing. I was so happy. I wanted to jump up and dance around the room in joy.

“…Suga-chan…Suga-chan, why…why did you…?” Oikawa stumbled his way through a question, still appearing extraordinarily confused. Oh. OH. OHHHHH NOW I UNDERSTOOD. While I was so caught up in the significance of the hug for me, I didn’t even consider what it must’ve meant to Oikawa. Oikawa, who was a normal person and probably touched people on a regular basis, but hadn’t been able to touch his boyfriend for weeks (months if you count the time before dating), had just been hugged by me. Okay yeah, he probably did deserve some kind of explanation.

“Last night…when you carried me, I found that-I found that I didn’t, mind it, per se. It-it was confusing, because, I mean, when you first touched me, and Sora, and Iwaizumi, I thought–the touching, it kind of triggered this–” Darnit, this was harder to put into actual words than I thought. I had all the things I wanted to say in my brain, just translating into something comprehensible clearly required a bit more thought. I could see Oikawa was kind of lost too from his expression.

Shoot, uhhhh, what exactly was I trying to say? Panic attacks, triggers, Oikawa, touching, night before, water, mom, boyfriends, abuse, touch, hold, carry, did I mind?, that feeling, safe? and why–

“What’s it like Suga-chan?” Oikawa asked me, probably for the best. My thoughts were becoming very muddled, racing a mile a minute, but I think I had the gist of what I needed to tell him.

I told Oikawa what panic attacks are like for me. About my triggers, how they affect me, what I feel during it, what I felt specifically during the last one. Oikawa looked unbelievably sorrowful when I told him I’d forgotten who he was, oh my god I felt terrible about that, but it’s not like I could control it!

Explaining got more difficult after that, because even I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. I did my best, stumbling my way through what my thought process had been, knowing it was Oikawa and panicking a bit (but not as much as I thought I would) and how it had felt when he carried me. “I don’t know, it has to be some kind of progress.” I ended, hoping that had made sense.

Oikawa looked kind of hesitant, like he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure if he could. I waited patiently until he finally began, “Suga…do you-do you want to, touch me?” …I… …I had liked it when he carried me at the party. Deep down I had liked it, of course a large part of me still hated the contact, but yes, god yes, I wanted to be normal, to do normal things with Oikawa. I–there had to be something, some way, to start easing into it? Surely I was ready now?

“more, in the future? Or–”

“I want to try something.” I declared confidently. I was going to try this. I was going to succeed. I had an idea, something that just might work, with a lot of patience. Oikawa, bless his heart, nodded at me despite his unsure expression.

“Give me your hands.” I said before I could change my mind. Oikawa looked at me in shock, but nevertheless slowly produced his hands, pulling the sleeves down from earlier when he had drawn them up up to wipe my face–oh god he was so sweet, pulling the sleeve up so he didn’t touch me, it was so simple but so, so considerate and showed how much he cared and–it made me feel all the more sure about what I was attempting.

As Oikawa’s hands hovered in front of me, I surged forward without warning and took hold of them. Oikawa made a noise in the back of his throat.

Alright Suga, focus, I thought intently. I concentrated very hardly on memorizing the new hands in front of me, of trying to replace the old ones with these. I thought about how different these hands were from the others (similar to the boyfriends’ to some degree, but completely separate from them). How big they were (it really wasn’t fair, the advantage he had in setting), how rough and worn they were, probably from years of extra practice, how gentle they were, completely still and letting me move them as I pleased.

“I thought…when people touch me, I-it feels like it’s my mom or her boyfriends, I know what they feel like, and sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the sensation I have trouble differentiating between them and who it really is. So–I thought–maybe I could try to–memorize your hands instead–the way they feel, so, when you touch me, I think of you instead…” I trailed off. Oikawa said nothing though. He watched me wordlessly, his eyes never leaving me.

Once I had a general feel for his hands, I closed my eyes and went from the wrist to the palm to each individual finger, wanting to be able to really know Oikawa’s touch the way I knew the others that I wish I didn’t. Maybe, if I got better about my touching thing one day, I could memorize so many people’s hands that I would forget the others. Maybe.

I may have taken a very long time to do that, but I wanted to be very thorough, to make sure I could really identify his hands. I think I succeeded? I guess only time would tell. But…I felt good. I had that same feeling of when Oikawa carried me, when I hugged him. Everything just felt right. Everything was okay.

“Okay.” I said, slowly letting Oikawa’s hands fall and bringing my own back to me. “Okay?” He asked in confusion, looking back and forth between me and his hands, looking at them like they were magic or something. I bit back a laugh as I confirmed, “Okay.”

“…Wanna…wanna watch something? We could keep watching, um, your anime, Ouran, uh, the one with the club?” Oikawa appeared so lost, so baffled by my behavior and unsure how to respond. I didn’t blame him, I was acting kind of odd, but it was still hilarious to see him be so uncertain.

I readily agreed to Oikawa’s idea, hoping we could finish the season soon. While he got it playing, I sneakily reached over and slipped my hand in his (after some deliberation). I knew he must’ve turned and looked at me in shock, yet again, but I kept my eyes trained on the screen. Also I knew if I glanced his way, my face would go fire engine red under his gaze.

Oikawa and I got several episodes watched, our hands never leaving each other. I think it was really, really amazing that I was able to do that. Every time my brain told me it was someone grabbing my hand trying to drag me away, to beat me up, I reasoned that it was Oikawa’s hand. Now knowing pretty much every point and curve of it, and acknowledging the fact that Oikawa had never done anything remotely indicative of abuse, I convinced myself that it was okay. I was ecstatic.

In a perfect world, Oikawa and I would’ve stayed there for the rest of the day, just holding hands and watching anime, but at least one of us was responsible (hint: it was not Oikawa) and realized that it was getting kind of late.

“Oikawa I should go, I have a bunch of missed calls from Sora, I better get home.” I said, looking at my phone and wondering what was up. She hadn’t texted me either, just a bunch of calls from like an hour ago. Weird.

“Awwwwwww.” Oikawa sighed, getting up to walk me to the door. I thought it was adorable how he didn’t want to let go of me until the very last second and I was literally going to my car (I didn’t want to let go of him either, to be fair).

“See you later.” Oikawa murmured quietly. “Goodbye,” I responded sadly, looking over my shoulder as I walked to my car. I smiled bittersweetly, watching Oikawa stand there waving while I got in my car and left. I would see him soon though. There were only a few days left of break, and I intended to make the most of them.

Now, what had Sora been calling about? I called her once, but she didn’t answer, so I left it alone and kept driving home. When I got there, the house was empty. Sora wasn’t in her room, or anywhere else, so I assumed she must’ve made last minute plans with friends and wasn’t able to tell me.

I called again; there was still no answer. “Darnit Sora, you could’ve at least sent me a text.” I sighed, hanging up. She had done that on a number of occasions before, her friends would be driving by, ask if she wanted to go with them to the movie, to a restaurant, and of course she would say yes. She was one of the best people I knew, but she could be terribly forgetful, and wouldn’t tell me where she was until hours later.

I was pretty tired at that point; I had gotten up early and had a kind of restless night, so I took a nice, long nap. Unfortunately, I didn’t wake up for another few hours, but honestly I was always so sleep deprived, that was probably a good thing.

The first thing I did was check my phone to see if Sora had gotten back to me. Still nothing. That was…really odd. Like, really, really odd. She was terrible about getting back to people, but not that bad…

I re-searched the house. I looked everywhere (except the basement), calling Sora’s name loudly. I ended in her room and noticed her bathroom was closed. Well, I hadn’t looked there I guess. I figured I would peek my head in for peace of mind. Except the door wouldn’t budge.

I started to feel very not good at that point. Why on earth…would her door be stuck…it could have broken I suppose…but it had never had that problem in the past…

I kept trying, and trying, but the door remained firmly shut. “Sora…?” I called out, my voice cracking a bit. It was met with silence.

Screw it, I was breaking down the door. I didn’t care if I had to replace it. What if Sora had slipped and hit her head or something? She could be lying there unconscious–shoot! What if that was what all the calls had been about???? She couldn’t move and had tried to call me but passed out or something, oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god–

Going to the opposite end of Sora’s room, I began sprinting towards the bathroom door and kicking the handle with my foot. It took a few tries, but I finally got the door open. I wish I hadn’t.

My worst fears were confirmed. Sora was laying there on the ground absolutely still. I flipped her over onto her back and nearly jumped at how cold she was, how pale her normally tan skin was. I had hoped it was just a concussion, but when I went for a pulse and felt none…I can’t even describe what I was feeling.

Memories or Mamoru started flashing through my head, how I had been the first to find him, well, to see him die. How horrified I had been, his dead body just feet from me. And now–oh my god–now Sora–she–but she didn’t–

My eyes landed on the counter. There was a bottle of sleeping pills. An empty one, upon examination, and a note. In Sora’s unmistakable large, rounded writing. It said, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore–Sora.”

I don’t really remember what happened after that. I guess I called 911. Apparently I also called Oikawa. But I went into full on panic mode. I curled up in a ball. I sobbed, hard. I couldn’t think. All I knew at that point were tears, the sharp pain that spread throughout my body. It had happened. Again. I was a little kid all over again, standing over my brother’s corpse. I kept waiting, hoping, praying they would get up, it would be some stupid, stupid prank. But that didn’t happen.

Another person, gone. Somebody who wasn’t supposed to be gone was gone. I was never getting them back–the world was never getting them back. It hurt. It hurt so bad. I didn’t understand…why…why again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh dont kill me plz 🙏🙏🙏😭😥 im rly sad i want to see everyones reactions but i REALLLLYYYYYY need to study for my test tomorrow morning so i wont be back on for like 12, 16, idk hours :'((( (it will also be like a reward for me lol, altho i know everyone will be upset and sad😬)


	49. 25. Aftermath (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guysssss i am so sorry i didnt post anything friday, or yesterday. unfortunately i do have a life outside of writing (its not very big lol, i was literally just doing homework (two of my teachers made stuff due friday night ahhhhHHHHHHHH) and sports stuff yesterday and then my family went out and basically i have had no time). not sure if i will be able to post again today, probably not, ill see if i can do another thing during the week maybe, altho im gonna be in person next week and its much harder to write at school then home haha. so, here is this chapter, sorry if i wrote anything wrong, ive never really lost anyone let alone to suicide.

“She’s dead Oikawa, she’s dead. Sora committed suicide.”

I barely had time to process the words before Suga started breaking down even more, not making any sense anymore and sobbing even louder.

“Suga! Suga!” I called, wanting to beg him to stay on the line with me, but he had already hung up. I stood there numbly for a few seconds, my mind trying to process everything that had just gone down in the past thirty seconds. Jesus christ, Sora–Suga–oh god–

“Tooru? Honey what’s wrong, who was that?” My mom asked, sounding slightly concerned. I turned around to see everyone looking at me with wide eyes, even Takeru. I must have looked horrible, because soon after everyone’s face became very worried.

I shifted to look at my parents. “Mom…Dad…I–I have to go. Like, right now, I–I’m so sorry–”

“What happened, who’s Suga?” My dad asked. Him and Mom didn’t seem upset or anything, they were very understanding parents, just very confused. And distressed.

“Suga–ah–he’s ah, my boyfriend, and,” I paused and glanced at Takeru, not wanting him to hear about something so awful so young. A small voice reminded me that Suga had been through significantly worse at his age, but I wanted to protect Takeru from all the horrors of the world for as long as I could.

I continued quietly, “His sister–she–she committed suicide, and–I think–I think he’s having another panic attack, I–I need to go to him. I really have to see him, as soon as possible.” My parents looked shocked and horrified, frozen and unable to say anything. I could only imagine what was going through their minds at the moment, but I felt an enormous wave of relief wash through me when they glanced at each other and said, “Of course Tooru. You should go be with them.”

As soon as I heard that, I was gone. I shouted a thank you while running at top speed towards the front door, nearly forgetting to put on shoes, and snatched the keys to my car. It was already dark out, hopefully traffic wouldn’t be too bad. It was just a weeknight after all.

The whole way over I was lost in confusion, and extreme sadness. Why…why on earth would Sora commit suicide??? It just, it didn’t seem real. Just last night she had been there at the party, hanging out with friends, helping Iwaizumi and I with Suga. She had seemed fine when we were alone at the house, more worried for Suga than anything. F*ck, Suga. He was going to take this so hard. I was taking it hard, and I’d only met her twice!

When I got to the house, there were several police cars and an ambulance. Oh my god. I mean…I guess that made sense. It’s not like it was some elderly person who had been dying already, it was a young girl.

I nervously parked my car about a block down and began running up to the house, which already had some caution tape around it. Several of the neighbors were standing outside, looking on with morbid curiosity.

As expected, I was stopped before I could approach. “Hey,” one of the officers called out to me, walking over. “You can’t come in here kid, this is a closed crime scene.” He informed me, not unkindly.

“Please,” I pleaded desperately, “I have to see my boyfriend. Sugawara Koushi, he lives here.” I insisted, craning my neck to see if he was anywhere in sight. He was not. Just then, another officer approached though.

“What’s your name?” She asked. “Oikawa Tooru.” I pulled out my wallet and showed them my driver’s license. The two police officers shared a look before one of them said, “Alright, I’ll take you to him, he’s this way.”

I eagerly sauntered after the woman, following her into the house. It looked much different than it had before when all the lights were off. God, that had been last night. Last night. How had things changed so completely in just 24 hours?

We took a right into what appeared to be a living room. There were a lot of people there, police officers, investigators, medics. I suppose it was a random night in a small town, and this was pretty big.

I got choked up and tears came to my eyes when I finally saw Suga. He was curled up in a ball in the corner, shivering, shaking. He was quietly crying a bunch of jumbled words I wasn’t able to make out, although I heard my name quite a few times (as well as Sora’s).

“Who’s this?” One of the people there asking, narrowing his eyes at me and crossing his arms. I wanted to run over to Suga, but the woman blocked my way. “This would be Oikawa.” Was all she said. The man’s eyes widened a tiny bit as if in recognition. “Oh.” Was all he said. Him and the woman both moved then, indicating that I was good. Without waiting another moment, I sprinted towards Suga and fell to my knees just in front of him.

“Suga…” I trailed off, swallowing hard. I could not let my voice crack, that was the very last thing that he needed right now. Of course I was devastated by Sora’s death as well, but not nearly as much as Suga must have been.

“Suga, it’s me. It’s Oikawa. I’m here now.” I said slowly, keeping my voice down in what I hoped was a soothing manner; I think it actually worked. A few seconds later, Suga’s sobs began to subside a bit, he stopped shaking as much.

“Oikawa…?” He whispered. His breathing was still erratic though, and he didn’t look up. I was positive he was having a panic attack. “Yes. I’m here.” I repeated, wanting so badly to take Suga (who looked so small, so fragile, so helpless right now) into my arms, to hold him there for a while, to make him forget all the bad things that kept happening, to take away the pain, to protect him and make sure nothing bad ever happened again. I didn’t do that though. We had only just hugged earlier today, and Suga was in a very unstable state right now. I was not going to cause him further grief.

Suga began to unfold himself a tiny bit. He blindly reached forward with his hands, looking for something. I uncertainly offered him my own hands, which upon finding he quickly seized and started feeling them all over.

“Oikawa…” he said quietly after examining my hands. He gripped them tightly, refusing to let go. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me Suga. I’m really here. Can you–can you breathe with me?” It took some time, maybe ten minutes, but once Suga started breathing normally he began to calm down and the panic attack faded away. He sat up more and finally opened his eyes, full of tears. Not in the movingly bittersweet way that they had been earlier that day, as he cried while I assured him I wasn’t leaving. This was more in a tragically beautiful manner. The circumstances were indescribably awful, and Suga looked like glass, like he would shatter at any moment.

“Oikawa…” Suga said again, his voice wavering and the expression on his face utterly heartbreaking. I swallowed thickly again and returned, “Suga.” trying to convey all of my empathy with a single look.

“Oikawa, she–she–she–” Tears were flowing down Suga’s eyes quicker than I thought was humanly possible. He wasn’t reverting to a panic attack though, so that was definitely a good thing.

“I know.” I murmured softly. Suga sniffled a bit more. He looked up at me then, and before I knew it he had separated our hands, gotten on his knees as well and moved over to me, and was hugging me. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I was finally able to be so close to him, to bring him to me, to hold him. I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to fix what had happened, to make Suga feel better, but I wanted to help him get through this together, to stand by him, to offer support however I could.

Suga was still a shaky mess, but he stopped crying. We just sat there on the floor, arms around each other, mourning the loss of Sora. There were no words. There was no need for them, and there wasn’t much to be said anyway.

After a while, one of the officers from before came up to us. “Sugawara Koushi?” He asked cautiously. Suga sighed against my chest and reluctantly untangled himself from me. He sat back on his legs and looked up at the man. “Yes, officer?” He asked, still looking scared. I reached out and gently grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it before turning around myself.

“Could you answer a few questions for us please?” He asked. I wasn’t sure if Suga was in a state to talk about what had just happened, but he immediately replied, “Of course,” while getting up.

“Suga–” I started to say, but he looked at me kindly (with very sad eyes) and said, “I’ll be fine. Hopefully it won’t be long.” He and the officer walked off to another room to chat. Meanwhile, the other lady addressed me. “While you’re here, could you answer some questions as well?” She asked. I nodded blankly and sat down with her.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Officer Shoda. I’m so sorry for your loss.” The woman said. For the first time that night, I looked at her, paid attention to something other than Suga. She was in her mid-thirties maybe, light brown hair, sad black eyes. I had been kind of annoyed with all the police earlier to be honest, I mean what right did they have to be all over the place when Suga’s loss was so fresh, when he was still grieving so hard, but I also knew it was their job, and yes, Sora’s suicide did sound extremely odd and should be investigated. And the woman–Officer Shoda–looked sad. Not gruff, or all business-like. Just…sad.

“I didn’t know her very well…” I admitted, looking away. Honestly, what right did I have to be there? I mean–aside from Suga. Surely there were plenty of others closer to Sora who should’ve been there at the moment…

“I’m sorry all the same, Oikawa-san.” Officer Shoda said to me. She paused before adding, “How old are you? Would you like to call a parent? Or–”

“I’m eighteen, it’s fine, I don’t mind answering a few questions about Sora.” I insisted, refocusing on the woman sitting across from me. She nodded slowly before continuing, lightly pressing about what kind of person Sora had been, how her mental state had seemed. I told her everything I knew, because it wasn’t much. I also did my best to convey that Sora had seemed like a happy, content person, not suicidal at all. I’m sure it didn’t mean much, coming from me, but still.

“Alright, thank you for the help Oikawa-san, I really appreciate it. I’ll see if Sugawara-san’s almost done.” She got up to go off in the direction where Suga had disappeared. While she was gone, I turned to take in a commotion back by the front of the house.

A man and woman had come inside. They weren’t first responders or anything, they were dressed in normal, casual clothing. They looked like they had been crying and seemed very distressed. The Fujimuras. That had to be them.

I watched them disappear down the hall, led by some officers. I then continued waiting until Suga was returned to me. I didn’t realize how long I had been sitting there waiting until Suga told me.

“Hey.” He said, coming back out. I knew he had been crying again. I wanted to punch whichever of the officers had caused him to start again after I finally got him to stop, but all thoughts of anger fled my mind as Suga practically collapsed on the floor in front of me while I remained on the couch. He kind of fell over from there until he was laying down. I got down on the floor and joined him.

“Oikawa…I…thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.” Suga began, sounding absolutely drained. “I’m so, so grateful that you’re here right now, I really appreciate it, but…well, I don’t feel like hanging around here much longer, and the police want to keep searching, close it off for the night, so the Fujimuras are gonna go stay at their–er–office tonight, they run their own business. I guess I’ll go with them. So, we’ll leave soon. You…you don’t have to stay…”

Without thinking, the words slipped out of my mouth, “Do you want to come stay with me tonight?” Suga sat up in surprise and looked over at me. I was surprised with myself, but didn’t rescind the offer.

“…I…Oikawa, I couldn’t possibly impose, on you, or your family, and I mean–I’ve never even met–”

“Suga. let me assure you, it would not be any trouble at all.” Had I asked my parents? Of course not. But they were really cool, chill parents. I had no doubt that even with Emi and her family they still wouldn’t mind–oh god, poor Suga, I didn’t mean to push him into meeting my whole family like this!

I could tell Suga was seriously considering my offer, and as awkward as it might be to have him over, I desperately wanted to be there for him. He had…he had no one. Sora had been one of the few people who actually cared about him, and now she was gone. Aside from me, there was…I guess the Karasuno team…I wasn’t really sure how close they were though since Suga didn’t tell them about his past and everything. And aside from them…there was pretty much no one. He wasn’t close to the Fujjimuras, I don’t think he really had any other friends (unless the Seijoh team counted, but they had only met a short while ago and weren’t quite there yet). Honestly, it was depressing. Suga was such a good person and deserved to have significantly more love and support in his life.

“Here, I’ll call my parents now.” I insisted, getting out my phone to call my mom. It was a bit late, but I figured they would probably still be up until I got back, or at least called or texted. My mom picked up pretty quickly, thank god.

“Tooru? How are you, how’s–uh–Suga?” She asked. I could hear my dad in the background, my mom had probably put the phone on speaker. I glanced over at my boyfriend. He was staring at me with large eyes, biting his lip. I bet he wanted to go with me. He was such a nice person though he was going to say no. Well, not if I had anything to say about it.

“Um…well, about how you would expect…” I replied uneasily. I really didn’t want to go into details with Suga sitting right in front of me, and to be honest, I was still processing Sora’s death as well. I hadn’t ever really lost anyone (again, not that Sora and I were even remotely close), but…it just felt so weird. That she was gone now. She was just another kid last night, just like me, having a good time, balancing school and a social life and who knows what else, and now that was just, gone.

“Um, Mom…the police are still investigating Suga’s house, and, I mean, it’s getting late, is there–is there any chance he could stay with us? Just for tonight?” I asked hopefully. I think the odds were in my favor. What kind of a person would deny someone who had just lost their sibling? Not my parents.

“Yes, yes of course he can stay. Are you guys coming over now?” My mom responded, just as I had prayed for. I smiled a teeny tiny bit (it was not a good day for smiling, but I was still grateful for the small victory).

“Yeah, we’ll probably leave soon. Um, see you back at the house.” I said. “Goodbye.” I could hear both of my parents say in unison. Putting my phone away, I turned to Suga and assured him, “See? They just said yes, just like that. I promise, it is not a big deal to have an extra person over for one night. Iwaizumi stays over all the time, sometimes Mattsun and Makki do too. Really, it’s no imposition.” Eventually, I wore Suga down and he relented. Of course I felt bad about pressing him so hard, but what kind of a boyfriend would I be if I left him with the despondent Fujimuras who didn’t pay him any attention when I could take him instead?

Suga and I went up to his room to pack an overnight bag. There were several people mulling about upstairs by Suga’s room, I assumed they were by Sora’s, although thankfully they let us by and approved all the stuff Suga was taking. We then went downstairs, stopping by the Fujimuras who were still speaking with the police.

“Um…Fujimura-san…” Suga called hesitantly, trying to get their attention. The husband and wife briefly turned to look at Suga. They looked like such nice people, normal people. Why didn’t they care more about Suga then? He said they were rarely home, that he could “count the number of conversations he’d had with them on his fingers” since moving in. Although I suppose they were better than his last home at least, which had been abusive. But still.

“I’m gonna go stay with Oikawa’s family tonight, if that’s alright?” He asked them nervously. With tear stained faces, the Fujimuras readily agreed, saying to let them know if he needed anything. That was rich coming from them. Now was not the time to get into a fight about their lousy parenting though, so I let it go.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” I murmured softly, gently reaching for Suga’s hand (after asking if it was okay) and pulling him along outside, down the block to where I had parked my car.

We got in. I started the car. We drove off, silently. It wasn’t an awkward silence, just terribly heavy, the weight of what had happened hanging between us. I wanted to talk to Suga, to ask if he was okay, but that was a ridiculous thing to ask so I didn’t. Eventually, I said, “Suga…if you want to talk about it…I’m here.” I looked over to see Suga who had curled up in a ball again and was staring out the window. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve freaked out over how cute he looked sitting like that, but I couldn’t bring myself to think about that at the moment. Instead, I patiently waited for Suga for most of the drive, until finally he spoke.

“Oikawa…I think…I think it’s–it’s my fault.” He choked out, his voice wobbly and low. I couldn’t turn to him really because I was driving, but I could only imagine the expression on Suga’s face. Of course he blamed himself. I could not allow that to go on any longer than it already had though.

“Suga.” I said firmly. I pulled over to the side of the road quickly so I could actually look at my boyfriend, because darnit this was important. He was important. Suga wouldn’t look at me though. I think he must’ve known what he said was wrong to some degree.

“Suga, look at me–please.” I begged, and finally he did. Oh…oh god. He just looked like he was falling apart. Beautiful, but still falling apart. It made me so. Sad.

“Suga, please, please, please do not blame yourself for this. Sora gave no indication that she was depressed or anything at all, whatsoever. There’s no way you could’ve known she was going to do that. So please, do not place all the guilt on yourself over this, okay? If Sora were here, I can guarantee she wouldn’t want that either, don’t you think?” Suga slowly nodded his head.

“…but…Oikawa, she called me. Earlier today, I had missed calls from her when I was over at your place! Maybe…maybe if I had just–” Despite the fact that I had never been through anything even close to what Suga was at the moment, I knew that you could not think that way. It didn’t help anyone, and it certainly wouldn’t help Suga.

“Sugawara Koushi,” I said Suga’s full name for a stronger effect, and reached out to slowly take his hands. He looked uncertain, shy at the contact, but didn’t pull away.

“This. Was not. Your fault. I will not let you blame yourself like you did with your other siblings. I will tell you every day that it wasn’t if that's what it takes, every hour, if it means you’ll believe me. I know you think everything is your fault, I know you put the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you can’t let this get you down–not forever anyway.” I winced remembering Sora had only committed suicide a few hours ago. Was I being too harsh?

“…I…I’ll try. I promise.” Suga mumbled, squeezing my hands lightly. I squeezed them back a tiny bit before thanking him and getting back on the road. A bit later we arrived at my house.

“Oikawa…I–is it okay if I, um, go to bed straight away? Or, really soon anyway?” Suga asked while we got out and grabbed his bag. Right. Poor Suga. I bit back a sigh as we walked up to the front door, because Suga was completely emotionally exhausted, he had been through so, so much today, and pushing him to meet my family now was just…not ideal.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll try to keep my parents from interrogating you tonight.” I assured, although I don’t think they would do that to him, given what I had told them about Suga earlier. Me on the other hand…

The door was unlocked so we went inside. Unfortunately, my parents were sitting right there in the living room, so it’s not like we could just walk by. I tried to think of the best and quickest way to get through this conversation. Suga gripped my hand tightly. I didn’t look at him, but I’m sure he looked absolutely terrified.

“Mom…Dad…this is my boyfriend, Suga.” I said, reluctantly making the introductions and praying that they would let us (or him) go quickly at least. Surely they would have pity on Suga, he…he looked awful. Beautiful, but awful.

“Suga-kun, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry it’s under such grim circumstances. I’m so sorry for your loss.” My mom said to Suga, trying to take in the boy her son had decided to date. My dad did the same thing after her.

“Thank you Oikawa-san.” He said slowly. It sounded kind of weird to hear him refer to my parents that way, knowing that’s what he called me for the longest time.

“Hear honey, why don’t you come with me, I’ll get a room set up for you,” My mom said, getting up, Suga glancing at me before following. Just as they were about to go upstairs, I nervously stammered, ‘Uh…uh-Mom? Is there–is there any chance Suga could stay in my room? I have the trundle bed, so–so one of us, could um–” God I was mortified. I had no reason to be. My parents had caught me doing…less than appropriate things before, on more than one occasion, and I had never really gotten in trouble. Wow, I was a really lucky kid. I think I took that for granted a lot.

“I don’t see why not. I’ll go get that bed set up instead.” My mom said. Yep, very lucky. Definitely very lucky. I went to the kitchen to get some water, I was pretty thirsty, and I wanted to bring some to Suga. When I went and walked by my dad again, my mom had returned. Ah shoot, here came the questioning.

“So…” my mom trailed off. I sat down. Who knew how long this would last? Hopefully not long, I just wanted to get back to Suga.

“How uh, how long have you and Suga been dating?” She asked curiously. Oh my god. Her and my dad were definitely reading wayyyyy into this. I like, almost never brought the people I dated home. Especially not when they were there.

“Since the beginning of break.” I answered carefully. “That’s a lot longer than usual, isn’t it?” My dad asked me. I rolled my eyes, mostly because it was true. The longest relationship I’d ever had was a bit over two months, and the only reason it had lasted for as long as it did was because I couldn’t find the time to break up with the girl properly.

“And uh, how did you two meet?” My mom pressed lightly. Yep. Her and dad were totally interested in Suga and my relationship with him. He was different. I knew that, and they had picked up on it as well.

“He’s my calc tutor, so I met him when we started seeing each other for the tutoring a few months back.” I began fidgeting around, playing with a loose string on my pants. I really, really just wanted to get out of there, as much as I loved my parents.

“Could I–could I go to bed too? It’s been…a really, really long day…” I said slowly. Something snapped in my mom then. “Oh my god, Tooru, I’m so sorry, I totally forgot–did you–did you know his sister well? I’m so, so sorry, we can have this conversation another day, of course.” My dad looked pretty guilty too.

“I didn’t know her that well, I only met her twice, but…it still feels really weird. And, depressing.” My parents graciously excused me for the night. I scampered up the stairs, eager to get to Suga. He shouldn’t be alone tonight, not even for a little bit.

I carefully entered my room upon finding Suga already curled up on my trundle bed, the lights out. I wonder if he was asleep? I had meant to offer him my bed, but if he was sleeping, there was no way I was going to wake him up.

Extremely quietly, I changed and got into my bed. I laid there for a few minutes before murmuring, “Suga…I don’t know if you’re awake. But, if you are…I guess–I guess I just wanted to say that I’m here for you. No matter what. So, don’t forget it. And remind you that it wasn't your fault.” Even if he didn’t hear me, I still wanted to say it. Just as I was drifting off myself though, I heard a soft, “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy sunday everyone, sorry for the late post again or if i wrote anything wrong or if it was bad. see you for the next chapter!!


	50. 25. Aftermath (Suga pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aghhhhhHHHHH its been so long since i posted i feel like😩😩😩 im so tired but i was like NO I HAVE TO POST SOMETHING TODAY AHHHHHH and i have no excuse not to ive been working on this chapter all day lol, so anyway, i am kinda sleepy now and am sorry if (especially near the end) the writing is like ????? but hopefully its not🥰 (unrelated, i have spent the past two+ months listening to music in my car from my phones crappy speaker like a heathen bc its an older car and there no bluetooth or anything, but i finally figured out a way to play music through the car and yayyyy now i can listen to anime songs at full volume!!!)

Ohmygodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgodohymgod–

Sorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasorasora–she–I–no, it couldn’t be, it–it didn’t–make–sense–no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO–

Why wasn’t she moving? Oh my god why wasn’t Sora moving, why was she just laying there, why was she so still, so pale, why didn’t she look happy, why wasn’t her usual, infectious trademark smile there on her face? It didn’t make sense, it didn’t make sense, why wouldn’t she get up????

“Sora, Sora wake up! Wake up Sora, come on, get up! You can’t just stay there! You can’t just stay there on the ground, people will think you’re dead! Sora! Come on, get up, get up, get up! I can’t–I can’t–you can’t–MAMORU!!!!! Mamoru come on!!!! Why are you bleeding so much!?!?!? Why…why is there blood everywhere? I don’t…I don’t understand…what…why…”

He wouldn’t move. There was blood all over the walls. I don’t–why–why wouldn’t he…? And–I couldn’t move either! I tried to reach out, to take his hand, to touch his face, but I was frozen. I felt such despair, such hopelessness, such pain, such misery–

WHY WAS SOMEONE TOUCHING ME OH MY GOD WHO WAS THAT–Mamoru, Sora, are you–NO, wait, NOO! Why were they there, when did they get there, how did they get there, I thought I left them a long time ago, why were they back, why were they touching me, why were they so adamant about hurting me–

I ran. I couldn’t hear, couldn’t see, couldn’t feel, couldn’t think, I just ran until I thought I was far away. Please, please tell me I was safe. I didn’t want them to hurt me–oh my god, I’d left them though, I’d left them behind, and they needed me, they needed my help! How could I–how could I be so cruel and just, leave them like that?

I was a terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person, terrible person–

It was so loud!!! Why was it so loud, why couldn’t everything just, stop? Why, why why why why why why why, why–why wasn’t Oikawa here? Oikawa! Oh my god, what if they got him, what if he was gone too, it would make sense wouldn’t it, the one person I had left, them leaving me. Please let him be okay, oh god, please let him be okay! I couldn’t take anymore, not more people gone, please no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more–

Wait, wait wait wait, had…had someone called me just now, I think? I–I couldn’t hear them, it was–everything was so noisy, I couldn’t get my thoughts straight but, what if they were back? What if they had come found me? I had to–I had to see them! I had to push through to the surface, past all the chaos, I needed them, I needed to see them–

“Suga, it’s me. It’s Oikawa. I’m here now.” The voice said, becoming clearer by the second. Oikawa…yes…yes, I had wanted him, to make sure he was safe. Was that Oikawa? It sounded like him, it probably was. But, what about the others? Weren’t–weren’t they coming too?

I thought…I thought…no…wait…no, no, NO! They weren’t coming! They were, gone! Dead, still! Weren’t they? Weren’t they? Why–what had I been thinking, oh my god, where was I, what was happening, help, someone–Oikawa! Oikawa was here! Where was he, oh my god, I needed him, I needed him so bad, just one person, just one!

“Oikawa?” I asked, praying it wasn’t a trick of my mind (because it liked to trick me a lot). Please, please let it be him! What if it wasn’t what if it was fake, just another hallucination, and–and–what would I do then???

“Yes. I’m here.” He said again. I mean…he sounded so real…but…it wouldn’t be the first time I had thought someone was there, something was happening, when it really wasn’t. But I needed him, I needed for him to be there, to–to help me–I was such a mess, I couldn’t even–I couldn’t calm down, I didn’t–I didn’t want to be like this anymore, I wanted it to stop, I needed for it to stop, I needed Oikawa, I needed–I needed to touch him, to feel him–

I began desperately searching for him, needing to feel him, to find Oikawa, to know that he was real, that he was there, that he wasn’t going to disappear, I don’t think I could bear it if he wasn’t, and–

Wait! Hands! There were hands! Hands hands hands nonononononononononnononono oiwhfiwhvoihwOIWHEFOIHoiiohioHROfifoih–WAIT HOLD ON, THEY WERE OIKAWA’S HANDS!

I knew they were his hands, I knew as soon as I started really feeling them. They were absolutely motionless, just like before, unfairly large, muscular, slightly calloused, rounded nails. I even found the tiny scar on the lower palm of his right hand I had meant to ask about but forgotten.

“Oikawa…”I trailed off, unbelievably grateful that it actually was him, that he was here, with me. Everything was messed up, hectic, chaotic, wrong. But Oikawa was here. He made it better.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me Suga. I’m really here. Can you–can you breathe with me?” His voice was so calm, so reassuring. I was still in a frenzied state of panic, but I did my best to concentrate, to follow his words. Breathe. I could do that, right? Very simple. And I could hear him inhaling, exhaling with me as well, feel the slight rise and fall of our hands with every breath. In, out. In, out. In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out…

Okay…I felt…okay, I could–I could think again, rationally, sanely–was it over? Was I back? Was I okay? Or–no, no, I was not okay, wait a second, Sora! SORA! She–she had just–just–

I opened my eyes. I could see again, after who knows how long of freaking out. Everything was so bright, why was I in the living room, when, how had I gotten there? And–Oikawa–there he was, right in front of me, looking at me with such kindness, such concern, but–he looked so sad!–

“Oikawa–” I choked out, my voice sounding strained and hoarse. As I looked at his grim expression, I knew. He knew what was going on. He knew what had happened. And–what were we supposed to do now? Sora was–oh my god–how was she just, gone? Just like that? I didn’t–I didn’t know what to–how to, oh god–

“Suga,” Oikawa said back to me. We locked eyes then, really locked eyes as more of my tears fell away, and now I could see that he was not just sad and grim, but crestfallen.

“Oikawa, she–she–she–”

“I know–” Oikawa cut me off, his voice cracking in the process. There were a few tears in his eyes as well, probably not to the extent of me, but still. And in that moment, I was overcome by sheer grief, I just–without thinking–I just surged forward and hugged him so tightly. I was scared, what if…what if I let Oikawa go, what if he did leave, just like everyone else? I didn’t want that, I couldn’t bear that, I needed him there with me, he was all I had, I couldn’t let him go, I couldn’t, I couldn’t, oh my god–

I nestled even closer to Oikawa, if possible, when I felt his arms wrap around me as well. I never wanted to leave them. I wanted to stay right there, to forget everything else that had happened, to just lose myself in him.

Unfortunately, there were significantly more pressing matters to deal with, things bigger than me and my pained misery. I was snapped out of my own little world with Oikawa when someone said my name.

I didn’t want to leave Oikawa. But–he–he would be there for me, even if I had to go. He wasn’t going to leave me. It was okay.

I sighed as I broke away from Oikawa, immediately missing the safety and warmth of his embrace. I looked up and saw there was a police officer looking at me, the one who had spoken, presumably (there were also many more people mulling around the house–when had they gotten there? How long had I been out? How had Oikawa known to come?).

“Yes, officer?” I asked, trying to focus on being polite instead of how shaken I was, and–oh. Oh, Oikawa, he had grabbed my hand, he had squeezed it gently as he turned around to face the police officers with me, to let me know he would stand by me (a/n: stand by me should be (this version at least) oisuga's like theme song or something, just sayin), and I was just–so–grateful, grateful didn’t even begin to describe my feelings really.

“Could you answer a few questions for us please?” The man asked me. Without thinking, I agreed and got up to follow him, mostly wanting to get it over with, to help the police so I could understand what had happened as soon as possible–

“Suga–” Oikawa objected as I got up, him holding my hand still. “I’ll be fine. Hopefully it won’t be long.” I assured him. He looked like he wanted to protest further, but he instead let his hands drop and eyed me intently as I followed the man into the dining room. He sat down at the table; I sat down across from him.

“So…Sugawara-kun. First off, I–I’m so sorry for your loss. I know–I know this all uh, still pretty fresh for you, so, if you need a few moments before we start, that’s fine.” The man seemed a bit awkward, unsure around me. He looked younger, maybe he was new or something.

“Thank you, and, no. I–I’d like to just, finish this as quickly as possible, if that’s okay.” I told him softly, trying to sound confident but probably failing miserably. Confident, who was I kidding, the moment he started asking about Sora I would probably break down again. I couldn’t do that though! I had to be strong, I had to help.

“Alright, thank you. So, can you please tell me about Sora? What kind of a person was she?” I smiled bittersweetly. How could you even begin to sum up someone as amazing as her in a short amount of time? A whole, bright life, reduced to what, half an hour?

“Sora was…she was the best. I met her when we moved in with the Fujimuras earlier in the year, we’re both foster kids. But, she wasn’t like some of the others I’ve known, she was…incredible. She was so happy, she had a lot of friends and got along with everyone, she was funny, sweet, caring, outgoing, always super positive, always there for me–”

Yep. I could feel the tears coming. But I pushed forward, I kept going on about how great she was, sharing several of my favorite memories, and most importantly, I insisted that there’s no way Sora…I don’t know…voluntarily committed suicide…I-I don’t know who would’ve, what could’ve caused her to do that, but the Sora I know never, not in a million years would’ve done that. There was still so much unfinished business she had here! She didn’t get to finish applying to colleges, she didn’t finish that test she was supposed to take before break but didn’t get the chance to, she didn’t get to run for president of that theater club she was a part of, she didn’t get a dog or a cat or even a fish–she had always wanted a pet–she didn’t get to ask that girl out–GOD–

I prattled on about Sora for who knows how long. At some point, I stopped talking about things necessarily related to her death (her death, it still felt so odd, so wrong to say, how could it be???) and just let all my feelings go about her. I was reduced to a pitiful, bawling mess by the end though, so the officer stopped me.

It was then that I heard someone else enter the room. The Fujimuras. They looked…sad, I guess. I know they were never close to Sora or me, but I guess it was still super sad to lose a young girl who had been in your care…

“Hi Suga.” Mrs. Fujimura greeted me while dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. “Hello…” I returned awkwardly, waving halfheartedly. Her and her husband sat down by me.

“Sorry for the delay, we came as soon as we heard.” Mr. Fujimura said. I eyed them warily while they launched into a similar conversation to the one they’d had with me. I was surprised by how much they actually knew about Sora. I had to stop them when they said she was having problems with bullies.

“No she wasn’t!” I interrupted. There was no way…Sora couldn’t have been bullied, she wouldn’t have…she would’ve told me if she was…

The Fujimuras looked at me in pity. “Yes, she was.” The wife said softly. She went on to talk about a few incidences that had occurred, things at school, some social media things. I felt my blood boil when the Fujimuras began talking about how she was gay, how maybe that was why, insinuating that she was disgusted with herself or something when I knew that hadn’t been the case at all.

I thought it would never end. The day had already been so long (had it been just that morning that Sora was making me pancakes? That I went to volleyball practice and Daichi found out about my crush? That I went over to Oikawa’s house and hugged him for the first time?), and it just kept getting drawn out further and further. When it was over, the officer told us that they wanted to keep searching the house that night and wanted us to stay somewhere else. Maybe…maybe that was a good thing. I don’t know if I would be able to sleep normally in my room, knowing Sora wasn’t there down the hall, knowing what had happened to her just doors down…

“We understand, we can stay at our office tonight.” Mr. Fujimura said as him and his wife got up. I was frozen in place though. They wanted us to stay at their office???? A funeral home???? Somehow, I thought that being surrounded by dead people would not make me feel any better at the moment. Where would even sl–well, I suppose they spent so much time there they had someplace to sleep, but still.

I was just resigning myself to my fate while getting up to go to my room when I rounded the corner and found Oikawa, still there (despite the fact that it had been like two hours), sitting on the couch barely awake.

“Hey,” I greeted him shakily. As soon as he heard my voice he shot up and was back to how he had been before, terribly concerned and deeply, deeply sad.

I had wanted to sit next to him, to have a short but meaningful conversation, to hug him again. My body had other plans though. I went to go sit down and just–I don’t know–a huge wave of depression washed over my and my legs kind of gave out, causing me to crumple pathetically on the floor. Oikawa slowly crawled over to me a moment later and laid down as well.

He was amazing. He was officially my favorite person. He was just, there for me. He had been there for me every time I needed him since we had started dating, it was like he was perfect. A lot of other people definitely would’ve broken up with me by now given the sheer trauma and complexity of my life, but not him. He was still there. I don’t think I could find a better person if I tried.

“Oikawa…I…thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.” I tried to express my sheer gratitude, but my words were not as eloquent as I had hoped for. “I’m so, so grateful that you’re here right now, I really appreciate it, but…” Oikawa didn’t need to be here. He should go home to his family, while I go off with the Fujimuras. I was not looking forward to it, but that was my cross to bear, not Oikawa’s problem.

“Well, I don’t feel like hanging around here much longer, and the police want to keep searching, close it off for the night, so the Fujimuras are gonna go stay at their–er–office tonight, they run their own business. I guess I’ll go with them. So, we’ll leave soon. You…you don’t have to stay…” A tiny part of me wanted Oikawa to protest, to do something. I don’t know what exactly I expected, but…well, I wasn’t ready to leave him quite yet. I didn’t–I didn’t want to be alone…

“Do you want to come stay with me tonight?” He asked. That…that I had not been expecting…I couldn’t though, no, no I couldn’t, I mean, yes, the offer was very tempting, sleeping in the same place as Oikawa, in his home which I’d been to a few times before and felt comfortable, as opposed to some funeral home I’d never been to with people I didn’t really know…but I couldn’t!

“…I…Oikawa, I couldn’t possibly impose, on you, or your family, and I mean–I’ve never even met–”

“Suga. let me assure you, it would not be any trouble at all.” Before I could protest, Oikawa had already whipped out my phone as he said, “Here, I’ll call my parents now.” In an impressive matter of mere seconds, he already had one of his parents on the phone and was talking to them.

“Um…well, about how you would expect…um, Mom…the police are still investigating Suga’s house, and, I mean, it’s getting late, is there–is there any chance he could stay with us? Just for tonight?…Yeah, we’ll probably leave soon. Um, see you back at the house…goodbye.” He hung up, and turned back to me with kind eyes. “See?” He asked. I was still in shock, I couldn’t believe he had just called his parents and asked to have me over like that. I could’ve never done that with my mom, with any of my foster homes, especially not with a boyfriend…

“They just said yes, just like that. I promise, it is not a big deal to have an extra person over for one night. Iwaizumi stays over all the time, sometimes Mattsun and Makki do too. Really, it’s not imposition.” Oikawa may have gone a bit overkill with the sell, but that was probably a good thing, I needed all the reassurance I could get. One of the things I hated most in the entire world was accepting help. It felt like, I don’t know, acknowledging that I was inferior, not good enough, and I hated that feeling. Sometimes…sometimes I let that feeling cloud my judgement though. Tonight, I wouldn’t let it, I would go with Oikawa. I think it was for the best.

“Alright, I guess…I guess I could go with you,” I finally said, uncertainty weaving its way through my every word. I’m sure Oikawa picked up on it, but he was very sweet and caring instead, asking if I needed to get anything for the night, which I did, so the two of us went upstairs to my room, where there were several officers wandering about. It felt…wrong, like some invasion of privacy against Sora in such a heavy time, but again, I know they were just doing their job. At least they didn’t give me any grief about the few things I wanted to take with me, so Oikawa and I were out of there pretty quickly. We ran into the Fujimuras downstairs though.

“Um…Fujimura-san…” I called out a bit awkwardly. The two of them turned to look at me, still looking very sad (not rightfully sad, they weren’t even a part of her li–no, no Suga, everyone deserves to grieve for her, even them). Why…why couldn’t they be better? Why couldn't they have been the good home, the one where I made a lifelong connection, people who I would actually regularly call, visit after I went off to college? They looked so nice, so normal…and yet, they were far from that.

“I’m gonna go stay with Oikawa’s family tonight, if that’s alright?” I asked timidly. I didn’t explain who Oikawa was. He was there with me, I was asking to go with him, that was enough, they really didn’t deserve to know much about me. I was still scared, what if they said no? If they did say no, I probably wouldn’t be able to leave, not while they were technically my legal guardians and all the officers were around and easily able to enforce their will…darn. I wish I was eighteen. Oikawa was lucky.

“Yes, of course, go.” Mrs. Fujimura assured me. I breathed a sigh of relief, very appreciative I hadn’t had to put up any kind of fight. All the fight had left me at that point, I was just…done. I was done.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Oikawa said to me. I nodded as we started walking outside, past all the officers. “Can I–can I hold your hand, Suga-chan?” Oikawa asked me. I nodded again, and a moment later I felt his large, familiar hand slide softly around mine. I was amazed by how quickly my body seemed to have lost the desire to push him away. Maybe…maybe it was because I had spent so much time getting used to him earlier, I knew the feel of his hand like, well, like the back of my hand, and hugging him…it…it reminded me of–of when Misaki used to hug me, the times when I could handle it and it was actually comforting. Somehow, Oikawa had become synonymous with comfort.

I was quiet in the car. Oikawa was too, he didn’t try to talk to me, which I was grateful for. I hadn’t really had any time to think about or process what had happened since the first who knows how long had been spent having a panic attack, and then Oikawa had (thank the gods) showed up and calmed me down, then I was questioned, and that brought me to now, where I was silently reflecting on Sora’s death.

How had I not known she was struggling? What if…what if she had voluntarily in a right state of mind (well, as right as you can be when suicidal) done it? And how had I not known she was getting bullied??!? I thought everyone loved her, it was so hard not to! She never once mentioned the incidents (which the Fujimuras had verified that they’d been brought into her school to discuss), I wasn’t big on social media and hadn’t been on it for probably well over a year so of course I hadn’t seen anything on there…

But I should’ve! Sora did so much for me, she did so, so much for me, and I–I couldn’t even recognize when she was suffering???? How sh*tty of a person was I? How blind, how ignorant, how idiotic–this…oh my god. Oh…oh my god…this…this was my fault, it was all my fault! I lived with Sora for God’s sake! Just this morning she had told me how close she thought we were, and this was how I repaid her? I was…I was the worst, like I was actually the worst, the most awful person to ever exist, I wasn’t worthy of–of anything! I was terrible, crappy, atrocious, horrifying, repulsive, pathetic, unacceptable, wicked, rotten, unforgivable, careless, ruthless, cruel, weak, untrustworthy, selfish–

Oikawa cleared his throat. “Suga…” He called me. He had put a momentary stop to my rant of self-hatred, but it’s not like it was gone. “If you want to talk about it…I’m here.” I couldn’t look at him. Not when I was so ashamed of myself. Oikawa was a nice person, he wouldn’t blame me…not outwardly at least, but…inside, he had to be thinking the same thing, that it was completely, totally, wholly my fault, that there was nothing I could do that would ever come close to making up for, to fixing what I had done…

A tiny voice in the back of my head told me to tell Oikawa. He wanted to be with me, to take the good, the bad, and the ugly, he had been nothing but good to me. And…I should be honest, he–he deserved the truth, no matter how hard it was for me to say…

“Oikawa…I think…I think it’s–it’s my fault.” I forced myself to say, the words coming out in short rasps. I can’t believe I said that, I can’t believe I said that, why had I listened to myself, why had I said that, I was such an idiot, now the elephant was in the room and Oikawa and I couldn’t even pretend it wasn’t my fault.

At first Oikawa didn’t respond. Maybe…maybe this was where he drew the line–no, no, gosh darnit I had to stop thinking like that Oikawa was such a good person he wouldn’t–gah! But this was different! I had all but killed someone! And–he hadn’t said anything earlier, but maybe he had had more time to think things through now as well…

“Suga.” Oikawa said to me. Crap. Crap crap crap he was pulling over to the side of the road, don’t look at him, don’t look at him, I couldn’t look at him, he must look so disappointed in me right now, I couldn't!

Of course, then he had to go and say, “Suga, look at me–please.” Maybe he wanted to break up with me properly. I would. I–honestly, we should just get this over with so I could go back to focusing on Sora. There had to be something I could do to at least help, to understand more–I mean look at me now, Sora had just died and I was worried about my stupid, insignificant relationship. This was just further proof as to why I was such a godawful person.

Like ripping a bandaid off fast, I turned to look at Oikawa. Oh, oh he was blurry. I must’ve started crying again. I bet I looked deplorable, stupid, he was wondering how he hadn’t seen me for who I really was from the beginning–

Oikawa’s words came as a shock to me. “Suga, please, please, please do not blame yourself for this. Sora gave no indication that she was depressed or anything at all, whatsoever. There’s no way you could’ve known she was going to do that. So please, do not place all the guilt on yourself up over this, okay? If Sora were here, I can guarantee she wouldn’t want that either, don’t you think?”

Was he serious???? I mean…his point sounded logical…but…it was all my fault, wasn’t it, how could it not be, how could he sit there and look at me and tell me that I was innocent, when I was so clearly guilty???

“…but…Oikawa, she called me. Earlier today,” How could’ve I forgotten. Sora had given me a chance to help her, to save her, and I had failed. I was a failure, a disaster, a pathetic excuse for a human being. “I had missed calls from her when I was over at your place! Maybe…maybe if I had just–”

“Sugawara Koushi.” I gulped when Oikawa used my full name. I trembled when he took my hands in his. I cowered when he fixed me with that intense, piercing stare.

“This. Was not. Your fault. I will not let you blame yourself like you did with your other siblings. I will tell you every day that it wasn’t, every hour, if it means you’ll believe me. I know you think everything is your fault, I know you put the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you can’t let this get you down–not forever anyway.”

…how did…how did he always know what to say? It wasn’t fair, he was too good, too perfect. And…maybe…maybe he was right, I did tend to blame myself for pretty much everything…was I–was I doing that now? Could it be possible that he wasn’t just saying those things, that they were actually true…?

…believing Oikawa was much better than the alternative. Even if he was lying, or it wasn’t true. I would have to think it over later, when I was in a more clear, stable state of mind.

“…I…I’ll try. I promise.” I said lightly. I squeezed his hand a tiny bit, shocked by how tired I was by the small gesture. I must’ve been more exhausted than I thought. Honestly, I really just wanted to go to sleep.

Oikawa squeezed my hand reassuringly before he got back on the road. We were close to his house I knew, recognizing the surroundings. Okay, so as soon as we got there, I would change into my night clothes, brush my teeth, and then finally–oh wait wait wait wait wait Oikawa’s family was here, they were actually here at the moment, it would not be just us, oh my god oh my god oh my god what would I do what what would I do I could not deal with being introduced to everyone right now, I was just, so, drained…

“Oikawa…I–is it okay if I, um, go to bed straight away? Or, really soon anyway?” I stuttered out while Oikawa parked in the driveway and we began walking up to the front of the house.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll try to keep my parents from interrogating you tonight.” Oikawa, my knight in shining armor, assured me. Thank god for him. I held my breath as we went inside, really hoping no one would be out in the open, that I could go straight upstairs. Life didn’t usually work out for me though, so I wasn’t surprised to see an older man and woman, presumably Oikawa’s parents, sitting off to the right as soon as we walked in. I clung to my boyfriend.

“Mom…Dad…this is my boyfriend, Suga.” Oikawa said, introducing me. His parents looked…nice. Actually nice, not Fujimura nice. They both seemed pretty tall, they were both staring right at me, and oh my god, I was so intimidated, who thought it was okay to put me through this kind of torture on top of everything else that had already happened that day????

“Suga-kun, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry it’s under such grim circumstances. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Oikawa’s mom said to me. Alright…even under her terrifying gaze (which held not even a hint of malice, suspicion, anything negative), I could just tell she meant well, was a decent person.

“Thank you Oikawa-san.” I said, unsure what else there was to add. If I did add anything else, it would prolong the conversation when I so was not into it, and I really, really wanted to make a good impression on Oikawa’s parents. This was not what I had had in mind, but at least if it was tomorrow instead, I would have the night to rest and morning to think things over.

“Hear honey, why don’t you come with me, I’ll get a room set up for you,” Mrs. Oikawa said, getting up from her chair. Holy heck that sounded amazing, I had barely processed her words, just that I could go upstairs, to bed, and that was more than enough to make me start following her.

“Uh…uh-Mom? Is there–is there any chance Suga could stay in my room? I have the trundle bed, so–so one of us, could um–”

“I don’t see why not. I’ll go get that bed set up instead.” After pausing, Mrs. Oikawa began moving again. Wait, what had she and Oikawa been saying? Okay if…he asked…his room…ohhhhh he wanted me to stay in his room. That…that was actually better. I liked the idea of having him there with me.

Oikawa’s mother was curt and concise–not unkindly though. She pulled the trundle bed out from his bed (under different circumstances I would’ve thought it hilarious he had such a childish bed, but that was really so far from my mind right now), she told me where the bathroom was, and then hesitantly wished me goodnight, apologizing again for what had happened. I thanked her and as fast as I could muster changed, brushed my teeth, and then went back to Oikawa’s room, diving under the sheets, praying sleep would soon overcome me.

As I said, I was exhausted and had no doubt it wouldn’t be long before I was fast asleep. The last thing I remember was Oikawa suddenly being there, telling me he would be there for me no matter what. I said the only thing I could think of. I was so lucky to have Oikawa. Hopefully he would help me get through this awful thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea im pretty sure this was a trash chapter sry😬😬😬 anyway not sure if ill update again tomorrow, ill try but make no promises


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